Forbidden

by Jess Michaels

  Edward surprised her by frowning, and she drew back. “After everything you’ve said, please don’t say you don’t approve.”

  He shook his head. “I approve. I told Jude himself that I approve. Only you say you want to return to London and I see such pain in your eyes. I know you aren’t getting what you want and it pains me.”

  She shrugged and pulled away from his comforting touch. With a sigh, she paced across the room.

  “Perhaps not all of us can have what we want.” She tried to maintain her composure with those words. “Perhaps love isn’t enough for every person.”

  Edward let out a long sigh. “I think I see what is going on.”

  She jerked her gaze back to him, her heart leaping to her throat. “What? You do?”

  “Is Jude denying his feelings? He’s trying to distance himself by telling you he doesn’t love you or can’t be with you.” Edward didn’t give her the chance to respond. “Idiot. I swear, that man sometimes works so bloody hard at keeping himself miserable.”

  Audrey opened her mouth, intending to deny her brother’s accusation, but then she stopped. There was no point in doing so. She wasn’t about to tell Edward about Jude’s betrayal, and if he believed it was a mere reluctance to be happy that stopped them, then it would hurt no one.

  “You can see why I want to go then, can’t you?” she pressed. “I need to clear my head, to resolve this problem and being in the same space as Jude makes it difficult.”

  “Yes, I can see why that would be hard for you.” He seemed to ponder her request for a moment. “Mary and I intend to stay for at least another couple of weeks. And Gabriel and Evan have talked of remaining at Briarlake Cross for even longer, until Mama is fully recovered, so you wouldn’t be abandoning her, if that is your fear.”

  “And I could return, of course. I don’t want to leave permanently. Just long enough to—” She stopped.

  He nodded as if he understood when she knew he could not. “You will have no chaperone,” he said.

  “Ursula will be with me,” she offered. “I don’t intend to take any invitations when I get where I’m going, so I won’t need a chaperone then.”

  Her brother stroked his chin as he pondered. “I would be concerned about you stopping along at an inn along the route, but I think the Aldridges are in residence at Stoneybranch, and that is on your way. I assume you’ll need a short time to prepare and the carriage will be slower than a horse. I could send word ahead of you that you will stop there for the night and I’m certain they would be happy to have you as a guest.”

  Audrey forced a smile, knowing she would never reach that destination. “Then is it settled? May I leave here for a while to gather my thoughts?”

  “Yes, very well.” He moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her gently. “Audrey, I’m sorry this isn’t easy for you. You deserve it to be after all our family has been through. But I hope, in the end, that the struggle will be worth it. That you will find your happiness.”

  Audrey squeezed her eyes shut as she buried her face in her brother’s shoulder and allowed herself his comfort for a moment. “I hope so too, Edward,” she murmured, her voice muffled by his coat. “I do hope so.”

  He pulled away and smiled down at her. “Now I will leave you to your preparations and I’ll arrange that message to be sent. Be sure to say goodbye to everyone.”

  Audrey nodded, but as he left the room she sagged with the weight of her plan. She had just lied to her brother. Baldly lied, without even blinking. For she had no intention of going to London. No, she had other plans to fulfill.

  And she could only hope that at the end of that road she would find the happiness her brother spoke of.

  Jude took a long breath. In less than sixty seconds, he was expected to enter the breakfast room for a meal with the entire Woodley clan. He would be expected to sit amongst them, next to Audrey, and not show his feelings for her. Not reveal how much it hurt that she despised him.

  How the hell was he supposed to do all that? Especially since he hadn’t slept all night, especially since he’d drunk too much since she walked out of his cottage and likely his life the afternoon before.

  “Fuck,” he muttered before he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

  He expected to find the entire family—except for, perhaps, the dowager—awaiting him. Instead, only Edward, Evan and Gabriel stood beside the sideboard, perusing the selection of breakfast goodies. When he stepped inside, they all turned to look at him, their faces similar masks of stern cool.

  He stiffened. What did they know?

  “Good morning,” he managed past suddenly dry lips.

  “Samson,” Evan said first. Gabriel did the same, but Edward just watched him, silent.

  Jude steeled himself as he stepped forward to look at the pastries, fluffy eggs and sausages that awaited him. Not that he had even a small appetite any longer. “It looks like Mrs. Ford has outdone herself yet again.”

  Edward finally stepped back and motioned to the spread. “Please help yourself.”

  He shook his head as he moved away, though he never took his eyes off the brothers. “No, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t be so rude as to take my repast before the ladies could make their selections.”

  Gabriel and Evan exchanged a look as Edward folded his arms. “I’m afraid the ladies will not be joining us today. My mother is still abed and Mary has decided to keep her company.”

  Jude slowly looked from one face to the next of his friends. Or were they former friends now? It was hard to tell from their hard expressions.

  “I see,” he said. “And what about Audrey?”

  Saying her name made his stomach clench, but he refused to show that visceral reaction to her brothers. Not when he wasn’t certain about their intentions in asking him to join them in breaking their fast.

  “Yes, Audrey,” Gabriel said softly. “Let us talk about her, shall we?”

  Jude let out a long sigh before he crossed the breakfast room to a cabinet on the other side. He bent to open the lower door and withdrew a dusty bottle of scotch and a glass.

  “Should I pour four?” he asked as he splashed some of the liquid into the tumbler.

  Edward arched a brow. “A bit early for that, isn’t it?”

  “Not if we’re going to have the conversation I think we are,” Jude muttered. “So is it one or four?”

  “I’ll take one,” Evan said, the hint of a smile tilting the corners of his lips.

  “Make it two,” Gabriel acknowledged as he moved closer and held out his hands for the glasses Jude was filling.

  “Oh hell, why not?” Edward said with a sigh.

  Jude handed over the glasses, still wary of the three men he had long called his friends. But to his surprise, Evan lifted his glass in a toast. “To Audrey, who has always been very good at creating ‘situations’.”

  Jude laughed despite his emotional turmoil. “I will certainly drink to that.”

  They all did, but when the tumblers lowered, Edward was once again frowning. “We may tease all we like, but the subject we need to address is very serious.”

  Jude arched a brow. “I suppose it is. I suppose our topic for the morning must be about my relationship to Audrey. But we talked at length about that yesterday, Edward. So I wonder why I’m here.”

  Evan was the one who responded, “Because now Gabriel and I know about your…what would you call it, Samson? What would you call your connection to Audrey?”

  Jude stared down into the amber liquid in his glass and tried and failed not to think of Audrey. Audrey in his cottage, accusing him. The light of love leaving her eyes as she realized what a bastard he truly was.

  Except she had been true to her word and clearly hadn’t told her brothers about his involvement in Claire’s disappearance. Or else he doubted he would be sharing drinks with the Woodley men. More likely he would be engaging in a duel, probably with Evan, who was the best shot. Or perhaps just being sacked.

  So she had
protected him. And perhaps that should have comforted him. And yet it didn’t. Because she still despised him.

  “I don’t know what to call it,” he admitted as he finally answered Evan’s question.

  Gabriel set his drink down and folded his arms. Jude set his legs subtly, just in case an attack was imminent. Gabriel looked the angriest of the three. But how could Jude blame him for that? He was Claire’s twin, and her involvement with a man had parted her from her family for a very long time. He would be most protective of Audrey if he feared he could lose her too.

  “Would you call it love?” Gabriel asked. “That is what our brother said it was.”

  Jude jerked his gaze to Edward. He had never said “love” to his friend.

  “Gabriel,” Edward said softly, a gentle warning.

  “I want to know,” Gabriel replied, his tone and posture both stiff. “I think we have a right to know, especially considering what has happened.”

  “Happened?” Jude repeated, wrinkling his brow. “You mean in the past? You mean with Claire? You cannot be comparing me to Jonathon Aston?”

  Gabriel shook his head. “Of course not, don’t be daft.”

  “No one would ever compare you to that bastard who stole our sister,” Evan said, his hands clenching at his sides. “No, Gabriel refers to what happened with Audrey yesterday.”

  Now Jude moved forward. “Happened? What happened?”

  Edward let out a long sigh. “The staff said you had been sequestered down at the cottage, but I thought she might have come to you. Apparently, I misjudged whatever trouble is between you.”

  “Tell me what is wrong with your sister!” Jude demanded, pushing his drink across the top of the nearest table. “Tell me right now.”

  Evan and Gabriel exchanged another of those knowing looks before Evan said, “She left, Samson.”

  “Left?” he repeated, the words sounding harsh and feeling foreign. “Left? What do you mean she left?”

  “She claimed it was too difficult to remain and asked permission to return to London immediately,” Edward said.

  “Because of you,” Gabriel added softly.

  Jude staggered back two steps before he regained some control over himself. It felt like the room was spinning, like he was in a nightmare, like he was misunderstanding the truth of what was happening.

  “You sent her back to London without chaperone?” he asked, his voice tight, his throat constricted.

  Evan’s eyebrows lifted. “Are you judging what we allowed when she has left because of you?”

  “Explain it,” Jude said, still reeling from the thought that Audrey had all but fled to escape him. But also troubled by his doubts about this event. “Explain it to me.”

  Edward shook his head. “What is there to explain? Early yesterday afternoon my sister asked if she might be allowed to return to London with her maid—and a very well-armed driver, I might add. After seeing how upset she seemed, I realized I couldn’t deny her some space from what is obviously a very difficult situation for her.”

  Jude blinked. She must have come to Edward after she learned the truth. But run from it? That didn’t seem like Audrey.

  “What did she say?” he demanded.

  All three brothers drew back a fraction at the passion in his voice. A passion he knew revealed more than he wished to show but it didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was the niggling fear that had begun in his stomach. The premonition that perhaps Audrey had done something spectacularly dangerous.

  “She told me she wanted to go to London, I already said that,” Edward said. “She said she had to resolve some things.”

  “It’s the same thing she told all of us when she said goodbye,” Evan added. “That she had a problem to resolve. When Gabriel and I questioned Edward about it, he revealed that the problem was likely her issues with you.”

  Jude scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t think Audrey went to London,” he said.

  Edward shook his head. “Of course she went to London. She should be arriving there some time this afternoon and I’m certain we’ll have word of her safe arrival in a few days. Why are you so pale?”

  “I told you, I don’t think she went to London,” Jude pressed.

  He might have said more, but at that moment the door opened and Vernon stepped inside, his expression troubled. Edward turned to the butler. “Not now, we’re in the middle of something.”

  “Yes, but you have a message, sir. A servant from Stoneybranch.”

  Edward stepped forward as a panting servant in crooked livery stepped in. “Sir, I’m sent by Lord Aldridge,” he said. “I’m to tell you that Lady Audrey never arrived last night.”

  Jude shoved through the three brothers to stand before the man. “What do you mean she never showed up?”

  “Audrey was meant to stop and take her rest with the Aldridges,” Edward explained, his face growing pale. “She never came?”

  “No, sir,” the servant said. “But a note arrived this morning saying to be from her. It only read that she was sorry and to let everyone know not to worry.”

  Jude spun away, clenching his fists in frustration. “Audrey, damn it.”

  Edward turned from the servant and grasped Jude by the lapels suddenly, dragging him against him as his dark eyes snapped. “You said she wasn’t going to London and here it seems she did not. What do you know? Where is our sister?”

  Jude shook him off and looked from one friend to the next. He could see the terror on their faces, the memories of losing Claire. The horror of perhaps losing Audrey too. And he realized that although Audrey hadn’t revealed him, it was time to reveal himself.

  “Audrey left because of me,” he admitted. “We have been engaged in an…an affair.” All three men took a step toward him at once, but he held up his hand. “Wait. There’s more. She also left because she found out something I had done. Something she can’t forgive. Something that has to do with Claire. And I’d wager that Claire is why she lied to you. Claire is why she didn’t go to London at all.”

  Gabriel wavered slightly on his feet and Evan steadied him as Edward stepped toward Jude. His face was pale as he whispered, “You need to explain yourself right now.”

  Jude took a long breath. “It’s far beyond time that I did so. I’m going to tell you everything. But you must promise not to beat me half to death until I’m finished. For Audrey.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Jude stared at the pained expressions of the three men who had been his best friends for more than half his life. The same pained expression had been on Audrey’s face when the truth came out, only multiplied and worsened by all the two of them had shared.

  “So let me understand this,” Edward said softly, the first of the three to speak for what seemed like an eternity. “You not only helped Jonathon Aston gain access to Claire, but you entered into a sexual affair with Audrey.”

  Gabriel lunged for him and Jude made no effort to avoid the fist that swung toward his face. Gabriel connected and pain exploded behind Jude’s eye as he staggered backward and toppled to the floor. Gabriel leapt over him, but Evan grabbed him and held him back.

  Jude looked up at them as he blinked the stars from in front of his hazy vision. “Yes. I lied to you all and I’m sorry.”

  Edward continue to stare at him like he didn’t know him. “How could you? How could you?”

  Jude pushed to his feet when it became clear Evan wouldn’t allow Gabriel to continue his violence. “I don’t expect you to understand or believe me when I say I never meant for things to get so out of control.”

  “With Claire or with Audrey?” Evan snapped as he released Gabriel. But the youngest Woodley didn’t move on him again. He just glared, betrayal in his stare.

  “I never knew I was exposing Claire to such a villain,” Jude explained, trying to keep pleading from his voice. “And you know I’ve looked for her as desperately as you all have. I have tried my best to find her and even convince her to come home.�
��

  Edward pinched his lips. “You never should have let Aston near her,” he said. “But I must admit it isn’t your fault that our sister hasn’t returned. That seems to be for her own reasons.”

  Jude let out a long breath. “And when it comes to Audrey—”

  “Yes, you may deny you knew what you were involving Claire with, but you knew exactly what you were doing with Audrey,” Gabriel interrupted.

  “I love her,” he admitted. “I have loved her so long I can scarcely recall a time when I didn’t. I shouldn’t have entered into an affair with her. It was wrong and I knew it then as I know it now. But to have something you’ve always wanted offered to you, even for a stolen moment…it was too much to resist.”

  The other three men were silent for a moment, and he could see they were all struggling with accepting what he said.

  Finally Edward cleared his throat. “If you love her, prove it. Audrey has run off and I admit I have no idea where. You seem to think you know something about it. So tell us how we can find her.”

  He nodded. “She was heartbroken when she learned the truth of what I’d done.”

  “I know the feeling,” Evan muttered as he turned away.

  Jude tried to remain composed as continued. “She knows that I went to visit my mother before I met with Claire last month. If she believes that I may have told my mother where I was going next, she likely went there to find out my next location. I think she’s trying to find Claire herself.”

  Gabriel spun away with a curse. “And do you think Audrey might actually succeed?”

  “I don’t know,” Jude admitted. “Claire and Aston move often. His criminal activity forces them to do so. But could she still be there, yes, it’s possible.”

  Edward stepped forward. “We should go to your mother’s. What is it, half a day’s travel from here? Audrey would have arrived last night and likely been forced to spend the night with Mrs. Samson. We could still catch her.”

  Jude nodded. “Yes, perhaps. But I think it would make more sense for us to split up. I’ll go to the village where I met Claire.”