Third Chances

by Smoak, Ivy

  "How romantic," Matt said. "You're totally whipped. You do realize that, right?"

  "She didn't tell me not to go. I was just thinking it would be nice if I waited to do it with her."

  "You're not going to be zip lining during your honeymoon. You're going to be having tons of sex with your woman. Come on, stop being lame."

  "I'll stay here with him," I said.

  "You're seriously passing on more time with Daphne?" Matt asked. "I don't believe my ears."

  I shrugged. "Yeah. She's all yours. Good luck with that."

  "Really? What made you change your mind?"

  "She's not my type." Maybe Matt fucking her would somehow get that stick out of her ass. Not that I wished that bitch on anyone.

  James put his book down. "I thought you really liked her. She seems really nice."

  "She's actually not nice at all." She's a total cunt. "But yeah, she fooled me for a bit. Glad I found out early on."

  James shrugged. "I guess."

  "I'll just stay here too then," Mason said.

  Matt stood up. "No way. Someone is coming with me. What is wrong with you guys? It's our last day here. Let's go crazy."

  Mason laughed. "My crazy days are over. The only reason I agreed to go to dinner last night was to try and convince Layla to come back and be the spokesperson for Sword Body Wash. But she's made up her mind. Pestering her more won't do any good."

  "Please?"

  "I think I was plenty crazy last night," James said. "I'm going to pass on doing anything wild today." He picked up his book again.

  "Besides, I don't think Alina's going to sleep with you," Mason said.

  "Is that a challenge?" Matt asked.

  Mason frowned. "No."

  "Fine. Pool day it is. I'm going to go swim laps. You're all so lame."

  "I will, however, join you for that." Mason and Matt both walked over to the pool.

  I closed my eyes and rested the back of my head against the pool chair.

  "What really happened last night?" James asked.

  I kept my eyes closed. "Nothing."

  "It couldn't have been nothing. You really liked her. I could tell. What changed your mind?"

  "Really, it was nothing. I just didn't think she was worth pursuing."

  "I don't really remember last night. Did I say something?"

  I opened my eyes and leaned forward. "No. It wasn't anything you did. You're good."

  "So just tell me what happened. Maybe I could help somehow? She really did seem nice. I think if you gave her another chance..."

  "Just drop it, okay?"

  "I just don't see why you would have changed your mind if..."

  "Look, she completely lost it. I'm pretty sure she's crazy. I don't know what you said to her but she just kept talking about how you needed help. She doesn't even know you. She just assumed that you were an addict."

  "So it was my fault."

  "No it wasn't your fault."

  "But she was right. I am an addict."

  "You're not. You're good. You've been clean for years." I hated when he referred to himself like that. He used to be depressed. He used to have nothing to live for. Now he did. He had Penny. He wasn't an addict anymore.

  "It's not something that goes away."

  "But you're good now."

  "Yeah. I am. Maybe she knew about my past though. Maybe she thinks I drop acid on the regular." He smiled.

  I laughed.

  "Wasn't it kind of nice of her to worry though?"

  "No. She didn't talk about it in a nice way. She was judging me for not getting you help when you don't need any. She went bat shit crazy. Look, if anything, I'm grateful to you. I don't want anything to do with her."

  "If you say so."

  "I do say so."

  "I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back." He stood up.

  "No more phone calls or Matt and Mason will try to beat me up."

  James laughed. "I kind of got that when you all came charging at me while I was on the phone this morning. Thanks for trying to stop them by the way. But I'm not going to call Penny. I've already made my one phone call while being held here against my will."

  "Are you seriously comparing paradise to prison?"

  "It's not paradise without my girl."

  "Matt's right. You're totally whipped."

  "Trust me, if Penny and I were into that kind of thing, I'd be the one whipping her, not the other way around."

  "I never know if you're joking, or if you and Penny are really just the kinkiest couple ever. If it's the latter, I'm so jealous."

  "It's the latter."

  I groaned. I was horny. I had gotten at least five hard-ons yesterday thinking about being inside Daphne. She was such a tease. I didn't need images of Penny naked and being punished running through my head. "By the way, did you enjoy that magazine and lotion this morning?"

  "Nope. If she wants me to wait, I'll wait. But I'm pretty sure that wait will be over tonight, if you know what I mean."

  "Go pee, you pervert."

  James laughed and walked toward the hotel.

  I picked up the book he was reading. How was he not mad about Daphne jumping to conclusions about him? I guess he didn't need to be. I was mad enough for both of us. I looked down at the book. It was something boring about real estate. I had no idea why he found pleasure in reading stuff like this. I opened it up and a piece of paper fell onto my lap. I unfolded it and looked down at the letter.

  Penny,

  You once asked me if I was a believer in fate. I am because of you. When you fell into my arms, I had no idea that my life was about to change forever. But you knew. You fought for me when I didn't deserve anyone on my side. Your persistence and stubbornness and beauty brought me to my knee after only knowing you for two months. I'm crazy about you and I can't wait for our future. I can't wait for our lives together with you as my wife. You showed me that our pasts don't matter. You see a goodness in me that I was never able to see in myself. You make me want to be a better man for you. You saved me, Penny. You are the air I breathe. You are the dreams I dream. You are the light of my life. I'm consumed by your beauty, inside and out. I'm the lucky one. And I don't know why you picked me. But I'm grateful every day. When I wake up every morning and see your face, I'm reminded that I am the luckiest man alive. I just need you to know that you can always fall into my arms. I'll always be there to catch you.

  It wasn't a letter. These were his vows. My eyes had actually gotten a little teary reading them. I folded the paper and put it back in his book.

  I wasn't sure if I'd ever feel this way about someone. It wasn't just about how much he loved her. It was his commitment to her. That he'd always be there for her. That was just how James was. He had always been there for me too.

  That wasn't me. I was unreliable. I traveled more than I stayed at home. I didn't have roots. My sister, James, and Penny were the closest thing I had to roots. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to keep me grounded. For awhile I thought committing to someone would mean the end to my adventure, the end to truly living. But James didn't make it sound like that. He seemed so excited to marry her and so excited for their future. Maybe falling in love was just the beginning of a different journey.

  I tossed the book back onto James' chair. It didn't matter. It wasn't like I was going to fall in love in paradise. And I wasn't ready to settle down yet anyway. In a few years, I'd find a nice normal girl who lived near me, wherever that might be. One who didn't order food like an arrogant snob.

  Chapter 27

  Daphne

  I was only half paying attention to the instructor. I kept glancing over my shoulder waiting for Rob to come. But he never did. None of them did. I told myself I wanted to avoid him, but I couldn't deny my disappointment that he had skipped the zip lining tour. I needed to apologize to him. That was it. I definitely wasn't thinking about his naked body glistening with water. Stop thinking about him naked.

  I tried to focus on what the
instructor was saying. One of the other people on the tour was already getting straps tightened around their thighs and torso. I had missed all of the instructions.

  "This is going to be awesome," Alina said. "Are you excited?"

  "How does it stop?"

  "It angles up a little at the end. It's not like a sudden stop, it's gradual."

  "Have you done this before?"

  "No, but the instructor was just talking about it."

  I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist, trying to ignore the ones for the stupid bracelet game. No one had approached me or tried to present a card. No one else looked at me the way Rob did. No one ever had. And I had basically called him an irresponsible idiot that I wanted nothing to do with. And now I was going to die. I was going to fall off the zip line onto the muddy ground and snap my neck. Why did anyone ever do this? How was a few minutes of flying through the sky worth the risk?

  "I can't do this," I whispered.

  "What do you mean? You basically just sit there. You don't have to do anything."

  "It's too dangerous..."

  "Daphne, he just said that the only thing you shouldn't do is touch the rope. That's it."

  "I didn't hear him say that. I wasn't listening."

  "Why weren't you listening?"

  "I don't know, I'm freaking out. I made a mess of everything. I need to apologize to Rob before I die."

  "Die? What are you talking about? It's not dangerous."

  "Everything okay, Momma Bear?" Kristen asked.

  "No. I'm just going to meet you guys back at the hotel, okay?"

  "Daphne, we're all supposed to be doing this together. How about you go first and get it over with?" Kristen looked over her shoulder. Layla was already getting strapped in. "Daphne's going to go first."

  "Oh good," Layla said with a laugh. "Geez, I'm so nervous. After you," she said and gestured to the edge of the platform.

  Hell no. "No, I mean, I seriously can't do this."

  "Okay." Alina put her hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to do it. We can just go back to the hotel."

  I put my face in my hand. "No, I don't want to ruin your day. Just go. Have fun. I'll catch you guys later."

  "If you're upset about Rob, we can go find him after," Kristen said. "We'll all help you apologize. He'll understand. Besides, I want to see James again."

  I wanted to laugh at her comment, but I felt paralyzed with fear. I was starting to feel all sweaty. "You weren't there. You didn't see how upset Rob was. I said some awful things."

  "Who's next?" the instructor asked.

  "Daphne, I really think you should try it," Alina said. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

  Alina was supposed to understand the most. She had grown up with Derek too. She was there when I got the phone call. There was everything to be afraid of. "I can't." I turned around and started to climb down the platform. None of them came after me. As soon as my feet hit the safe ground I took off running.

  And I kept running until I reached the hotel and found Rob sitting with his friends by the same pool from yesterday. I took a deep breath and pushed the doors open and walked toward him determinedly. Until he looked up at me from the pool chair he was sitting on. We locked eyes and I immediately froze.

  I was falling apart and none of my friends understood. I had a feeling Rob would. I knew our situations were different and it was wrong for me to assume they were the same. I still felt like he'd understand what I was feeling, though. The pain. The fear. But I had pushed him away. I didn't have anything to say. Nothing would take back everything that had already come out of my mouth.

  He lowered his eyebrows slightly as he stared back at me. I couldn't tell if he looked angry or if he was just judging me on my horrendous appearance. I had just run a few miles through the rainforest. I was sweaty and my hair was a mess. Half the time I had been running I had been crying, so my eyes were probably red. I'm a lunatic. There was no way he wasn't thinking the same thing about me.

  I needed to stop standing there like an idiot. He had asked me to leave him alone. I wasn't Kristen. I wasn't a stalker. I turned around and started walking back toward the doors.

  God damn it. I had to apologize. Why was I such a coward? I shook my head and turned around. Part of me hoped that Rob would be running toward me. But this wasn't a romantic comedy. And Rob certainly wasn't in love with me. Instead, Rob was just sitting there still staring at me like I was the weirdest person he had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

  Right. He doesn't need my apology. He doesn't want to talk to me. I swallowed hard. Again I was standing there awkwardly staring at him.

  He slowly stood up from his chair.

  I didn't want him to talk to me because he thought I was a pathetic crazy person. I wanted to remember him looking at me like he desired me. Maybe I could just forget all about this stupid vacation.

  When he started walking toward me, I turned around and pushed through the doors. I didn't need his sympathy. I was fine. I'm going to be fine, right?

  I quickly walked toward the elevators.

  "Daphne Hughes?"

  I turned around. Javier was smiling at me from the front desk. I was angry with myself, but I had always found it easy to push all that anger toward someone else. And Javier was the most unhelpful concierge I had ever met, forcing me to wear these stupid bracelets. If I hadn't been wearing them, Rob and I never would have interacted in the first place. It was his fault that I felt like shit right now.

  "Yes? Have you decided to let me remove my bracelets?"

  He smiled. "No. More than one again today, though, huh? You really must be enjoying the game."

  "Not really," I said under my breath.

  He kept his smile planted on his face. "I have a letter for you."

  No one knew I was here. Not even my parents, because Kristen hadn't told me where it was we were going. "I think you have the wrong person."

  "Is your name not Daphne Hughes?" He probably wasn't trying to be sassy, but in my embarrassed, angry state he sounded like the sassiest human being alive.

  "No, it is." I walked over to the desk. "Who's it from?"

  "Another patron of the Blue Parrot Resort." He handed me an envelope. "Good day to you, ma'am." He was right to get rid of me as soon as possible before I completely lost it.

  I looked down at the envelope. It only had my name on it. "Thanks," I mumbled and walked back to the elevator. As soon as the doors closed behind me, I opened up the envelope. I didn't recognize the handwriting, and it wasn't signed. It had to be from Rob. I stared down at the words:

  You're not wrong about me. You have a right to judge me.

  I folded it before I got a chance to read the rest. He was apologizing? He had said some terribly rude things to me, but I didn't feel like I needed an apology. He was right. He was right about everything.

  I stepped off the elevator and unlocked the door to our room. I tossed the letter onto the bed and sat down Indian style on the comforter. He wasn't the one that should be apologizing, I was. I unfolded the letter and placed it on top of my legs.

  You're not wrong about me. You have a right to judge me. Because I used to be an addict, it means I am an addict. I know that's how it works. But I no longer need to numb my pain. For three years, I've been in complete control. I moved, I cut ties to toxic people in my life, I started teaching, I met the love of my life, and I became whole. To say that I'm different now is an understatement. My fiancée has changed me for the better. But to say I couldn't go back to what I was would be a lie. If I lost her, I would need to numb the pain. So yes, I am an addict. I understand why that would push someone away.

  But I don't see why my shortcomings have to effect my brother. Rob isn't me. He finds joy in living, not from filling his body with chemicals. He's smart, funny, and kind. He defends me when I clearly don't deserve defending. And he looks at you in a way I haven't seen him look at someone before.

  I'm at peace with my past. I have to be in order to move
forward. So judge me all you like. I can handle it. It's my burden. Don't place that burden on my brother. I've already put him through enough. I'd hate to know I'd messed up his life any more than I already have.

  I wiped away the tears on my cheeks. God, I'm such an asshole. I hadn't just offended Rob, I had offended his brother too. Yet, instead of avoiding me, James had written me this letter. It was a mixture of apology, understanding, and forgiveness, none of which I deserved. If I hid in my room for the rest of the day, I'd regret it. These guys weren't bad news. I had to apologize to both of them.

  I stuffed the note in my pocket and ran toward the door. I retraced my steps until I was standing out by the pool again. But Rob wasn't there anymore. James was sitting next to Mason and there was an empty seat on the other side of him where Rob had once been. Maybe apologizing to them one at a time would be easier. I walked toward him before I could chicken out.

  "James?"

  He looked up from his book and smiled. "Hey, Daphne."

  I didn't deserve that smile. Why was he so nice? He should be angry at me. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

  "I was hoping you would." He put down his book and turned toward me. "I'm assuming you got my note?"

  I nodded. Again, I hadn't planned what to say. I sat down in the empty seat beside him. "I owe you an apology."

  "You don't, actually. If anything, I should be thanking you for looking out for me last night."

  I shook my head. "No. I didn't even stay long enough to make sure you were okay, I..."

  "I'm still grateful." He stared at me for a second. "You do, however, owe my brother an apology."

  I was a little taken aback by his honesty. "I know. I thought he'd still be out here. Do you know where he went?"

  "I'm pretty sure he went looking for you."

  "Why?

  James smiled. "Because he saw that you were upset, and that's the kind of man he is."

  I looked down at my hands. "I'm not sure how much Rob told you about what I said last night..."