Save Me_Yours Truly, Razberry Sweet

by Megan Linski

“Oh, shut up. No more unsanitary than riding in this e.coli specimen of a car,” Puppy says.

  The soda comes flying out of my mouth as I start laughing uncontrollably. To my embarrassment, the soda wells up out of my nose and all over Puppy.

  Smooth, Raz, I think. You’re such a lady killer.

  “Agh! Raz, it’s all over me!” Puppy squeals. She laughs as she wipes off the soda from her face.

  “There has to be something I can use to clean up the mess,” I say, looking everywhere.

  “Use Dahlia’s pants. She left them in here last time,”Soldier states.

  The car goes silent. Then, from Zoar, “When did Dahlia leave her pants in here?”

  “Her mom told me to take her an extra pair after she spilled something on them, geez.” Soldier rolls his eyes.

  Soldier’s totally lying, but I’m not about to call him out on it.

  “Found em!” Puppy cries triumphantly. She throws me the filthy jeans. I wipe off the soda that’s now all over me, Puppy and the car.

  “Do you have any hand sanitizer to take this sticky shit off?” I ask Puppy.

  “Only from Bath and Body Works. It’ll make you smell like a girl,” she says.

  By the time we reach the mall, I do smell like a girl, but I figure that it’s better than having gluey hands.

  As we walk past Sears, we have to go through a massive play area with about fifty million kids. They’re screaming so loud my ears want to bleed.

  “All of those are yours, Zoar,” I say.

  “All of them? I’m so sorry, I don’t remember!”

  “Where’d you get that?” Puppy asks. She points at a big bag full of red-colored popcorn that Soldier is carrying.

  “It’s a new store down the way, I got this for a dollar. Might as well try it, right?” he says.

  “Ack,” Soldier says, hacking on his popcorn. “I shouldn’t have gotten the hot stuff. They sprinkled chipotle pepper on it.”

  Zoar reaches over and grabs a handful of hot popcorn in his hands, then shoves the load of it into his mouth. Immediately, his face turns red and he starts coughing.

  “You were right, it is spicy!” After waiting a few seconds, a contemplative look on his face, Zoar takes another giant handful and starts putting the popcorn piece by piece into his mouth.

  “Hey, save some for me,” Soldier complains.

  “You guys are idiots,” Puppy says as they start to gag.

  “I can’t help it, it’s so good!” Soldier laughs.

  “Too good!” Zoar adds.

  Puppy is obviously leading the expedition. Determined, she makes headway for the girliest place the mall has... a lingerie store.

  “Oh, hell no,” Soldier says, he halts immediately when we get to the entrance. “I’m not going into an underwear shop for girls.”

  “Come on, I never get to go in here,” Puppy complains. She tugs on my arm.

  “That’s because you’ve always hated it before,” Zoar says. “Now all of a sudden you want to act like a girl? No way.”

  “Just five minutes, please,” she begs.

  “What’s with the change of heart?” I ask. “You’ve never liked—” A mannequin display in the window catches my eye, “—Purple feathered corsets before.”

  “So it’s a big deal if I want to be pretty every once in a while? Let’s just go in here for five minutes, and then you guys can go where you want.”

  Puppy puts her hands on her hips and raises an eyebrow, looking at us.

  She won’t stop nagging us until we do what she tells us to, and if we move on I know she’ll pout the rest of the trip. My flag of surrender is raised. “Fine, five minutes,” I groan.

  “Who made you captain of this trip?” Soldier demands.

  “You know he’ll side with Puppy on anything,” Zoar complains. “We’ll wait out here.”

  “No you don’t,” I say. I grab both of them as Puppy happily begins browsing the racks. “If I’m going in, you’re going in with me. Leave no man behind.”

  It feels like I’ve entered into another dimension as we step into the female universe. Women of all kinds mill around tables full of underwear with words spelled across them, oohing and ahhing over multi-colored bras.

  “What the hell is this?” I ask, poking a particularly lacy item. I’m not even sure of its function.

  “Maybe coming in here wasn’t such a bad idea,” Soldier admits as he stares open-mouthed at a blown up poster of a black-haired woman wearing nothing but panties and a bra. He’s practically drooling.

  “Ugh, I can’t breathe!” Zoar says. He chokes on the clouds of perfume that are rising from the counters a few steps away.

  “You’ll survive,” Puppy says. She grabs a pair of neon green panties with pink hearts on them and turns to me, asking, “How do you think these would look on me?”

  An image of Puppy in those underwear pops instantly into my head. My cheeks turn red and I say,“Um… they’re… cute.”

  “I don’t want cute, I want sexy. What about these?” she asks. She holds up another pair that is flame-red with black lace.

  Soldier and Zoar are about to burst into laughter behind me. My voice comes out in a squeak. “They don’t seem like your type.”

  “You’re right. I’ll go over here.” She walks over to a section that has only thongs. This is getting worse and worse.

  Soldier laughs, “Don’t seem like your type? What are you, her gay best friend?”

  “Dude,” Zoar whispers, “You’re her shopping partner.”

  “Shut up, it was the first thing that I could think of,” I say, turning redder than before. Into my head comes an image of Puppy and I in a dark room, and she’s wearing the red panties—

  No. I REFUSE to let my mind wander that far. I have respect for Puppy. I can’t stand around thinking about how badly I want to bang her.

  We’re just friends.

  Unfortunately, a bra shop isn’t exactly the best place to stop your mind from wandering. I try thinking of cold showers until Puppy finally says, “I’m bored. Let’s go.”

  “Fine by me,” Zoar says. He practically charges toward the exit.

  “But we just got here,” Soldier whines. His eyes are glued to another portrait of a blonde in white lingerie.

  “What are you doing?” I say as I slam into Puppy. She’s halted dead in her tracks ten steps away from the door.

  I look around her and see exactly what the problem is. Maymee Mason is next to a neon pink bra display, decked out in a yellow dress and carrying a purse that looks like it’s hiding Noah’s Ark.

  “Maymee’s coming, let’s hide!” Puppy demands. She drags the three of us behind a rack of bras. She peeks out warily, adding, “Dammit. I should’ve known that this was one of the places she shopped.”

  I couldn’t care less that Maymee’s standing over there, but ever since Puppy and I kissed, the enmity between she and Maymee has only grown and I don’t want to make it worse. So I keep my mouth shut.

  “Come on, Puppy, it’ll be all right,” Soldier says. “Just say hi and walk on by. What harm can she do?”

  Puppy lets out a big, dramatic sigh, but snaps her mouth shut when Maymee spots us hiding behind the display. Busted.

  “Hey,” Maymee says weakly, with a bit of a smile. “What’s going on?”

  The other three might as well not be here. Her eyes never leave mine; it’s like she’s speaking directly to me.

  I open my mouth to say something, but one of my friends butts in first. “We were just leaving to… uh… go see a movie!” Soldier invents wildly.

  “Do you mind if I come along?” Maymee asks, and Puppy’s face reddens. “I’m by myself, and I don’t have any plans. It’d be fun to hang with you guys.”

  Just by looking at her, I can tell she’s really lonely. She really wants to hang out with us. Ever since she dumped Mr. Wonderful, the guy who I saw slap her a few months ago, she’s been alone most of the time at school. From what I heard her friends ditched
her when she told her abusive boyfriend to hit the road.

  Some friends, right?

  “We uh…” Puppy stammers. I elbow her, and she finally grumbles, “Yeah. Sure, you can come with us.”

  Maymee’s face broadens into a smile and she says, “Awesome! Thanks, guys!”

  She follows us back out of the store. “So are you going now?”

  “Might as well,” I say. Her tiny smile gets a little bigger.

  Soldier, who is usually broke, is rummaging through his pockets for spare change. “Hey man, hand me a ten,” he asks Zoar.

  “No way! You still owe me twenty from last time!” Zoar protests.

  “I just need a couple bucks, come on…”

  Maymee is awkwardly trying to find her way into the circle, hovering back and forth between me and Zoar. Puppy gravitates towards my way, cutting her off.

  “What movie do you want to see?” she asks.

  “Oh there’s a new one out, a thriller. We should all go to that!” Maymee bursts out enthusiastically.

  “I’m feeling like a comedy myself,” I put in.

  “We saw a comedy last time,” Zoar complains, but the death stare Puppy gives him is enough to keep him quiet.

  The only thing that’s on is an animated flick that’s already showing the previews. Once we pay we rush in to grab the last seats.

  “Back off, sister, he’s sitting by me,” Puppy says as Maymee tries to take her place on my left side.

  “I’m sorry, but I was here first.” Maymee smiles politely, but I’m not fooled. She’s not about to let Puppy push her around.

  “Ladies, please, there’s enough room for two,” I say in a hopeless attempt to lighten up the situation.

  “Stop being such a chick magnet,” Soldier teases on my right.

  “I’m sorry, but when you’re this good looking it happens naturally.” I laugh, trying to defuse the bomb that’s about to go off next to me.

  “Shut up!” somebody from a few rows back yells.

  “Soldier, the movie’s starting! Go sit on Zoar’s lap,” Puppy orders.

  “No way!” Soldier states, horrified. “Forget it, we’ll move down to the front row and meet up after.”

  “So much for no man left behind,” I mumble as I watch them go. Now I’m stuck in-between two girls who I’m pretty sure would strangle each other if I wasn’t in the way.

  Halfway into the flick, Maymee whispers, “Don’t you just love the main character? She’s so sweet and adorable.”

  “More like idiotic and bubble headed,” Puppy adds. “Kinda reminds me of someone I know.”

  “Well the brown haired character isn’t doing wonders for me. She’s sort of possessive and controlling, isn’t she? She reminds me of somebody too, I just can’t think of the name,” Maymee says a bit louder.

  Puppy’s nails are digging into the armrests. I have no idea what I’m going to do to stop these two from fighting.

  Maybe it would just be best if I got out of the way.

  “Oh, that sucks, I ran out of gummy bears,” I whisper randomly. “I don’t think I’m missing much, I’m gonna go get some more.”

  “Stay here, Raz, I’ll pick them up,” Puppy says, rising from her seat.

  “No, I’ll get it for you. After all, I’m your guest,” Maymee argues.

  “No, really girls, I want to...”

  “Raz, I owe you money anyway, it’s no big deal.”

  “I should be glad you even let me come along, I can wait in line—”

  “I HAVE TO PEE, AND YOU GUYS CAN’T DO THAT FOR ME!” I shout, jumping to my feet.

  Everyone in the theatre turns to look at me. I blush, whispering, “Be back soon.”

  I’m surprised to see Maymee waiting outside the theatre doors when I come back with a new package of candy in hand.

  “What are you doing? You’re missing the movie,” I say.

  “I’ve seen it already. I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to be difficult.” She waves her hand. “Besides, I didn’t want to be left alone back there. Pretty hostile territory.”

  “Puppy let you come after me?” I ask. “That’s not like her.”

  “She doesn’t own me. She can’t tell me what to do.”

  I lean against the wall and say, “Well, do you want to go back inside?”

  “Not without you. You’re the only friend I’ve got in there.” She leans against the wall with me. “I’ve been trying to make new friends, but it hasn’t been easy. I don’t get how Carmen does it. She gets along with guys so easily, like she’s one of them. I wish I could be like that. All guys want me for is sex.”

  “That isn’t true, Maymee,” I argue. “I like you. I’m sure other people do, too.”

  “Puppy doesn’t. I don’t know why she doesn’t like me.” Maymee scuffs her high heel against the ground. “I mean, we’ve done a lot of stuff to each other over the years, but that’s all in the past. Why can’t we be friends now?”

  I shrug. “Puppy doesn’t forgive easily.”

  “I don’t think she wants to forgive me at all. I’m not the nicest person either, but I didn’t start it this time.” Her eyes seem misty.

  “I know, but don’t let her bother you. She’s missing out by not being your friend.”

  When she doesn’t answer me, I add, “Come on. We’d better go in, or else Puppy will think we’re hooking up or something.”

  “You really care a lot about what she thinks,” Maymee says. There’s a touch of hurt in her voice.

  “Of course I do,” I say. I love her. “She’s my best friend. But what you think is pretty important to me, too.”

  “You’re the only one.” Maymee sighs. I want to do something to comfort her… pat her on the back or whatever… but for some reason, I hang back.

  “Well, that was… interesting,” Zoar says as he comes out of the theatre with a whole crowd of people, Soldier and a brooding Puppy included. “Hey, Raz, you missed the ending. Too bad.”

  “So you guys hungry? I know I am,” Soldier says as he rubs his stomach.

  “You just borrowed seven off of me to pay for the movie. You don’t have any money for food,” Zoar argues.

  “I’ll just have to borrow some more then.”

  “Agh… fine.”

  “Actually, I have to go now,” Maymee says quickly. “But it was cool hanging out with you guys.”

  “Yeah, maybe we can do it again sometime,” I offer.

  “Okay.” She smiles, very slightly. “See ya.”

  Her dress flounces up and down as she hurries away. It crosses my mind that Maymee thinking guys only want sex from her… it’s wrong.

  I wish I could make her feel differently.

  “You could put a swing on that porch,” Puppy grumbles. “Come on, let’s go eat.”

  I open my mouth to say something, but the fight with Pepper crosses my mind and I shut it. Friendship is something that’s teetering on the edge with all of us lately. I say the wrong thing and Puppy could alienate me, too. I don’t want to take that chance.

  Besides Soldier nearly choking on his third hamburger at McDonald’s and Puppy bitching that I stole most of her fries, the rest of the night is pretty quiet. My thoughts are on Maymee… if she really did have to go, or just felt awkward and left. Maybe she would’ve had more fun if she’d gotten dinner with us.

  “See ya,” Puppy says in an unusually cold manner as she steps out of the car and slams the door. She doesn’t give me a hug like usual as she leaves.

  “Again with the issues,” Zoar says, and he sighs. “As if we didn’t have enough going on without her adding more drama.”

  “It’s whatever,” I say as she walks into her house. I can almost hear my heart crack a little when she doesn’t even wave goodbye.

  Soldier isn’t taking his time as he speeds to get Zoar home, but I’m still worried. My curfew is midnight and it’s already running on 11:45.

  “How much farther?” I ask.

  “My
driveway’s right here. Just drop me off. Bye!”

  Zoar nearly leaps out of the Mustang as it cruises to a stop. I clamber up front, get snapped in and say, “Get me home, Soldier. Now. I’m already going to be late.”

  “All right.”

  His phone begins to ring. I groan as I recognize the ringtone. It’s his girlfriend, Dahlia.

  Of course, he answers immediately. “Hello?”

  Dahlia starts screeching something into the phone and Soldier’s eyes widen. “Oh, I’m sorry. Yeah, it’s in the back. I’ll get it over there right away.”

  He drops the phone and says, “We’ve got to go to Dahlia’s house.”

  “What?!” I say, and I turn in my seat. “Uh uh. No fricken way, Soldier. You can’t drive me all the way to Dahlia’s. What for?”

  “She left her bag in the car yesterday, so she didn’t have her homework for school. All her stuff’s in there, and now she’s a day behind. I really messed things up this time.”

  Without another word, he spins the car around. Before I know it we’re flying in the opposite direction of my house.

  “Soldier just drop me off at my place and then go give her the stuff,” I argue. “It’s already twelve at night, for crying out loud.”

  “It’s going to take ten minutes just to get to your house, then I’m going to have to turn around and go back. It’ll take me too long. If I show up any later than twelve thirty, she’s grounded. I don’t want to make her mad.” Soldier’s voice is panicked, like he forgot the president’s homework and not his girlfriend’s.

  “You’re going to make me mad. Stop the car!” I demand.

  “Dude, I can’t afford to piss her parents off, they’re already mad at me. One slip up and I’m not going to be able to date her,” he explains quickly.

  “Just call and tell them you’ll drop off her homework in the morning,” I say. This is so stupid.

  “Raz, she’s getting C’s. If she gets just one D she can’t see me anymore. I’m not going to let that happen.” Soldier’s grip tightens on the wheel. He puts the pedal to the metal as he flies down the road.

  “How is that your responsibility? If I get home late I’ll be grounded.”

  “Parents love me. I’ll be able to talk you out of anything. Just hold on tight,” he promises.