A Good Enough Reason

by C. M. Lievens

  “We’re only seventeen. It won’t be forever.” Truth to be told, while Ellis did want to be open about their relationship, he was also scared to death. He’d never had many friends, and the rest of the school usually ignored him, but he wasn’t out. He knew it would change if he came out, especially if he dragged Dale along for the ride. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face whatever reaction the school would have.

  DINNER HAD been… painful. Connor was home again, and he kept looking from Ellis to Dale like he knew what had happened. Of course, it could have been the hickey Ellis hadn’t noticed was on his neck until he and Dale were back in his room.

  “Why did you do this?” Ellis groaned as he pulled on the collar of his T-shirt and examined his neck in the mirror. He crinkled his nose at the reddened skin, hoping no one would notice it at school the following day. He was lucky his dad hadn’t—yet.

  Dale placed himself behind Ellis and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

  “What am I supposed to tell Anna tomorrow? She’s going to notice it, and she won’t let go until she has an explanation. I don’t think I tripped will work.”

  “Tell her the truth.”

  Ellis groaned. “I don’t want to.”

  “Oh?” The mirror reflected Dale’s hurt expression, and Ellis turned around in his arms and kissed his cheek.

  “She’s going to squeal so loudly you’ll probably be able to hear her from wherever you are in the school.”

  Dale smiled and pressed a kiss on the side of Ellis’s neck. “What about a movie?”

  “Huh?”

  “Movie? You know, those things you can watch on your computer where people move around and tell a story?”

  Ellis stuck his tongue out, and Dale moved away. “As long as it’s not porn.”

  “Oh, I’d forgotten about that. We’re going to talk about it.”

  “Do we really have to?” Dale nodded. “Great. Remind me I should think before I open my mouth next time.”

  Dale huffed, but Ellis knew his annoyance was fake. He grabbed his laptop and put it to charge then settled next to Dale on the bed. They sat against the headboard, Dale’s arm around Ellis’s shoulders, the PC on the desk chair Dale had moved closer to the bed. It wasn’t the best position to watch a movie, but Ellis knew they wouldn’t actually be watching it. Still, he dutifully looked at the small screen while he waited for Dale to start talking.

  “Did you already like me when it happened?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe?”

  “What do you mean, maybe?”

  Ellis turned toward his boyfriend. He crossed his legs to be more comfortable and put his elbows on his knees, leaning his chin in his cupped hands. “I’m not sure. I know I liked you as a friend and that you made me nervous. And yeah, I might have had a crush on you, but I wasn’t about to admit it, not even to myself.” Ellis chuckled. “I remember thinking that even if I did like you, I’d never have you anyway.”

  “I realized during the movie. I couldn’t focus on the woman on the screen. I kept seeing you in her place.”

  Ellis slapped Dale’s arm. “I’m not a girl!”

  “I know.”

  Dale snagged Ellis’s waist and pulled him closer. Ellis went willingly, and they rearranged their bodies until they were comfortable. The movie was all but forgotten as their legs tangled together, and Dale kissed Ellis.

  “I feel guilty as fuck, you know?”

  “Because of Stephanie?”

  “Uh-huh. But I couldn’t resist.”

  “Is that why you took it out?”

  “Why I took what out?” Dale teased Ellis. Ellis went to tickle him, and Dale held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, okay. Yeah, that’s why I decided to jack off in front of you. I was thinking with my little head, though. I knew I couldn’t touch you even if I wanted to, and you looked so good, all flustered and embarrassed.”

  Ellis could feel his cheeks burn at the memory. “I thought you’d gone crazy.”

  “It was either that or touch you.”

  “I wouldn’t have minded.”

  “You would have freaked out. Besides, you wouldn’t have liked it because it would have meant I was a cheater.” Dale gave him a soft smile.

  “You know me quite well.”

  “A bit.”

  “Mmm, so what’s my favorite color?”

  “Blue.”

  “Favorite food?”

  “Anything with potatoes.”

  Ellis’s brows rose on his forehead. “You’re good.”

  Dale smiled and buffed his nails on his T-shirt. “I know, baby.”

  “Oh, no. There’s one thing you don’t seem to know about me. I don’t want to be called babe, baby, honey, sweetheart, or anything like that.”

  “I’ll stick with El, then.”

  Ellis patted Dale’s chest. “Good boy.”

  “Any more questions?”

  “Not for now.”

  “Well, I have some.”

  Ellis arched a brow. “Really?”

  “Yeah, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

  “Let’s hear the questions, and I’ll decide. Come on, first one.”

  “Okay. You said the guy who left at the end of last year wasn’t your boyfriend, right?”

  “That’s Matt. He’s my best friend, that’s all.”

  “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

  Ellis shook his head. “No. I’m not out, remember? And it’s harder for gay guys. Not only do you have to find a guy you like, but unless you ask him right out if he’s gay, you can’t know for sure. He could react badly at the question, maybe punch you or something. I don’t particularly want that to happen to me.”

  “So the night of the party… was it your first kiss?”

  Ellis shook his head. “No, that would be Emily Varden when I was ten.”

  Dale grinned. “You started early, huh?” Ellis stole a kiss from a willing Dale, and Dale continued. “Was it your first kiss with a guy?”

  Ellis shook his head again. “Nope. I haven’t had a boyfriend, but I’m not that innocent.”

  “Now I’m curious. Who was it?”

  “Matt.”

  “Your best friend?”

  “Yes. He’s never been more than that, but we were two teens who’d just realized they were both gay. We were curious, and we knew we couldn’t easily find a boyfriend, so we decided to experiment together.”

  Dale’s brows shot up. “Experiment? I take it it wasn’t only a kiss?”

  “Nope.”

  “What else did you do?”

  “Watched porn together like I did with you. Jacked off.”

  “Each other?”

  “Yeah.” Damn, Ellis hadn’t thought he’d have to spill his sex life right after they’d gotten together.

  “What else?”

  Ellis blushed. “Mutual blowjobs, but it happened just the one time.”

  Dale gaped. “Seriously?”

  “What? Don’t tell me you’ve never received a blowjob.”

  “I have, but I never, you know, been on the giving side of things.”

  “How far did you get? Sexually, I mean.” Ellis was curious, even though he suspected he already knew the answer.

  “Wait, that’s all?” Dale asked. “Blowjobs?” Ellis nodded, and Dale continued, “So you’re still a virgin.”

  Ellis was probably going to stay red until Dale went home. “Yeah. The blowjobs were fun, but it was a bit weird. I don’t like Matt that way.”

  “You want your first time to be special.”

  Ellis shrugged. “I guess. We did kind of think of going all the way, but it didn’t feel right. What about you?” Ellis asked, hoping it would be enough to move the conversation from him to Dale.

  “I’m not a virgin.”

  Ellis chuckled, but jealousy churned in his gut. “I didn’t think you were.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve heard your exes talk, make compar
isons.”

  “The fuck? It’s not like I sleep around!”

  “Much.”

  “Hey! I’ve only had a few girlfriends!”

  “Let’s see, there was Joan, Claire, Madison, Rachel, and of course, Stephanie, and those are only the ones you dated for a while. I don’t think I know about your one-night stands.”

  “Did you spy on me or something?”

  “No. It’s just, you’re hot, you know? Me and Anna used to, um, check you out. Sometimes.”

  Dale laughed. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  Dale leaned forward and kissed the tip of Ellis’s nose. “Now you can do it whenever you want.” He smiled. “You’re my first guy, you know?”

  Ellis felt something like relief flutter in his chest. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been with girls, but you’re the first guy I did anything with.”

  Was it stupid of Ellis to hope he would also be the last?

  ELLIS GNAWED on his lower lip as he waited for his best friend to answer the phone.

  “El!”

  “Hey, Matt.”

  “Is this about Dale?”

  “How’d you know?”

  “Call me Miss Esmeralda, psychic extraordinaire.”

  “Oooh, look at who’s been studying his French.”

  “So, has he pulled his head out of his ass yet? Are you two friends again?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “What happened? Did he at least apologize? Because you can’t take him back if he doesn’t.”

  “Yeah, he did. He also broke up with Stephanie.”

  “He did what? Why?”

  Ellis couldn’t have stopped the smile from blooming on his lips even if he’d wanted to—and he didn’t. “Because he has a boyfriend now.”

  “No way! You got into Dale Stephens’s pants?”

  “No! Well, apart from the whole porn-hand job thing, but I never actually touched him. No, we just got together. That’s it.”

  “Really? No ass groping? Maybe a little blowjob?”

  “No, Matt. Not everyone is a sex fiend like you.”

  “I am not a sex fiend! I just have a healthy sex drive.”

  “Sure, sure.”

  “I’m not the one with a boyfriend, a straight one at that. Hey, you managed to turn a straight guy gay!”

  “No, Matt. He’s bi.”

  “Huh. Well, come on. What happened?”

  “I DON’T know what you’re talking about, Anna.”

  “Puh-lease. Something’s up with you. I know it.”

  “Me?” Ellis put on his most innocent expression. He was having so much fun teasing Anna, the girl who knew every gossiped rumor—except this one.

  She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned against the locker behind her. Ellis grabbed what he needed from his, taking advantage of the rare moment of silence.

  “You look happy.”

  “What, I usually don’t?”

  “Not like this. You look especially happy.”

  Ellis smirked and closed his locker. Anna walked next to him down the hallway, her face still scrunched as she tried to read him. “Does one of your favorite authors have a new book out?” Ellis shook his head. “A movie?” Another shake. “A video game?”

  “You know I don’t have the time to play.”

  “Bullshit. But it’s not that anyway. Umm. Got a nice review for one of your stories?”

  “A few, yeah.”

  Someone passed next to Ellis, too close. A hard shoulder nailed him, and he stumbled, almost falling before Anna’s hands steadied him. He scowled at Mark, but Mark only smirked back as he walked away.

  “Okay?” Ellis nodded at Anna, and she went on as if nothing had happened. “I’m not sure what else it can be.”

  Ellis decided he could throw her a bone. “Dale and I talked.”

  Her face lit up. “That’s great! He’s going to need a friend, you know? I heard he and Stephanie broke up.”

  Ellis put his bag on the desk and settled in the seat. Anna took the seat next to him. “Jeez, it happened only yesterday, and you already know about it?”

  “Facebook. You know how it goes. How do you know?”

  “I told you we talked.”

  “Is it true he did the dumping?”

  Ellis nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Why? They looked so good together. Of course, there’s the thing that happened that night, but….” Anna’s eyes went wide, and she gaped at Ellis. “You didn’t!”

  Ellis grinned. “Didn’t what? And keep your voice down, for Christ’s sake.”

  Anna was practically bouncing in her seat. “Did you, El? Is it what I think it is? Did it happen? Really?”

  “I’d have to know what you think it is to answer.”

  Anna leaned closer. “Do you have a boyfriend?” It came out way louder than Ellis would’ve liked. “Shhh! Keep it down, Anna!”

  She held her hands up while Ellis looked around the room, but she snagged his attention before he could see if someone had heard. “Sorry, sorry. So? Do you?”

  “Yeah, yeah. I do.”

  Anna squealed and clapped. “Anna!” Ellis hissed. Several people in the room were looking at them now. Ellis’s stomach sank when he saw Mark was one of them. He was sitting a few desks away, and he looked angry enough to reduce Ellis to pieces only with his glare. “Shit, do you think Mark heard what we said?”

  Anna looked his way. “I don’t know, El. We whispered the important parts, right? He can’t have heard from there.” She didn’t look convinced, though, and it wasn’t making Ellis feel better.

  As bad as Mark usually was, he didn’t normally try to burn a hole in Ellis’s head with his eyes. Ellis could have sworn he actually felt the glare, almost like a touch, and it gave him the creeps. “I hope so. He’ll kill me if he finds out.”

  “Why should he?”

  “You know how he is. It’s not like he needs a reason to bully me, and you’ve seen how angry he looks right now.”

  Anna patted his arm as the teacher came in and closed the door. “You just have to stick with your—” She leaned closer. “—boyfriend.”

  Chapter Ten

  “WHEN IS Dad coming?”

  Dale’s mother looked from the inside of the fridge for a moment. “He said to be ready by ten. Can you please check Alicia too? She packed her bag last night, but make sure she’s dressed and ready to go.”

  “Sure. Uh, Mom?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you think I could talk with you and Dad when he gets here?”

  Dale’s mom closed the fridge door. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, not wrong. I have something to tell both of you, and I thought it would be easier to do it together instead of twice.”

  “But everything’s all right?”

  “Yeah, don’t worry.”

  Dale put his empty cereal bowl in the dishwasher and went to his room to get his bag ready. It was his dad’s weekend, so Alicia and Dale would sleep over at his apartment that evening. Dale would have rather spent the first Saturday evening since they’d gotten together with Ellis, but he also wanted to see his dad. Dale knew his father would let him go out if he asked, but since this weekend was the one where both him and Ellis were coming out to their families, they’d decided to skip it. It was only two days anyway—but Dale already missed his boyfriend.

  They’d been together only a handful of days, but it felt so right. It had felt that way ever since they’d become friends. Dale had known Ellis was special since the beginning, but he never thought Ellis would end up being his first boyfriend. It still felt weird to think that word, let alone say it aloud.

  “Boyfriend,” Dale said to his empty room. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but nothing changed, or rather, everything had changed since he’d kissed Ellis. It had taken only that kiss for Dale to realize he was in love with the guy.

  Dale quickly pushed what he needed for the weekend in his bag and showered before dressing and
checking on his sister. “You ready?”

  Alicia was sitting on her bed, reading. She was already dressed and packed, her bag next to the door. Her shoes were missing, but Dale could see them next to her bag, ready to put on.

  “Yes.”

  “You’re staying here for a bit, though. I have to talk to Mom and Dad.”

  She gave Dale a curious glance, but she nodded without asking. “I’ll finish this book, so I don’t have to bring it with me.”

  “That way you can bring a new one.”

  “Yes.”

  Dale smiled and resisted the urge to ruffle her hair. The last time he’d tried, she said she was too old for it.

  The bell rang and startled Dale. Jesus, he’d thought he’d still have a bit of time to rehearse what he was going to say or something. Not that thinking about it had actually done him any good until now, but still. He felt totally unprepared.

  Dale took a deep breath and hoped at least his dad would take it well. “I’m going, Al. I’ll call you when I’m done, or Dad will come and get you.”

  “Sure.” Alicia didn’t even look up from her book. Dale kissed the top of her head and went to meet his dad. He could hear his parents talking even before seeing them. “And you don’t know what it’s about?”

  “No, he didn’t say anything. Do you think something is wrong?”

  “He told you he’s fine. Don’t fret. You’ll find out soon enough.”

  God, Dale loved his dad.

  He entered the living room and smiled at his parents. “Hi, Dad.”

  “Hey, kid. Your mother told me you need to talk to us. Is the living room okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  Dale sat on the couch and tried not to squirm. He watched as his mom sat beside him and his father in the armchair, and wished Ellis or Seth could’ve been there to support him. He couldn’t seem to stop his leg from bouncing, and his palms were damp.

  “So, what is it?” Mom asked.

  “I, well. This isn’t easy for me, but—” Dale took a deep breath and let it out slowly. There was no point in delaying this. “I’m bi.”

  He waited for their reactions, his eyes on his hands.

  “What do you mean, bi?” Mom asked. Disbelief colored her words, and Dale knew she’d understood exactly what he’d said. She just didn’t want to believe it.