Ikigai

by Hildred Billings

  “I love her more than anything,” Aiko said, afraid to look her husband in the eye. “But I love you too. Because you’re my husband, and I trust you. Just…”

  “Hm?”

  Aiko suggested that there be a word she could use if she became too scared. After all, if she couldn’t even be with Takeshi, then what hope was there that she could be with male Reina?

  “Pick one,” Reina grunted, unbuttoning the top of his shirt. “And make it fast. I’m blue-ballin’ here.”

  She picked a word that was sure to disgust Reina enough mid-coitus to make any dick of his drop dead. My mother’s name. Reina’s lip twisted, but he nodded and agreed that would certainly kill any buzz in a nanosecond.

  “Hopefully you won’t have to hear it,” Aiko said. She watched her husband unbutton and unzip his trousers.

  “Be quiet now.” He could have said it nicer. So, it is definitely like that. Reina was going to dominate her through and through. I’m okay with that. She was going to get it the way Reina treated his girlfriend. That’s how she likes it. And I will too tonight. Domination and a man in the same night. Aiko braced herself. “Just tell me if you trust me.”

  Aiko saw a hint of flesh beneath Reina’s zipper. “I trust you. More than anyone.” More than Takeshi, at least.

  “I might hurt you a little. And I will mean to hurt you a little. But I won’t hurt you a lot. It will be a hurt that you crave.”

  It was the same way Reina talked to her in the early stages of their relationship, when she guided Aiko through the first few rounds they had in bed. Back then, everything was always new. It was new again now. Aiko fell back on her arms, her legs slowly sliding open. “I trust you. I’m not a virgin, you know.”

  A wry smile appeared on that angled visage. “Being with a man is a bit different from being with women for so long. They probably spoiled you. I have to spoil you in my own way. So are you sure you trust me?”

  A curt nod. “I do. If I can’t trust you, then there is no one in this world I can trust.”

  Her husband’s phallus was revealed to her. Aiko contained her surprise – it was not the one she expected, the one Reina called “her cock” and wore when she was having a dysphoric day. That one was a humble size – a little thick, but not too long. When Reina got it, Aiko had no idea. But it was bigger: thicker, longer, and closer to Reina’s actual skin tone. It looks… real. Granted, she had only seen the ones in porn and attached to a man named Takeshi. They were nothing glorious to look at. And neither was this one. Yet it was her husband’s.

  “You haven’t had one like this before,” Reina said. “I will show you how in a bit. But first I want us to get more comfortable. Spread your legs and touch yourself for me.”

  “For me.” Whatever Aiko did, it was primarily for Reina. And for me. But mostly for Reina. This night was about the both of them, but it was Reina’s ego at stake.

  Aiko leaned back, her knees in the air as her toes gripped the edge of the bed. If this were any other night she would readily open herself up to her spouse, but on a night like this…

  “What’s wrong? Nervous?”

  “Why would I be nervous? You’ve seen what I have before.”

  “Have I?”

  “Ah…” Aiko almost forgot. Even Takeshi didn’t get to see her spread eagle. A man has never seen me like that before. Only women. Mostly Reina. The conundrum returned.

  Although it was true that a man had never seen her like that, it was also true that Reina had. He may be in a much different headspace from before, but she knew. It was enough. Aiko eased her knees apart and sucked in her breath as Reina looked down with a snickering grin.

  “This just got easier,” he said. The tie around his neck came completely undone, hanging across both shoulders like a shawl. “Look at that pretty aieki. You want me, don’t you?”

  Aiko released her breath. “Yes.”

  “Prove it. Touch yourself.”

  While it wasn’t the first time Aiko pleasured herself for Reina, it was the first time she did it before the eyes of a man. She almost could not bear to look into her husband’s voracious eyes as she pushed her hand between her thighs and had her own way with herself.

  Vulnerability was usually something Aiko embraced when she was with Reina. After all, she enjoyed submitting to her spouse and letting passion set the tone of their lovemaking. But this was a different kind of vulnerability. Aiko couldn’t place what was making her uptight until she realized her husband had one hand around his cock. Remember, you’ve done this before a hundred times. She closed her eyes and fell into a rhythm.

  Amazing how quickly her cares melted away as her fingers massaged the breadth of her omanko and became wetter as the seconds went by. She eventually fell off her other elbow and onto her back, the marital bed welcoming her as felt Reina’s eyes on her.

  When Aiko opened hers, she was not surprised to see her husband stroking himself. He’s so erect. Even Takeshi was not that hard when he was about to burst from her touch. “You like it?” Reina let his wife look at the uncovered head. “You’re imagining it inside of you, huh?”

  Of course she was. Although Aiko took a lot from her spouse over the years, she had yet to experience it from her husband. How different would it feel? She wanted to know. Aiko pushed three fingers inside of her and whimpered.

  “You’re going to need more than that.” Reina leaned one knee against the bed. “Sit up.”

  Once the words settled in her head, Aiko obeyed. She pushed herself up, legs still spread as she looked between her husband’s face and his cock. One was closer to her than the other.

  That face of self-assurance returned. “Go on.” Reina gripped himself at the base of his phallus but left the rest of it free. Aiko knew what she was supposed to do. But I’ve only done it to my spouse’s. She didn’t have to be actually good to play with Reina psychologically. One that she could actually feel, however…

  With one hand wrapping around it – dear God, her hand could barely encircle it – Aiko lowered her head and licked the tip. Reina instantly jerked back and hissed between his teeth.

  Her lips were tentative at first, teasing the head of her husband’s cock before wrapping around it and bringing it into her mouth. Just like always. But now Aiko had more fun than usual, pretending that it was real – it is real – and that she had to do her best to be realistically pleasurable. She couldn’t do whatever was most comfortable for her, such as sinking her teeth into it. That would hurt him. So she brought most of it into her mouth, the sounds of her husband’s heavy breaths encouraging her debauchery.

  At first, it was a tender moment. Aiko offered her husband pleasure, and in turn he sighed, having a long, hard day at work and now finally relaxing. I know I appreciate a good blowjob after exerting myself all day. Aiko didn’t work that day, but Reina did – it only seemed fair.

  And then Reina shoved her hand into his wife’s hair and pushed her head forward.

  “Ii na,” Reina said, coaxing Aiko through her momentary chokes and fumbling fingers. “Relax. You’re doing well for your first time.”

  My first time? Aiko wasn’t new to stroking Reina’s dysphoric ego. But this is supposed to be real. Because he’s a man. Funny thing to think with her husband’s cock down her throat.

  Although it felt like a minute passed since Aiko’s lips met her husband’s fingers around the base of his shaft, it was really only a few seconds, and in that time Aiko inhaled a deep breath through her nostrils and let her tongue drag against the underside of her husband’s shaft. He squeezed her scalp before stroking her cheek with his thumb.

  “Do you like doing it?” he asked, his voice becoming ragged. “Do you like finally having a real cock in your mouth?”

  Aiko whimpered. What else could she do?

  “Do you want me to come in your throat?”

  She tried to shake her head. Not only would that make her gag, but she didn’t want Reina to spend hims
elf already.

  Fingers tugged on her hair. “Yamede,” Reina bade, and his wife slowly eased off the phallus, now covered in her saliva. Aiko looked up and felt herself become smaller beneath her husband’s gaze. “Look at what a real man can do.”

  The moment she looked down, she saw something clear drip out of her husband’s tip. One of those? The logical side of Aiko knew how this happened; the one swimming in the scenario grew wide-eyed at the difference between real and fake. Takeshi was like this when I touched him. He said it meant he was on the brink of orgasm. Was Reina the same way?

  “Taste it.”

  With only a little hesitation, Aiko flicked her tongue against the tip and tried not to show how bitter it was. What is that? It seemed like water mixed with something else. Perhaps it was best she not know so this game could continue.

  “Real men have this, you know. It shows how virile we are. Most men don’t make much, but me…” A tiny squeeze beneath his cock, and more came out of the tip, sliding down the skin and near Reina’s fingers. “I make too much. Aren’t you lucky that your husband is full of virility? I have a lot to give you, my wife.”

  What is he going to do to me? Not only was this Aiko’s fantasy playing out, but it was also Reina’s… and he once said that he wanted to do his wife like he often did his girlfriend. The one who likes debasing herself in the bedroom. Aiko’s heart pounded in both anticipation and a hesitant need to regain some control. But maybe the best control was in giving it up completely. Giving myself wholly to my husband’s whims. Whatever that entailed. “Hoshii.”

  Reina scrunched his face in surprise for the first time that night. “My cock or my sei?”

  “Both.”

  Reina’s thumb rolled around his wife’s lips, inciting them to open. “I’ll give you a little. Go ahead.”

  Aiko resumed her previous position. I’ve never tasted this before either. It was bitter against her tongue as she licked it off her husband’s cock. She then took the head into her mouth again, then more, and soon she was back to where she was before.

  This is my husband’s. And that husband was groaning, his fingers in his wife’s hair again as he gently thrust his hips forward. A man’s. Reina let out a small cry as something warm hit Aiko’s tongue. She concentrated her breaths and did not relent. While not the greatest taste in the world, it was her husband’s, and she wanted to experience it. Do as you will.

  “Fuck!” He did not anticipate how good his wife could be with her mouth. Aiko rolled the head of her husband’s phallus so it pointed to the back of her throat. Her free fingers dug into his trousers. “Ai-chan…” The nicknames were back. “Seiin ni nasai.”

  If that’s what he wanted.

  Reina had barely commanded it before he came inside Aiko’s mouth. It still caught her by surprise even though she was expecting it – the arrival of more bitterness, the liquid dripping into the back of her throat as she struggled to get it down before it choked her. If billions of other women can do it, then so can I. At the very least she would be as good at it as Reina’s girlfriend.

  It hadn’t even been ten seconds before Reina eased himself out of his wife’s mouth. Some of his sei was caught at the corner of Aiko’s lips, and he brushed it off with his thumb before tasting it for himself. He did not flinch nor smile. All he did was tilt Aiko’s chin up and bend down to kiss her.

  After all that, and this was her first kiss with her husband.

  There was love in the way he massaged her lips with his own. It placated Aiko, and she wrapped her arm around his neck and invited him to kiss her all he wanted. Be mine. Be my husband in soul and body. Before Aiko knew it, she was leaned backed against the bed while Reina directed his hips toward hers.

  “Reina…” Aiko muttered on her husband’s lips as his tip pushed into her omanko. “We have to be careful.”

  “Eh?” He continued to kiss her as if nothing were amiss.

  “Shouldn’t we use a condom?”

  Reina stopped, teasing Aiko between her legs. “What for?”

  “I could get…” She stopped as well. Of course she couldn’t actually get pregnant.

  “I know I said that I’m virile,” Reina growled into her ear. “But you don’t have to worry yourself about that. Just let me have you.”

  Their lips grazed each other’s. “You can have me.” Aiko kissed her husband and pushed forward, urging him inside of her. “Reina…”

  She landed on the bed and her husband followed. With her legs wrapped around him, Reina entered his wife, and Aiko knew what it meant to “be” with a man.

  My husband is shaking. Reina was limp in Aiko’s arms at first. Was it because he could feel himself inside of her? I didn’t know it could feel this good. It wasn’t that much different from what Aiko was used to. The difference was in the way Reina began to move seconds later.

  Slow, undulating thrusts – the kind rolling through Aiko as she broke their kisses in order to cry out in ecstasy for her partner. His clothing fell away, first the tie, then the shirt, until only skin came between them. We in our separate shells. Only like this could they be one. It’s never felt like this before. The way Reina thrust into her was organic. No second-guessing the movements, and everything, from the way he groaned into her ear and kissed her nipples through her negligee, came from the nature of a man too experienced to know any better.

  Orgasm was quick coming. Aiko kissed her husband’s throat as it loomed over her and warmed him. Reina rocked into her for a while longer before pulling out and snapping his tie against her thigh.

  She didn’t bother to feign surprise when Reina tied her wrists above her head. “You still don’t know what it’s really like,” he told her. Once the tie was secure around her wrists, Reina flipped his wife over and pulled her rear into the air. His tongue licked the length of her slit before he pulled her legs open. Aiko grabbed the bed before her, face buried in the comforter as her breasts dangled against cotton and silk. She braced herself.

  Reina slammed into her, taking her to the hilt in one thrust.

  Her cries were muffled into the comforter while her husband showed her how a man could be rough. But it wasn’t just his cock thrusting into her until she was wet and loose enough to take him deep easily. It was also the words he uttered, dark, dirty, and making Aiko’s toes curl. She could never bear to repeat them.

  Come already. She wanted to know what it was like for a man to do that inside of her. Even in this position, which Reina took full advantage of as he stood at the edge of the bed and expended himself into her, she would try it for the first time. I can’t imagine doing this with… Definitely not the first time with Takeshi.

  Aiko didn’t want to think about him. She wanted to think about her husband, who implied that the romance of the evening was over. “I’ve broken you in now,” he said, pulling out yet again. Aiko’s hips fell to the bed, both of her thighs slick with her own aieki. “No more nice.”

  Hands still bound above her head, Aiko was flipped over once more, her legs snapping into the air as Reina held them apart while thrusting into her again.

  He was fast, strong, and relentless. Aiko moaned in both pain and approval as her omanko was put to her husband’s strenuous test. I’m broken in now… She knew what it was like for a man to fuck her. Now she would also know what it was like for one to use her for his own ends.

  It wasn’t that much different from when a woman did it. Except Reina could feel his cock inside of his wife, his skin slapping against hers as the force of it brought the musky scent of their union to the forefront of Aiko’s senses. I want to touch myself. With her hands bound she was only stimulated by the penetration. As good as it felt, it was never enough to make her explode in ecstasy.

  But it was enough for Reina.

  “Ah, shit.” Aiko watched his face change from determined to forgotten. Reina closed his eyes and reached between his legs. This is it. Aiko squeaked in excitement as her husband’s thrusts
became more forceful – sparse, but forceful. His grunts of orgasm echoed in the room as one hand held Aiko’s leg up in the air, giving him the depth he wanted inside of her. And the other hand brought him to climax as he said, “Here you fucking go.”

  At first, Aiko felt nothing in particular. Then, in conjunction with Reina’s cries of pleasure, waves of warmth filled Aiko’s groin as her husband spent himself inside of her for the first time.

  “Kita,” he heaved in one breath, his arms falling on either side of Aiko as his phallus began the agonizing journey out of her. Aiko yelped when it came out and their conjoined aieki spilled out of her. That’s him… Aiko didn’t even think twice as her legs were pushed together and then up into the air. Reina pried open her omanko again and entered her with long, languid thrusts of his still stiff cock.

  This is us. Aiko closed her eyes and relaxed against the bed. Reina yanked up her negligee to expose her stomach; he pulled down her negligee to free her breasts. The thrusts stopped much too soon again. When Reina pulled out, Aiko sighed in her stewing frustration – she still had yet to orgasm.

  But Reina was ready again. While Aiko placed her feet on the bed, he stood above her, jerking himself until more of his fluids spilled onto Aiko’s torso. It surprised her at first. Then she broke free of the tie binding her wrists together and rubbed herself until Reina was done. I’m all wet. Wouldn’t be the first time in their marriage.

  “There.” Reina slumped onto the bed beside his wife and kissed her arm.

  Aiko explored what had become of her after a man had been there. The major difference from making love to Reina the woman was that her husband’s sei remained in her omanko and coated her fingers when she stuck them inside.

  “One more time.” Aiko drew her wet fingers along Reina’s cheek. “I want to finish.” Don’t be too male.

  That smirk she loved appeared on Reina’s face. “I think I have one more in me. Come here.” Reina rolled onto his back and pulled Aiko on top of him. After he sat up, Reina straddled his wife across his lap and grabbed her breasts from behind. Aiko rolled her head back onto her husband’s shoulder as she reached between her legs and guided him inside her a final time.