A Baby of His Own

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘I don’t want to argue with you either. My only concern is to protect Izzy,’ she said quietly, surprised that he hadn’t tried to use her unwitting slip to his own advantage.

  ‘Izzy is my only concern, too.’

  He spread his hands wide open in a gesture that smacked of defeat and it was such a shock to see it that she didn’t know what to say. Connor Mackenzie and defeat were two concepts that shouldn’t be aired in the same breath, yet she could see for herself how desperate he was to convince her.

  ‘Why, Connor?’ Maybe it was that thought which unlocked her tongue, but all of a sudden she knew that she needed to understand his motives better. ‘You never mentioned that you wanted a family when we were together so I can’t understand why you are so keen to be a father to Izzy. It just doesn’t fit with everything I know about you.’

  ‘Maybe it doesn’t fit, but I’m serious about this, Lucy. I don’t want Izzy growing up thinking that I don’t care about her. I do care. I care very much and I shall do everything in my power to play an active role in her life, too.’

  His tone was uncompromising yet she saw the flicker of pain in his eyes and realised there was more to that statement than just a desire not to be thwarted. Something had driven him to come back to England to claim his daughter and she only wished that she knew what it was. However, even though she knew that he was serious about his intentions, she still didn’t trust him. If it came to a choice between his job and Izzy, which would he choose?

  It was that uncertainty which made Lucy hold back, that plus the fear of what would happen if she allowed him back into her life. She still loved him, still felt the same attraction for him, so how could she be sure that she was doing what was right for Izzy? She couldn’t bear to think that Izzy could get hurt because she’d been influenced by her feelings for him.

  ‘I’ve offered to let you see Izzy on Sunday. If that isn’t enough, then I’m sorry but there is nothing more I can do. My offer still stands, Connor, and it’s up to you to decide if you want to accept it.’

  ‘I could go to the court and apply for an access order,’ he said menacingly.

  ‘I’m sure you could. You’d probably get it too…eventually. However, are you really prepared to go to such lengths when I will stop you having any contact with Izzy in the interim?’

  ‘Is that a threat?’

  ‘Yes. But it’s no more of a threat than you just made towards me.’ She stood up abruptly, wanting to bring the discussion to an end because she’d had enough for one day. ‘I will not be bullied into doing what you want, Connor. My only concern is Izzy and what is best for her.’

  ‘I am not trying to bully you. I’m trying to make you see sense!’ He gripped her arms. ‘Izzy needs both her mother and her father in her life—can’t you understand that?’

  ‘No, I can’t!’ She glared up at him as all the emotions she’d experienced that day suddenly spilled over. ‘So far as I’m concerned, Izzy would be better off with just one parent than having you as her father!’

  She knew she’d gone too far when she saw his face close up. She was already trying to free herself when he hauled her towards him. Lucy knew he was going to kiss her and her eyes filled with tears at the thought. The last thing she wanted was for him to kiss her in anger when it would ruin all the precious memories she’d clung to these past, lonely months.

  And yet when his mouth found hers there was no hint of anger in the warm, hard feel of his lips, no sense at all that he was trying to punish her. Connor was kissing her as though he needed this kiss just to survive; he was kissing her with a depth of emotion that shocked her when she couldn’t recall him ever kissing her like that before.

  Her lips softened, clung to his as she felt the rawness of their passion explode around them. The kiss seemed to go on and on even though she knew it could have lasted for only a few seconds. When he pushed her away, he was breathing heavily, but so was she. The kiss had unleashed a lot of emotions in both of them and she had no idea what was going to happen now.

  He spun round on his heel and a moment later she heard the front door slam. The noise must have woken Izzy because she began to cry. Lucy dragged some air into her depleted lungs as she made her way to the bedroom and lifted Izzy out of her cot. The little girl was hot and fretful so she took her into the kitchen and gave her a drink, and all the time she was attending to her needs, Lucy’s mind kept spinning in circles. Why had Connor kissed her like that? What did it mean?

  She had no idea what the answers were, but it scared her to know that he still wanted her. If he’d been indifferent to her, she could have coped, but each time she saw him now she would remember how his mouth had felt—hungry and tender—and it would be that much harder to do what was right for Izzy.

  Tears filled her eyes again at the thought that her child might get hurt because of her. She had to remember that it wasn’t her feelings that mattered or Connor’s, but this precious child’s, the child who had been born as a result of their passion for each other. She mustn’t allow their passion to hurt her now.

  Connor spent a sleepless night. Jet-lag was still playing havoc with his internal clock but he knew it wasn’t the time difference that was to blame. It was what had happened in Lucy’s flat that plagued him most of all.

  He got up before the sun had risen over the surrounding hills and stood by the kitchen window, nursing a cup of black coffee. He could tell himself a thousand times that it had been anger that had driven him to kiss her and it would be true to a point. But beyond that point had come a moment when passion had taken over: his passion for her; her passion for him.

  He had wanted Lucy so much last night that even now his body ached for her. As soon as he’d taken her in his arms, he’d been beset by the familiar feel of her soft curves, the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin. It was as though everything that made Lucy who she was had been imprinted in his mind and all it had taken had been that first touch to push all the right buttons. If he hadn’t left when he had then he knew what would have happened, and it was the last thing he needed at the moment. Making love with Lucy would complicate matters far too much!

  He emptied the coffee down the drain and went into the bathroom to take a shower. He wouldn’t achieve anything by brooding about what had happened last night. He had to forget about it and focus on what really mattered, which was Izzy. Lucy seemed determined to keep him on the fringes of their daughter’s life and he was equally determined that she wasn’t going to succeed. If he kept that thought at the forefront of his mind then he might have a hope of winning this particular battle.

  The paediatric unit was bustling when he arrived shortly after six a.m. He could see the surprise on the nursing staff’s faces as he bade them a brisk good morning. His predecessor had been no sluggard but it was unheard of for the head of the department to appear at such an early hour. Bea was obviously shocked to see him and made no bones about it either.

  ‘I hope this isn’t going to become a habit. The nursing staff will start to revolt if you’re here at this time every morning, checking up on them.’

  ‘I’m not checking up on anyone. I just couldn’t sleep so I decided to avoid the rush hour and come in early,’ he explained, not wanting his staff to get the wrong impression, although it was a good job that Lucy hadn’t arrived yet because she certainly wouldn’t have believed him. She seemed determined to think the worst of him…apart from when he kissed her, of course. She hadn’t seemed to have had too many objections then!

  The thought did nothing to soothe him so he drove it out of his mind. ‘How’s Sophie Fisher doing?’

  ‘Much better than she was.’

  Bea seemed to have been mollified by his explanation so he chalked it up as one small success as she accompanied him to the high-dependency unit. ‘The cardioversion did the trick and she seems to have settled down now. Dee insisted on staying with her so she’s still here. I have to say that Dee’s been an absolute godsend. We had a bit of a rush through
the night—an RTA plus a perforated appendix—and we couldn’t have managed without her. I don’t suppose you could use your legendary charm to persuade her to stay?’

  Connor laughed. ‘I can try, although I’m a bit short on charm at the moment, I should warn you. It must be the jet-lag.’

  Bea rolled her eyes. ‘I’m sure you’re being far too modest. Just give it your best shot.’

  Connor let himself into the room as Bea hurried away. Dee was sitting by the bed and he waved her back to her seat when she went to get up. ‘Stay where you are. From what Bea’s been telling me, you’ve done more than your share through the night.’

  Dee smiled tiredly. ‘I just did what I could to help.’

  ‘Well, it was greatly appreciated. In fact, Bea asked me if I would try to persuade you to stay on,’ he told her, taking the chart off the end of the bed and glancing through the meticulously maintained notes.

  ‘It’s nice to know I’m appreciated but I don’t think I could cope with a full-time job at the moment. I need to get my head round what’s happened.’

  ‘I understand. But if you feel like doing a few hours then just say the word. It might help if you took your mind off your problems for a while.’

  Connor hung the chart back in its place. Sophie’s condition had improved tremendously and he was delighted with her progress. He would be able to move her onto the ward later that day which would ease the staffing problem, although it didn’t mean that he intended to allow the present situation to continue. The high-dependency unit needed to be available twenty-four seven and not just when they could find someone to man it.

  ‘I wish.’ Dee gave him a watery smile as she stood up. ‘If I could make my problems disappear that easily then I’d sign up like a shot, but this problem isn’t going to go away. I’m never going to have a child of my own now and it isn’t fair to Mike to expect him to marry me when it means he’s never going to be a father.’

  Connor sighed when he saw tears start to run down Dee’s face. He had worked with her fiancé, Mike Wilson, in Boston and had a lot of respect for him. He knew how gutted Mike had been when they had found out that the treatment Dee had received for an aggressive form of childhood cancer had left her infertile. Maybe it was the fact that he had just discovered that he had a child of his own which had made their situation so poignant, but when Mike had asked him if he would look after Dee on the journey back to England, Connor had agreed at once.

  Normally, he was wary of getting involved in other people’s affairs, but making sure that Dee got home safely to her family, who lived outside Dalverston, had seemed the least he could do in the circumstances. That should have been the end of his involvement, but he couldn’t help being moved when he saw the misery on her face.

  He made his way around the bed and put his arm round her. ‘It will all work out in the end, Dee. You’ll see.’

  ‘I don’t see how it can. Mike’s never made any secret of the fact that he wants kids, and I can’t have them…!’

  Connor sighed as she put her head on his shoulder and began to sob. He was just wondering what else he could say to comfort her when the door opened and Bea poked her head into the room. Connor saw the start the ward sister gave when she saw him and Dee, and knew immediately how it must have appeared. They must have looked like two lovers, standing there entwined in each other’s arms, and the thought made him want to gnash his teeth in frustration.

  He knew what the hospital grapevine was like and dreaded to think what Lucy was going to say when she found out that he and Dee had been caught in such circumstances. It certainly wasn’t going to improve his standing in her eyes, and his heart sank at the thought of the problems it could cause.

  It seemed that a bad situation was about to get worse.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ‘APPARENTLY, they were all over each other like a rash. I thought there was something going on, didn’t you, Lucy?’

  ‘Didn’t I what?’ Lucy shoved her coat into her locker and slammed the door. Izzy had been very clingy when she’d taken her to the crèche that morning and it had been hard to leave her. She’d waited outside until she’d been sure that Izzy had settled down then had had to rush so as not to be late for the changeover. She hadn’t really been listening to what Sandra had been saying.

  ‘Connor and Dee, of course.’ Sandra sighed when Lucy looked blankly at her. ‘You didn’t hear a word that I said, did you?’

  ‘Sorry. I was miles away.’

  ‘Bea caught Connor and Dee at it in the high-dependency unit!’

  ‘At it?’

  ‘Yes, you know—making out, kissing and canoodling, and all the other euphemisms your mum used to come up with.’ Sandra pulled a face. ‘Looks as though I’m wasting my time lusting after the gorgeous Connor. It’s just my luck, too. Whenever I set my sights on a guy, someone else always gets there ahead of me!’

  ‘I…um…I’ll have to go. I need to see Bea so I’ll catch up with you later.’

  Lucy hurried out of the staffroom before Sandra could see how devastated she felt by the news. Connor had been caught kissing Dee? Could it be true?

  A wave of sickness rushed up her throat and she had to stop before she went into the office. She wasn’t sure why she was so shocked when she’d suspected that there’d been something going on between them. However, the thought of Connor and the other woman made her feel ill after what had happened last night.

  She’d honestly thought that he’d felt the same as she had done about that kiss, but obviously not. It hadn’t been passion that had driven him to kiss her that way but a desire to make her bend to his will. Well, if that was the case then he was in for a shock because nobody, not even the wonderful Connor Mackenzie, was going to manipulate her like that!

  She opened the office door, summoning a smile when Bea glanced up. There was no way that she wanted anyone to know how hurt she felt. ‘So what sort of a night did you have, then?’

  ‘Hectic.’ Bea yawned as she stood up. ‘We had two emergency admissions, one straight after the other, so it was all systems go.’

  ‘Just what you needed,’ Lucy said sympathetically, picking up the nightly report sheet. She skimmed through the notes Bea had made, pausing when she came to the two new admissions. ‘An RTA and a case of appendicitis?’

  ‘That’s right. Ben Roberts is the appendix. He’s been a bit up and down since he woke up this morning so keep an eye on him, will you? Chloe Simmons is the RTA. She was thrown out of her father’s car when it hit the central barrier on the motorway. Multiple fractures and a possible concussion, but she’s stable so it could have been a lot worse.’

  ‘What about her parents?’ Lucy asked, hoping they weren’t going to have to break any bad news to the child.

  ‘Mum is upstairs in Women’s Surgical with a broken pelvis but Dad is OK. Apparently, they were driving up to Scotland for their holidays and decided to travel through the night because the roads are quieter.’ Bea sighed. ‘The police think that the father fell asleep at the wheel.’

  ‘It sounds likely.’ Lucy skimmed through the rest of the notes but there was nothing unusual in them. She glanced up as Bea came round the desk. ‘Off you go then and get your beauty sleep.’

  ‘I wish! I have to ferry the kids to school first and then do some shopping before I go to bed.’ Bea headed for the door then paused. ‘Oh, before I forget, Connor is here. He arrived just after six and caused a real stir, too, although he promised he wouldn’t make a habit of getting in so early. Anyway, he’s in his office if you need him.’

  ‘Right, thanks.’

  Lucy sat down behind the desk, resisting the urge to ask Bea if the rumours were true. It had nothing to do with her what Connor did, although she was surprised that he had compromised his position by being caught in such a potentially embarrassing situation. He had always been a stickler about maintaining the proprieties when they’d been seeing each other, but then he hadn’t wanted to run the risk of anyone finding out about their
affair. Obviously his feelings for Dee were much deeper than his feelings had been for her if he was prepared to risk going public this time.

  The thought hurt no matter how many times Lucy told herself it was silly to let it bother her. She tried not to think about it as she checked the diary to see which children were due to be discharged that morning then went into the ward. It was breakfast-time so she ushered those children who were allowed out of bed into the day-room then made sure that the others were eating. Daisy Banks, a five-year-old who’d had her badly infected tonsils removed two days earlier, started crying when Lucy tried to persuade her to eat some porridge.

  ‘My throat hurts,’ the little girl whimpered, pushing the bowl away.

  ‘I know it does, sweetheart, but you won’t get better if you don’t eat anything.’ Lucy gave her a cuddle then picked up the bowl. ‘Do you like yoghurt? I think we have some pots in the fridge so maybe you could manage one of them instead.’

  ‘Yes, please,’ Daisy whispered, wiping her dripping nose on the back of her hand.

  Lucy plucked a tissue out of the box and gave it to her then went to the ward kitchen. They kept a selection of simple foodstuffs in the fridge and she was relieved to see that there were a couple of pots of yoghurt left on the shelf.

  She found a spoon then went back and gave it to Daisy, helping the child to tear off the lid. Once she was sure the little girl was eating it she checked on the other children. Ben Roberts, the boy who’d had his appendix removed, looked very listless when she stopped by his bed.

  ‘Hi, Ben.’ Lucy smiled at him as she took the thermometer out of its holder. ‘I’m Staff Nurse Adams. I wasn’t here when you were brought in last night so I’d like to check how you’re doing. Can I take your temperature, please?’

  Ben nodded so Lucy gently inserted the digital thermometer’s probe into his ear. It gave an almost instantaneous reading and she frowned when she saw that Ben’s temperature was higher than it should have been. She made a note on his chart then checked his pulse, her unease deepening when she discovered how rapid it was. It looked as though Ben might have an infection and it was something that needed to be dealt with as soon as possible.