True Control 4.2: A Dark Romance (True Series Book 5)

by Madison, Willow

  I didn’t think it was possible, but his look darkens even more. He leans in a little and I lean back a lot. “Friends? You think I’ve been your friend these months, Lucy?” I nod. He laughs, a rattled painful sound in his throat. “You want to talk about Max. Then talk to him, Lucy! Me? I can tell you how I feel if you’d like to know.”

  He grins, dark twist to his normally sweet smile. “I’ve lied to myself. To you. All my life, I’ve tried to deny how I feel. What makes me tick…in bed, in life. With women. I’ve tried to toe a different line than the one Ron wanted. I tried to pretend that treating women as equals, partners…that that is the way it should be. That all I wanted was a woman I could have by my side, sharing in all my successes and hers.”

  He gets up and opens another beer. He takes a small drink and slams it down. I jump at the sound and splash on the counter. “I’ve fucking lied to myself!” He comes back to stand over me. And I try to stand up. “Sit.” I feel like a puppy now. I try to look calm, crossing my legs and pulling my dress down over my knee. But I don’t say anything, too afraid that anything I’d say would only set him off more. I’m in uncharted territory with him.

  “I wanted to believe that if…that if you were my wife, I’d treat you better. That’s what I’ve been doing these past months…convincing myself that I’m better than my brother. That I’d control my anger with you better. That I’d respect you more. That I’d make you happier.” He’s panting with the effort to control his breathing, his fists clenched, his face red with anger, his voice loud with it.

  “Oh.” It’s not really a word, more the wind knocked out of me. I have been stupid. I had no idea he felt this way about me.

  Chapter 6 HIM

  “The next step is convincing the powers that be that she hasn’t run off. That something happened to her.” He puts up his hand before I can say anything to this. “I know you’ve told me about tracking her phone and messages. You’ve talked to her friends and family. You don’t believe that she could be out just having fun…maybe getting back at you, wanting to make you worry or something?”

  “No. Lucy would know better than to make me worry.”

  He’s appraising me again. His eyes taking in how angry his words are making me. The thought that Lucy could be hurt is more than I can think, that someone has her, that someone took her from me. But the thought that she’s gone on her own…no, I can’t even believe that’s a possibility.

  “Know better, huh?” I nod. “Sounds like you have her on a pretty short leash.” I grin at this description. It’s pretty accurate. “So…tell me about her…what does she like to do besides your list of chores?”

  I could punch this sarcastic fuck. But I lean back in the chair, ignoring his attempts to get a rise out of me again. “Let’s see…she’s taking cooking classes, but only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She runs, most days at the gym, but she’s starting to follow the same path around the Lake I take every morning.” Picturing Lucy in her running outfit, I feel my stomach hurt, like I’ve been punched.

  “So she’s pretty active…in good shape?” I nod. “That’s good. I haven’t heard anyone matching her description at the hospitals yet, but if it was a robbery that turned violent…maybe she was able to get away…” He doesn’t say what I know he’s thinking. That it could’ve been a rape turn violent.

  I squeeze my fists painfully under the table.

  Chapter 6 HER

  “I didn’t know you felt that way…” I try to speak calmly, quietly. But my heart is racing too. This is so not the conversation I thought we’d be having.

  He puts his hands up, dropping them, laced on the back of his head. He still towers over me, but he’s a little calmer. His breathing is anyway. “I know. I’ve had my whole life to practice hiding how I feel, Lucy…I’ve become pretty good at it.”

  “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have come here…” I start to get up again.

  “I told you to sit, girl.” I stop, my feet on the floor, just staring at him. He’s ordered me around a little before. I always thought he was testing me, to see if I really wanted to be submissive with Max or was only pretending to like it. But this is different. There’s no hint of grin or smile in his voice or eyes. I sit back again.

  “I should’ve told you…that first time I saw you. That first Friday. I should’ve been honest.” He keeps his hands on his head, but he shakes it, shrugging. “I should’ve told you that I was as mad as Max was. That I was as crazy with being jealous and possessive as he was. That I would’ve punished you too for letting that guy touch you.” He looks at me, waiting for my reaction.

  I don’t know what to say. I’m in a mess. Such a big mess. And I can’t think. I’m too busy trying to ignore how he’s making me feel. I’m responding to him…the same way I do Max. This is all wrong!

  I jump up and push him out of my way. Or try to anyway. He’s able to grab my arm easily and push me back down. “I just want to go!”

  “No.” He doesn’t yell it. Doesn’t even raise his voice or lower it. It’s a simple statement that I have no choice but to stay. I look at him and can’t read his face again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all this, Lucy. But…” He lets out an angry deep sigh. “But I know that I won’t have another chance. And I meant what I said. You should stop questioning everything.”

  I wait for him to continue, but he only stares at me. “How can I stop?” I put my hands on my stomach without thinking and his hands follow my movement.

  “You just decide. One way or another. You know that Max won’t change.” I nod slightly. I’d convinced myself on the walk over here that I could talk to Max later. That I could get him to see that there needed to be some changes, especially if…if we’re going to have a baby. But I know I was only fooling myself. He nods to my stomach. “If you’re carrying his child now, do you really think there’s any chance that he would?”

  I shake my head and lower my face into my hands, crying again. I know that there’s no chance that things could be any different with Max. It’s his way or no way. And if I’m pregnant…Oh God. I don’t know how I let this happen…I kept hoping… My sobs are loud and uncontrolled, shaking me and the sofa, my face on my knees.

  Chapter 7 HIM

  Jeff opens the door for my Dad and he drops his coat and jacket on the bench. Jeff follows as he strides quickly down my hall to where I sit at the table still. “Have you heard anything?” I shake my head and introduce him to Killaney. They shake hands and I nod to Jeff to get a glass for Dad.

  He sits as Jeff pours him a drink. He doesn’t take it though. He’s all business. “So what do we know so far?” I fill him in on what Killaney has told me, what my investigator has learned. So far, not much.

  He shakes his head, taking a first sip. “A robbery makes sense, but then where is she?” I shake my head. He reaches for his phone, glancing at messages. “I’m waiting to hear from a contact I have in the Mayor’s office…see if I can get MPU assigned to this quickly.” He sounds as frustrated as I am.

  He looks around, “Where’s Jake?”

  I can feel my face clouding, but I try to relax. Killaney is still watching me. He’s not even tipsy after all the scotch. “I sent him home. No use having him wait here.” I give Dad a look that he seems to understand. He doesn’t ask more questions anyway.

  But Killaney picked up on the tension. “Who’s Jake?”

  “My brother. I’d asked him to wait here in case Lucy showed up while Jeff I were out looking for her earlier.” I try to sound casual. I try not to let the anger I feel towards Jake enter my voice. Dad looks a little questioning at me too, but I ignore this for now.

  Jeff doesn’t say anything. Even when Killaney looks up at him. He’s a loyal employee and friend. He knows I don’t want to air my family’s business. Killaney just grunts at this and writes something down quickly on his notepad.

  Chapter 7 HER

  I wasn’t aware of Jake sitting next to me. Or of him pulling my upper body onto his lap, my tears
staining his jeans. His hands rubbing from my head down my back, over and over. I wasn’t aware of his soothing sounds and touch until my sobs quieted.

  I take a last shaky breath and pull my body up, keeping my face covered with my hands. I wipe my cheeks with my palms, but avoid looking at him. He lifts my chin to look at him though and wipes my wet cheek with gentle fingers. “You are beautiful when you cry.” Same words Max would use.

  This somehow adds a spark to my sadness. I realize that I’m not only afraid, but angry. Angrier than I’ve been in a long time. How dare he?! I yank my face away and push myself to sitting a little further away on the sofa. “You don’t have the right to touch me like that, Jake. Or to say any of that…” My anger is short lived. I end weakly.

  He grins at me though. That’s his response?! To grin?! I actually feel my hand moving before I can even think. But he stops my wrist inches from his face. I was going to slap him? I swallow. He doesn’t let go of my wrist, only squeezes a little harder. “Say you’re sorry.”

  “I...I’m sorry.” He squeezes a little more, then drops my hand onto my lap. I look and see that my wrist is a little pink from his fingers, but not like when Max grabs me.

  When I look back at him, he has the same grin. But this time, I’m only confused. I don’t know what to think or feel. “I shouldn’t have touched you. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. You’re right.” But he turns a little to face me more. “You’ve made a big mess for yourself, little girl.” I catch my breath at being called this by him, but he keeps talking. “You can’t keep going on like you’re perfectly fine with everything, but then still question it. That’s not fair. To Max.”

  I can feel my anger again. “To Max? What about me?!”

  His look darkens only a little, the grin stays, but stretches slightly. I can feel my instant reaction. I calm my face, hide my anger. “Yes. To Max. He’s never been anything but honest with you, right?” I nod. I know this is true. I’ve never questioned what he wanted…only if I could meet his demands.

  “So it’s you that’s been dishonest with him.” I start to open my mouth to protest, but his glare stops me. “You’ve been hiding from him all these months…your fears, your…your apprehensions about your future…about a baby.” His look turns to a cold stare of anger. I shudder a little watching his handsome features turn to stone. “All the while, you’ve been trying to have a baby with him. Now…when you think you might actually be pregnant…you choose now to come here and talk to me…like this?!”

  I breathe my answer, frozen in his stare, “I had to.”

  He leans forward and before I can stop him, he pulls the back of my head, my face to his and kisses me. On the lips. Just a slight pressure. Almost chaste. Just the slightest touching of wet lips together. He slowly moves my head back. I open my eyes. I didn’t even realize I’d closed them. Or that I’d held my breath.

  “I’ll help you, Lucy. Tonight at least. I’ll talk to Max.”

  I lower my head and he gets up to grab his phone. He comes back to sit in front of me with it, but he doesn’t make the call yet.

  He lifts my chin, gently this time. He grins at me again, but this time it’s more like his gentle smile. I don’t know how, but I return it. Jake has this ability to pull me out of myself no matter. Even when I was hurting after Max beat me. I was able to laugh with him. I don’t remember about what. But I remember that it felt good to laugh, even when it hurt to move.

  “But you know I’m not going to be able to convince him to change. Max isn’t ever going to change, Lucy...” I only nod. I do. He sits up a little more. “And you need to decide for yourself if this is really what you want. No more indecision. Because if you are carrying his child, I won’t be able to help you again.” I only blink at him for a moment.

  “And if I’m not?”

  He just rubs his chin again.

  Chapter 8 HIM

  My phone vibrates on the table. All eyes fix on it. Jake’s white teeth smile up at us. A dumb photo he took of himself last year with my phone as a joke.

  I don’t want to talk to him now, but I don’t like how Killaney is looking at me, waiting for me to pick up. I grab my phone and get up, heading outside. When I’m on the terrace and out of hearing, “Yeah. What’s up?”

  “Lucy’s here.”

  It takes me a moment to comprehend what he’s said. I still don’t get it. “What?!”

  “Lucy. She’s safe. She’s here. With me.” I feel too much at once to think. I don’t even respond. I sit down, slowly. Relief and anger flood my nerves. He doesn’t say anything more.

  I try to breathe. Deep breath in. Out. I swallow. “Where are you?”

  “My place.” His tone is blank. Trying for calm.

  “Your place?” I squeeze the phone; I’m surprised that it doesn’t break. I stand up again, pacing in front of the low wall, not seeing the skyline. “Tell her to get her ass home now.” I try for a calm voice, but I’m beyond that. I’m yelling into the phone. I turn and see Dad, Jake, and Killaney looking in my direction. I turn around again so my back is to them. “Put her on.”

  “I won’t do that, Max.” Red. Pure red. That’s all I see for a moment. “I’m bringing her home. But you need to calm down.”

  I swallow. “Don’t tell me to be calm, Jake. What the fuck?!”

  “I’ll explain it when I’m there. Just…just try to get control of your anger. Ok?” He hangs up before I can say anything more.

  I turn with my phone raised to throw towards the wall. Dad is standing in the doorway, staring at me. I stop. “What did Jake have to say?”

  “Lucy.” My teeth are grinding with the words. I can’t stop my anger from tearing my lips back, my whole body tensed to hit something. “She’s with him. At his place. He’s bringing her here now.”

  Chapter 8 HER

  I can hear Max’s voice. I can hear him yelling into Jake’s phone. I put my hands over my ears. Too scared to move, even when Jake puts the phone down on the coffee table next to him.

  He pulls my hands away from my head and I finally look at him. His face is neutral. A mask I’ve seen before. When he’s around a lot of people or family. When he doesn’t want to show how he feels. Or he’s getting control of his anger. I think he’s trying to be calm for my sake. I almost laugh, a little jerk of a gruff sound escapes my lips. I frown at him.

  “We need to go. Now.” I only nod. His voice is commanding. A deep, dark voice…I’m familiar with its sound…an echo I’ve heard.

  “I…I need to use your bathroom first…” He nods down a dark hall. I stumble up. Feeling a crazy amount of lead in my legs. I’m dizzy with fear. I don’t know if I can face Max right now. And all that’s happened here with Jake…I’ve made such a mess. I just keep thinking this same thing over and over.

  I get to the bathroom and turn on the light. After peeing, I just stand in front of the counter, staring at myself for a second. I splash a little cold water on my face finally. I’m too scared, too shocked even to cry more. But my body shakes. I grip the counter to stop myself. I laugh. A scary hysterical sound. Is this what a death row convict feels like? I’m walking to my judgment?!

  I head back down the hall. Jake is in the kitchen, just setting down the bottle of beer he finished. He looks strange. A mix of anger and…and I don’t know. Determination? Guilt? I have no idea. I thought I knew him…

  He doesn’t look at me, just goes into the bathroom and doesn’t bother closing the door. I can hear him pee in the dark. I can hear him wash his hands.

  When he comes out, he grabs my arm in a firm grip. The same, tight, almost painful grip from before. “Let’s go.”

  And he keeps this hold all the way down the stairs, out the door, down the block, into a cab. I only stare at him. Trying to see his look budge from the same stern, strong look. It doesn’t.

  In the cab, he takes my hand and holds it, pulling my hand onto his knee. He doesn’t look at me though. He just looks straight ahead.

  I’ve
really messed up today.

  Chapter 9 HIM

  Dad doesn’t say anything for a moment. He moves instead to stand in front of me, close to me. Blocking any view of me from Jeff and Killaney. “Get ahold of yourself, boy.” I have a second of rage at this. He sounds like Jake. But he puts his hand on my arm, the one not holding my phone. His grip has always been like a vise. His voice calm, in control, commanding as usual. Too many years raised under his belt, his complete power. I don’t move.

  I want to tell him to fuck off. I thought it plenty of times growing up. But he’s the reason I am who I am. He saved our family. I can’t disrespect him no matter what. Even now.

  I take a breath. I lower my phone. I shrug my shoulders and head, loosening up the hold my anger has on my body. I meet his eyes again. I nod.

  He lets go of my arm. We turn together to head back inside.

  Jeff is trying not to show his question. He’s trying to look neutral. He saw my anger. So did Killaney.

  Killaney raises his eyebrows, waiting. When I’m closer to the table, he finally speaks. “So…news?”

  Dad answers for me. He keeps his voice calm, neutral. “Yes. It appears Lucy is with my other son. She’s safe and sound.”

  Killaney doesn’t stop appraising me though. I walk by him into the kitchen to give myself a few more moments alone with my anger.