Save Me_Yours Truly, Razberry Sweet

by Megan Linski

  I whirl around to Zoar and ask, “Who wrote it?”

  “You think I know? I just found out!” Zoar says. “Half the school is talking about it. Nobody knows who put it there.”

  I clench my teeth and punch the drawing, but it only results in me bruising my knuckles. “Ouch! Well, do we have anybody in mind?”

  “I can’t think of anyone who’d be purposefully out to get you. Mess with you, maybe,” Soldier says.

  “Yes, because calling me a criminal is so playful,” I snap.

  “Dude, calm down,” Soldier says. He goes to put his hand on my shoulder but I jerk it off.

  “I already told a teacher,” Zoar says. “The janitor is going to paint over it this afternoon.”

  “You what?!” I shout. “I didn’t want the teachers knowing, too!”

  Zoar stares at me. “What was I supposed to do, let an insult about my friend just sit there on the wall?”

  Soldier cracks his knuckles and says, “Let’s go. The girls will want to know about it from us before they hear it from anybody else.”

  They drag me out of the bathroom and to the library, where Pepper and Puppy are. They’re all smiles, sitting at our usual table with their books open… until they see the look on my face.

  “What’s going on?” Pepper asks instantly.

  “Somebody wrote that Raz is a criminal in the bathroom,” Soldier said.

  “What?” Puppy snaps. She goes from cheerful to demonic in an instant.

  “It’s true. It’s been there most of the day,” Zoar says.

  Pepper shakes her head. “I knew it. This was bound to happen sooner or later.”

  “What are you talking about?” Puppy snarls as I plop into the seat next to her.

  “It’s too simple to pick on Raz,” Pepper says, shaking her head. “He makes himself a target.”

  “How is this my fault?” I whine. Several people shush me from a few shelves away.

  “I’m just saying, if you hadn’t gotten into trouble over the summer none of this would have happened,” she says.

  “Don’t bring up Bethany,” I warn her.

  “The movie wouldn’t have happened either,” Zoar points out. We all nod in agreement.

  “Okay, no offense, Raz, but you’re not exactly honest,” Pepper says. “Nobody wants to back a liar.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean?” Puppy comes to my defense. She leans in front of me as if shielding me from Pepper’s comments.

  “Raz pretended he was someone he wasn’t for months until everyone found out the truth,” Pepper says, looking at me. “He can’t blame people for being mad that he lied.”

  My mouth falls open in shock. Everyone lets out enraged noises, except for Zoar, who is scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He doesn’t know what side to take.

  When I first came to Limesville eight months ago, I had lied to everyone about where I came from and who I was, because I didn’t want to end up an outcast like I had been at my old school in Tinyork. It had ended up backfiring in my face when everyone found out the truth, but my ruse had managed to gain me some faithful friends beforehand.

  But are they faithful now?

  “Pepper, you know why I did that,” I say plainly.

  “I get that you were picked on. That doesn’t give you the right to lead all of us on,” she says back.

  “Are you on my side or not?” I ask.

  “I am, but that doesn’t make everything okay!” Pepper slams her book shut and stares me down. Even though she’s a lot shorter than me, I’m practically melting beneath her gaze.

  “Listen, I’m sorry I lied. Why is it such a big deal now?”

  “It’s not.”

  “Then why are you acting weird?”

  She makes some sort of obnoxious noise and draws away. “I almost wish everything had stayed a secret. I have no idea if I can trust you now.”

  “You think that Raz should pretend to be different just because everyone says so? That’s wrong and totally fake,” Puppy retaliates.

  Pepper swings her bag over her shoulder. “It wouldn’t be the first time we acted fake in this group. You’re the biggest phony of all, Puppy.”

  She stalks off, a book in her arm and her long black braid swinging.

  “I don’t know what her deal is lately,” Puppy gripes, but I can tell that whatever Pepper meant by that last statement, it’s hurt her. “She’s changed ever since—”

  “She chose to do it, Puppy. It wasn’t your decision,” Soldier reminds her gently.

  “I don’t care! Maybe if she’d stop screwing Aiden she wouldn’t be such a bitch,” she protests.

  I want to point out that Pepper is usually a bitch anyway, but I don’t want Puppy to bite my head off.

  A few months ago, Pepper met a guy at a mathlete competition. It wasn’t too long before they were going out. Pretty soon it was Aiden this and Aiden that, and one thing led to another and Pepper became totally obsessed with her new boyfriend.

  And forgot about all of us.

  Pepper has been acting like she doesn’t want to be seen around us anymore. Pepper’s changing, and we don’t know why. Things had been rough between all of us for months, with Puppy and Soldier taking one side, Zoar and Pepper another, and me being the go-between. We’d only recently patched everything up.

  Needless to say, there’s been a rift between Puppy and Pepper ever since she started banging Aiden, probably because there’s some girl code about this sort of thing.

  Puppy ruffles through her bag. She brings out a large roll of cheetah print duct tape. “Come on. We should cover that up until somebody can do something about it.”

  “That duct tape is cheetah print. You can’t possibly think that covering it up with cheetah print duct tape is going to help my reputation,” I argue.

  “Fix it yourself then!” she snaps.

  Soldier, Zoar and I leave Puppy at the table by herself to cool off. We head back to the bathroom and scribble out the words with a Sharpie marker until there’s nothing left but a big black smudge.

  “I can’t believe Pepper said that stuff,” I say. “I thought she’d be ready to kill whoever wrote this crap about me.”

  “I am. Whoever they are, they’re going down,” Soldier threatens.

  Zoar and I bite our tongues. Ninety percent of the time, Soldier is all talk and no action.

  “Pepper’s probably just stressing over end-of-year exams,” Zoar says. “It happens every semester.”

  “The way she acts, you’d think it was exam time all year round,” I grumble. It isn’t totally true, but it has enough truth in it that it makes me feel better.

  “Yeah and then she’s all calling Puppy fake and stuff… I mean, it’s uncalled for,” Soldier says.

  “Soldier, shut up. We’ll talk about it later,” Zoar says harshly.

  I know that tone. Zoar always says, “We’ll talk about it later,” when there’s something he doesn’t want someone to know.

  And by “someone,” that usually means Razberry Sweet.

  “What did she mean by that? Why is Puppy fake?” I ask.

  When they don’t answer, I ask again, “What did she mean?”

  “It’s no big deal. Just let it drop.”

  “But…”

  “Drop it.” Soldier and Zoar are both avoiding my eyes.

  “If you don’t tell me, I’ll go right to the source,” I say. I head out of the bathroom.

  “Raz, you really don’t want to—” Soldier protests.

  “Just… forget it!”

  I walk away, my hands in my pockets, before I turn around and say, “You know, when did everybody start keeping secrets from each other?”

  Then I walk away, because I know I’m more guilty than any of them.

  I was the one who started keeping secrets first.

  Chapter 3 - I’m Trapped in the Middle of a Girl Fight

  That evening I send Puppy a quick text message.

  Meet me out by the lake.<
br />
  Why? she replies back.

  Just wanted to talk.

  In the back of my house there are a lot of woods, and behind that lies a lake that leads to a river. It’s really private, which makes it a perfect place to talk to Puppy.

  I can’t get Pepper’s words out of my head as I make the journey. It’s too simple to pick on you, Raz.

  The woods are boggy. My feet sink down into the mud. Summer is truly here.

  Summer. My least favorite time of year.

  I find Puppy sitting on the dock when I get there. Her shoes are off, and she hangs her feet into the water.

  “It’s so hot out,” she complains as I sit beside her. “I almost wish the snow was back.”

  “I don’t. I like it when it’s hot.” I dip my feet in the water next to her. We swish the murkiness back and forth, making waves bigger and bigger. The sun is setting, and the light is casing everything in gold.

  It’s nearly as pretty as Puppy is.

  “Pepper had to start something, didn’t she? She doesn’t know how to keep her big mouth shut,” Puppy starts.

  “None of us do. We’re all pretty opinionated people.” I scoot closer to her. Every part of me longs to grab her hand, but I’m too scared to try.

  I haven’t made a move to ask her out yet. I’m in love with Puppy, but I have no idea if she feels the same way about me. That fact keeps me from attempting to date her. I’m way too afraid she’ll say no.

  “So we’re opinionated. We don’t have to be harsh,” Puppy lobs back.

  “True friends tell each other the truth.”

  “So when it comes to telling everybody off she uses that rule, but when it comes to her and Aiden, it doesn’t apply? She lied for weeks to us about him. She told us she wasn’t seeing him when she was.”

  “I lied first. You know that.”

  “Why are you defending her? I’m right.”

  I keep my eyes fixed on the water. “Come on, Puppy. There’s been enough conflict lately without us fighting, too.”

  “We’re not fighting. We’re talking.”

  When I don’t say anything, she lets out an aggravated huff.

  “Everything’s more complicated now,” she says quietly. “I don’t know when you guys decided to make it that way.”

  I pick up a piece of driftwood lying on the dock and chuck it into the lake. It hits the water and floating to the center. “Puppy, do you think I’m an easy target?”

  “Your situation doesn’t count,” she says. “You had to change in order to protect yourself. You didn’t have a choice. Now that you’re acting more like… well, you… people are going to see if they can make you crack just because they’re assholes.”

  I hesitate. Puppy’s the only one I’ve told my biggest secret to.

  When I came to Limesville, I created a character I called Razberry Sweet, and portrayed him throughout the school year in order to avoid being bullied. I pretended to be a outrageous, cocky smart ass instead of the shy drama geek I really am.

  But the real reason I hid behind Razberry Sweet was because I wanted to avoid facing the truth. Last summer, a bully named Cayman turned my world upside down when he chased me into an abandoned warehouse and raped me.

  I thought if I could hide behind Razberry Sweet and pretend it never happened, I’d forget about the rape altogether. But even though Razberry had become my identity in the past year, it had also ended up destroying the trust my friends had in me.

  My persona hadn’t wiped away the memory of the rape like I’d hoped. If anything, it made everything more painful when it came to light, because I couldn’t hide anymore.

  “Are you sure you’re not defending me just because I told you what really happened?” I ask.

  “It’s not just me. The guys have noticed it, too, they just don’t want to ask. They know what happened with Bethany really messed you up.”

  “You guys talk about me behind my back?” I say, hurt.

  “Only because we’re concerned. Only you and I know what Cayman did. I’ve kept that quiet.”

  “Do they suspect anything?” I ask.

  “They know that there’s something you’ve told me and not them. They say they don’t mind, but I can tell that they do.”

  “I don’t want this to be the secret that tears the group apart. Pepper is bad enough.”

  “This is completely different. You didn’t have a choice,” Puppy says. “You telling the guys about that is your decision. Not anyone else’s.”

  “Is it my fault, though, that people push me around? Maybe Pepper’s right. I should’ve acted tougher at Tinyork and then maybe Cayman wouldn’t have—”

  “If you’re a victim, you’re not at fault. Period. I just might punch Pepper for that statement.” Puppy bunches her hands into fists.

  “Don’t start anything,” I warn her. “Please. We’ve got enough to deal with as it is, with Soldier nearly getting kicked out of his house and all.”

  Puppy makes an obnoxious noise and rolls her eyes. “I don’t understand that either. If he did what he was told he wouldn’t be butting heads with his family.”

  “Yeah, well, you know him. He won’t change unless something really stupid happens. Do we at least have a place for him to stay if he does get thrown out? I know he can’t stay at my place, at least, not longer than a few days.”

  “I think Zoar’s would be the best option. I don’t think it’ll ever get that serious, but you never really know.”

  “Zoar’s parents don’t want to take him,” I point out. “But, according to Zoar, his parents don’t want him living there either.”

  “His parents were always such nice people, I don’t get how they started fighting. When I went over there as a kid they were the poster people for perfect families.” Puppy sighs.

  “It’s a war zone. I slept over a few days ago, and it was terrible. He was so embarrassed. I feel really bad for him.”

  I scratch the back of my head and put my sunglasses over my eyes. At least I’m the only one having problems. Soldier’s been fighting so much with his parents that they’re threatening to kick him out. Zoar’s parents are fighting so much with each other he’s thinking of moving out.

  High school is tough for everybody, right now.

  “It’s not like any of this is our problem. I don’t know why we’re dealing with it. It isn’t our business. We should just stay out of it,” Puppy says.

  I nudge her shoulder. “I know I haven’t been in the group for a very long time, but you guys are my first real friends. The way I see it, we’re practically family. We help each other no matter what.”

  She smiles. “You have a good heart, Raz, and you care about everyone. I think that’s what gets you picked on more than anything else, even if you can be a little weird.”

  “I’m not weird.” I duck down and splash her. Water soaks her t-shirt. I try to keep my eyes on her face.

  “Oh, so you want to be that way, huh?” she laughs. She reaches down and splashes water at my face. I duck and it goes splashing onto the dock.

  “Oh, no way, Raz Attack,” she says with a smirk. She grabs my sunglasses and pushes me into the water before I have a chance to resist. I open my eyes to see through the murky pond water. Puppy’s mischievous face is held in a grin above me, the sunset beaming all around her like a halo.

  My head bursts out of the water. I inhale, looking around for Puppy.

  “See you tomorrow, Raz!” she calls out, already at the edge of the forest with my sunglasses on her head. I shake my head as I drag myself back onshore.

  I’m dripping wet, but on the inside, I’m glowing. Puppy just flirted with me. Maybe this means that I’m making progress with her.

  I really, really hope so.

  As I wring out my shirt, I remember that I’d forgotten to ask her what Pepper meant about her being fake.

  But whatever. It’s not like it’s anything important, right? If it is, they would’ve told me by now.

  They’d h
ave to. Puppy wouldn’t lie to me.

  On Friday, we usually go to the mall. After school me and the rest of the gang pile into Soldier’s old Mustang and head to Ferrylynn to hang out.

  “Get in,” Soldier says, opening the back door to his car. “Or are you guys going to walk?”

  “This is disgusting,” Puppy whines as she clambers into the backseat with me. The garbage in the back of the car is up to our knees. There’s fast-food bags, papers, pillows and everything else back here including the kitchen sink (no really... there’s a broken faucet too).

  “Make sure you’re buckled in or you’ll be swallowed whole,” I joke as Soldier pulls out of the school parking lot and onto the road.

  I double take when I look at the floor. “Is that the paintball gun I broke last year?”

  “It’s not me that’s made the mess, it’s everybody else that rides in here!” Soldier insists.

  “I found a petrified hamburger! Gross!” Zoar cries from his seat up front. He picks up the burger and pitches it out the window. We laugh, and watch it bounce along the concrete until it finally rolls to a stop along the side of the road.

  “Okay, so I forgot my lunch was there, sue me,” Soldier says as Zoar tries not to vomit.

  “It was kinda wrong to tell Pepper that we weren’t going this time, guys,” I mumble from the backseat. My legs are crunched up to my chin because of all the crap that’s back here.

  “She won’t notice. She probably has her face glued to Aiden’s,” Puppy says nastily.

  “Jackpot!” Zoar shouts as he digs around his seat to find a full liter of pop lying around on the floor. He immediately screws off the top and starts chugging it down. He drinks half the bottle in one sitting.

  “Zoar, quit,” Soldier says, and he tries to nab the bottle from him.

  “Pass it back here,” Puppy asks. Zoar does. Puppy snags it from him, taking a gulp and then handing it over to me.

  “This is so sanitary,” Soldier says. “Everybody just drinking out of the same bottle.”