A Good Enough Reason

by C. M. Lievens

  “It’s good you waited for a steady boyfriend.”

  It wasn’t like Ellis had exactly waited for that, but he wasn’t about to tell his father about the sexual experiments he and Matt had been up to in the past. If anything, because his dad looked so relieved. So Ellis just nodded. Dad rummaged in his paper bag again and took out a bottle of lube and some leaflets. He handed everything to Ellis.

  Ellis cringed when the words Gay Sex jumped at him from a colorful front page.

  “These say you have to use lots of lube.”

  “You read them?” Ellis squeaked out. He wanted to die, or at least bury himself under his comforter until his dad was out of the room.

  “Of course I did. Once it became obvious you’d bring home a bee someday.”

  Ellis frowned. “A bee?”

  “You know, the birds and bees thing.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Ellis contemplated hiding under his bed, because the conversation was becoming even weirder. His dad stood up before he could make a decision, thankfully.

  “I’ll be downstairs if you have… questions.”

  Yeah, I don’t think so.

  Dad was the last person Ellis would go to if he did have questions related to sex. That was what the Internet was for. “Sure.”

  “Umm, nice talk. We should do this more often.”

  “More… often?”

  “I meant talking. You know, you and me.”

  “Okay, sure.” Nice talk? More like totally weird and embarrassing. “Anyway, I have some homework to do.”

  “Okay. See you tomorrow, then. Sleep well.”

  Dad scurried away as if he couldn’t wait to be out of the room, and maybe he couldn’t. He was out in two seconds flat, leaving Ellis alone. Ellis didn’t know whether to be disturbed at the conversation they’d had or to just try to forget about it.

  He glared at the condoms and lube he still held and pushed them under the bed. He made a mental note to remember to pick them up before his mother came in to vacuum, because that would be even more disturbing than his dad’s sex talk. Once it was done, Ellis grabbed his laptop and put a movie on. He tried to forget everything, but the words Gay Sex kept flashing in his mind at regular intervals.

  Chapter Eleven

  ELLIS WAS glad class was over because he needed the bathroom, like, right now. “I’ll see you in the cafeteria,” he told Seth.

  Seth nodded, distracted by Loreen’s skirt—or her legs, more probably—and Ellis shook his head. He put his notebook in his backpack and left Seth to whatever he was doing.

  He pushed through the crowd of students going to lunch and entered the first bathroom he encountered. He put his bag down in what looked like the cleanest spot on the floor and went to the urinals, sighing in relief when he finally started to pee.

  The door opened and closed behind Ellis, but he didn’t worry about it until someone—Mark—said, “I heard you have a boyfriend.”

  Ellis closed his pants with trembling hands. “Leave me alone.”

  He went to the sinks, keeping Mark in sight and as much distance as possible between them. He quickly washed his hands, but of course Mark wouldn’t stop after barely one remark. “Whose cock are you sucking, huh?”

  “No one’s,” Ellis muttered.

  “Bullshit. I heard you talking with your little friend the other day.”

  Ellis’s stomach sank. Of course Mark had heard them talk. It was no use denying it, but Ellis wasn’t about to give Mark the satisfaction of telling him that yes, he had a boyfriend. And he definitely wouldn’t tell him who it was. “It’s not your business.”

  Mark’s fists tightened at his sides, and he stepped toward Ellis. The door swung open, and they both turned to face the guy who stepped in. He looked from Ellis to Mark and obviously decided it would be wiser to pee in another bathroom. He closed the door again, leaving Ellis alone with Mark.

  Ellis’s eyes went to Mark. He didn’t know what to do or say to get out of the bathroom without being hurt. He could see Mark was angry, but he didn’t know why, just like he didn’t know why Mark was targeting him again.

  “Who is it?” Mark gritted out.

  “No one.”

  “Is it Mr. Shea? Is that why you’re keeping it quiet?”

  Ellis’s eyes widened. “Mr. Shea? Are you nuts?” Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to say to his very own bully, but that was the most ridiculous thing Ellis had ever heard.

  “Is it him?”

  “No! Where the fuck did you hear that? It’s ridiculous!”

  “You’re the only fags in school.”

  “So what? Don’t you think maybe whoever it is, is from another school? Or maybe they don’t want to be out?”

  Mark chuckled darkly. “Oh, I can see why someone wouldn’t want people knowing they’re with you. You don’t have anything going for you except for your pretty mouth. Or do you take it up the ass like a good bitch too?” Mark sneered, and Ellis recoiled. Mark took another step closer, and Ellis took one backward.

  “Maybe you’re letting Mr. Shea fuck you to be sure you’ll pass English. Is that why you always have good grades?”

  “What the fuck are you saying? What do you want from me, Mark?”

  Another step forward. Ellis went backward again. He hit the wall with his back. He was trapped, and he wouldn’t be any good in a fight, especially against Mark.

  “Shut up, cocksucker. Is he the only one you sell your ass to?” Mark reached for his belt and Ellis froze in horror. His brain was unwilling to go there, to even consider it. “What would you do for me to leave you alone, huh? Would you suck my cock? Offer your ass?”

  Ellis shook his head. “N-no. Never.”

  Mark took another step forward and reached for Ellis, fury on his face.

  Ellis didn’t think. He balled his hand in a fist like Dale had shown him a few weeks ago and swung upward. His fist hit something hard—Mark’s jaw—and pain shot through Ellis’s hand and forearm.

  Mark staggered backward, his eyes wide at the fact that Ellis of all people would hit him. He didn’t stay shocked for long, though. He narrowed his eyes and reached for Ellis again.

  The door swung open.

  “El? What’s going on?”

  Ellis could have cried or even kissed Seth. He ducked under Mark’s raised arm and circled him. He grabbed his bag as he nearly ran toward Seth. Seth knew exactly what had been going on in the bathroom, or part of it anyway. He kept the door open, and Ellis passed next to him and got out.

  He heard the door close, but he didn’t slow down. He needed to put space between him and Mark, as much space as possible.

  “El? El, slow down!”

  A hand grabbed Ellis’s arm, and a sob escaped him. He tried to shake the hand away, but Seth was having none of it. He pulled Ellis toward a classroom and peeked inside, then dragged Ellis in.

  Seth faced Ellis and put his hands on both of Ellis’s shoulders. Ellis didn’t look at him, couldn’t look at him, not after what had been about to happen. He didn’t want to believe Mark would have done what his words and actions suggested.

  “El, what’s wrong? Did he hurt you? What did he do?”

  Ellis shook his head. “No. No, he didn’t even touch me.” But he would have if Seth hadn’t arrived.

  “What did he say, then? Does he know about Dale? Is that why you look so bad?”

  “No. I—nothing.” Mark wouldn’t have done it, right? The guy was a bully, but not a rapist. Besides, he was a homophobic asshole. He’d never want to touch Ellis that way.

  “El, do you want me to get Dale, or maybe your mother?”

  “No!” Ellis reached for Seth and took his wrist before he could take his phone out of his pocket. “I’m fine. Really. Mark was only being his usual asshole self. Nothing new.”

  “Are you sure?” Concern was plain on Seth’s face, and while Ellis was glad for it, he wished Seth would believe him and stop pushing.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. It was nothing new, b
ut I can’t stand it anymore, you know?”

  Seth didn’t look convinced, but he nodded anyway, and Ellis let go of his wrist.

  “Dale is waiting for us in the cafeteria.”

  Ellis knew Dale would probably understand something was wrong as soon as he saw him, but he plastered what he hoped was a normal expression on his face and prayed his boyfriend wouldn’t notice anything. “Let’s go, then.”

  “El, are you sure—”

  “Yeah, don’t worry. I’m fine, and Mark was just being himself.”

  Ellis didn’t think he’d convinced Seth, but he didn’t ask anymore, so he counted it as a small victory anyway.

  “DALE?”

  Dale looked up from his books at his best friend. Seth looked worried. “What’s up?”

  “I found Mark and Ellis in the bathroom.”

  “Alone?”

  “Yeah. I don’t know what happened, but Ellis didn’t look so good.”

  Dale rose from his chair. “Where is he?”

  “He said he was going to the library, that he wasn’t hungry.”

  Dale pushed his book in his backpack and left his half-eaten lunch on the cafeteria table. He nodded at Seth and ran to the library.

  Before he got there, though, he crossed Mark’s path. The guy was alone in an empty classroom, eating an apple. The expression on his face was strangely vulnerable. Dale didn’t have a better word for it, although it was a word he’d never have associated with Mark. Not that it mattered, not when the guy was bullying Dale’s boyfriend.

  Dale pushed the door open hard enough it slammed against the wall. Mark jumped a bit and glanced his way. He smiled when he saw it was Dale and turned around on the desk he was sitting on to face him. He gave his apple a bite. “Dale? What are you doing here?”

  “What did you do to Ellis?”

  “Oh, that’s why you’re here.”

  Dale clenched his hands into fists. “What did you do to him, Mark?”

  “I didn’t do anything.” Mark’s smile dimmed. “I didn’t even touch him.” He gave the apple another bite. “Why do you care anyway?”

  “He’s my friend.”

  “Really? I was your friend too, when we were kids.”

  A bit of Dale’s anger left him. “I know, sorry. We grew up, and you changed, Mark. I don’t understand why you’re bullying Ellis, and I don’t like it. I don’t think I can be your friend if you do something like that to him, or to anyone else.”

  “Oh, I’m crying,” Mark declared, throwing the rest of his apple in the trash can and pressing his hand on his heart. “What will I do now that the great Dale Stephens won’t be my friend anymore?”

  “Mark—”

  “Shut up, Stephens. Who cares about being your friend? You haven’t been my friend in years, and now you have Ellis, right? Or is he something more? You just broke up with your girlfriend. I wonder why… or for who.”

  Dale swallowed. No matter what he said, he knew he wouldn’t change Mark’s mind, and he wasn’t about to deny being with Ellis anyway. “It’s not your business. Just leave him alone.” Yeah, he’d basically confirmed he was with Ellis, but it was Mark he was talking to. He’d have invented rumors if he didn’t know the truth anyway. Dale and Ellis would deal with it, even if Mark outed them to the entire school.

  “Why should I?”

  God, it would be so easy to punch the guy’s face. But it wouldn’t solve anything. It’d only create more problems, and that was the last thing Dale and Ellis needed. “Why do you do it? What did he do to you?”

  “He exists.”

  Dale wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Is it because he’s different? Because he’s not a jock, or because he’s not popular?”

  “Keep telling yourself that, Stephens.”

  “You have to have a reason!”

  Mark took a step forward and raised his fist, but he stopped before actually hitting Dale. “Yeah, I have a reason. But like you said, it’s not your business. Right?”

  “I’ll tell someone.”

  Mark’s eyes narrowed. “You’re going to tell?”

  “If you don’t leave him alone, yes. It’s getting worse, Mark. You have to see that.”

  “Whatever. Go back to your boyfriend and tell him to stay away from me.”

  Mark shouldered his way past Dale and left the room. Dale watched him, feeling like instead of solving the problems he already had, he’d created new ones. Great.

  ELLIS WAS calmer when Dale found him in the library. He’d almost managed to convince himself Mark had just tried to scare him, that he’d been his usual bully self—almost.

  “El? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Seth told me about Mark.”

  “I’m fine. He was just being Mark, you know.” Ellis wondered who he was trying to convince.

  Dale looked at his feet. “I might have outed both of us to him.”

  “You what?” Several heads turned their way, and Ellis grabbed Dale’s arm and forced him to sit down next to him. “What did you do?” he hissed.

  “I’m sorry, okay? I was looking for you, but I saw him first, and I stopped to talk to him.”

  “What did you tell him?” Ellis couldn’t believe Dale had swept in like a knight in shining armor only to out them both to the dragon.

  “I told him to leave you alone.”

  Ellis snorted. “I’m sure that went well. I still don’t get how you outed us, though.”

  “I didn’t say anything. He did, though. He told me to go back to my boyfriend, but I don’t know if he said it just to get to me or if he really thinks we’re together.”

  “What do we do?”

  “Nothing. If he does tell anyone, do you think they’ll believe him?”

  Ellis had no doubt no one would ever believe Dale was gay. He’d had several girlfriends, was on the soccer team. He was popular. They’d probably think Ellis was desperately in love with Dale and pining for him while he was nursing his broken heart over Stephanie.

  “Even if no one believes him, it’s going to make things worse with him. There’s a reason why I didn’t want him to find out I’m gay.” Flashes of what had happened in the bathroom passed through Ellis’s mind. Even if he tried to fool himself, he knew Mark was getting worse. He’d never been sexual when he’d bullied Ellis. Ellis couldn’t help but wonder how far Mark might push, and he didn’t want to believe what his brain was suggesting.

  “El, I think you should tell someone. I don’t know what Mark has against you, but it looks more serious than the usual high school bullying, and I don’t think he’s going to stop.”

  “I know, but who do I tell?”

  “Your parents?” Ellis shook his head. He knew his parents would do anything they could to help him, but he didn’t want them to panic. “A teacher?”

  “Maybe Mr. Shea? He’s gay. He might understand.”

  “Yeah, he sounds like a good idea.”

  Ellis shook his head. He didn’t want to tell anyone, he didn’t want help. He didn’t want to need help, but he did.

  A warm hand landed on his thigh, and he snapped his head up. Dale smiled at him and squeezed his leg before letting go, but Ellis reached out and took his boyfriend’s hand. They were hidden under the table, and he needed the contact. He needed to know he wasn’t alone.

  Chapter Twelve

  “HOW CAN you go on a date if no one can know it’s a date?” Anna asked.

  Ellis didn’t have the answer. “We’ll just behave like two friends, hang out, you know.”

  “But the point of a date is to be together, hold hands, stuff like that.”

  “I thought the point of a date was to get to know each other.”

  Anna scowled. “Of course it is, but you already know Dale. You’ve been his friend for months.”

  “It’s different now.” And it was. Ellis and Dale had been friends before getting together, but they’d both kept a part of themselves private—Ellis because he knew he’d be hu
rt if he fell in love with Dale, Dale because he didn’t want to fall for a guy. It hadn’t helped, obviously.

  “It’s kind of sad.”

  “I know.”

  “I still don’t get why you don’t want people to know.”

  Ellis loved Anna, really he did, but he’d already explained this to her, and she still didn’t understand. She looked at his situation from a straight girl in a heterosexual couple point of view, and it was far from Ellis’s situation. “We need time.”

  Anna opened her mouth, maybe to argue some more, but Ellis gave her an imploring glance. “Please.”

  She nodded, though Ellis could see she wasn’t happy, and passed him the shirt she’d chosen for him. He looked at it and put it back in his closet.

  “Hey! I chose it especially for your date!”

  “I know, but this can’t look like a date, remember?” Ellis grabbed a T-shirt instead.

  He’d been the one who wanted to keep his relationship with Dale a secret, but he was already regretting it. Things were so complicated like this, and it took a lot of happiness out of Ellis. Just the fact that he couldn’t be himself—not even now he’d finally admitted he was gay to the most important people in his life—made him feel bad. He and Dale couldn’t even do something as simple as holding hands.

  ELLIS WAS ready and waiting on the couch with his mom when Dale arrived to pick him up. Not that waiting on the couch with his mother had been intentional. He’d been too nervous to wait in his room, and Mom had been watching one of her serials in the living room. Ellis had tried to focus on it, hoping it would distract him, but to no avail.

  He got up when he heard a knock and tried to dry his palms on his jeans. Why was he so nervous? He knew Dale, had even gone out with him as a friend already. This was different, but not that different. Still, his heart was beating faster than it should have, and he was sweating like crazy—not a good thing on a first date.

  He opened the door and smiled at Dale. He looked good. He’d followed the same this is not a date reasoning Ellis had and wore jeans, a T-shirt, and his jacket, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t hot. Ellis still had problems believing Dale was his, that he’d chosen him of all people. But now that Dale was his, Ellis wasn’t about to let go.