“I know you love him,” Xavier said as he revealed the name of the soloist. “Because I’ve heard you humming some of his songs.”
For a moment, I wondered whether I was more upset that I’d have to listen to country songs, or that it meant sharing songs that had belonged solely—in my mind—to me and Beau with another person.
“Do you like it?” Xavier asked. “I wanted to set up the perfect date.”
His need to please was so earnest, I couldn’t say no, even though the thought of spending the next few hours with him while memories of Beau danced in my head sounded like a form of torture. “Yeah. It’s great. Thank you for being so thoughtful.”
“I just want you to be happy. And I want to be the one who makes you happy.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “You are.”
THE DAYS DRIFTED away, each one coming colder than the last, and before long I was staring down Christmas. My first major holiday away from my family. Although I’d been in the States for Thanksgiving, I hadn’t known anyone enough for them to invite me to their dinners out of guilt or pity.
Now that I’d been at Richards Racing for almost two months, and because news had spread that my family couldn’t make it and I had no one in the States, I had offers for Christmas dinner from at least six families. Even Cassidee had left a message letting me know I’d be welcome at her feast if I wanted to join her and Beau—as if I wanted to witness that love fest. Especially when he was apparently still waiting to talk to me about the phone call.
None of the offers were more difficult to decline than Xavier’s. He pushed the hardest to try to ensure I wouldn’t be alone for Christmas, but he’d also told me what Christmas at their place would entail. Prayers and church services at various times throughout the day. Watching his cousin—Mr Richards’s son—in the nativity play. A formal meal with all of his mother’s family. It was too overwhelming to even consider—and not only because I hadn’t seen his parents since he and I had officially started dating.
The mere idea of being social, of putting on a brave face and a fake smile to bullshit my way through a function filled with strangers, was just too much to consider. It would only serve to remind me that I was so far from the ones I loved. From Mum and Dad; from Beth and Brock; from Parker and Nikki; from Uncle Flynn and his boyfriend, Luke. Even from Uncle Morgan, Aunty Eden, and their son, Max—the one who’d developed the crush on me before I’d left home.
It was only on Christmas Eve that things brightened considerably with an unexpected buzz on my intercom.
I’d not long walked back in from a punishing workout, so wasn’t really in the mood to speak to or see anyone. At first, I ignored it, but then it buzzed again. With an irritated sigh, I crossed the room.
“What is it?” I asked when I pushed the intercom button.
“Is that any way to speak to someone who’s been travelling for almost thirty hours just to see you?”
I recognised the voice immediately, but I barely dared to believe it could be true. That she could be on my doorstep. “Nana?”
“The one and only, darling.” Her use of the word I’d come to associate with Beau didn’t hurt as much as I’d thought it might because she rounded it out with an enunciated G.
“I didn’t think anyone was coming to see me.”
“We could hardly let you spend Christmas completely alone now, could we?”
“I still can’t believe it.” It was impossible to wipe the smile from my lips. “How was your flight? When did you get in? How long are you here for?”
She chuckled. “While I’d love to answer all of those questions, perhaps you can let me come up out of the cold before I do.”
“Oh shit, of course. I’ll buzz you up.” As soon as the words were out, I wondered how much luggage she might have. “Wait, should I come down to you? Do you need a hand with your luggage?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I gave her my apartment number, even though she probably knew it, and buzzed her in. Once I had, I didn’t wait for her to get to my door. Instead, I raced out to meet her at the elevators.
I stood with my back against the opposite wall and the fingertips of one hand in my mouth. It was the first time I’d seen anyone from home and I was as nervous as I was excited. Did she know about Xavier? About Beau? Would she think less of me for any of it? Especially considering her own situation with Granddad and his slew of affairs before she finally got the courage to leave him.
Then again, she had raised the great Declan Reede before he went out into the world, so I figured she had a certain level of understanding for odd situations at least. I could only hope she’d understand that I’d never intended to come between Beau and Cassidee. That I’d been deceived, and being the other woman was unintentional on my part.
The elevator doors slid open and I leapt forward to help her carry her bags out from the lift. As soon as they were in the hallway, I put them down and wrapped my arms around Nana’s neck.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you. It’s been so crazy here. And more than a little surreal.”
She held me in return. “I can imagine. When I went overseas after . . .” She trailed off, but I could fill in the blanks. After my granddad had proved what a sack of shit he was. Not that she would have used those words, even if she would have agreed with the sentiment. At least, she always used to in the past. Now that he was gone, I was sure the polish of death was already working its shine on his life. It was amazing what apparently unforgivable transgressions humans were willing to forgive almost the instant the living became the dead.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said, offering my condolences.
She offered me an odd look. “It’s your loss too, Phoebe. Perhaps more than it is mine. I lost any connection to him a long time ago.”
I shrugged. After the initial shock, I hadn’t dwelled too much. Seeing Xavier had helped with that. “I never knew him, so I guess I don’t feel it as keenly. I’m more upset about the loss of opportunity to get to know him.”
Nana’s mouth was twisted. I wondered whether she’d spend the rest of her stay trying to convince me why I should be mourning a man I barely knew.
“Let’s get inside, shall we?” I asked to change the subject before she could try to raise the issue. “You can have my room.”
“I don’t want to impose. I was going to book a hotel room, but it was too late. Everywhere seems to be booked out for Christmas.”
“It’s no imposition. I’m younger though, and I have a better back. It’s nothing for me to surf the couch until you go home.”
“You’re too sweet to your old Nana,” she said.
I helped her carry her bags into my bedroom.
“Your mum tells me you have a man in your life,” Nana probed gently as we headed through my small apartment to my bedroom.
“Yeah. His name’s Xavier. We work together at Richards Racing, and he’s very sweet. He invited me for Christmas at his place actually, but I just can’t imagine having to face that many strangers on a day when I’ll already be missing my family.”
“Well, there’s no need to be sad now. We’ll have our own celebration. Just the two of us. We haven’t done anything like that in years.” She placed her small carry-on bag on my bed. When she did, she spotted the photo frame on my bedside table. My teeth sank into my lip as I saw the strip of photos I had tucked over my family photo. She moved over and lifted the whole frame off the table. “Oh, is this the young man? He’s very handsome, and very clearly smitten.”
My instinct was to snatch the strip of photos and the mask beside it away. The truth was I had no idea why I still kept those items beside my bed. Except that they helped me sleep some nights. On the cusp of my dreams, it was easy to pretend that day was still perfect and that nothing since then had happened.
“Uh, actually no,” I said. “That’s Beau. And whatever he was, it wasn’t smitten.”
“He’s the one you were with before, isn’t he?�
� Obviously Mum or Dad had filled her in on some of the story.
I sighed and sank to the mattress. “Yeah.”
She moved over to me, and brushed her fingers through my hair. “It’s not easy being deceived by someone you loved. Or still love.”
“I—I don’t still love him.”
“Sweetheart, I lived through your mum and dad’s separation, I think I can tell when someone is still holding a torch.” She set the photo back in place before taking a seat beside me and wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re so much like your father. You feel things so deeply.”
“Too deeply,” I muttered.
She held me. “Why don’t you tell me about Xavier?”
“Why don’t I give you the grand tour and we can talk about him on the way?”
It didn’t take long to show Nana around the complex and I spent most of the time telling her about Xavier and our near-disaster dates. Talking with Nana was exactly what I needed. The next best thing to Angel, Mum, or Aunt Eden.
“What are your plans for tonight?” I asked. “Are you too tired and want to stay in, or do you wanna go and grab some grub?”
“I’m here for you, Phoebe. I’m happy to do anything that you want.”
“I’ll take you down and show you around work. No one else’ll be there. Then I’ll show you Duke’s. It’s a great little burger place just down the road from there.”
“Sounds great.”
“Oh, wait, did you hire a car or get a taxi here?”
“Hired a car. Why?”
“’Cause I was just picturing having to take you on the back of my bike.” I laughed. “That’s my transport here.”
“It’s a good thing I hired a car then.”
“Uncle Flynn warned you, didn’t he?”
She laughed. “He did. He told me he’d found you a great little Honda to fix up. Your dad wasn’t happy about it.”
I shrugged. “But he realizes I’m a grown-arse woman and can do what I like.”
“I think he’s starting to come to terms with that fact. It’s not easy for him though.” Her grin grew wide. “You should hear him most days. Ranting and raving about the dangers of America. About the cost of your medications while you’re here. About pretty much anything US-based.” A chuckle left her. “I think if the smallest thing went wrong, he’d be ready to pull you back home in an instant. He’s doing what he can to keep from letting you know that of course.”
Her words reassured me and pissed me off all at the same time. “Of course he is.”
“He’s worried about you.” Nana brushed my hair off my face. “It’s only natural. When he first moved to Sydney, I had so many panic attacks and almost crushing anxiety. Then, when he started having his issues . . . well, it took everything in me not to go down there and drag him home by the ear. If it wasn’t for Eden’s promises, I probably would have.”
I snorted. “That would have worked out well.”
She laughed along with me. “You’re not wrong. He’s so stubborn, he probably would have taken off to . . . well, here, or the UK, or something like that. I don’t know that he ever would have returned home or found his way back to us. Sometimes, things happen the way they are supposed to, and we just have to be thankful when they do. Although with the reports of snowstorms over in the US reaching Australian TV, I think you can expect a phone call insisting you get another car until it warms up.”
The topic was growing too heavy and I wanted to put it to rest. “I’ll let you shower and get ready, then we’ll head out if you like?”
“Okay. I’ll be ready soon.” She disappeared into the bedroom.
I grabbed my phone and called Xavier. “Hey,” I said after he’d answered. “I just wanted to let you know that I’ve got some company for Christmas now, so you don’t need to worry about me.”
“What? What do you mean? Who’s there?” The rising panic in his voice was almost comical.
“My nana surprised me today. She came over from Australia to spend Christmas with me.”
He chuckled. “Oh. I was worried . . .” He paused for a moment. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you’re not gonna be alone. It’s not too late for you to join my family. Your nana is welcome to come too.”
“Thank you for the invite, but it’s really okay. We’re just going to spend the day at my place. We’ll probably call home and talk to my family too.” Even as I spoke, the realisation dawned that it was probably Christmas already at home, or very close to it. I had to check the time difference again, but recalled Australia was ahead by at least half a day.
“Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Xavier, you can call me anytime. That’s kinda the point of going out, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess. I just don’t wanna miss out on wishing you a Merry Christmas on the right day.”
“Of course. I’m about to take Nana out and show her the town now anyway, so I’ll leave you to it. I’ll wait for your call tomorrow.”
“Talk to you then.”
NOT LONG AFTER I got off the phone with Xavier, Nana came back out looking refreshed.
“Better?” I asked.
“Much. A decent shower is as good as a nap.”
“I was just thinking we should try to head home early. I want to Skype Mum and Dad tonight before it gets too late.”
“They’d like that.”
We headed from my apartment to work. Because I didn’t expect anyone else to be there, I parked in front of the garage doors rather than in the car park and took Nana through the side door. Even though no one else was around, I still followed the proper process of signing her in and giving her a guest pass. I didn’t want any extra accusations of nepotism hurled at me if it came out later that I’d brought her into work.
I flicked on the lights in the garage and showed her the cars I’d be driving throughout the year. She’d been around Emmanuel Racing enough that she could see the differences between the set-up of the ProV8s at home and the stock cars I’d be driving now.
Once I’d shown her the garage, I led her toward the back section of offices—the ones that housed the engineers and race managers—and the staff room. I paused when I saw the lights were already on in that section.
“Hello?” I called out. “Is someone still here?”
I’d thought because it was Christmas Eve and the whole office was on a break, I’d be alone with Nana. When no one replied to my call, I led Nana to the desk I’d been allocated near Jackson’s office. The surface was a mess—covered with notes and photos of every corner of every track as well as in-car information I needed to know before I ran my first race.
“You look like you’ve settled in here,” Nana said. “Are you enjoying it?”
“I really am. There were a few initial hiccups, but I’ve been able to move on from them.”
While Nana stared at the mess on my desk, her brows dipped into a frown. When she spoke, I thought she was going to tell me off for not keeping my workspace more organised, but instead she said, “It’s hard to believe you’re so grown up.”
I chuckled. “I’m no more grown up than I was an hour ago back in my apartment.”
Her gaze lifted to mine. “I know. It’s just moments like this, things like seeing your maturity and level of preparation for hitting the track, that really drives it home. Where’s the miracle baby gone? The little fighter who defied all the odds even though she was small enough to hold in my palms after her first surgery?”
“I’m still here.” I shrugged. “Still fighting. It’s just a different battle now.” Mostly.
“I’m so proud of you, Pheebs. We all are.”
“Thank you.” I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and held her tight so she wouldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes. In the comfort of the familiar embrace, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.
When I opened my eyes again, I caught a pair of curious amber and brown eyes watching my interaction with Nana.
The soft, almost wistful expression on Beau’s face was a contradiction to the harsh words and vitriol I’d been subjected to so often by him.
“Oh.” The sound of surprise left me as I pulled away from Nana. “What are you doing here?”
Realising I wasn’t talking about her, Nana turned to follow my gaze.
“Helpin’ Cash out is takin’ longer than I thought, so I got a bit of prep before my next test run,” Beau said. “Thought I’d catch up while the office was empty.”
“Sorry. Don’t let us disturb you,” I said, ready to leave straight away. I didn’t want to be near him any longer than was necessary.
“I’m afraid my granddaughter has forgotten her manners,” Nana said, sticking out her hand. “You must be Beau.”
I clenched my jaw. Her casual mention of his name, as if his identity was the most obvious thing in the world, had to have made it clear I’d been talking about him. That was the last thing I wanted him to know. Still, it was too late to change it. “Sorry, Beau, this is my nana, uh, Kelly Reede.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs Reede. I can see where Phoebe got her enchanting eyes.”
“It’s Ms actually. It has been ever since I left my husband for his constant cheating.”
I wanted the ground to tear apart and swallow me whole. For half a second, I debated trying to fake a sudden and unexpected emergency just to get out of the room. She’d stuck with Granddad for a long time after the first time he’d cheated, but with Dad’s help had eventually found the strength to leave. After that, her confidence had only blossomed and she’d grown more and more like Dad all the time. Now, she often said the thoughts that crossed her mind without thinking through all of the consequences.
Beau’s eyes narrowed. “Well, I guess it’s not just the eyes that run in the family,” he muttered under his breath. He shook off the mood an instant later. “It was lovely to meet you, Ms Reede. It’s always nice getting any insight into our Phoebe. She’s a bit of an enigma.”
Phobic (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #2) Page 16
