A Baby of His Own

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘Sh! Keep your voice down,’ Lucy admonished, frantically looking over his shoulder. Fortunately the woman behind them in the queue was talking to her friend and didn’t appear to have heard what he’d said. Nevertheless, she was furious with him for being so indiscreet.

  ‘People are going to find out at some point,’ he stated coolly. ‘Maybe you would prefer to keep quiet about me being Isabel’s father but I have no intention of lying.’

  ‘It isn’t up to you, though, Connor. It’s my decision what I choose to tell people. And if I prefer not to tell them about you, that’s what will happen.’

  ‘Meaning that I don’t have a choice in the matter?’ He shook his head. ‘Sorry, Lucy, but it isn’t up to you to make that decision on your own. It’s something we need to discuss, along with a lot of other things concerning our daughter.’

  ‘What other things?’

  ‘All sorts of things, and far too many to list at the moment if you don’t want anyone overhearing.’

  His tone was flat yet she sensed a certain tension about him, which surprised her. It was unlike Connor to display his feelings. He’d always been very cool and contained, keeping his emotions in check—apart from when they’d been sharing their most intimate moments, of course.

  The memory of their love-making brought a rush of heat to her cheeks and she turned away, busying herself with signing her name in the visitors’ book. Security was tight and only parents or people designated by a parent were allowed inside the crèche. She moved away from the desk, then paused. If Connor tried to follow her, he would have problems getting in. Even though she hated the thought of him meeting Izzy, she didn’t want to run the risk of him causing a scene.

  ‘Dr Mackenzie is with me,’ she informed the nursery nurse who was standing guard at the door. ‘Is it all right if he comes in with me?’

  ‘So long as he signs the book,’ the girl agreed. ‘Shall I add him to the list of people authorised to see Izzy?’

  ‘No,’ Lucy said quickly.

  ‘Yes.’ Connor signed his name, ignoring the furious look she shot at him. He treated the girl to one of his most captivating smiles. ‘If it isn’t too much trouble.’

  ‘Of course not!’ The young nursery nurse beamed at him. ‘Just fill in this card with your contact details and hand it back to me on your way out. I’ll do the rest.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Connor pocketed the card then slid his hand under Lucy’s elbow and steered her away from the desk. He shook his head when she opened her mouth to protest. ‘Save it till later. I don’t want Izzy getting upset because she’s seen us fighting.’

  Lucy’s lips clamped together. She couldn’t argue with that sentiment, but she resented his high-handed attitude and intended to tell him that as soon as she got the chance.

  She shrugged off his hand as they entered the main section of the crèche, which had once housed the physiotherapy department’s gymnasium. It had been transformed into an attractive play area now, complete with a large plastic slide and shelves full of toys. A separate room had been set aside for the babies so she went straight there, her face breaking into a smile when she saw Izzy sitting on a rug in the corner. The little girl was happily beating a plastic saucepan with a wooden spoon and Lucy felt a rush of love assail her as she knelt down beside her.

  ‘Hello, darling. Are you having a lovely time?’

  Izzy immediately dropped the spoon and held out her arms to be picked up. Lucy lifted her into the air and blew a raspberry on her tummy, feeling her eyes fill with tears as she inhaled the familiar scent of baby powder. Today had been the first time they’d been apart since Izzy had been born and she had missed her so much.

  ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’

  She looked round when Connor spoke and maybe it was because she was already feeling so emotional that a lump came to her throat when she saw the expression on his face. He was staring at Izzy with such wonderment that the coldest heart would have melted.

  All of a sudden she felt ashamed of her decision to keep Izzy’s existence a secret from him. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do but it no longer felt that way. And yet if she accepted Connor’s role in her daughter’s life, she would have to accept him as part of her life, too. Could she cope with being around him on that basis? Or would the strain prove too much?

  Her heart began to race but there was no way that she could avoid the truth any longer. She still loved Connor, even though she knew that he had never really loved her.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ‘HELLO, Izzy.’

  Connor could barely speak for the wealth of emotions that had hit him the moment he’d seen the child. It was strange because he’d never imagined he would experience such an intense reaction. He’d expected to feel something akin to what he felt for the children he treated—he wanted to care for them and make then better—but this was so much more. He couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from her as he crouched down beside her and took stock of every tiny detail.

  She had dark hair just like his, he realised in amazement. And huge green eyes, also like his. The rest of her features were exactly like Lucy’s, from the delicately arched brows to the sweet little rosebud mouth. He was suddenly struck by the sheer wonder of what they’d done by creating this tiny human being. Izzy had inherited bits of him and bits of Lucy, and the thought that their love-making had resulted in something so perfect shook him to the very core of his being. And yet, was it really so surprising?

  His gaze moved to Lucy and pain gripped him as the memories came rushing back. Making love with Lucy had always been a magical experience. He’d had his share of relationships before they’d met, but what he’d felt for her had been far more profound than anything he had experienced before.

  It was the reason why he’d taken the job in Boston, in fact. He had always planned on spending another year in Dalverston but he’d realised that he had been getting too involved with her and had been afraid that his career would suffer because of it. Moving to Boston had been the sensible thing to do, yet all of a sudden he found himself wondering if there were more important things than a career—like people to love and who would love him in return. Surely they mattered far more than a job?

  Connor took a deep breath. It was only natural that he should feel unsettled, but he mustn’t allow it to throw him off course. He tickled Izzy’s hand and laughed when she immediately grabbed hold of his fingers. ‘She doesn’t seem worried about having a stranger touching her.’

  ‘She’s not reached the clingy stage yet,’ Lucy replied coldly, and he sighed. It was obvious from her tone that she was still angry with him.

  ‘Something to look forward to,’ he said lightly. He didn’t want her to think that it bothered him to be persona non grata in her eyes.

  The thought touched an already sensitive nerve and he stood up. He’d spent far too much of his childhood feeling like an outsider to enjoy re-enacting the experience. Lucy started to get up as well and he automatically offered her his hand but she ignored him as she settled the baby onto her hip.

  Connor forbore to say anything as he followed her from the room. If there were battles to be fought, he would save his energy until it was needed. However, she didn’t know him very well if she thought that he would back down in the face of her continued hostility.

  The same nursery nurse was on duty at the door and he groaned when he remembered the registration card.

  ‘I’ve forgotten to fill in that card you gave me. Can I let you have it the next time I come?’ he offered, pausing by the reception desk. Lucy didn’t stop to wait for him and he saw the young woman frown as she watched her hurrying away.

  ‘Yes, if Miss Adams is with you to authorise it,’ she agreed, guardedly. ‘We have a strict rule that either a parent or a guardian must be present whenever anyone’s name is added to the register. It saves any confusion about who can and can’t remove a child from the crèche.’

  ‘I understand,’ he said grimly because
he didn’t like being made to feel as though he was doing something wrong by wanting to see his own daughter.

  He left the crèche and followed Lucy across the foyer, finally catching up with her as she was about to leave the building. It was pouring down with rain and he could see the problem she was having, trying to open her umbrella while holding onto Izzy.

  ‘Here, let me hold her while you do that,’ he offered, reaching out to take the baby from her.

  ‘I can manage,’ she snapped, moving Izzy out of his reach.

  Connor swore under his breath. He was fast reaching the end of his patience. ‘I was only offering to hold her. I wasn’t trying to abduct her, although it might not be such a bad idea. The poor kid will be a nervous wreck if you react like that every time I go near her.’

  ‘Then maybe you should leave us alone.’ She’d finally managed to open the umbrella and she glared at him as she moved off the step. ‘Izzy and I don’t need your help. We can manage perfectly well on our own.’

  ‘You really think so?’ He followed her across the car park, his mood not improved by the fact that he was getting soaked. The temperature in Boston had been in the high eighties when he’d left so he’d never thought to pack a raincoat. It was with the rest of his belongings that were waiting to be shipped over to England. ‘You honestly think you can be both a mother and a father to her, do you?’

  ‘Yes!’ She glared at him as she stopped beside an elderly Ford Fiesta and unlocked the door. ‘So if you came here full of noble intentions about taking care of us, you can forget them, Connor. I don’t want you interfering in Izzy’s life. I’m perfectly capable of looking after her all by myself!’

  ‘Maybe you are, but what you want isn’t the issue,’ he replied tersely, wondering how they’d reached this point so quickly. Even though he’d been furious with her for cutting him out of his daughter’s life, he’d sworn he would handle the situation calmly and with diplomacy. However, all his good intentions had disappeared when he’d heard her making those less-than-flattering remarks about him earlier in the day.

  ‘It’s what’s best for Izzy that matters, not your feelings or mine. She’s the important one in all of this, the one who stands to get hurt if you refuse to see sense.’ There was a definite bite in his voice now. It was galling to realise that he’d been upset by what she’d said. He’d always believed that he was inured against other people’s opinions, but Lucy’s opinion of him seemed to matter an awful lot.

  ‘It’s Izzy I’m thinking about,’ she retorted, bending down to strap the baby into the car seat and obviously forgetting that she still had hold of the umbrella.

  Connor sighed when a shower of rainwater cascaded over him. ‘Why don’t you give me that before you do some real damage with it? Even you can’t manage to hold an umbrella and strap a baby into that seat.’

  Her brown eyes flashed as he took the umbrella out of her hand but she must have decided it was easier not to argue with him. Connor held the umbrella so that it shielded her from the rain while she strapped Izzy into the seat. He handed it back to her once she’d finished, one dark brow arching when she grudgingly thanked him.

  ‘See? It wasn’t that difficult to do what I suggested, was it?’

  ‘Meaning that I should always follow your suggestions? I don’t think so.’

  She opened the driver’s door but he put out his hand as she went to get into the car. ‘Why not, if they make sense? Or are you so determined to pay me back for wanting to get to know my own child that you’d do anything to spite me?’

  ‘I don’t give a damn about you, Connor! I’m not interested in paying you back or being spiteful. The only person I care about is Izzy and I won’t have you breaking her heart!’

  ‘Breaking her heart?’ he repeated, knowing that he must sound as shocked as he felt. He gripped hold of the door when she tried to wrench it out of his grasp. ‘You’re not going anywhere until you explain what you meant by that. Why on earth would I want to break my own daughter’s heart?’

  ‘Because it’s what will happen if she gets in the way of your precious career. Oh, you might think that you want to play the doting father at the moment, but what’s going to happen in a few months’ time when you realise that having a child means having a lot of extra responsibilities? Which will come first then, Connor—your career or your daughter?’

  ‘That’s ridiculous,’ he protested, but she didn’t allow him to finish.

  ‘No, it’s the truth. Everything you do is geared to one thing and one thing only: your career. You don’t have time for anything else, so do you really think it’s fair to upset Izzy’s life on a whim?’

  ‘It isn’t a whim! And I have no intention of upsetting her life. I plan on being a proper father to her and nothing you can say will make me change my mind about that.’

  He glanced round as a car further along the row started up. There were a lot of staff leaving at the end of their shifts and he realised they couldn’t continue the discussion when they might be overheard. He had no intention of trying to hide the fact that he was Izzy’s father, but they needed to sort this out in private, although any hopes he’d had of reaching an agreement with Lucy were rapidly disappearing.

  ‘We need to talk about this and we can’t do it here,’ he said bluntly, trying not to think about what had led her to have such a low opinion of him. He’d always prided himself on his honesty and had never made any secret of the fact that he hadn’t been looking for commitment so why was she behaving as though he’d let her down?

  He hurried on because he didn’t know how to deal with all these new and strange emotions that kept assailing him. ‘What time does Izzy go to bed?’

  ‘I don’t have time to talk to you tonight or any other night, for that matter,’ she declared, but he was in no mood to placate her.

  ‘Then I suggest you make time, because I’m not prepared to wait until you decide that you do feel like talking to me.’ He stared back at her, feeling his heart ache when he saw the fear that flickered in her soft brown eyes.

  ‘She usually goes to bed at seven. Leave it until after then so you don’t upset her routine.’

  ‘Let’s make it seven-thirty,’ he said gruffly, feeling like a heel for scaring her. ‘Are you still living in the same place?’

  ‘No. I moved out of there before Izzy was born.’

  She told him her new address then got into the car. Connor didn’t say anything else as she closed the door. Apologising would have put him in a very vulnerable position and she had to believe that he was serious about this or she would do her best to cut him out of Izzy’s life.

  It was still pouring down with rain as he walked back across the car park and the weather seemed to mirror his dejection at the way things had gone. He’d handled the situation very badly and he would have to try a lot harder in the future if he wasn’t going to alienate Lucy.

  He sighed. Despite what he’d told her, he didn’t want to have to resort to a messy court hearing to gain access to Izzy. He would much prefer it if they could reach an agreement by themselves although if he couldn’t make Lucy see sense, he might not have any option except to apply to the courts.

  The thought of the heartache that would cause was very hard to deal with. His spirits had sunk to an all-time low by the time he reached the paediatric unit. He could barely raise a smile when he met Bea Francis in the corridor and saw her surprise at his bedraggled state.

  ‘I’d forgotten about the joys of a British summer.’

  ‘So it would appear.’ She grinned at him. ‘So much for Lucy’s theory that you came back because you were missing our glorious weather!’

  Connor drummed up a smile but it hurt to know that Lucy preferred to joke about the reason for his return rather than admit the truth. She was determined that no one would find out that he was Izzy’s father and he knew how difficult it was going to be to change her mind. It was a relief when Bea asked him if he’d take a look a Sophie Fisher because it was easier to fo
cus on work than his own problems.

  He quickly changed into a clean set of scrubs then made his way to the high-dependency unit. Dee was there and he could tell immediately that she wasn’t happy about the little girl’s condition. He checked the ECG tracing and understood immediately why she was so concerned. Sophie was exhibiting clear signs of ventricular fibrillation—rapid, uncoordinated and ineffective heart contractions. It was a common complication of myocardial infarction and although it could be successfully resolved by the use of drugs in many cases, the drugs weren’t working in this instance.

  ‘She’ll need cardioversion. I can do it here but I need to inform her parents first about what’s happening.’

  ‘They’re in the relatives’ room,’ Dee told him.

  ‘I’ll have a word with them and come straight back.’

  Connor left the room and went to find the child’s parents. He waved them back to their seats and pulled up a chair, knowing how difficult this would be for them. ‘My name is Connor Mackenzie and I’m the new head of the paediatric unit,’ he told them, keeping the introductions brief. ‘I’m afraid that Sophie isn’t responding as well as we’d hoped she would to the drugs that were meant to settle her heart back into its proper rhythm.’

  ‘So what’s going to happen?’ Mrs Fisher asked anxiously.

  ‘I’ll have to perform cardioversion to restore her heart’s natural rhythm.’

  ‘Cardioversion? I’m sorry, Dr Mackenzie, but you’ve lost me.’ Mr Fisher leant forward in his seat and Connor could see the fear in his eyes. ‘It’s not another operation, is it? Sophie was fine until they took her to that theatre.’

  ‘No, it’s not an operation and we’ll be able to do it right here in the high-dependency unit.’

  He smiled reassuringly, thinking about all the times he’d been in this position. Reassuring parents was all part of his job and he’d always prided himself on his caring yet straightforward approach. However, he’d never fully appreciated before how stressful it must be for them to have to entrust their child to a stranger. All of a sudden, it was as though he could feel the Fishers’ fear, and it shocked him that he could empathise with them to such an extent.