Fine as Frog Hair

by Sean Michael

  Trey grinned, winking over. “We just want you well, Yankee.”

  “Yeah, me too.” Russ smiled sadly at him and he could see the worry starting to set in again.

  “Hey. No matter what? By New Years? It's finished and we'll be all to rights again, yeah?”

  By the time he stopped speaking, a nurse came in. “Time to give him something to help him relax.”

  “Oh, now's when the good drugs start. Mom, Dad—don't believe anything I say, okay? It's all the drugs.” Russ was grinning again, joking and winking at his folks. That hand clung pretty hard to his though.

  He looked down, caught Russ’ eyes. “I'll be right here, Yankee. You just breathe.”

  Russ kept his gaze. “I think I can do that.”

  The nurse escorted Russ’ folks out and then gave him a ‘you're next buddy’ look.’

  “They're gonna take you soon, yeah? But I'll stay until then.” He reached out, traced Russ’ cheeks, watching the bright eyes go a little unfocused. “And I'll be here when you get back. Waiting for you.” God, this was hard. Really hard.

  Russ nuzzled into the touch, giving him a half smile. “Staying, right? Hold my hand.”

  “Staying, Russ. I promise.” He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't. He was going to sit here and be a man and hold his lover's hand and be strong.

  Russ giggled a little. “Floaty.”

  “Yeah? Cool. I can't wait to take you home, Yankee. Your folks are something special, too. Sure love you.” Not as much as I do, but they love you.

  “Yeah. Lofe you, Tree. Do.” Russ’ head lolled in what was probably supposed to be a nod. “My kboy.”

  “Yeah, Yankee. All yours. I love you, too. You be safe for me, yeah? Don't make me wait too long for you.” He swallowed a sob, stroking Russ’ head.

  “Mmmm.” Russ’ eyes slowly closed then opened again and then they closed and opened again until they finally just closed.

  “You be safe for me, Russ. You don't give these doctors any troubles and I'll be praying for you.” He leaned down, kissing Russ quietly. “I love you.”

  “Luff u.”

  He stayed there, listening to Russ breathe, holding the limp hand, just watching until the nurse came back.

  “There's a waiting room down the hall with soda machines. You all can stay in here, if you'd like. He'll be a few hours at least. I don't imagine he'll be back before four.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Thanks. I'll ... I'll let his folks know.” He squeezed Russ’ hand one more time, then stood. “Take good care of him.”

  “We will.”

  He went out to sit with Russ’ parents and wait. To sit and wait and pray.

  * * * *

  Oh man, what had he had to drink last night? He felt weird. Damned weird. Woozy, still drunk.

  He was never gonna make it to milking.

  He tried to open his eyes. They were so heavy though. So heavy. It didn't smell right. Fuck, what had he drunk?

  “Relax, Mr. Johnson. Everything went well. You're fine. Would you like a sip of water?” Some woman was helping him sit up, holding a straw to his lips.

  Oh man, who the hell was this? Shit. Where was Trey? “Trey?”

  “Your family is waiting up in your room, Mr. Johnson. As soon as we're done with your CT scan, we'll take you up to them. Have a sip of water.”

  He was thirsty so he took the sip. Hospital. Wow. He must have eaten the damned worm.

  * * * *

  Moving. He was moving. Kind of a jerky floating.

  “One, two three, shift.” Oh man, that felt strange, shoved around like a doll. Right the hospital. “Just stay still, sir. This won't hurt, but you need to stay still.”

  He could do still. It was the world that was all woozy.

  “Trey?” he asked quietly. Trey was supposed to be here. He thought. Maybe. He was pretty sure.

  “As soon as we're done here, sir, we'll take you to your family. They're waiting for you.”

  Okay. He would be still and they would take him to Trey.

  He could do still.

  * * * *

  He thought maybe the world had stopped moving. He still felt a little woozy though. And he hadn't been drinking.

  He was supposed to be in the hospital. Trey was supposed to be there when he woke up.

  “Trey?” Oh, man, it hurt to talk. He needed some water.

  “Yeah, Yankee. I'm right here. You want a drink?” Trey's hand slid over his cheek, warm and sure and right.

  He took a deep breath, eyes blinking open. “Yeah.”

  Trey held a straw to his lips. “Nana and Nono took your folks to supper. How're you feeling? You hurting?”

  He took a few sips from the straw. “Not yet. Kind of floating still. Nothing's real.”

  “Cool. They say it went real well. You did great.” Trey sat beside him, stroking his hand.

  “Did they...” he cleared his throat. “Say yet if it was cancer?”

  “The doctor's supposed to come in tonight. They won't say a fucking thing to me.”

  He frowned. “I put you down as my next of kin.”

  “Yeah, well, they may just not know anything yet. It's only five.” He got the softest kiss to the corner of his mouth.

  “I feel drunk.” He grinned over at Trey. “Or maybe like I got punched in the head.”

  “Just stoned, Yankee. Enjoy it.” Trey gave him a smile, still stroking his hand.

  He giggled. “Okay.” Man, Trey made him feel good.

  “You wanna watch TV or anything?” Trey traced each one of his fingers.

  “I kinda like what you're doing right now.”

  “Yeah, then I'll just keep on keepin’ on.” His hand and wrist and arm were stroked and caressed, Trey humming soft and low.

  “Was worried.” He looked over at Trey, fingers curling. “This would be different. ‘s not.”

  “'Course not. Still want you. Always will.” Trey held on tight.

  “Nose hairs and all—I remember. Love you.”

  “Yeah, Yankee. I know.” Trey was still holding his hand when the door opened, the doctor coming in with his chart. “You got news for us, doc?”

  “I do. Russell, you want him here for this?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, Doc, I do.” He squeezed Trey's hand tight. Trey held on, dark head sort of bowed, just waiting.

  “The mass was cancerous. A stage one seminoma. If you remember from our earlier discussions this isn't a terrible thing. There's a 99% survival rate with this kind of tumor. The CT scans were clear, the cancer hasn't spread at all past your testicle. Again as we discussed earlier you've got two options now. Do nothing more and just do regular check-ups or you can get the radiation therapy. My recommendation is the radiation therapy.”

  Cancer. The mass was cancerous. The rest of it all kind of went past him and he just held tight onto Trey's hand.

  “Russ. Yankee.” Trey shook his hand a bit. “Tell the man we'll do the radiation so he can set it up to start tomorrow. How much? I mean, the radiation? How often will he need to come out?”

  “There's a number of different thoughts on the matter. I believe in eradicating any possibility of the cancer surviving. Once a day for twenty days and you're done.”

  He licked his lips and looked at Trey, seeing love and worry and support in the dark eyes. “Okay. Yeah. Can I do it in the afternoons?”

  The doctor nodded. “We'll start tomorrow and you'll come in every weekday afternoon at ... does 4 work for you?”

  He turned to Trey.

  “Four's fine. Will he need to be driven or can he drive? I mean after everything heals down there.”

  “I can't accurately predict that. Every man reacts differently. If the nausea is bad he'll be on drugs that he really shouldn't be driving with. He may be too tired to drive. I think you should count on him needing to be chauffeured.”

  Trey nodded. “We'll work it out. I have family here in town, if there's an emergency or I can't get away. It's only a few weeks. Whatever he n
eeds.”

  He squeezed Trey's hand. He owed this man so much.

  “I'll set you up then. We'll keep you overnight for observation, start your therapy tomorrow.” The doctor shook his hand. “You're doing great, Russell, just great. I'll see you in the morning and take a look at the incision.”

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  Trey stood and shook Doctor Ellison's hand. “Yeah. Thanks for your good work.”

  “He's going to be just fine.” The doctor winked and headed off, leaving him alone with Trey.

  “God, I'm tired.”

  “Yeah, I reckon you are. Why don't you try and rest. Your folks'll be here soon and they'll want to talk at you.” Trey stroked his cheek. “You just sleep some.”

  “Don't go.”

  “I'm not going anywhere, Russ.” Trey grinned at him. “I promised, didn't I? I'm right here.”

  “Yeah. Okay. It just feels ... strange.” It was so hard to keep his eyes open.

  “Yeah, well, let's hope you never get used to this place.” Trey chuckled, leaned down and kissed his eyes shut. “Rest, Yankee. This cowboy isn't going anywhere.”

  “Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Love you.” Oh, he was starting to float again.

  “I love you. Sleep.” The soft chuckle sounded distant, almost sad. He lost track of it all except the feeling of Trey's hand holding his.

  * * * *

  Trey watched Russ sleep. Cancer. Damn.

  He'd have to leave the ranch at three and if it worked out, they'd be home by six and then he'd do the evening feeding and shit. If he got up an hour early and ate his lunch on the drive, he wouldn't even be shorting Mr. G. any hours.

  Cancer. Radiation. Damn. Just, damn.

  He was still figuring and planning and plotting and worrying when the door opened, Nono and Nana letting Russ’ folks in. “Hey, y'all. “

  “He's still asleep? Oh dear.” Russ’ mom came in to stand on the other side of the bed, taking Russ’ hand and petting it. “He's been out an awfully long time, hasn't he?”

  Bill came and put his hands on her shoulders, massaging gently. “Shh, mother, operations are hard on a body.”

  “He's been up, talked to the doctor, and went back to sleep.” He couldn't quite meet their eyes, so he looked over at Nana instead. “He starts radiation tomorrow.”

  “Oh, no!” Dotty's hands went to her mouth, eyes filling with tears. Her husband stood stoic and silent behind her.

  His Nana's warm brown eyes were full of sympathy. “Oh, mi nieto. He's a good boy—you both are. He'll be all right.” Short, but full of life, she wrapped him in a hug. “We'll pray for him, Nieto.”

  “Gracias, Nana.” He leaned down, letting her warm, heavy arms support him. “Estoy muy cansado.”

  She nodded. “Si, si. I know, but you know now and you can rest tonight, yes? Your nana will make you a chocolate and you can sleep and sleep.”

  “I don't want to leave him, Nana.”

  Nono snorted. “Bah. We have the guest room for the Johnson's, you can have the sofa. Sleep well.”

  “I'll sit up with him,” Dotty said firmly.

  “You need your sleep, mother. And that's all he'll be doing.”

  He grinned as Nana nodded. “He'll need y'all all to be rested and here first thing in the morning to help out. Besides, I'm having a big cooler of tamales delivered in the morning.”

  “They let you bring food into the hospital?” Dotty looked rather shocked.

  Nana snorted. “You can't expect your boy to get well on the food they serve here. He needs tamales and quesadillas and empanadas and enchiladas and—”

  “We get the idea, Luz-Maria” Nono interrupted.

  Trey chuckled. “You sending some stuff home with us, Nana? So I don't have to cook?”

  “Of course I am, Nieto!” She pinched his cheeks and pulled him down, kissing him.

  “Oh, I'll help with the cooking and the housework until we go,” Dotty told him.

  He smiled over at Dotty. “Thank you, ma'am. Maybe you can show me his favorite foods.”

  “Oh, that would be my pleasure.”

  “You telling tales behind my back?” murmured Russ, those eyes blinking open.

  He grinned down. “No, Yankee. Just planning your life away. Your folks and Nono and Nana are back.”

  “Yeah? Planning a wedding?” Russ asked, leaving everyone staring at him.

  He started giggling, leaned right down and resting his forehead on Russ’ shoulder. “Only if you wear the dress, Yankee.”

  “Hey I might be lopsided now, but I'm not wearing a dress!” Russ’ hand wrapped around his waist, holding him where he was for a moment. He chuckled, closing his eyes for a second, just breathing Russ in. He could hear Nana chuckling, her laughter soft, familiar, welcome in this sterile place. Beneath Dotty's “Oh you boys!” Russ whispered, “Love you forever, Cowboy.”

  He nodded. “Ditto, Yankee.”

  Russ let him go. “Nana? I've been dreaming of enchiladas all day.”

  Nana's face lit up, cheeks heating and her eyes dancing. “Oh, mi jito! Nana will bring you some tomorrow! Today, I have empanadas for you. Empanadas and homemade pralines.”

  Trey grinned, whispering. “Suck up.”

  “I don't want to be stuck with hospital food,” Russ whispered back. “That sounds just as good, Nana. Did you feed my folks? Mom, you've got to try Nana's food. We don't know from tex-mex back home.”

  Nono snorted. “We went over to Trey's Tia Rosa's cafe and she had a table for us. Nana taught her everything she knows.”

  “She's good, but not as good as Nana.” Russ gave him a wink—oh his Yankee was sucking up big time. His nap had done him well.

  Trey snorted, standing back to let Nana bustle in for a kiss and a hug, moving over to stand near Nono. “Thanks for offering your guest room, Nono. Y'all are being wonderful.”

  Nono gave him a hug. “Oh, Nieto, it's all family, yeah? God says we should treat others as we'd be treated, yes?”

  “Yeah, Nono. Yeah.”

  Bill left the ladies to fuss over Russ and joined him and Nono. “What did the doctor say, Brandon? What's the prognosis?”

  “The lymph nodes were clean. He's got almost 100% chance of recovery after the radiation. Four five-day weeks of it and he's done.” Trey nodded. “Almost the best news we could have gotten.”

  Bill nodded. “Almost.”

  “Yeah. Although, I don't know. He'd have been furious to lose it for no reason, yeah? This way, it meant something.”

  Bill chuckled. “I suppose you're right at that.”

  “Guys, come help me out here—Nana brought enough to feed an army.” Russ looked pale and tired, but not as scared as he had earlier.

  He walked to the end of the bed, patting Russ’ foot. “They're for you, Yankee. Eat up.”

  “You haven't eaten yet,” Dotty admonished, taking his hand and tugging him over to the chair he'd been sitting in. “You should have some, too.”

  “Have you eaten anything, Cowboy?”

  “Huh?” He blinked up over at Russ, gave his lover a smile. “Been a busy day, Yankee.”

  Nana and Dotty clucked together, shaking their heads in unison. Russ smiled back at him. “Come eat, Trey.”

  “You can't take care of Russ if you don't eat.” Dotty got hold of one hand, his Nana the other.

  “Russ’ Momma's right, Nieto. Eat! Eat!”

  He took an empanada, started nibbling just about the time the nurse came in, cup in hand. “Time for your medication, sir, and to check your bandages.”

  “That's our cue to go.” Bill went and gave his son a hug. “You get a good night's sleep, son. We'll see you in the morning.”

  “Bill, visitor's hours aren't over for another—”

  “Give him a hug and let the nurse examine him, Mother.” Dotty did, fussing until Bill firmly escorted her out.

  “You want me to stay, Yankee?” He wanted to stay; there was a sofa in the waiting room. Hell, there was a chair ri
ght there.

  “You don't have to do that, Trey.” Russ’ eyes were saying yes though. They were begging him to stay.

  “Yeah, I know, but I'm betting these chairs are more comfortable than Nana's sofa any day of the week.” He winked over, giving Russ a smile.

  “There's nothing wrong with my sofa!” Nana tsked at him, fussing over Russ and the food.

  “Go take Russ’ folks to the house, Nono? I'll come around later, if I need to.” He kissed his grandmother's cheek, then his nono's, giving them a grateful smile as they left.

  “You sure you don't mind staying?”

  “Positive.” He nodded and settled in the chair, well out of the way of the nurse.

  Russ made a face. “I'm scared to look—you tell me what's going on down there?”

  The nurse grinned, showing him a four-inch scar along Russ’ lower abdomen. There were some stitches and it was pink, but it didn't look bad. “It looks good, Mr. Johnson. In fact, I'm going to want to get your catheter out and have you start walking to the bathroom.”

  Trey nodded. “It doesn't look bad at all, Russ.”

  “Can you tell one's missing?”

  “It's all sorta swelled, Russ.”

  The nurse smiled. “If you'd like, in a few months? You can have a prosthesis put in. Then no one would ever know.”

  Russ gave him a look. “I could have a glass ball.”

  Trey wrinkled his nose. “Let's cross that bridge later, yeah?”

  A glass ball? Surely not. Because, ew.

  “No, no, let's cross it now. A nice glass ball and you could take it out on Sunday nights and polish it for me. It would be like ... a ritual.” Russ started to giggle.

  The nurse chuckled and he rolled his eyes. “That? Is gross, Yankee. Way gross.”

  “Yeah, but you love me anyway, right? Even with one missing.” Russ’ tone was still light, but he knew better.

  He met Russ’ eyes, nodded. “Nothing's gonna change that, Yankee.”

  “Well then maybe I don't need a prosthetic. Maybe I'll be that Yankee with the biggest ball ever.” Russ winked at him, hand reaching out to hold his again as the nurse covered him back up.

  “Your catheter's out. If you need help getting up to get to the bathroom, just use the call button. Try and rest; I'll be in in a few hours to check on you.” The nurse nodded, left, and he handed Russ the TV remote.