King Asshole

by Sam Crescent

  “They closed early tonight.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Most of the staff were ill with some kind of flu and rather than risk it spreading, he’d been sent home. He folded his arms. “You want me to leave?”

  “No, of course not. There’s plenty of food for you.” Dani pulled away from Fred, who took a seat at his table. He’d brought plenty of women home. Some of them had tried to trash the place, and he’d been careful on what they’d pick up.

  Since that blonde ruined her vase, he’d been on the lookout for something similar or even better, but so far he’d found nothing and couldn’t believe how hard it was to find a simple vase.

  “I’ll just go and put my shit down.” He wanted to punch Fred in the fucking face, and he didn’t understand it.

  Dumping his bag and jacket on his bed, he turned around toward the door and saw Dani there. She’d never been in his room. Her hands were clasped together. “I hope you don’t mind me having a date.”

  “Dani, this is your apartment as well. It’s totally fine.”

  “You look really pissed,” she said.

  “It’s fine. There’s a bug at work. I’m not a very nice guy when I’m sick.”

  “You’re not the easiest when you’re well.” She winked at him.

  “Is he your boyfriend?” he asked.

  “He’s someone. He asked me on a date a couple of months ago. We hit it off, but he’s been out of town. He came to Arnold’s, and I offered to cook him dinner. We can go out if you’d rather have the apartment to yourself.”

  “No. Would you like me to stay here?” He pointed to his bedroom.

  “Would you really stay in your room if I asked you to?”

  “Not a chance.”

  “Then come out and join us. How are Ryan and the guys?”

  “They’re doing good. Lily wants to meet you.”

  He saw the way her back seemed to tense at the mention of Lily’s name. He’d been trying to get the two women together, but for some reason, Dani was pretty resistant to the idea. He filed the information away for later.

  “Everything okay?” Fred asked.

  Jax didn’t like him. There was just something about the asshole that he didn’t like. There was no way Dani was into that.

  Keep your thoughts to yourself.

  She’s not been judgey to you.

  “So, Fred, what do you do?” Jax asked, pulling out a chair, scraping it across the floor.

  “I’m an accountant.”

  “A math whiz?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Ah, you stare at numbers all day.”

  “Yes. What do you do?”

  “I work in a bar.” He glared at the man opposite him.

  Dani bent over, pulling a lasagna from the oven. He’d already been noticing her killer curves that he liked to look at. Her full hips, slim waist, huge tits, and thighs that would look good wrapped around his waist as he fucked her hard. He wondered if Dani was a screamer or the kind of woman to keep those sounds to herself.

  His cock started to harden, but he refused to cover it. If Dani caught sight of it, whatever.

  This prick didn’t deserve her.

  “Sounds thrilling. Do you work with Dani?”

  “Nope. We work in different places.”

  “How did you find this place?” Fred asked.

  “I saw it in the paper. There was an ad. That was kind of a funny story, actually. I called him at three in the morning. Can you believe that? I’m surprised he gave me the time of day. I woke him up.”

  “I’m sure he’s glad to have someone like you here.”

  “Yep, she pays her rent up front. Cooks, cleans, does the laundry. It’s like having a girlfriend.”

  “Just without the added extras,” Fred said.

  Dani placed the lasagna in the center of the table as Fred put an arm around her waist. Jax didn’t like that, not one bit. Forcing a smile to his lips, he looked at Dani and saw her frowning at Fred. She clearly didn’t like being handled.

  “So, Dani, how was your day?” He’d noticed she rarely spent time relaxing. Not only did she work two jobs but she had plenty of hobbies. The latest was sewing. He’d been watching a horror movie as she was stitching something together.

  They did that from time to time. Share moments together.

  “It was good. Not a lot to talk about, to be honest. You?”

  “There were a lot of people sick. It’s why I’m invading your date.”

  Dani cut into the lasagna, and he saw Fred caressing her ass. Jax flipped the fork through his fingers, twirling it back and forth. Jealousy wasn’t something that he was used to, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t feeling that way. Not now, not ever. All that was happening was that he was looking out for his roommate.

  Fred was clearly an asshole of giant proportions.

  Dani deserved a lot better. She lifted up a piece of lasagna and placed it on his plate first. He smirked at Fred, who wasn’t impressed with the fact he was getting served first. He didn’t give a fuck.

  This was his apartment, and he’d be served first.

  She cut Fred a slice, then herself.

  “They were sick? Is something going around? Are you going to get sick?”

  “Nah, I never get sick.” He took a bite of her lasagna, closed his eyes, and moaned. “This is heaven.”

  “Thanks. I love to cook.”

  “You’re very good at it. I’ve not tasted something this nice in a long time.” He took another bite, ignoring the fucker across his table.

  He finished his portion within a matter of minutes and served himself some more. The silence around the table irritated him.

  “So, what are you kids doing tonight?”

  “I’m going to stick around. Dani and I are going to get reacquainted.”

  “In the apartment? You make her cook for you, fuck her, and then leave.”

  “Jax! Enough.”

  “What? Seriously, you’re going to give it up for this douche right here. He didn’t even have the decency to take you out to dinner.”

  “You know nothing,” Fred said.

  “Fred, it’s fine.”

  “It’s not fine, Dani. Fred’s a fucking loser that wants his cake and is eating it. You should make him work for it.”

  Fred stood, and Jax did the same. He was a good few inches taller, more muscular, and he wasn’t afraid of this piece of shit.

  “You got something to say. This is my place, and I can say what the fuck I want.”

  “I’m sorry, Dani. We’re going to have to postpone this to another night. I’m tired.”

  Jax sat down, chuckling as he heard Fred storm toward the door. Fucking pussy couldn’t even stand up for a night with his woman.

  He heard them muttering. They were talking too quietly for him to hear what they were saying. Finishing off his second slice, he was just cleaning away the dishes when Dani entered the room again.

  “What the ever-loving fuck was that?” Dani asked.

  “That was me saving you and your pussy a night of loser dick. You’re welcome.”

  “I happen to like Fred. You had no right doing that.”

  “I have every right. I pay for this apartment.”

  “News flash, I pay half of that rental bill because you can’t afford it on your own. By your own words you agreed not to interfere with my life just like I did. You even asked me not to be judgey, and I haven’t been. You’ve had many women here and don’t think for a second that I haven’t seen or heard them. I have! That was my guy, and you just pushed him right out the door.”

  “If he wasn’t man enough to stake his claim, he wasn’t worth it.” He filled the sink with water and started to do the dishes.

  “Wasn’t man enough? Do you even hear yourself? He was my date. I wanted to see him again. Have you ever thought about that?”

  “You can do better.”

  “Ugh! You’re not listening to me. Let me be clear. If I ever want your help with getting
rid of the attentions of a guy, I’ll let you know. Just for future reference, I was more than happy with having Fred over because you know what, my pussy could do with some action. There! You took it to the gutter, and I just put it right there. You’re all about wanting to get your dick wet. Well, tonight I wanted to wet some dick. Thank you so much for ruining that for me.”

  He stared at her.

  He didn’t have the first clue what to say.

  “What’s the matter now? Shocked you? Surprised you?”

  “I guess you could say I figured you’d be with someone a lot better than Fred. He seemed like a bit of a dick.”

  She burst out laughing. “Seriously, this coming from a guy that picks chicks up, fucks them, and tells them to get out of the apartment because he’s done with them. Wow, you know what, your double standards astound me. I have no intention of it being a long-term thing with Fred. He’s actually a pretty decent guy. He talks about himself a lot, okay. That’s fine. I’m used to a lot of men talking about themselves but get him into bed, he’s not selfish.” She walked away.

  “You’re not going to help me with the dishes?”

  “Nope. That is all on you. You ruined my date, and you can do the dishes.”

  She went straight to her room and slammed it closed.

  He watched her go.

  This was the first time he’d argued with a woman.

  It was also the first time a woman had called him out on his bullshit like that.

  He didn’t even like how seeing Fred with her felt.

  He’d make it up to her somehow. He’d have to.

  They lived together, and the one thing he learned about Dani, she couldn’t stay mad at him forever.

  Cleaning away the dishes, he wiped down the kitchen and put it back like new. That was at least one way of making it up to her. Her cooking was delicious.

  It wasn’t so bad having a roommate, not really. Most of the time he rarely saw Dani. They had their own separate lives.

  He still brought women back to the apartment, and Dani never commented on their presence. Yes, he’d been a complete bastard to her date.

  He didn’t like the feeling that he was missing something. This was the first time she’d brought a date back to the apartment.

  Making another of her famous apology hot chocolates that she liked, he went to her door.

  “Dani.”

  “Go away, Jax.”

  “I’ve made you some hot chocolate.”

  He heard her walking toward the door. She opened it with quite a bit of force. “Is that all you think you need to do? Make me some hot chocolate and I’ll be okay with it?”

  “It’s hot chocolate.”

  “Jax, you ruined my date. My date. If this had been the other way around, you’d kick me out of your apartment and have someone else here looking to rent the place in a week. Don’t you see the double standards here?”

  “No, I didn’t ruin your date. It’s not my fault that your guy couldn’t handle a bit of ribbing.”

  “Ribbing? Seriously?”

  “You’re a woman. Come on. I’m just looking out for you. You cannot say no to hot chocolate. I made it exactly the way you like it. Instruction by instruction, and I know for a fact it’s good.” His was waiting on the coffee table.

  “I’m still mad at you.”

  “Too mad to come and sit with me?”

  “I’m going to drink the hot chocolate, and then I’m going to bed. We’re not friends right now.”

  “Fine. Fine.”

  She took the hot chocolate from him, and as they sat together on the sofa, he liked that she’d accepted his gift. He’d not wanted her to be mad at him for ruining her date. He didn’t even want to think about her fucking any man.

  One day it was going to happen. He knew it was, and he’d have to be ready for that because he didn’t like the thought of her not being here. She was a pretty decent roommate.

  At least, for now, he’d made it up to her, and he wouldn’t worry. Maybe he should fuck a couple of women outside of the apartment. Go to their place so it wasn’t awkward.

  Yeah, he’d do that.

  ****

  Two nights later

  Dani was pulled out of her sleep by the sound of vomiting. Rolling over, she saw it was a little after 3:30. What on earth was making that sound?

  Getting to her feet, she left her bedroom, and found the bathroom door wide open. Jax was on his knees, face inside the toilet, spewing up his guts.

  “Jax, you okay?”

  “Do I look okay?” he asked. “Is this what someone does if they’re okay?” He stopped to continue spewing.

  “Did you have a lot to drink or something?” She went into the bathroom and began to rub his back, aware of his body covered in ink.

  He was a large, muscular man, but right now, he didn’t look the least bit attractive as he continued to vomit into the toilet.

  “I don’t know what has happened.”

  Vomit.

  “I never get sick.”

  “Did you drink a lot?”

  “I’ve not had a drink in over a week.”

  More vomit.

  She ran her hand up and down his back.

  “Have you eaten something bad?”

  “The only food I’ve eaten is what you’ve left in the fridge.” He glared at her. “Did you cook something bad?”

  “Vomit in the toilet, Mr. Judgey. The food in the fridge is fine.”

  He kept on throwing up.

  Moving toward the small window, she pushed it open, letting the odor disappear, or at least give her the illusion it was fading. It stank really bad.

  “You mentioned on the date night you ruined that people at your work were getting sick.”

  “You don’t understand, Dani. I never get sick. Never, ever.”

  “Really, never ever?”

  “Never. I don’t do sick.” He groaned, grabbing his stomach.

  “If that’s the case, you’ve been hit by the sickness fairy. If you can’t get sick, it’s the only way this can happen.”

  “Come on, Dani, this is no time for jokes.”

  “So you’ve got to accept that you’re ill.”

  “No, it hurts.”

  “Wow, you really are a baby, aren’t you?”

  “You’re going to get sick.”

  “I feel perfectly fine.”

  He resumed vomiting.

  Tucking some hair behind her ear, she stared at him.

  She could just leave him. He was a royal pain in the ass at the best of times, and already he sounded cranky. Still, the good in her wouldn’t allow her to leave a sick man, no matter how much of an ass he was that he spoiled her fun.

  Rubbing his back, she stayed with him.

  When he stopped being sick, she cleaned up his mess, helped him brush his teeth, and splashed some water on his face. “There.”

  “I need to shower,” Jax said. “I’m hot all over. I can’t go to bed like this.”

  “Then you’re going to have to get in the shower.” She folded her arms and he tried to get up, but he was really struggling.

  “I need help, Dani.”

  “Fine. Fine.”

  She turned the shower on, checked the temperature to make sure it wasn’t too hot or too cold, and then moved toward him.

  “Do not think this is a come on, or anyway for me to try and get in your pants.”

  “Dani, I’m sick. You know I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Good.” She reached down and tugged his boxer briefs down. Without looking at his dick, she stepped behind him, guiding him toward the shower. He could walk, but his movements were really slow.

  She’d heard about the whole man flu thing, but this was ridiculous.

  She had been sick many times herself and didn’t have anyone around to take care of her. This just strengthened her belief that women had a higher pain threshold than men. Thinking about it, they had to deal with menstrual cramps every twenty-one days. Men wouldn’t
be able to handle that kind of pain.

  The moment he hit the warm water, she heard him moan.

  “That feels so good. I’m sorry, big guy. You’re not getting any action for a little while. Damn, I’ve never seen you this small before.”

  “Are you seriously consoling your dick right now?”

  “I like to fuck and to get laid, and right now, I’m not going to get any of those things. Fucking sickness.”

  “Yeah, well, a lot of us like that, Jax. Some of us have asshole roommates that spoil that for us.” Fred hadn’t called back or even arranged for another date. As much as she hated to admit it, Jax probably did her a favor. Anyone who couldn’t handle her roommate wouldn’t be able to deal with her. Jax’s apartment was kickass. Not only was the space amazing for the cost, he lived in a nice neighborhood, had their own personal laundry room down in the basement, which she found a lot of fun. Then of course there was his stripper pole, and besides not butting into his personal life, which she never had any interest in doing, it was a pretty solid living arrangement.

  Of course, one down side to living with him was that she realized how much of an asshole men could be. The late-night slamming of doors and shouting. Also, he stopped her from getting laid.

  “Please, that asshole didn’t deserve you. I know for a fact he’s a giant one.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Simple, it takes one to know one, and I’ve never denied being anything other than an asshole. You can do better than that. Your lasagna deserved better.”

  She couldn’t help but smile. Jax did like her cooking.

  “Are you good to shower on your own?”

  “Absolutely. Unless you want to jump in here and make me feel better by sucking me off.”

  She shook her head and headed toward the door.

  “If you’re that desperate to get laid, Dani, I’ll take one for the team with you.”

  “Wow, now I feel like a sport that you cannot deny.” She grabbed the soiled clothes.

  She was heading toward the door when she thought better of leaving him. If, for whatever reason, he slipped, banged his head, and died, she’d never forgive herself.

  Heading back into the bathroom, she took a seat on the toilet and waited for him to be done.

  She didn’t even know why she cared.

  The shower turned off seconds later, and she waited as he put a towel around his waist and then opened up the shower.