Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  I didn’t know what stopped me from telling her about my apartment. I knew she would offer up her guest room in a heartbeat. Maybe that was why I didn’t. I needed the motivation of possible homelessness to find a job.

  “I’m sorry.” She stood up and gave me a tight hug. “Let’s look through my closet. I’m sure there’s something in there for you. But I’m sure-”

  “Allie,” I cut off in a warning tone, knowing what she was about to say. “We both know that you wouldn’t even leave the house in sweatpants, let alone show up at Nick’s parents wearing them.”

  “Fine, you’re right. But you could wear a skirt and a nice blouse instead,” she offered.

  “I only have one skirt that fits me and it shows very clearly what’s happening to my body right now,” I argued quietly, knowing very well that I was being unreasonable. Allie was just trying to help and I was coming up with any excuse I could find, but at the same time, I couldn’t help it. I’d had a plan on what to wear and it had all gone to hell. The dress held everything together and it wasn’t obvious that I was pregnant when I was wearing it – I had tried it on a week ago and it had fit me then.

  “Gertie,” Allie said with a slight hesitation and I knew she was about to say something that might hurt me. “Are you ashamed of this baby?”

  I was right, it did hurt hearing her ask that. I wasn’t ashamed of being pregnant, possibly about the way it had happened, but not of the baby itself.

  “No,” I answered rather forcefully. “It’s just… I don’t want to introduce myself as Cailean’s pregnant girlfriend. They’ll think I’m some kind of money-digging whore who trapped him into being with me.”

  The word girlfriend tasted sour in my mouth as I said it, but I had to get used to it if it was to sound true to Cailean’s family; it was the only way to execute my plan.

  “Gertie,” Allie scolded, hearing me say a bad word, her kindergarten teacher mode kicking in. “First of all, you’re not Cailean’s girlfriend, you’re his pregnant wife. Secondly, you’re not a… whore as you so nicely put it, especially not a money-digging one.”

  “They don’t know that,” I mumbled in response.

  “Well, I do. And so does Cailean,” she said firmly and stood up. “Now come on, let’s stop being depressing and let’s find you something nice to wear.”

  In the end, we decided on a navy blue maxi dress and while it didn’t match what I had imagined wearing while meeting my in-laws, it was still a lot better than showing up in sweatpants.

  I dreaded going back out to the living room and seeing Cailean again. It wasn’t as if I had seen much of him lately anyway since we didn’t have another appointment until next week, but he had called here and there asking me questions about the pregnancy. It usually happened later at night when I knew he was reading the baby book and as much as I tried to be annoyed by his phone calls, his dedication to this pregnancy did make me smile every once in a while.

  It turned out I didn’t have to worry about ignoring him – as soon as the game had finished playing, he excused himself saying that he had to go back to the bar. I hadn’t realized how many crazy hours he’d have to work, but then again, I hadn’t really asked him about his work.

  “Bye, sweetheart,” he said and kissed my cheek. “I’ll come pick you up tomorrow morning.”

  Then he was gone and everyone’s eyes turned to me – curious, happy and bored – and I left shortly after hearing his truck roar to life outside, not wanting to deal with all the questions I knew Allie would have about the PDA.

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  Cailean stopped by late the next morning, just like he had promised. He looked good, more than good actually, in simply just a grey hoodie and black jeans. I had seen him in a suit for Hanna’s wedding and I had seen him in jeans and a t-shirt before, and he had looked nice. But for some reason, today, I had to resist the urge of putting my hands underneath his hoodie to see if his skin felt as warm as it looked and make him share that warmth with me.

  What’s wrong with me? I thought and tried shaking my head to get rid of that thought right away.

  “Are you okay?” he asked amused as if he knew exactly what was going on in my mind.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Okay, then.” He released a chuckle, but thankfully didn’t say anything about my dirty mind. “Are you ready to roll or do you need a minute?”

  Asshole.

  I let him grab my overnight bag and followed him down the stairs to the parking lot. For a second, I was confused because his monster truck was nowhere to be seen and there was no way my little junker would make it across the pass. But then he stopped at a white and shiny SUV that looked very new and very expensive.

  “You rented a car?” I asked as he loaded my bag in the trunk.

  “Not exactly,” he answered and I was about to strangle him for being so vague all the time.

  “Where’s the truck?”

  He opened the door for me and gestured for me to get in, but I wanted some answers before I did anything so I simply crossed my arms over my chest and waited.

  He sighed and shook his head, but answered, “It’s at the bar. Now get your sexy ass in the car. We have a long trip ahead of us.”

  I hated how different we were when it came to money. Would this be how it would be in the future - me only being able to give our baby the basics while it’s daddy gave him or her everything they asked for? While I knew that I would eventually make more money the further ahead I got with my career, it still felt like a competition I would never win.

  The car still smelled new and the leather seat hugged my every curve as I quietly got in. It was a nice car. It was more than a nice car, actually, and I hated it even more because of that.

  “Why would you get a new car when you already have the truck?” I asked after we had driven in silence for a few miles, weaving through the city traffic.

  “The truck’s not exactly practical when it comes to a baby and it’ll be easier for you to drive this car,” he explained matter-of-factly.

  “I have a car.” I looked out the window to distract myself from the anger that bubbled up in my chest.

  “That barely runs and could hardly be described as safe.” He scoffed.

  Let it go. Let it go. Gertie, just let it go.

  Nope, I couldn’t.

  “I don’t need you to take care of me and I’m absolutely not going to let you get me a new car that cost more than my degree. My car is fine, for now, and I’m going to get my living situation taken care of as soon as I get a new job. Stop. Meddling.”

  By the time I was done, I was seething, and I tried to take deep breaths to calm down. This was not a good start to the weekend.

  “Who cares how much the car costs?” he asked, casting a frustrated look my way. “We both know your car’s not going to last it through the year and you need something to transport the baby in to doctor’s appointments and shit.”

  “If the price doesn’t matter, then why get a Volvo instead of a Ford?”

  “Because Volvo is safe, Gertie.”

  I could have kept going and going until I was blue in the face, but it wasn’t going to change anything. He could keep his fancy car, but he couldn’t force me to accept it or to drive it. My life would get back on track and I would be okay.

  I had to be.

  The ride was pretty quiet after that, and while I was still fuming from our argument, the music and the winding roads eventually lulled me to sleep.

  I woke up sometime later to the feel of Cailean’s hand on my thigh. Judging by the view, we were getting closer to Leavenworth, but we still probably had another hour or so to go.

  “I’m sorry for being an ass,” he said quietly and gently squeezed my thigh.

  I took a moment to wake up, to let the fog fade, before I answered.

  “I know I don’t have a lot, never have, really, but I try to make do with what I do have. I’m smart and I’ll get another job, I have great friends and a great support s
ystem. We are what we are and no amount of money or ‘I’m sorry’s are going to fix that.”

  “I am sorry, though.”

  “I think we’re beyond that at this point. The only thing we can do is move forward.”

  I knew I sounded like a hypocrite since I still hadn’t let our past go, but as I spoke the words, I knew Cailean wasn’t the only one who had to make an effort to get this relationship - whatever it was - to work.

  “Okay.” He nodded in acceptance, but then he had to go ruin it with, “But I’m keeping the car.”

  “I wasn’t expecting anything else from you.”

  Small talk filled the silence the rest of the way - I learned that his favorite color was green and that he would never turn down a good pizza. He told me a bit about inheriting his grandfather’s business, a whiskey distillery, but he was happy with his bar and had sold it. I could tell it was a touchy subject so I let it be. In turn, I shared small pieces of myself, but we never delved into our past or our future.

  Before I could even tell Cailean to make a quick stop somewhere so I could change into the dress I had borrowed from Allie, we pulled up to the giant Tudor style home Cailean had called home since he was a pre-teen.

  “I was supposed to change before we got here,” I said with slight panic.

  “What for?” His brows furrowed in confusion as he looked me up and down.

  “I can’t meet your parents in this,” I explained and gestured to the jeans and peach colored sweater I was wearing. The jeans didn’t even button, for Christ’s sake. The only thing keeping them up at this point was a hair band.

  “And why not?” His whole body turned in the seat and his attention was on me.

  “I borrowed a dress from Allie yesterday and I didn’t want it to get wrinkled so I didn’t put it on. I figured we could stop at McDonald’s or something-”

  “Babe,” Cailean interrupted and took my face in his hands, giving me no choice but to focus on him. “My parents want to meet you. Not some dolled up version and not cooperate-Gertrude. They want to meet the girl who stole their son’s future. You’re going to be as perfect as always, okay?”

  “I didn’t steal your future,” I argued.

  “And she’s back.” He chuckled and gave me a quick, but reassuring kiss. “Now let’s get this shit over with, shall we?”

  Chapter 10

  ◆◆◆

  I WRUNG MY sweaty hands together as Cailean led me up the path to the front door with our bags in his hands. To be honest, I wished his hands hadn’t been occupied; I needed all the support I could possibly get, even if it came from him.

  I tried my damndest to shake off my nervous energy, but this meeting meant a lot to me, no matter if I wanted it to or not.

  I had hoped for a few last seconds of deep breathing as we waited for his parents to open the door, but instead he flung it open as if he still lived here and announced, “Ma, I’m home!”

  I was left standing behind him in shock as a petite woman I immediately recognized as his mom came rushing toward us, her perfectly red and curled hair bouncing around her shoulders. I’d already known where Cailean got his beauty from, but seeing her this up-close was completely different. She also wasn’t just Mrs. Baker anymore. She was my mother-in-law.

  “Oh, good! You’re finally here,” she exclaimed and kissed both his cheeks when she reached him, much to his embarrassment. He might have looked uncomfortable, but there was no hiding his affection as he wrapped his arms around his mother. “Dinner is almost ready.”

  “Please don’t tell me you made haggis,” he said with a groan and released her.

  “Ach, have some respect for your roots,” she scolded him with a smile on her face and the way she was rolling her r’s made me feel as if I’d stepped into a movie.

  “Respecting my roots has nothing to do with me liking haggis,” he responded with a shudder.

  The whole exchange made me smile and a giggle escaped me before I could stop it, causing the pair to turn toward me.

  “Cailean, bring your lassie inside.” She sent him a scowl for what I assumed was bad manners and I was left with no choice but to take the final few steps inside. “Gertrude, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Cait.”

  Cailean gave me a gentle shove toward his mother who wrapped me up in a motherly hug that took me completely by surprise. It had been so long since I’d felt the kind of embrace only a mother could give and I found myself hugging her back, possibly a bit tighter than expected for being complete strangers.

  “You can call me Gertie,” I told her as we pulled back. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  “Okay, well, Gertie, why don’t you help me finish up in the kitchen while Cailean brings your bags upstairs?”

  “Sure,” I answered even though the thought of being alone with her terrified me. Judging by the encouraging smile Cailean sent me, he could see right through me.

  “I’ll be right back, babe,” he said and gave me a chaste kiss right there in front of his mom.

  As I watched him walk up the stairs, his mom gently led me to the massive kitchen. It matched the rest of the house with dark wood details and rustic charm. I briefly wondered if they had hired Joanna Gaines herself because it looked just like something she would do on TV.

  While Cait went toward the stove, I silently followed, unsure of what to do. I was no master when it came to cooking so when she asked me to simply scoop things from their pots and pans to fancier dishes, I was relieved.

  “So what do you do for a living, Gertie?” she asked as she was preparing the gravy.

  “I’m actually between jobs right now,” I managed to choke out, the words stumbling on my tongue. I hadn’t not had a job since I started working at sixteen and come next week, I would be jobless. “Sort of…”

  It wasn’t until she let out a soft “Oh, right” that I realized I’d already blown the whole ‘I’m-not-a-golddigger-who-is-out-for-your-son’s-money’ thing. It was exactly what I had sounded like at the moment.

  “I mean… I will… I-” I cut my stumbling of words short because I was just making a bigger mess. Taking a deep breath, I decided honesty was probably the best course. “I have a business degree and I’m an intern at a firm that buys up smaller companies. At least I am until next week when my internship is over.”

  “You don’t like it?” she asked cautiously. I couldn’t tell if she had believed me or not, her green eyes looking straight at me.

  “I love it, but there was only one position available and I wasn’t offered the spot.” My throat still clogged up in both panic and sadness as I thought about it.

  “I’m sorry, dearie,” she said gently, patting my arm before thrusting a bowl of green beans into it. “It’s their loss. I’m sure everything will work out for the better in the end.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered, not even sure if she heard me.

  “Now, let’s set the table and eat. I’m famished.” She beamed and left the room, but not before calling, “I hope you don’t mind, but Diane will be joining us. Unfortunately, your dad couldn’t make it.”

  I stopped. I did mind. Diane had never been someone I liked to spend time with and it wasn’t just because my dad had married her only a year after my mom’s death. I just didn’t like her. I didn’t want her to be part of the news we had to share. I had planned on making a quick stop at my dad’s house before we left to see if he was home and then tell him. I’d sent a text to let him know about us coming up here for the weekend, but I’d never gotten a response. Not that I was expecting one.

  “It’s okay,” I muttered and followed her with the green beans in my hands.

  Cailean took the bowl from me and placed them on the table, rescuing the beans from my crushing grip. I had no idea when he had showed up or how much of our conversation he had heard. Not that it mattered; he didn’t know about my relationship with my stepmom or lack of a relationship with my dad. Sure, I’d briefly mentioned it here and there, but he didn’t
know enough to figure out the storm that was raging in my head at the moment.

  “Come on,” he whispered and led me toward a hallway. “We’ll be right back, Ma, I just need to show Gertie something.”

  “Okay, just don’t be too long. Diane should be here soon and then we’ll eat,” she called after us.

  I hadn’t even realized he had led us outside to a big porch until I took a deep breath and smelled the fresh air.

  Exactly what I needed.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled as he pulled me into his arms. “Diane just… she’s… she’s a sore spot, that’s all. And I’m just so mad that she gets to be here as if she’s part of my family.”

  “You don’t need to apologize to me.”

  I wanted to stay out there on the deck with the birds chirping and the crisp air surrounding us forever. However, just like everything else that was good in my life, it all had to come to an end eventually. When we heard a car pull up in the front, Cailean gently pulled away from me and opened the door.

  “Just tell me the word and I’ll put an end to the dinner,” he said, stopping me before entering the house.

  “What word?”

  “Cocksucker.”

  I huffed out a laugh and rolled my eyes. We both knew I wasn’t going to say that word, no matter how bad things got at dinner.

  “There’s my girl,” he said gently and bent down to kiss me. I knew he meant for it to be a brief kiss, but I pulled him down to me and took what I needed. Judging by the way he groaned and tightened his hold on me, he didn’t mind. “If we don’t stop, I’ll fuck you right here and as tempting as that sounds, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  I took my time to recover from the kiss, slowing my heart rate down by taking deep breaths.

  “Who said I would have let you?” I asked smugly and went inside, Cailean hot on my heels. I totally would have let him and that was the problem, but he didn’t need to know that.