Marty Pants #3

by Mark Parisi

CHAPTER 29

  theft by finding

  The singing on the bus quiets down as The Candy Factory comes into view.

  We file out of the bus and go in the front doors.

  An important-looking guy gives us a boring talk about the history of the factory. I’m not listening. Then I hear, “Check your bags at the front desk, and let’s all see how candy is made!”

  When we walk out on The Candy Factory floor, the smell of chocolate is intoxicating!

  I soon learn a few things.

  1.The walls aren’t edible.

  2.We aren’t allowed to swim in the vats.

  3.We can’t live here forever.

  But none of that matters! This is where it all happens.

  It’s like floating through a dream. For once, my life feels perfect.

  They even give us free candy at the end!

  I think they’re rejects, but who cares? They taste the same.

  We all pig out, and I notice Cricklewood has a chocolate mustache.

  When the receptionist hands me my backpack, it slips right out of my hand. I watch helplessly as something falls out.

  Gurk!

  Before I can grab my incriminating drawings, Cricklewood turns around and scoops them up.

  Oh no. This is not going well.

  She looks them over, and her face gets angrier and angrier.

  “WHO DREW THIS?” Cricklewood snaps as she holds up the pages. Of course, she knows it was me. My signature is right on there!

  This is Strike Three for sure. I’m suspended. There’s no way out. It’s . . .

  Wait. Where’s my signature?

  Of course, I know where it is.

  Jerome saved my bacon!

  Now there’s no proof that Monkey Washer Man is mine.

  “Marty, admit you drew this,” Cricklewood says.

  “I will not,” I say.

  “Marty, I know this is yours.”

  “Do you have proof?” I ask.

  “I don’t need proof,” Cricklewood says. “I know it was you. You’re always tormenting Simon.”

  “Wrong, wrong, and wrong!” I say.

  “This is the LAST STRAW, Marty!” Cricklewood snaps. “I’ve HAD IT! This is STRIKE THREE, so you’re officially suspend . . .”

  CHAPTER 30

  i me me mine

  “Simon?” Cricklewood asks incredulously. “YOU drew this?”

  “Yup,” he says. “It wasn’t Marty. It was totally me.”

  Wow! Simon saved my bacon! That’s what a best friend would do!

  “That’s right,” I say, “Simon drew it.”

  The important-looking Candy Factory man looks over the drawings. He smiles and says, “This Monkey Washer thing is fantastic!”

  “You think so?” I say.

  “It’s exactly the type of thing we want for our TV commercial!” he says. “You’re talented, Simon!”

  Wait, what? Simon is not talented. I am!

  “Can we use your creative idea, Simon?” the important-looking man says. “We’ll pay you.”

  “Of course!” Simon says. “I’ll be famous!”

  “Good for you, Simon!” Cricklewood says. “Your clever cartoon is going to be on TV!”

  “HOLD EVERYTHING!” I calmly yell. “SIMON DIDN’T DRAW MONKEY WASHER MAN! I DID!”

  Cricklewood looks at me. Something she says makes me think she doesn’t believe me.

  “But it’s MINE!” I tell her.

  “You just told me it’s Simon’s!” Cricklewood says impatiently.

  “We all heard you with our ear holes,” Roongrat says.

  “I LIED!” I say, telling the truth.

  “You’re embarrassing yourself,” Simon says.

  “But . . .”

  “Marty’s being childish, isn’t he, Ms. Cricklewood?”

  “Yes, he is, Simon.”

  “Come on, Simon!” I plead. “Tell the truth!”

  “I’m a talented, gifted artist,” he says. “That’s the truth.”

  “NO, IT ISN’T!” I snap.

  “Careful, Marty,” Cricklewood says.

  “But it’s MINE!” I say desperately. “It fell out of my backpack!” I thrust my backpack forward, and it accidentally brushes by Simon.

  He falls down like he was shot by a cannon.

  Then it happens.

  “You’re not just suspended from school, Marty,” Cricklewood shouts. “You are EXPELLED!”

  CHAPTER 31

  yer out

  “You punched Simon?!”

  “I barely touched him, Dad,” I explain. “Besides, it was an accident.”

  “And what’s this about you trying to take credit for Simon’s art?”

  “The opposite is true! He’s taking credit for MY art! With magic! You believe me, right, Dad?”

  “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

  “Come on, Dad.”

  “You’ve been expelled, Marty! You can never go back to that school ever again! This is bad! How am I going to tell your mother?”

  “None of this is my fault!” I explain. “Simon is using magic to mess with everyone’s minds!”

  “Does your mother know you’ve been obsessed with magic lately?”

  “I guess so,” I say. “She told me she’d believe in magic if you remembered your wedding anniversary.”

  “If I . . . GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!” my dad says. “Our wedding anniversary is THIS WEEKEND! You just saved my bacon, Marty!”

  My dad runs out of my room like he’s being chased by a bear.

  He forgot to ground me. I know he meant to.

  But he can’t ground me if he can’t find me.

  I have to leave the house. NOW.

  CHAPTER 32

  another thing

  “Can you believe Cricklewood expelled me?!”

  “Harsh,” Parker says. “Where will you go to school now?”

  “I don’t know,” I tell her. “Probably some school for criminals.

  “I’m telling you, Parker, I drew Monkey Washer Man, not Simon! You know me—that’s the kind of stuff I alvwzzz drrmllthff!”

  “Blunndpsh besides,” I say, “Simon couldn’t have drawn it. Everyone knows he only draws ONE THING!”

  “Well, Marty . . .” Parker says.

  “Well, what?”

  “Simon drew this for me the other day.” She shows me something on her arm.

  I recognize that. It’s the famous character Hey-O Kiddie!

  “Simon drew that?” I ask. “Are you sure?”

  “He’s been drawing it for lots of girls lately.”

  Wow. This is a big deal.

  “Big deal!” I say. “Now there are TWO famous characters he can copy! He just sucks the talent from other people’s brains, don’t you see?”

  “Is that what’s going on, Marty?”

  “Yes! But he can’t suck the talent from my brain, so he just steals my drawings and convinces everyone they’re his! It’s black magic! He’s evil!”

  “The mayor is giving Simon an award,” Parker tells me, “to celebrate his success with Monkey Washer Man.”

  “No way!”

  “Yes, way. There’s going to be a ceremony on Saturday. He’s getting the You Little Hero award.”

  “They’re expecting the whole city to attend,” Parker continues.

  “No fair! It should be ME getting that award!”

  Parker looks like she wants to say something but doesn’t.

  “No one else believes me,” I tell her. “But at least I know you’re on my side, Parker.”

  “Marty,” Parker says. “There’s something I should tell you. I’m helping Simon prepare for the ceremony.”

  “What? WHY?”

  “He asked me, and it sounded like fun. I guess I won’t have much time for these psychology sessions.”

  I snap my fingers in front of Parker’s face. “Snap out of it! You’ve been charmed!” I tell her.

  She just looks at me.

  I can�
�t believe this.

  Parker has always been the one person I could count on. The one person who understood me no matter what.

  That’s all over now. I can no longer trust her.

  “Oh, look at the time,” I say as I point to a cloud. “I have to go.”

  “Marty, listen . . .”

  “Gxcrummmff,” I say.

  Not because Dewey was licking my mouth, but because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  CHAPTER 33

  game over

  Now, there’s only one person I can turn to.

  “I’m a fugitive,” I tell Roongrat. “I can’t go home or I’ll get grounded. I don’t know who to trust. Can I stay with you? I have nowhere else to go.”

  “Negatory,” Roongrat tells me. “We’re moving.”

  “What WHAT?”

  “Due to circumstantial circumstances,” Roongrat says. “My mother lost her job of employment income. Things have been monetarily difficult, and we have to stay with my aunt up north.”

  “Roonie!” I say. “That stinks!”

  “Correctamundo.” Roongrat sighs. “I attempted to help pay the rent by selling my excellent video games to Simon. It didn’t result in enough moola.”

  Simon! Of course he’s behind this.

  He’s slowly taking everything away from me:

  My art

  My beanbag of solitude

  My CACA

  My school

  My home

  My psychologist

  And now my friend with the best video games.

  “So, I guess I’ll see you around, Roonie.”

  “Yes. Seeing is an important skill,” Roongrat says. “And did you know certain African caterpillars can see out of their butts?”

  Then I do something I’ve never done before, and I will not admit to it if anyone asks me.

  CHAPTER 34

  bush league

  I don’t know where to go. I have no one. I guess I’ll live in the bushes in front of my house for the rest of my life.

  If only someone else had seen Monkey Washer Man fall out of my backpack, then I could show everyone it was mine all along! I could expose Simon for the deceitful wizard that he is!

  But there’s no proof.

  Wait. Maybe there is.

  I noticed something at The Candy Factory.

  If one of those cameras was pointed at me when Monkey Washer Man fell out of my backpack, that would prove it was mine!

  I need access to The Candy Factory security footage. I close my eyes and try to think of a plan. Nothing but darkness. That’s not helpful. So I open my eyes.

  AAAAAAH! That’s not helpful, either! I leap out of the bushes, but instead of feeling better, I feel worse.

  Ouch!

  “Marty!” Erica yells. “Get out of the way!”

  “What was that?” I ask as I rub my head.

  “I finished my science project.” Erica points up in the air. “It’s a drone.”

  “This is a legit A+,” she says. “It’s perfect.”

  “It IS perfect!” I say. Now I have my plan!

  CHAPTER 35

  insecurity

  My dad left the house to drive my sister to soccer practice. Or the movies. Or the library. Or the How to Be Difficult seminar. I take the opportunity to sneak inside.

  There’s Erica’s drone sitting on the kitchen table. I tuck it into my backpack.

  I grab a piece of paper and write down my secret plan for breaking into The Candy Factory.

  Now it’s time to set off on my mission.

  I park my bike in the back of The Candy Factory and review my secret plan.

  Flawless!

  But before I can set my secret plan into motion, I get a funny feeling. My backpack is vibrating. The drone got turned on!

  Gurk! My backpack is gone, and my plan is ruined.

  Now I have to try an even crazier plan. It’s called Asking for Permission. I walk inside the front door and see the receptionist.

  “My name is Marty Pants,” I tell her. “I need to see your security videos, please. An evil wizard is stealing my ideas.”

  “Sorry, our security footage is private.”

  “It’s for a school project,” I tell her.

  “Like I said, young man, it’s private.”

  Wow. That “school project” line always works! She’s a tough nut to crack.

  Then I notice a photo on her desk, and that gives me an idea.

  “Well, the truth is, ma’am,” I say. “I came here on a tour with my class the other day and I lost a picture of my granny. She gave it to me the day she passed away, and I look at it every day to remind me of her. We had a special bond. Never mind. You wouldn’t understand the special love between a grandparent and a grandchild. I guess I’ll just forget what she looked like. Sorry to bother you.”

  “You go right ahead, young man (sniff). Just don’t tell anyone I let you in.”

  I walk through the doors. Ah, the overwhelming smell of chocolate again! Happiness! Joy!

  But I can’t let it distract me. I have a mission.

  I notice the security cameras high up on the walls.

  Then I look around at the doors and notice one with this sign.

  I walk over and push the door. It opens.

  That’s not very secure.

  No one’s in here. Perfect. I take a seat at the monitors, but I’m not sure what to do. I press some random buttons.

  There’s a lot of boring video of the parking lot.

  I see an empty stairway, a blank wall, a worker picking his nose, and . . . is that McPhee and Ortiz going into the custodian closet?

  Wait! I see our class! That’s our field trip! I somehow hit the right buttons!

  And there’s me! I keep watching. I look pretty dashing.

  Here it comes.

  Yes! I see the Monkey Washer Man drawings falling out of my backpack!

  There it is! Proof! Irrefutable proof that Monkey Washer Man is mine! I can finally expose Simon!

  CHAPTER 36

  that’s just peachy

  What’s Peach Fuzz doing here?

  “You work here?” I ask, shocked.

  “Dats rite. Im da new securitee gard. Howd ya get in hear, Weddy Pantz?”

  “Never mind that,” I say as I point to the screen. “I need this video! It proves I created Monkey Washer Man!”

  Peach Fuzz strolls over and presses a button.

  “Oopz,” he says. “Awl gone.”

  “PEACH FUZZ! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

  “Dont cawl me dat!” Peach Fuzz snaps. “NEVAH CAWL ME DAT! Tha only reeson I ain’t givin’ ya a beatin’ rite now, Weddy, is cuz I’m workin’. Now get outta hear befour I change my mined! Let me help ya out da door!”

  CHAPTER 37

  granny pants

  Everything is going wrong! I decide to go home and accept my grounding. But instead of grounding me, my dad kicks me out of the house!

  Erica and I are being forced to stay at Granny’s.

  It’s our parents’ wedding anniversary, and they’re having a second honeymoon at the house. It apparently lasts more than a second, though, because they want to be alone until tomorrow.

  I don’t particularly like it at Granny’s house. Granny and I don’t really connect.

  She feeds me weird things.

  She says weird things.

  She collects weird things.

  And she prefers Erica over me. Which is extra obvious today.

  “I lost my science project!” Erica whines. “It must have flown right out the window! That means a big, fat ZERO!”

  Erica has never gotten anything lower than an A-.

  Ever.

  She’s turning red, and I can’t tell if she’s going to scream or cry.

  Granny tries to change the subject. “You know, dear, I hear you like to change the spelling of your name from time to time. My name is spelled M-I-N-N-I-E, but I like to spell it M-I-N-I. Is that cute? So, how are you spelling
your name these days, dear?”

  “L-O-S-E-R,” Erica says.

  “That’s nice, dear. Have a candy heart. Things will be fine.”

  Erica storms into the kitchen.

  “How about you, Martin?” Granny asks. “Candy heart?” She holds out the bowl.

  No one likes candy more than I do, but these look ancient.

  “No, thank you, Granny Pants.”

  “You don’t want to hurt my feelings, do you, Martin?

  “Fine.” I try to take one, but four more come along for the ride.

  I pretend to eat them, but slip them into my pocket.

  Granny shuffles into the kitchen to cheer up Erica.

  Obviously, Granny doesn’t care when I’m sad, only when Erica is. My life is falling apart, and all that matters is Erica.

  I wonder if there’s anything to eat. I walk over to the fridge, but am not sure how to open it.

  Granny saved every drawing I ever gave her. Smart. They’ll be worth a lot in a hundred years.

  One drawing catches my eye.

  Jerome. My best friend.

  I need to see him. Jerome can always cheer me up, and I’m sure he misses me, too.

  With Erica hogging all the attention, Granny won’t even notice I’m gone.

  And I’m sure my parents won’t mind if I drop by the house during their second honeymoon.

  CHAPTER 38

  let’s do the time warp

  As I approach the house, I see movement through the window. The energy feels different. I peek inside and can’t understand what I’m seeing!