Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  “Our next appointment-“

  “I’m not talking about that,” he interrupted. “I’m talking about when and how to tell our parents.”

  “You can tell your parents whenever you’d like and you can do it however you want.” Just like last time we’d discussed telling our parents, I made no mention of mine. I still didn’t plan on telling my dad anytime soon.

  “Fine.” Cailean huffed, clearly agitated with my attitude. “We’ll go up there in a couple of weeks. I’m sure mom would love to have us for dinner.”

  “I never said I was going to do it with you. They’re your parents,” I protested.

  “You’re going,” he said with finality and looked at me with narrowed eyes.

  “I’ve got to get to work,” I said, trying to change the subject. He could think I was going with him for all I cared. A few weeks from now would be a different story.

  “Gertie, I’m trying here, okay?” he asked frustrated, leaning toward me as if to stop me from leaving. “We promised each other to make the best out of this situation. If not for me, then you can at least do it for our child.”

  In my entire life, I had always been the good kid – I got good grades, I never stayed out late and I didn’t do anything that would cause a parent to scold me except for normal things such as not finishing my food or jumping in the mud when I had been younger. So being lectured by Cailean out of all the people who could possibly scold me, took my anger to a new level and tears blurred my vision as I was looking through my purse for my keys.

  “What are you doing?” Cailean asked, his voice a lot calmer than it had been before.

  “I told you, I have to get to work.” I avoided looking at him as I finally found what I needed.

  I heard him curse before I rushed to my car.

  I was stopped by someone grabbing my arm and pulling me in for a hug. If it hadn’t been for the small hum that only Cailean’s body brought, I would have screamed – who the hell just stops people for a hug?

  “Let go of me!” I fumed, trying to wring myself free.

  “Not until you calm down,” he argued and only held me tighter.

  What he didn’t realize was that I needed to get away from him in order to calm myself down enough to talk. It was him that I was mad at and it was him that I wanted nothing to do with. However, after a while, I realized that it was my own fault for overreacting earlier and it was my own emotions that had gotten out of control; and it was now Cailean who held me together – stopping me from completely breaking down - and that scared me more than anything.

  “I haven’t been back there for almost three years, Cailean,” I whispered when it dawned on me that the reason I had panicked was because of the thought of going back to where it had all happened, not because he had lectured me. Here, we were in a sort of bubble where we could ignore our past if we really wanted to. Going back home, there would be all kinds of memories and reminders. “I didn’t plan on ever going back.”

  “Why not? It’s your home,” he said gently and released me from the hug. I hated myself for missing it as soon as he pulled away.

  “Not anymore.” I took a step back from him in order to gather my thoughts. “I really do need to get going so we’ll have to finish this conversation later.” Or never. Or at least in a more private place.

  He gave me a short nod in response and thankfully no kiss this time. A hug was already too much to make my nerves spike. I had no idea what throwing a kiss in there would do to me.

  I hated being late for work. Technically, I was only 30 minutes late, but I always made sure to be there at least two hours before my start time.

  My job felt as if it was the only thing I hadn’t failed, but with all these appointments and pregnancy symptoms, it felt as if I was failing at that, too.

  Turned out, that was exactly the case as my life once again turned upside down.

  Chapter 8

  ◆◆◆

  I WALKED. AND then I walked some more. The heels I had been wearing to impress earlier were dangling from my fingertips, barely hanging on. Walking usually cleared my thoughts, but today they seemed to go in circles, just like I was. Every time I replayed what had happened at work, a sense of hopelessness settled deep into my belly.

  “I’m sorry, Gertrude, it's just that our priorities doesn’t seem to line up with each other right now,” Mr. Cane, my boss, had said and looked down to my midsection. I had no idea who had told him, but I’d found myself fisting my hands, wanting so badly to strangle someone. “I’ll let you finish your two weeks and then I’ll provide you with the outstanding recommendations you deserve.”

  Meaning, finish your two weeks or you’ll get nothing. Without something from him, no one was going to hire me. At least not within the business world.

  What the hell was I supposed to do now?

  Two weeks from now, I would be jobless and a week after that, I would be homeless. With a baby on the way.

  Holy crap, what was I going to do?

  A baby needed things. Food. Clothes. A home. All I had to give was a bit of love and a whole lot of mess.

  The reason why I hadn’t signed another lease on my apartment was because I was expecting to get the job and then be able to provide a much better apartment for the baby. Due to my arrogance, I had nothing.

  Deep breath, Gertie, I coaxed myself as I felt my chest getting tighter and tighter. I tried thinking of what the first step would be, but all that kept popping up in my mind were the words from earlier. I’d tried my hardest to keep my head held high as I’d excused myself and left. Probably not the wisest thing to do, but staying wasn’t an option for my bruised ego either.

  I knew, judging by my sore feet, that I probably should have gone back for my car. Maybe go home. Look for a job. I knew all of that, but I did none of them.

  Instead I kept walking until I hit a familiar building by Pike’s Place. I knew I must have been a mess, walking around barefoot with tears coming and going, but I cared about none of that as I marched into the full bar. Charlotte looked up as she saw me rounding the bar, but she was smart enough not to say anything.

  I barged into Cailean’s office without bothering to knock. Good thing he was alone because as soon as I saw him, I broke down all over again. Through the blur of my tears, I could tell he was happy to see me. At least until he saw what state I was in.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly and rushed to get to me, putting his hands on my belly.

  “I hate you,” I choked out and harshly pushed him off of me.

  “Care to tell me something new?” He bent down to my level and flashed me a smile. I hated him even more when he could find it in him to joke after my life had just been ruined.

  “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you,” I repeated over and over again. “I hate you so much.”

  “Come here.” He tried to pull me into his arms, but I took a step back and did something I never thought I would do. Ever. I slapped him on his chest and pushed him away again.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  “I’ll give you that one hit because I obviously did something to deserve it.” He pointed a warning finger at me. “But, woman, if you hit me again, I swear to all that’s Holy…”

  “What, huh?” I challenged, needing this fight. “You’re gonna hit me back?”

  “Never,” he said forcefully. “But I might just have to fuck some sense into you.”

  “That’s the whole reason why we’re in this mess.” I angrily brushed the tears away, hating that I looked weak in front of him. “Because you couldn’t keep it in your pants, I’ve lost everything.”

  “Everything, huh?”

  “You ruined everything,” I confirmed and slid down against the wall until my butt hit the floor.

  “Tell me what I ruined so that I can fix it,” he said gently and sat down next to me. This time I let him pull me to his chest.

  “I lost my job,” I whispered, barely able to say the words. It made it all feel so real s
omehow. “This mistake ruined all I had going for me.”

  He pulled away from me and I could feel him going stiff next to me. It made me mad - he had no right to get pissed at me when he was the one responsible for it all!

  “So you’re saying this baby - our baby - is a mistake?” he ground out.

  Mistake. That was the word I had used and I instantly felt guilty.

  An unwanted pregnancy doesn’t mean it’s an unwanted child, I repeated Allie’s words in my head before doing or saying something I would end up regretting.

  “I’m saying that I lost everything I’ve worked my ass off for because you just couldn’t let me be.” I took a deep breath before continuing, “If you would have left me alone when you saw me in Vegas, we wouldn’t have been in this situation.”

  “How about we stop with the blame game for a minute, huh?” He dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. “You fucked me just as hard as I fucked you that night. You failed to mention that you weren’t on the pill just as much as I failed to glove up.”

  What he said was true, but that didn’t mean I was willing to accept them, or the responsibility of being just as guilty just yet.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled to myself.

  A loud sigh was all he offered in response to my childish answer. A silence so thick you could almost cut through it fell over us. While it wasn’t uncomfortable per say, I wanted to fill it so badly. I was about to stand and leave, realizing how stupid all this was, when he opened his mouth.

  “It’ll be okay. We’ll fix it somehow.” His voice sounded sure.

  “How? You gonna employ me as a bartender?” I joked on a choked laugh. “I’ve got an expensive business degree that needs to be paid for and I don’t see bartending doing that.”

  “Fuck no. You’re pregnant; no way will you be behind that bar.”

  “Now you sound just like my boss.”

  “I’m nothing like that piece of shit,” he said with a growl and my insides got warm by the way he was backing me up even though he had no idea who my boss was. “We’ll find something a bit safer… and possibly something that could put that swanky degree of yours to use.”

  I didn’t know why, but the fact that he was willing to help me find something made me feel as if my whole world hadn’t just gone to shit. I was used to being fiercely independent, but I had never felt so hopeless before.

  “I shouldn’t have shown up like this.” I was embarrassed, but there was no way I was going to tell him I was sorry. Because I wasn’t. He had deserved my harsh words and the slap, but I should have done it in private, not with his employees and customers right outside.

  “Come on, I can’t let you leave like this.” We got up off the floor and he tried to stop me from leaving by blocking the door.

  “I’m going home, Cailean,” I said with finality. “I don’t even know why I came here.”

  “We both know why you came here and it wasn’t to slap me or spew hateful words at me.”

  “Yes, it was, and you deserved all of it.”

  “Stay,” he demanded. I had no clue why he wanted me to stay after everything that had been said and done, and that made me uneasy.

  “I have three weeks to enjoy living on my own if I don’t find a job. I’m going home.”

  “Fine, let me at least take you.”

  “My car is at work.”

  “Fuck that place. I’ll swing by tomorrow morning to take you to work… if that’s what you want.”

  As much as I never wanted to step foot in that place again - the humiliation of being let go still fresh - I knew I had to. If not for my sense of responsibility, then at least for my future.

  “I have to,” I replied quietly.

  I avoided looking at people as he led me outside to his truck. I wasn’t one for confrontations, let alone semi-public ones, so I could only hope the loud chatter of the bar had drowned out our arguing.

  “My mother is expecting us for dinner next weekend.” Those were Cailean’s parting words as he pulled up to my apartment.

  His commanding tone left no room for arguing or disagreeing, so I did neither. Instead I got out and slammed the door without a goodbye.

  As if my life couldn’t get any more complicated, I now had to impress my in-laws as well.

  Damn my life.

  Chapter 9

  ◆◆◆

  “DAMN IT!” I exclaimed frustrated, giving up on getting the zipper to close. This wasn’t the first time in the last few weeks that I had found myself with clothes that were either too tight or they wouldn’t zip up at all. However, this time it was more frustrating because I didn’t have any other options. This dress had been my third choice and now I was left with none.

  Cailean was taking me to his parents tomorrow and there was no way I’d be showing up in sweatpants, no matter how comfortable it would be. I’d stupidly assumed the dress I had picked out, or any nice dress in my closet, would fit. While I hated to admit it, I wanted to make a good impression.

  Which was the only reason I made the drive over to Allie’s house in the hopes of finding something in her closet. If I had a job lined up and wasn’t about to be both jobless and homeless, I probably would have splurged on a nice dress. However, those were luxuries I currently didn’t have.

  Pulling up into the driveway, I quickly regretted not calling ahead. Right in front of me was nothing other than Cailean’s black truck. There was no mistaking it - because who else is stupid enough to drive a giant truck like that in Seattle - even if he hadn’t been standing right there.

  I wanted to turn back around, and if he hadn’t been leaning against his truck, smoking a cigarette, I probably would have. Nice dress be damned.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, stepping out of my car. My attitude might have been a bit snippy, but I wasn’t about to pretend that seeing him made me happy.

  “Hello to you, too, Gert. Looking gorgeous as always.”

  What was it about this man that made me incapable of just walking past? I wasn’t here for him. I didn’t need to stand here and make conversation. Yet, I came to a stop next to him just as he was finishing his cigarette and put his phone in his pocket.

  “My clothes don’t fit anymore,” I told him, hoping to somehow explain why I was out and about in sweatpants. I wasn’t about to stay in the slacks I had squeezed my ass into this morning longer than necessary. I instantly regretted my words when I realized they could be taken as a passive comment to have him buy me clothes. Something I absolutely didn’t want. I sighed in relief when all he did was give me a nod in acknowledgement. “Did you tell her?” I nodded toward Allie’s house, avoiding looking at him.

  “It’s not my thing to tell.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled quietly.

  With nothing left to say, I started to make my way into the house. Cailean was right behind me, his body too close for comfort as he leaned around me to open the door.

  “Look what the cat dragged in!” he announced as we walked inside.

  I hated how comfortable he was here. Allie was my friend which by extension also included Nick. He needed to stop weaseling his way into my life.

  “Hey, Ally-Cat, your hot friend is here,” Matt said loudly, never taking his eyes away from the baseball game that was playing on the TV.

  I shot him a glare, but didn’t say anything. I had learned that this was just the way he was. No arguing or snapping back was changing that.

  “Watch it,” Cailean said on a growl.

  His possessiveness threw me off a bit, but before I could dwell on it, he gave my cheek a kiss, slapped my ass and went to sit down on the couch next to Nick, who watched the exchange with an amused expression.

  “Screw you,” I said to both of them under my breath and stomped toward the kitchen where Allie was. Too bad the kitchen was right there just around the corner. Open concepts sucked when you wanted to avoid the person in the living room.

  “We just finished eating, but there’s some left
for you,” Allie said, making work of putting the leftovers away as I sat down in one of the barstools.

  They had invited Cailean for dinner?

  “No thanks,” I replied, unable to hide my hurt in my snippy response.

  “Eat,” Cailean commanded from behind us.

  His command made me grind my teeth while Allie was trying to hide her smile. For once, I chose to ignore him. I could have told him that my morning sickness wasn’t happening just in the mornings anymore and the mere thought of food disgusted me, but now wasn’t the time. Besides, he had no right to tell me what to do anyway.

  “Can we go somewhere more… private?” I asked Allie quietly.

  She nodded and quickly finished what she was doing before leading me towards the back of the house.

  “What’s he doing here anyway?” I asked her once we had made it to her bedroom.

  “Nick invited him,” she answered with a shrug as if it didn’t matter. It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did to me, something Allie seemed oblivious to. “Now, what’s wrong?”

  “Why would anything be wrong?”

  I didn’t know why I tried to delay telling her, but a part of me was just so embarrassed and ashamed of having to ask my friend to borrow her clothes.

  “Because you would have texted me if it wasn’t an emergency and you stayed even though Cailean is here.”

  Okay, so my friend knew me pretty well and those were two very good, and very true, points.

  “The dress doesn’t fit me anymore,” I answered and tried hard not to let the tears fall. It wasn’t the end of the world and I knew that, but I still had tears burning behind my eyelids, something that happened several times a day these days. “And I’m meeting Cailean’s parents tomorrow.”

  “Hey,” she said gently and reached out a hand to comfort me. “It’s okay, we can just go get a new one.”

  I looked into her sincere and gentle eyes. This was my best friend so why was I so freaking scared of telling her about my job?

  “I didn’t get the job, Allie.” My voice cracked, but I was able to pull myself together before breaking down. I was done crying about it. “I don’t have the money to spend on a nice dress right now and I can’t just show up in sweatpants, now can I?”