Love's Sweet Surrender

by Love's Sweet Surrender (lit)

  It was so clear that he loved Victoria with all his heart and probably would never be able to love anyone else. He had said so himself hadn’t he? He'd told her he would never be able to move on until Victoria’s killers were found, so why didn’t she listen? Tears rolled down her cheeks while she stared out the window.

  The afternoon wore on, and the sun began to slip behind the hills when Carmen came to the guest room to tell her supper was ready. She pulled herself up from the rocker where she had dropped when she realized her feelings for Seth ran deeper than they should. Her heart lay heavy in her chest as she walked down the hall toward the dining room. The smiling faces of the Sanford children met her gaze when she headed for the table. The love she felt for them overwhelmed her, and she had to fight back her tears.

  Johnny pulled out her chair and said, “Mrs. Backman, you can sit here by me."

  “Why thank you, Johnny. That’s very kind of you.” She took the seat next to him, which also put her at his father’s elbow, since Seth sat at the head of the table.

  * * * *

  The afternoon had been a long one for Seth. He’d spent the day doing small chores in the barn to avoid Lily. It probably hadn’t been a good idea to bring her here, but he couldn’t leave her alone, not after the attack last night. The guilt he harbored was enough to bring him to his knees. If he hadn’t already shown her how to shoot, she could have been seriously hurt or killed, and the thought brought a knot to his stomach.

  The look on her face when she entered the dining room was disconcerting and made him frown. Before he could comment, Johnny said, “I’ll say grace.”

  “Thanks, son,” Seth murmured as he looked from his son back to Lily again.

  After grace everyone started eating, and conversation was limited between the two adults while the children chattered aimlessly. Talk around the table centered on work around the house and what the children had done that day.

  Lily stayed very quiet during supper, Seth noticed. She kept her head down and picked at her food, and it bothered him. It wasn’t like her to be so quiet.

  When supper was finished, she quickly began picking up the plates and dishes and taking them to the kitchen to help Carmen clean up.

  Seth sent Johnny and Jarod out to finish feeding the animals and Anne off to get ready for bed while he picked up the final dish and carried it to the kitchen.

  The two women were chattering about the proper way to can beans, or something, but when Seth walked in, all conversation ceased.

  “Carmen, can you put on some water for Anne’s bath, please? She’s been out in the dirt all day and really could use a good cleaning.”

  “Of course, Mr. Seth. It should be warm in just a few minutes since the stove is still hot from supper.”

  “I’ll help her, if it’s all right with you.” Lily met his gaze for the first time since she’d come out for supper.

  "I know she’d like that." Suddenly he felt uncomfortable in his own home. “I'm going out to check the mare.” He turned on his heel and quickly headed out the front door.

  Out in the barn Seth paced. The mare was fine. It had just been an excuse to get out of the house. With Carmen and Lily in the kitchen talking, he felt like he was intruding in his own home, in his own kitchen. Why all of the sudden do I feel uncomfortable? Maybe it’s how easily Lily fits in my home, Victoria’s home? It is still Victoria’s home, isn’t it? Maybe I need to finally let her go. No! She’s only been gone six months, six long and lonely months.

  He continued to tread up and down the floor of the barn until the mare started to shift back and forth in her stall. His attention returned to the horse and the coming foal.

  “Easy girl,” he said, moving into the enclosure with her and stroking her with his hands, trying to calm her as the contractions gripped her.

  * * * *

  Lily had helped Anne with her bath and settled the little girl down to sleep. She’d sat in her room and read a story while Anne drifted off into what Lily hoped was a peaceful sleep. When she had returned to the front room, she was surprised to see Seth hadn’t come back into the house from the barn. The boys were playing quietly in their room.

  The minutes ticked by and Seth didn’t return, so Lily peeked out the front curtains and could see a lantern lit in the barn.

  The horse must be doing poorly. Grabbing her shawl, she opened the door to head to the large structure. Dark was fast approaching, and it was still fairly cool in the evening air as she pulled the shawl tighter around her shoulders.

  Approaching, she could hear Seth talking softly to the mare. The low hum of his voice sent shivers down her arms while she listened to the calming whispers.

  “Easy girl. I know this is hard, but you’ll be fine. Just relax.”

  Lily followed his voice to a stall near the back, where she could see the mare lying on the soft straw, bathed in sweat and breathing very hard.

  “Is she all right, Seth?” Lily kept her voice in a low whisper while she leaned on the wall nearest her.

  “She’ll be fine. She’s having a bit of a hard labor, that’s all.”

  She could hear the worry in his voice although he tried to appear calm. His hair clung to his brow when he wiped his face with his shirt. Shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows revealed strong, muscular arms heavily corded under the skin. His hands moved tenderly as he stroked the laboring horse.

  “Is there something I can do?” She was afraid to approach, lest she spook the horse and make her to hurt herself.

  He motioned to the room across from where he now sat, crouched with the mare. “It’s starting to cool off outside. Could you grab one of those blankets that are rolled up in the tack room over there? I need to keep her warm.”

  “Of course.” She was only too happy to leave his side for a moment to catch her breath. Watching him stroke the mare with his big hands was doing things to her breathing she didn’t want to identify.

  When she returned, she gave the blanket to him, but when he looked up at her and smiled, her breath caught in her throat.

  * * * *

  The smile slid from Seth’s lips while he continued to stare at the beautiful woman before him. She was perfect. It made him cringe to think of what must run through her brain that he could never comprehend. She knew exactly what to say to his children, whether they were misbehaving, or just needed a little encouragement. She didn’t even have to say anything to make his blood rush through his veins to the point where he could hear it pulsating in his ears.

  The mare began to thrash and tried to rise to her feet, drawing his attention back. “Oh hell.”

  “Something wrong?” Her voice came out with a squeak while her chest rose and fell with her rapid breaths.

  “Yeah, you could say that,” he grumbled, moving down near the back end of the horse. Pulling her tail aside, he started to curse. “The foal’s trying to come out nose first.”

  “Is that bad?” She stepped closer while he tried to focus on the mare.

  “Yeah. It needs to come out feet first, so I’m going to have to try to help her. I need you to help me get her to stand. Grab her halter.”

  He tried to push the nose of the foal back into the mare’s birth canal, but it didn't work. Lily went to the front of the mare, grabbed her halter and tried to pull her to her feet, without much success.

  “Talk to her, Lily. She’ll listen.”

  “Come on, girl. You need to stand up.” Lily coaxed softly, tugging on her halter again, and the mare rolled more onto her stomach, pulling her feet under her. “That’s it, pretty girl. Come on. Stand up for me.” Seth was amazed as Lily continued to tug more and the mare managed to struggle to her feet.

  “All right, now get her to walk a little. Lead her by the halter around a bit so the foal will slide back into her birth canal.”

  He positioned himself behind the mare to make sure the foal slid back in as Lily continued to walk her around the barn. Lily lead her back into the stall, and the mare went down on her
knees, then onto her side, while the contractions rippled along her stomach.

  “Now, let’s see if this little one will make its appearance without any more help from us.” He moved back to his position at her hind end to see if the foal was now coming out correctly. “That’s it, girl. You’ve got it now.” A moment later, two hoofs protruded from the back of the horse. Lily moved around to stand next to him while he continued calmly to encourage the mare. The mare’s belly continued to ripple with each contraction, and Lily stood with her mouth open while the new foal slipped from the mare into the straw at their feet.

  When it was all over, she sank down next to the mare’s head. Lily stroked her nose and talked softly to her while Seth cleaned the birthing sack from the new colt. Soon after, the mare struggled to her feet and turned around to nuzzle the pretty new baby.

  While the new baby and mother bonded, Seth wiped the fluids from his arms and then noticed Lily sitting with tears on her cheeks and a soft smile to her lips. The sight left him speechless for a moment.

  When he held out his hand to her, she slipped hers into his palm and pulled herself to her feet before she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  “It is pretty amazing to watch, isn’t it?” They turned to see the new mother and her baby standing quietly in the stall. After a moment they shut the stall door behind them and moved out into the main barn.

  “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life. It was just amazing. And to watch you help her! I just couldn’t believe it.”

  Uncomfortable with her praise, he changed the subject. “Are the children in bed already?”

  “Yes, I hope you don’t mind. I tucked them all in, and they settled down quite nicely. I left the boys playing in their room, but I see their lamp is out now, so they must be in bed.”

  The moon hung high in the sky and illuminated the yard as they walked toward the house. The light reflected like diamonds, sparkling on the tears still lingering on her lashes, and he fought the urge to wipe them away.

  “I don’t mind. They can sure be a handful at times. Thanks for taking care of them for me while I was tied up with the mare.”

  “Of course, they are good children. I don’t mind at all.”

  They stepped onto the porch and unconsciously moved together to sit down to enjoy the night air. “Have you thought more about telling them how their mother actually died?”

  He hesitated momentarily before he said, “Not really. I still really don’t think it's a good idea.”

  “But Seth, you really need to tell them. You need to help them.”

  “I realize you think they should know, but I’m not convinced yet it is the best thing for them. I mean, you’ve been with them for a few weeks now. Do they really seem that bad? Anne hasn’t talked to anyone, even though people have tried.” His voice trailed off, and he turned to look blankly out into the yard in front of him.

  “Yes, she has.”

  * * * *

  Big mouth! You promised Anne you wouldn’t say anything. Before she could retract her statement, Seth asked what she meant.

  “Did she talk to you?”

  “Yes, but I promised her I wouldn’t tell because she wanted to keep it a secret. It’s not like we carried on any significant conversation, Seth, she only said a few words.”

  She tried to skirt around what Anne actually said. The last thing she wanted to tell him was his daughter had asked if she could be their new mommy. She didn’t want him to know the little girl’s secret wish, but he wasn’t having any of it. He wanted to know.

  “What did she say?”

  “Really, Seth, it wasn’t anything important.”

  “Tell me what she said,” he demanded.

  Embarrassed to say, but knowing he wouldn’t leave it alone until she told him, she replied, “She asked if I was going to be their new mommy.” Lily stood and walked to the nearby railing before she murmured, “I told you it wasn’t anything important.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Seth didn’t say anything, but his mind whirled. Anne wanted Lily to be their new mommy--that was obvious. As her words echoed in his mind, the thought intrigued him. He wondered if he could possibly marry the beautiful woman standing in front of him to give his children a mother. She was very good with them. She was patient, loving, and smart. And the town thought of her as a widow, so it wouldn’t be that strange to them, even though he knew differently. Of course, it would only be for the children. He knew there could never be a real relationship between them since he hadn’t found Victoria’s killers. Could he live with her in this house under the ruse of a platonic relationship? Could he see her every day, live with her every day, without touching her?

  “Seth?”

  The sound of her calling his name brought him out of his musings. She moved back to the chair near him.

  “I’m sorry,” he replied. “I was just contemplating something. I’m glad Anne talked to you, although she obviously asked you something that was somewhat silly.”

  “Silly? I really didn’t think it silly. Those children need a mother figure in their lives. Carmen is good with them, but she’s not like their mother. It’s a different type of relationship a mother has with her children. Don’t get me wrong: she loves them like they were hers, but it’s just not the same for them. If they had been younger, maybe it would have been easier but now…” Her voice trailed off while he let his gaze move over her face in a caress.

  * * * *

  Seth looked at her with a peculiar emotion in his eyes, and it made her nervous. He'd never stared at her like that before.

  “Lily, would you marry me?”

  Her mouth dropped open in shock. He didn't just ask me to marry him, did he? “You—you can’t be serious! We don’t even know one another that well. And well, you don’t love me, and I don’t love you. Really, this is absolutely ludicrous,” she said, her voice starting to crescendo. She jumped to her feet again during her tirade and turned to face the yard.

  Once she finished her speech about why they couldn’t or shouldn’t marry, she realized Seth had risen to his feet and was now standing directly behind her. He took her by the arm and swung her around to face him. She watched his head come down before he captured her mouth with his in a heart-pounding, puddle-on-the-floor kiss that caused her toes to curl in her shoes.

  He stood there for several minutes, caressing her mouth while her hands rested on his chest and his arms encircled her waist. When he finally lifted his head and stepped back, her heart still slammed against her ribs, and her legs felt weak.

  “I think we get along well enough. Even though we aren’t in love with each other, we can at least stand to be in the same room together. Besides, I’m thinking of the children, Lily. You agree they need a mother figure in their lives, and who better than someone they care about, trust and listen to? Could you marry me for the children’s sake? It would be a completely platonic relationship between us, of course. Folks around here wouldn’t think anything of it, since they believe you to be a widow. They would just think I’ve taken you in, especially after the attack last night. They would think I offered to care for you, a single woman in this harsh environment.” He went on and on as if he hadn’t just kissed the daylights out of her.

  She stood there for a moment looking at him as though he had just grown horns. When she could speak again, all she could say was, “You can’t be serious, Seth.”

  “I’m perfectly serious. Are you saying you won’t marry me?” He sounded almost hurt, like a spoiled child who had just gotten his toy taken away.

  “I… well… I… uh…” Lily stammered, trying to decide how to answer him. Could I possibly marry him?

  She wasn’t in love with him, or at least she didn’t think she was, but she’d never been in love before, so how would she know? She liked him well enough, and she adored the children, but could she make the sacrifice to marry him for their sake? They couldn’t even agree on whether to tell the children the truth about their mothe
r.

  Lily’s mind whirled as she remembered that his kisses did do terribly wonderful things to her body. Would they have a real relationship eventually? He said it would be a completely platonic relationship. Could she live in the same house with him and not touch him or want him to kiss her?

  “I just don’t know, Seth,” she answered in a daze. “I’ll have to think about this for a bit. I can’t just jump into marrying anyone. Can I give you an answer tomorrow?”

  “Of course, there isn’t a rush. I know you could help so much with the children, and living with me, you wouldn’t have to worry about any more trouble in town.” He pulled out the big guns, she realized, when he referred to her love of the three in the house and her scare from the night before.

  “Well, let me sleep on it, and I’ll let you know tomorrow.” She turned to retreat to the safety of the guest room—Victoria’s room.

  She couldn't sleep. Thoughts of Seth's kiss rippled across her mind, and she tossed and turned while her body burned with each thought. She contemplated spending the rest of her life with him. Would she ever be able to touch him? Would he ever kiss her again? Probably not, and the thought left her heart feeling like it was breaking in two.

  She finally fell into a fitful sleep about dawn, but when the children were up and about, Anne bounded into her room to wake her for breakfast.

  Lily groaned and rolled over, trying desperately to ignore the bubbling child bouncing on the bed next to her.

  Anne said in her ear, “You must get up, Miss Lily. Carmen’s making pancakes this morning.”

  Lily pulled the blanket off her head, and Anne giggled at the sight of her hair. It was a tangled mess about her head, and as Lily peered at the child with one opened eye, Anne laughed out loud.