Love's Sweet Surrender

by Love's Sweet Surrender (lit)

  * * * *

  Seth was walking down the hall toward the dining room when he heard a child’s giggle coming from Lily’s room. He stopped at the open door and peered in to see Lily and Anne as they rolled on the bed. Lily was tickling Anne until she giggled heartily.

  He smiled while he watched, amazed at how easily Lily had fit into their lives in such a short time. He had heard her pacing during the night for quite some time before he finally fell asleep. Now here she was, wrestling on the bed with his daughter like neither of them had a care in the world.

  “Are you two going to wrestle all morning, or are you going to get dressed and come to breakfast? I might just eat all the pancakes myself if you two don’t hurry up.” He laughed at the pair while he lounged against the doorframe, watching them.

  Lily’s face turned bright pink after she brushed the tangled mass of hair out of her face and realized Seth stood in the doorway.

  “We’ll be there in a moment. We certainly don’t want your father to eat them all, do we, Anne?”

  The child sat in the middle of the bed and smiled at her father before she shouted, “No. Pancakes are my favorite!” She jumped down from the bed and scurried out of the room, not the least bit aware of the shocked expression on her father’s face.

  He stood there for a moment staring at Lily when the realization struck that his daughter finally had spoken after all this time. Lily had told him she had, but to hear her voice almost brought tears to his eyes.

  “She spoke,” he whispered in awe.

  Lily got out of the bed and now stood in her nightgown in front of him.

  “I told you she had,” Lily reminded him. “She was scared, Seth. She was afraid everyone she loved would disappear if she talked to them—like her mother. I guess she had talked to Victoria right before she left that morning, and Anne was afraid it was something she said that made her leave.”

  “She spoke!” He grabbed Lily and swung her around in circles.

  Seth realized at the same time as Lily, her state of undress when he could feel her bare breasts pressed against his chest through her nightgown. The blood roared in his ears when he looked into her eyes and saw the same desire in hers.

  Lord, how I want this woman. He let her slide down his body to stand on the floor in front of him. He bent his head to take her lips with his until he heard the boys come running through the front door, which they slammed soundly behind them.

  “Excuse me. I’m sorry. I need to get dressed.” Lily stepped back and drew her nightgown up around her neck as she retreated farther into the room.

  Embarrassed at the reaction he was sure was still written across his face, he replied, “I … uh … I’ll see if breakfast is ready.”

  Desire boiled in his veins and continued to grip him in its clutches when he closed the door behind him and leaned back against it. He was amazed at how fast Lily could cause the desire to rage out of control. Not even Victoria could do that so quickly. Maybe it was just because he hadn’t been with anyone since she died. That has to be it. He inhaled deeply and headed for the kitchen.

  * * * *

  Lily stood holding her nightgown to her throat until she finally heard Seth’s footsteps heading down the hall. She took a deep breath to still her heart and then pulled her clothing out of the bureau. She slipped out of her nightgown and into her clean clothes in preparation for breakfast. She grabbed her brush and ran it through the knots in her hair until it was tangle-free and shiny. She pulled it back in a ribbon and slipped on her shoes before she grabbed the doorknob with trepidation. Today she would need to tell Seth whether she would marry him. Today might be the answer to the rest of her life, if she accepted. Or perhaps she would end up alone, alone and lonely, without him by her side and without his children to love. She headed for the kitchen to face either her new family or the end of her existence in their lives.

  The bright faces of the children at the table met her eyes, and she couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to have them around her forever. Anne had come such a long way in the few short weeks since she had been in Parkville, and both Johnny and Jarod had become brighter and more talkative. Even Seth seemed to be in a better mood the last couple of days. Johnny hadn’t mentioned Seth drinking, so maybe in a way, he was healing, too.

  “Good morning.” She sat down next to Seth in the empty seat that had quickly become her place at the table.

  “How did you sleep?”

  “All right, I suppose.”

  “It sounded like you paced a lot last night.”

  A knowing smile quirked at his lips, and she raised an eyebrow as she wondered, how would you know unless you were up, too?

  “What are your plans today?”

  “I really don’t have any, but I’m not used to being idle.”

  “I need to ride out and check some fences. Would you care to join me? Of course, you’d have to ride straddle, since I don’t have any side saddles around.” He gave her that small, sexy smile that made her heart skip a beat.

  “That might be a little difficult since I don’t have any trousers in my wardrobe.”

  “That can be remedied. I’m sure we have something around here you can wear if you’d like to go. You can ride a horse, can’t you?” His teasing made her relax. At least this was a safe subject, unlike whether she would marry him or not.

  “Yes, I can ride a horse,” Lily retorted. “We did use buggies most of the time in Boston, but my father, I mean Edward, made sure I knew how to ride, too. He didn’t hunt, like most of the elite, but we did ride in the park sometimes. It might be a little difficult to get the gist of riding like a man, but I think I can get it.”

  “Good. You might find it interesting to see some of the land around the ranch. I wouldn’t want you to be bored while you're here.”

  “Bored? Somehow, I think that you will keep me very busy.” She shot a saucy little smile at him.

  * * * *

  Keeping her very busy could be a task he was ready for, but making sure his heart didn’t get involved was another thing. When she flashed him that smile, his stomach tightened, and he had to clear his throat to dislodge the lump threatening to choke him.

  “It’s a date then.” A moment later he remembered Victoria’s clothing. “Actually, I believe they’re some of Victoria’s clothes around here still, and she used to wear trousers when she rode. You might be able to fit in hers.”

  “I’d rather not, thank you,” Lily replied. She shifted her gaze back to her food.

  “You know, come to think of it, you are taller, and probably a bit smaller in the hips than she was, so they probably wouldn’t fit, but Johnny’s might since he’s a tall boy. Carmen, can you grab a pair of Johnny’s and bring them out here so we can see if they might fit Lily?”

  “Yes, of course, Mr. Seth,” Carmen answered from the kitchen.

  Carmen returned a few minutes later with an older pair of the boy’s trousers. “You can try these, Miss Lily. I think they should fit,” she said before she retreated into the kitchen.

  Lily had finished eating, so she picked up the jeans, stood up and held them up to her.

  “I think they might just fit after all. What do you think?” she asked the children who’d begun to giggle at the thought of their teacher wearing Johnny’s pants.

  “I think they’ll be just fine,” Johnny said with a large grin.

  “When are you leaving, Seth?”

  “In a bit. Why don’t you go try them on?”

  “I’ll do just that.”

  When she returned a few moments later wearing the trousers and a blouse, he couldn’t breathe. His mouth went dry, and his jaw almost dropped to his chest at the picture she presented. The pants hugged her hips perfectly; showing off her nicely rounded buttocks, and tapered down her slim legs to her feet. When she turned around to show him how well they fit, thoughts of those legs wrapped around his hips fluttered across his mind, and he almost dropped his coffee cup.

  She stopp
ed at the table and turned around for inspection. “Well?”

  He fought a groan.

  “Well, what do you think?” she asked again, turning back around.

  “I… uh… they’re perfect.” His voice squeaked, causing his children to turn and look in his direction. Jumping to his feet, he set his cup down. “I’ll go saddle the horses,” he grumbled, quickly heading out of the house toward the barn.

  When he reached the barn, he almost dropped to his knees as he tried to calm the desire racing through his veins. He braced his palm against the wall and took in great gulps of air while he bent his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

  This is going to be a long day. He opened his eyes again and pulled the tack from the wall to saddle the horses.

  * * * *

  Lily raised an eyebrow at how quickly Seth retreated out the door. She turned on her heel and walked back to the bedroom to grab her shoes. She picked them up and studied them.

  “This won’t do. I can’t ride a horse in these.” She headed back out into the kitchen to ask Carmen if maybe there were an extra pair of boots around she might be able to wear.

  “Yes, ma'am. You have some tiny feet. Johnny or Jarod’s boots might fit. Let me go get a pair.” She left the kitchen to dig through the boys’ boots to find some that might fit, and when she returned, she triumphantly carried a pair of boy’s boots.

  “I think these will do.” With a smile she handed them to Lily to try on.

  Lily sat down on a kitchen chair and slipped them on. They were a little big, actually, in the toes.

  “Thank you, Carmen. They are perfect. Would you mind packing Seth and me a lunch? I’m not sure how long we’ll be out, and I wouldn’t want to see that man hungry.”

  “Sure I will. I’ll just be a minute. You might want to ask Johnny for one of his hats. That sun can get mighty bright and hot on your head while you are riding.”

  Lily went back down the hall to the boys’ room to ask about a hat, and they were more than willing to allow her to borrow one of theirs.

  “You look mighty nice, Mrs. Backman,” Johnny said when he noticed her attire.

  “Well, thank you. I never thought that I’d be out riding in boys’ trousers, but why not, right? It will be a new adventure. Wish me luck.”

  Seth stood waiting near the porch with two horses saddled and ready. When Lily came out the door with some things wrapped in linen, he asked, “What’s this?”

  “A picnic, of sorts. I asked Carmen to make a few things since I wasn’t sure how long we would be gone. Can you put them in a saddle bag or something for us to take?”

  “Yeah. Hold them for a moment, and I’ll get one from the barn.” He handed the reins to her as he headed for the barn.

  When he returned, he carried an old saddlebag that had seen better days, she was sure, but it would do in a pinch, and in a pinch they were. He slung it over the back of his horse, took the sandwiches and placed them inside.

  Seth walked up toward the front of the horses and asked, “Can you mount, or do you need some help?”

  “I think I can do this. Let’s see.” She handed the reins to Seth, walked to the side of the horse, slipped her foot into the stirrup and lifted herself into the air. Her leg slipped over the other side of the horse, and she settled quite comfortably in the saddle.

  “That wasn’t too bad, I suppose.”

  “Uh… no. You did fine.” He slipped the reins over the horse's head and handed them to her. He walked around his own horse to mount but stopped for a moment, and she cocked her head to the side and wondered what he was doing. Opening his eyes, he must have realized she was staring so he cleared his throat and mounted his own horse.

  “Shall we?” he said as he turned his horse to head out. She followed not far behind.

  They rode for some time in silence while she enjoyed the scenery around her. She really had started to love the area. It was very pretty with all the wildflowers growing in waves across the plains. There were so many different colors, and when they would whip back and forth in the breeze, it resembled ripples on the water in Boston harbor.

  Seth's voice broke into her musings. “What are you thinking?”

  “I was just admiring the flowers and how they move in the breeze. It makes me a little homesick. That’s all.” She slid a glance in his direction admiring the way his shirt fit across his broad chest.

  “You aren’t thinking of going back to Boston, are you?”

  The anxious tone of his voice gave her pause. “No, my life is here now. I love the people who raised me, don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that my whole childhood was a charade of sorts. I just don’t feel like I fit in Boston anymore. I enjoy the simpler life here.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that.”

  “Are you?”

  “Yes.” The relief in his voice was clear. “Have you come to a decision about my offer yesterday?”

  “I think so.”

  She stopped her horse and looked into his face. He'd stopped next to her, and she could have sworn he held his breath.

  “I really don’t know if this is such a good idea. I mean, it’s very sudden, and with everything that happened the other night at my house, I’m scared. I’m afraid to be alone there now. Yes, you taught me how to shoot. I actually did shoot one of the men, but I don’t like having to do that—having to protect myself that way. I like being independent, but life is rough here for a woman alone." She took a deep breath and focused on the fluffy white clouds rolling by over their heads. "And, as far as the children go, I know they need a mother in their lives, that’s obvious, but I don’t know whether I can be that for them. I’ve never had any experience raising children, Seth.”

  “No, but you’re a schoolteacher. You have a natural ability with children. I’ve seen it many times with my own and with others at the school.”

  “I suppose, but it’s not the same when you are responsible for bringing them up to be healthy, happy adults, who obey the law and will raise a family of their own someday. And what about us? I don’t mean there is an ‘us’. I’m just confused about how this is supposed to work. I know how marriage is with two people who love each other and want to be together for the rest of their lives, but we aren’t those people.”

  “We can work things out. We get along well enough.”

  “What will we tell the children? They aren’t going to believe we are in a regular marriage if we don’t sleep in the same room.”

  “True,” he admitted. “They’ll figure out something is amiss if that is the situation. Why can’t we just sleep in the same room?”

  She sucked in a ragged breath. “You aren’t serious? You said this would be a platonic relationship. Sleeping with you doesn’t make this platonic.”

  “I didn’t say we would be making love, Lily. I said sleep. That would still make it a platonic relationship.” A small smile crossed his lips, and she had to fight the urge to sigh in disappointment.

  “Oh.”

  “So? What do you say?”

  He brushed aside her concerns. It drove her crazy that he sounded so nonchalant about the whole thing. She turned her gaze to the waves of rolling hills to her right while she thought about living the rest of her life with this man and caring for his children. Did she really want to live like he was suggesting? Would he ever desire her enough to want to be in a regular marriage someday? What if he never found Victoria’s killers? Would he be able to let go and come to care for her like she was beginning to care for him?

  When she turned back to see him staring at her intently, waiting for her answer, she said, “All right, yes, I’ll marry you, but we will have to lay down some ground rules about presenting this charade to the children. Shall we go sit by that tree? We can eat the lunch Carmen packed and discuss this.” Expecting him to follow, she turned her horse in the direction of the tree.

  Apprehension slithered down her back when they settled on the ground to eat, and she knew it had to be written all over he
r face. Lily didn't like agreeing to such harsh terms, but she didn't see any choice in the matter. She only hoped some day he would come to want a normal marriage.

  After their discussion, they finally remounted their horses and headed out to return to the house. They continued to ride in silence, each with their own thoughts about their upcoming nuptials. A small cabin appeared in the distance, and Lily asked, “What’s that?”

  “It’s a line shack. There are few scattered down the fence line, just in case someone is stuck out here in bad weather, or whatever—a place to take shelter. Some cowboys just riding through will use it, even though it’s on my land. I don’t mind, as long as they replenish the supplies they might use. It’s not much, really. There’s a bed, some shelves and a table with a couple of chairs.”

  “How interesting. You’ll have to show me one someday.”

  Each consumed again with thoughts of what lay ahead, they continued to ride in the direction of the house. When they reached the wide front porch, they dismounted and Seth took the horses to the barn. Lily went on inside the house to change. She had enjoyed the freedom the trousers had afforded her even though she wasn’t completely comfortable with the close-fitting material. She returned to the dining room to find Carmen preparing supper.

  My goodness! Where has the day gone? Her mind wandered back to the afternoon ride, and she blushed when she thought about how she had jumped to conclusions when Seth mentioned sleeping together.

  That just won’t do. Obviously, he doesn’t want any kind of normal relationship with me; otherwise he would take advantage of the situation. He made it very clear he wasn’t interested in that type of relationship. Her heart sank at the thought.

  The supper hour approached, and everyone returned to the house to eat. Uneasiness settled around her heart when she thought about the coming announcement. She feared how they would react. She knew Anne would be happy, but she wasn’t sure about the two boys and how they would feel. She certainly didn’t want to take their mother’s place in their lives, and hopefully they would understand.