I Wish You Missed Me

by Bonnie Hearn Hill

  ‘We kissed,’ Kit said, her words almost smothered by the noise. ‘One time. Long before he knew you. OK?’

  ‘Except that he kept referring to you as his best friend, even after you left the station.’ She narrowed her eyes, and Kit could see that without the eyeliner and mascara she looked predatory. Or maybe she always looked that way and Kit was just seeing it.

  At one time, Kit would have told Monique that there was nothing between Farley and her. She would have tried to convince her. Now she didn’t care what Monique thought.

  ‘There’s a dead man out there,’ she said.

  ‘But not Farley.’

  ‘A dead man,’ Kit repeated. ‘That doesn’t mean Farley’s all right.’

  ‘You’re still claiming you don’t know where he is?’

  ‘You know that,’ Kit said, ‘because if I did, I’d be there with him.’

  Monique took her time processing that. She took more time taking another sip of her drink. Finally she said, ‘I guess you just proved my point. Poor John Paul.’

  ‘John Paul?’

  ‘Don’t pretend, Kit. You’re no good at it.’

  She started back toward the table and Kit had to fight the urge to grab her arm.

  ‘I know why he wanted to get away from you,’ Kit said. ‘He always went to see his mentor when he was worried about something. He was worried about you, Monique. Think about that before you try stalking anyone else.’

  ‘His mentor?’ She looked up at the rickety ceiling fan and seemed to think about it. ‘That would be Jonas, right?’

  ‘Yes,’ Kit said. ‘That would be Jonas.’

  ‘I’ll bet you didn’t get anywhere with him.’

  ‘Are you saying you did?’

  ‘All I’m saying is that I will find Farley, with or without your help.’ She turned, placed her drink on the table, whispered something to the men there and headed toward the bar and out the door.

  THIRTY-ONE

  Earlier, John Paul had told them about a bed and breakfast that was nearby, cheap and comfortable. Located in a redwood forest, the farmhouse was surrounded by blackberry vines and gardens with blooming lacy-looking flowers.

  ‘Wild rhododendrons,’ Virgie had said as they crossed the path and the chickens scattered for the henhouse.

  John Paul glanced at her and she shook her head. She had gotten so used to Virgie’s diverse and assorted knowledge that nothing she said surprised Kit.

  Now, after the shock of seeing the body pulled from the creek, they returned there.

  Kit knew that all she would be able to see when she closed her eyes was the man.

  The rooms were small with one overlooking a pond that gleamed in the moonlight.

  ‘You take that one,’ Virgie told her, but Kit didn’t want to look at water.

  ‘Do you mind taking it?’ she asked. ‘I think I’d rather be in the one with the fireplace and bookcase.’

  When they were settled, exhausted from the discovery, Kit went to the kitchen to fill a bucket of ice for Virgie and her. John Paul stood on the other side of the ice tub, a tumbler of whiskey in his hand.

  He glanced down at her with more warmth than he had since she had sobbed in his arms, terrified that Farley was dead. ‘Want one of these?’

  ‘Not tonight, thanks. I’m afraid to close my eyes and yet I know I need to sooner or later. This is a perfect place. Thanks for recommending it.’

  ‘I’m glad you came. At least I can keep an eye on you.’

  ‘Right.’ She watched as he tossed another cube in his glass. ‘Where are you going from here?’

  ‘I don’t know. Back to question Monique, I guess. I’ve also got to talk to local law enforcement. That guy they found – someone knows him. He has a family and friends.’

  For the first time since they had been on the road, Kit felt more at ease in the strange yet comfortable bed. Knowing that John Paul slept next door to her might have been part of the reason.

  The knock came on their cabin before the sun rose. Will was still asleep on the pallet bed and Megan had awakened for the fourth or fifth time. This time, she got up and headed for the front, wondering if she had imagined the knock or if it might be a bird or animal noise from outside.

  Jonas stood there, his eyes wide and red-rimmed, wearing the same sweater and jeans he’d had on the night before. Megan wanted to hug him but she knew that Will might be watching.

  ‘You’re awfully early,’ she said. ‘Come in.’

  ‘We need to meet away from here,’ he said. ‘Right now.’

  Will came up behind Megan and moved in front of her. ‘Why?’ he asked.

  ‘Priscilla’s worried about anyone seeing us together.’

  ‘Even our own people?’ Will asked.

  ‘Even them. That’s why we need to leave before any of the families wake up. The lighthouse is in walking distance. Try to be there in twenty minutes.’

  Will closed the door and leaned against it, facing Megan. He wore only his shorts, no shirt.

  ‘These people get crazier by the day. They aren’t like they were when we first came.’

  ‘That’s because of us, in a way.’ She sat down on the hassock and began pulling on her boots over her thick socks.

  ‘How is it our fault that Farley got rolled by some guy at the pub?’

  She stopped, even though the boot was not all the way up her leg. Usually she would let it go. She’d just think of words like the wind and let them blow past. That’s what she would have done before.

  ‘We’re the reason the guy was at the pub in the first place.’

  ‘Rudy said he was good people. How were we supposed to know?’

  She remembered that awful night. ‘Rudy wouldn’t know good people because he’s not one.’

  ‘Whatever.’ Will nudged the side of the hassock with his foot. ‘Come on. Hurry up.’

  ‘I just hope Farley’s OK,’ she said.

  ‘You don’t even know this guy and now you’re calling him by his first name?’ Will shook his head. ‘Really, Megan. I expected better of you.’

  ‘Because I care about what happened to the singer? Because I’m calling him by his name?’

  She pulled her boot the rest of the way up and tried to see past Will’s superior expression. He had been nice to her once, tried to help her by getting her away from a life that was taking her nowhere.

  ‘Because you don’t care about what’s going to happen to us if we don’t get out of here right away.’

  Will walked outside and waited. Megan followed because she no longer knew what else to do. They hiked the short distance to the lighthouse as the sun rose in fragmented sparks against the dark blue sky. At any other time, Megan would have found it beautiful. Now she just hurried to keep up with Will, who refused to speak to her.

  Surrounded by brush, the lighthouse seemed to rise out of a red-roofed barn. It looked like a miniature version of the Space Needle in Seattle, where her dad had worked before he got into trouble with drugs. The glimmer of the light was blurred by a swirl of fog that grew thicker as they approached.

  ‘I should be with my patient right now,’ Will said. ‘Besides, I’m tired of these games Priscilla is playing.’

  Early on, he had told Megan that once he tired of the rules of the camp, they would take the money the others had stashed and he and Megan could move on.

  Megan wouldn’t steal from Priscilla and Michael though, and she certainly wouldn’t steal from Jonas. He was her only hope. Each time he looked at her or brushed his arm against her, she felt their connection and knew that he did too. At least he would be at the lighthouse this morning. That alone would make the trip worthwhile.

  ‘How are we going to get in?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s always open. Just the gift shop is closed.’ He nudged her with an elbow. ‘Haven’t you heard anything I’m saying? These people and their secretive antics are starting to wear on me.’

  At one time, she would have reminded him that being off the
grid was part of what attracted him to the group. Now she just nodded and said, ‘I heard you.’

  ‘Then don’t be surprised when I tell you we’re leaving.’ He marched ahead of her to the door. ‘Come on.’

  Surrounded by antique equipment, they gathered on the bottom floor, just Michael, Priscilla, Jonas, Will and her. Megan had expected more people.

  ‘It’s a lovely morning, isn’t it?’ Priscilla smiled at the foggy light filtering in as if hosting a perfectly normal gathering. ‘Michael and I started coming here right after we arrived. Except during visiting hours, it’s like being alone in the world.’

  A faint oily smell mixed with the scent of the sea.

  ‘What’s so important that we had to come all the way out here?’ Will asked.

  ‘I wanted to speak with you all first,’ Priscilla said. She lifted her hair back from her face and leaned against Michael.

  ‘You OK for this?’ he asked her.

  Megan felt the gentleness in his words and knew he hadn’t faked the tone. This was the way a man spoke to the woman he loved.

  ‘I don’t have a choice.’ Priscilla walked to the spiral staircase and said, ‘We have trouble here, I’m afraid. We’re going to have to find medical help for our friend back at the camp. And we’re going to have to do it today.’

  Megan could feel Will’s body twitch beside her. He sighed and shifted position but said nothing.

  ‘Is he worse?’ Megan asked, and Will made a noise in his throat that let her know that he didn’t approve of her speaking up here.

  ‘The same.’ Priscilla lowered her voice. ‘There’s something else, though. They found a body in the creek by the pub last night. A man.’

  Megan forced herself to stifle a scream. ‘A man?’ she managed to say.

  ‘A winery worker.’

  Just like that, Megan knew. Her mind exploded with images. ‘What does he look like?’ she asked. ‘What’s his name?’

  ‘Calm down.’ Will pinched her arm. ‘There’s no way they can know that this soon.’

  ‘They do know who he was.’ Priscilla leaned against the railing. ‘They know his name.’

  ‘Not Chuck?’

  Will pinched harder.

  ‘Charles,’ Priscilla said. ‘Did you know him?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, I did.’

  ‘She met him for ten minutes in a bar.’ Will’s laugh was sharp but not convincing. ‘That’s all. Isn’t that right, Megs?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘Sorry he’s dead.’ Will gave her arm a shove. ‘But he’s the guy I told you about, the one who attacked Farley outside the pub.’

  ‘Is that true?’ Priscilla asked her. ‘Did he attack Farley?’

  Before she could reply, Will said, ‘Megs didn’t see it. She was inside the bar when that happened.’

  Jonas frowned and moved around the staircase to Megan’s other side.

  ‘I think it’s clear to all of us,’ he said, ‘that regardless of what it costs our community, we are finding medical care for Farley today.’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Priscilla said.

  ‘Agreed,’ Michael said. ‘What about you, Megan?’

  She looked away from Will at Jonas. ‘I agree too,’ she said. Although she felt Will glaring at her, she refused to look over at him. ‘I agree,’ she said again.

  ‘Guess I’m the only one who disagrees.’ Will walked to the front door of the circular room. ‘Just for the record, I’m really sorry that you can’t let me do the job I’m trained to do. Now it’s in your hands. Good luck.’

  As he strode out the door and the salty air blew in, Megan felt a flood of relief. Yet she didn’t know how she could continue without him. If he meant what he seemed to be saying. If he really would be leaving the camp alone.

  Jonas moved closer and touched her shoulder. ‘It will be all right,’ he said. ‘I promise you.’

  ‘It will.’ Priscilla stepped into the place Will had been and put her arm around Megan. ‘You are one of us now. I’m no longer sure about Will.’

  ‘Neither am I,’ Megan said.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Priscilla dropped her voice the way she did when she was frightened. ‘He was the reason we invited you to join us.’

  ‘I know.’ She turned away from Priscilla and looked down at her scuffed boots. ‘I’m sorry.’

  THIRTY-TWO

  Kit awoke before sunrise that morning, and the first thing she thought about was the man who had drowned in the creek. He had to have something to do with Farley’s disappearance.

  Someone tapped at her door. ‘It’s me,’ Virgie whispered.

  Kit let her in and Virgie said, ‘At least I got some decent sleep for a change. What about you?’

  ‘Same,’ she lied.

  ‘Guess you know where we’re heading. You going to tell John Paul?’

  ‘After we get back,’ Kit said.

  Virgie shook her head. ‘Let’s get going then before he wakes up.’

  ‘Oh, he’s already up, I’m sure. That’s why I asked you to park at the back of the field.’

  They pulled into Jonas’s driveway at about eight-thirty. In spite of the chilly morning, he wore only a thin short-sleeved T-shirt as he hauled a bag of trash from his barn to the dumpster outside.

  When he saw Kit and Virgie, he shook his head and waved them away.

  Virgie parked the car and they got out.

  ‘Don’t,’ he said as they approached.

  ‘All I need is a few minutes.’ Kit walked up to the dumpster, inhaled the scent of burning wood and realized that Jonas was getting rid of his guitars. ‘I’m sorry about what happened here.’

  ‘It all started when you arrived,’ he said.

  ‘It started when Farley disappeared.’ She slammed her hand on the dumpster. ‘It started when you didn’t tell me the truth about what happened to him.’

  ‘Because I didn’t know,’ he said.

  ‘That’s not true.’

  Virgie ignored them, and before Kit realized it she had poked her head into the barn.

  ‘Guess what?’ she told Kit. ‘Nickel’s in there, cleaning up the place.’

  Jonas leaned against the dumpster, took a deep breath and said, ‘If you care about Farley, please leave. I’ll tell you what I can when I can, but I can’t say anything today.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘As soon as tomorrow.’

  Nickel drifted out, dragging a trash bag behind him. When he spotted Kit and Virgie, he jerked back.

  ‘It’s too late to hide,’ Kit said.

  ‘All right, then.’ He dragged the bag the rest of the way and then he stopped beside Jonas, who was shoving a bag into a large barrel. ‘Sorry, man.’

  ‘You don’t need to apologize,’ Kit said. ‘You lied about not knowing him and you lied about Farley leaving here on Friday. Don’t you think it’s time you tell the truth?’

  They glanced at each other. Jonas stared into Nickel’s eyes and shook his head.

  ‘I’ll be leaving now,’ Nickel said. ‘This man just lost his music and a good part of his life. That’s the only truth I know.’

  As he stalked past Kit, she caught the smell of alcohol. She looked at Nickel, who walked as carefully as if he were sober.

  He glanced back at Virgie and said, ‘Stealing a man’s property is about as low as you can go.’

  ‘If you’re talking about that little book of yours, I shouldn’t have had to take it,’ she shot back. ‘How else would we know which kids at Lavender Fields you made them guitar straps for?’

  ‘What’s she talking about?’ Jonas let go of the trash can lid and it slammed shut. ‘What have you told her?’

  ‘She stole my book, man.’

  ‘Had to,’ Virgie snapped. ‘You wasn’t about to tell us anything. You’ve been lying since we met you. Said you didn’t know Farley. Said you didn’t know Jonas.’ She counted them off on her fingers. ‘We will find this Lavender Fields now, but it would be really nice if you would just tell the
truth for once.’

  ‘It would be really nice if you didn’t steal for once,’ he said.

  ‘Wait a minute,’ Jonas interrupted. ‘Nickel is a friend but he isn’t a colleague.’

  ‘A friend of Lavender Fields?’ Kit asked.

  His nod was short and his expression sad. ‘Give me until tomorrow,’ he said, ‘and then I’ll take you there.’

  ‘You really want to wait another day?’ Virgie asked as they drove away.

  ‘Absolutely not, and I’m going to tell John Paul.’

  ‘Good.’ She glanced over at Kit. ‘You hungry?’

  At the mention of food, she realized she was. ‘I think they have breakfast back at the farmhouse. Let’s pick up some supplies anyway. I saw a store on the way in.’

  ‘The only thing we can do is try to find this Lavender Fields,’ Kit said.

  ‘Except we don’t know where to start.’

  Soon they stood outside the store which, with its wooden façade, seemed to blend into the surroundings.

  ‘Look at that.’ Kit pointed at it. ‘I’ll bet the place is like this store in a way. It’ll blend in and we won’t see it until we’re almost inside.’

  Virgie took the two steps to the weathered porch. ‘Getting inside will be the easy part. Finding it might take some work.’

  They walked past a table of warm cider and Kit grabbed one of a few remaining shopping carts. Just ahead, a round counter displayed cheeses, olives and various packaged salads. Kit pushed the cart slowly around it and realized that most of this food was intended for those passing through and not for those who lived here. No wonder it was open so early. Yet all of the items were for lunch, not breakfast. She lifted a package from a stack of sandwiches.

  ‘What about hummus and pita bread?’

  Virgie made a face. ‘Rabbit food.’

  ‘This pizza’s really great,’ said the man pushing the cart ahead of theirs. He held up a French bread-shaped package and placed it in his cart.

  Kit looked up at him and, as she met his gaze, she had to smile at his enthusiasm.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘They make it fresh every day. I got the last two samples.’ He handed his paper plate to Kit. ‘I had some on my last trip through. You two can have mine.’