Fine as Frog Hair

by Sean Michael

  “They got cartoons.” God, he was tired.

  “Yeah?” Russ turned on the television and found them. “You think if I shift a bit you could lie on here with me? I want to feel more than just your hand.”

  “They'll yell at me when they come in to check, Yankee.” Russ gave him a sad look that just broke his heart. “Okay. For a little while.” He pulled off his boots and perched next to Russ. “I'm such a sucker.”

  “I don't think I'm up for that right now, Trey.” Russ gave him a grin and leaned against him with a small sigh. “Be able to do this at home tomorrow.”

  He reached over and stroked Russ’ belly. “Yeah, Yankee. I can't wait to get you home. This has been the longest day in recorded history.”

  “Yeah. And I even slept through most of it.” Russ’ hand settled on his thigh, holding on lightly.

  “Yeah, I reckon you ought to sleep through some more of it, too.” He made himself relax, listened to Russ breathe.

  “Oh, look—the Barber of Seville Bugs Bunny. My favorite.” Russ settled in closer, his breathing growing slower, quieter.

  Trey nodded. Yeah. He knew.

  Chapter 16

  Russ sighed with relief as the truck turned into the ranch and pulled up behind the barn. Careful as he knew Trey was driving, it felt like they'd hit every single pothole and bump in the road between San Antonio and here. If he hadn't wanted to get home so badly, he would have taken Trey's grandparents up on their offer of a place closer to the hospital to stay. The doctor had said he'd heal up pretty quickly though and he needed to be home. Needed the smell of the ranch and the sound of the critters and to sleep in his and Trey's bed.

  He sure hoped his folks didn't expect him to be entertaining—he was exhausted. Exhausted and sore enough that he was going to let Trey come around and help him out of the truck. Trey opened the door and helped him out, then helped his mom. The little house looked so welcome, so good and right and real. “Come on in, y'all. The winds getting chilly.”

  “Yeah, it's cold all right.”

  Dotty chuckled. “It was a lot colder back home—you're getting soft, Russ.”

  “I'm turning into a cowboy,” Russ told her. It was the truth, too. He was where he belonged and was adapting to it nicely.

  “I'll come back and fetch the bags, sir. You don't have to worry on them.” Trey smiled at his dad, unlocked the door and got them in. The smell of chili and cheese and chocolate hit him as he got to the front room. “Smells like the church ladies have been.”

  He sat down on the couch with a groan. “Smell's great. Bet it's not as good as your chili though,” he told Trey with a soft smile. “Oh, Mom—I'm sorry, I should have showed you and dad where you're staying.”

  “Hush, Yankee. I'll get ‘em settled.” Trey stroked his cheek and gave his folks the nickel tour, showing them to the guest room.

  He must have dozed off some, because the next thing he knew his dad was settled in a chair and Trey and his mom were bringing in bowls of chili. He was surprised when his stomach gave a hungry little growl, but the doc had said it would probably be a day or two before the side effects really started to kick in and he needed to eat and rest and keep his strength up as his body was going to be working really hard to repair the healthy cells that the radiation therapy was damaging.

  “There's some cornbread warming up, too. You want soda or milk?” Trey pulled out a TV tray and put a bowl and the remote in front of him.

  “Coke please, I've been dying for one.”

  “That stuff's not good for you, Russ.”

  “I know, Mom. But I like how it tastes.”

  “Leave the boy be, Mother.”

  He grinned as she fussed over him a bit more before patting the couch beside him and telling her to sit down. There was plenty of room on the other side of him for Trey.

  Trey brought him a coke and gave him a grin. “I've got to go do the evening feeding and check on everybody in the barn. I'll be back in a bit. You visit with your folks, yeah?”

  “I'm sorry you're getting stuck with everything.” God, this was sucking for him, but it was really sucking for Trey. There were a million and one things on that man's shoulders and instead of helping he was now dumping. “You sure you can't have a bite to eat before you go do that?”

  He got a grin and a wink. “The critters are all used to me and they haven't seen me in forever. I won't starve, but I guarantee you Chocolate's convinced she is.”

  “Oh, man, she's gonna shun me again when I go see her.” He turned to his folks. “You've got to see Chocolate—she's the most beautiful filly in the world. No offence to Pud, Trey.”

  Something odd and sort of sad crossed Trey's dark eyes before the brim of that hat was tugged down. “None taken. She's a looker and a half.”

  “You okay?” Russ asked softly, ignoring everything else for a moment.

  Trey nodded. “Been a long few days, is all. Y'all eat up and I'll be back in two shakes.”

  “'K.” He watched that sweet cowboy ass walking away. Man he was wiped out if his prick didn't even twitch at that sight. “Hopefully I'll be able to give him a hand tomorrow.”

  “You need to take it easy, Russ. I'll clean and cook and take care of everything around the house and your father can help out some with the barn chores.”

  “Thanks, Mom, Dad. It'll be more help if I come out with you, Dad, and let you know what to do, so Trey can just keep on. Every little bit you and I can do is something he doesn't have to, you know?”

  “I was going to suggest that I drive you to the rest of your appointments this week. I imagine I can drive the truck all right. This is good food.”

  “Yeah, it is. Thanks, Dad, that'll be a real big help.” They ate in silence for awhile and he turned on the television to the news, which his father liked to watch. He gave up after about a quarter of his bowl of chili and half his cornbread, just too tired to keep eating.

  Trey came back in after an hour or so, coming in to look at Russ’ bowl, shirt a little dusty, smelling like hay. “You didn't eat much. Want some ice cream?”

  “When you've eaten and are ready for your dessert too, sure.”

  “You sit, Trey, I'll get your food.” His mom got up and cleared their stuff out into the kitchen.

  “Everyone okay out there?”

  “Yep. Everyone was fine—a little pouty and that young bull with the cut on his shoulder looks like he might have an infection, but I doctored him.”

  “Cool. Dad was just saying he'll give me a hand with some stuff while he's here and he can drive me to the hospital and back for my treatments this week. Mom'll take care of the house stuff. So you're not stuck with all the work—so no trying to be superman, okay?”

  Trey sat down, stretching a little bit. “You don't need to worry, Yankee. I'll get you to do the figuring and number shit for me.”

  “That should be easy. Any money we have can be sent straight to the Baptist Cancer Center.” And wasn't that a bitch? He'd done some rough figuring in his head. They were going to totally annihilate Trey's savings. He wished there was another way.

  “That reminds me.” His father fished out his wallet and handed over a check for $20,000. “You let us know if you need more. We can sell the house if we have to.”

  “Dad ... this ... this has to be your entire nest egg!”

  “I've still got some 401Ks. There's a pretty hefty penalty for breaking those out early. Don't you worry about us—you get the treatment you need. If we hear that you didn't do something because you didn't have the money for it, I will come down here and beat you myself. You're worth far more than a house to us.”

  He blinked back tears and handed Trey the check. “Thanks, Dad.”

  His father grunted and nodded. “We just love you, son.”

  “Me, too, Dad.”

  “He'll get what he needs.” Trey's voice was husky. “I've already paid off the surgery and stuff and put a down-payment on the radiation. That'll more than cover the last half of
it and help with gas.”

  “Good. If there's complications though—well I just want you both to know you're to come to us if you need to.”

  He was going to start crying any minute now, everyone was being so good to him. Luckily his Mom picked that moment to come in with Trey's dinner and the subject was changed. Trey ate, tempting him with a nibble here, a bite there, actually getting him to eat. His mother brought out a chocolate pie and bowls of ice cream when Trey had finished.

  “I'll just have the ice cream. Maybe a little bite of Trey's piece.” He didn't want to take only a bite out of a whole piece—especially with his Mom there to frown at him. Of course, that got Trey a huge piece. Huge. Like Texas-sized huge. He giggled, helping himself to a tiny bite from Trey's piece. “Oh man, I hope you're hungry.”

  “Me? Man, I'm feeding this big old honkin’ thing to you.”

  “I just wanted a taste and I've had that.” He grinned and leaned against Trey. Oh yeah, that was the last thing he needed to feel at home. “Besides, you need to keep your strength up.”

  “Oh, yeah. I'm as healthy as a horse.” Trey took a big bite, then cut off a little bite for him.

  He shook his head but at Trey's disappointed look took the bite anyway. He set aside his ice cream though. He truly wasn't hungry enough for both and eating was becoming an effort.

  “You need anything, Yankee? Pain pill? Anything?” Trey's hand slid to his lower back, stroking.

  “'m just tired.” He was. He could hardly keep his eyes open. Though he supposed something for the pain would be nice, too. “Pills?”

  “I'll get them.” His Mom bustled about, clearing up and fussing over him and his Dad and Trey.

  Trey handed two over, fingers soft against his. “You want to head to bed? I'll help you get settled.” Those dark eyes looked tired.

  “Yeah. You'll stay with me?”

  His Mom nodded. “I think we could all use an early night. I'll do the dishes and neaten up in here, but then your father and I are going to bed as well. You boys go and get rested, there's a lot of long days ahead of you.”

  He nodded. Yeah. There were. And they were both already so wiped out.

  Trey stood, helping him to his feet. “I put clean towels in the bathroom. Y'all make yourself at home. If you need anything, just holler.”

  “Mother and I will manage just fine. You take care of Russ and don't worry about us.”

  He got a hug from his folks and then he and Trey headed down the hall. He was leaning on his cowboy a lot more than he'd like to admit.

  Trey held him up, hand on him, petting. “Come on, Yankee. You want the bathroom first?”

  “I think I want you in there with me, just in case. I'm not feeling too steady on my feet and it still feels weird to pee.”

  “Sure.” Trey walked him into the bathroom, helped him unfasten his sweats. His incision was redder today, his balls more swollen, but they said that would happen. He was noticing the sore, too, but he imagined that was because they had him pretty well doped up yesterday. He managed to piss without making a mess and he leaned against Trey as he gave his teeth a real quick brush. “Wish I could have a shower.”

  “Day after tomorrow, yeah? Then I'll hold you up through it.”

  “I'll be truly rank by then. And itchy as hell.” He gave Trey a wry grin and yawned wide. “Man, I can't remember ever being more tired.”

  “Yeah. I hope this is as bad as it gets.” Trey kissed his cheek.

  He nodded. “Me, too. At least we're home though and nobody's going to come in and wake us up in the middle of the night and give you that look for being on the bed next to me.”

  “Yeah. Come to bed, Yankee. Let me hold you.”

  “Best thing I've heard all day.” He leaned heavily on Trey all the way to the bedroom and kind of collapsed onto the bed once Trey had it turned down. Trey got his socks off, got him settled in the bed, hand stroking his hair. “Come to bed? I want to lie with you and pretend everything is normal.”

  “Everything's going to be normal soon.” Trey stripped, slid into bed beside him. “Don't let me jostle you.”

  He wrapped his arm around Trey and tugged gently. “I just want to hold you.”

  “I don't want to hurt you.” Still Trey's cheek snuggled on his chest, one hand pet his belly.

  “You won't.” He chuckled. “The pain meds have kicked in—I don't think you can.”

  Trey laughed softly. “I love you, Russ. So much.”

  “I love you, too, Trey. More than anything.” He squeezed Trey in a one-armed hug and finally gave in to the exhaustion that was calling him, letting his eyes close and sleep have him.

  Chapter 17

  The first week was okay—long, tedious, harsh, but okay. Russ’ folks helped a ton and it was great to have people helping—Mrs. G., Nana, church folks. The second week was tolerable. Sort of. He was up at four, done working at eight at night—Hell, he was so busy just keeping up he didn't have to think. All he had to do was work. But man, by the time he was driving back from San Antonio Friday night? Knowing he had to fight traffic and a sick lover to get home, feed and then try and get dinner into Russ before heading out to do grocery shopping and shit? Damn.

  “Oh fuck.” With that Russ was retching into a barf bag, long, pained-sounding heaves. The doctor had prescribed anti-nausea pills, but they took awhile to kick in and Russ usually threw up a few times before settling into an exhausted stupor.

  He rolled down his window, let the November wind in. “I'll get us home as soon as I can.”

  “Uh-huh.” Russ was pale with dark bags under his eyes like he'd been punched in the face.

  “You're half-done. Only two weeks left, yeah?” He dug a toothpick out of the visor, chewing on it.

  “God, don't remind me.” Russ groaned, head flopping back onto the seat.

  “Sorry.” He felt back, finding a can of ginger ale in the cooler. “Want a ginger ale?”

  “I'll try.” Russ’ hand was trembling as he took the soda. “No more treatment ‘til Monday though, yeah? And the pills should kick in soon enough. All I'll have to worry about is the exhaustion and the fucking burning on my balls. Excuse me. Ball.”

  Trey nodded. “Yep. And we've got no plans, so you can rest. I'll go rent some movies for you, if you want.”

  “What about the chores?”

  “Oh, they'll get done.” Hell, it was harder to watch Russ try to do them than to just do them himself.

  “I can do my share. Well. I can do some anyway. ‘s not fair if all I do is sit around watching movies while you do all the work.”

  “I'll let you do the books, if you want, figure up things for the first quarter for Mr. G.” Figure out that Mr. G. invested in another horse and shit.

  “You'll let me? Gee thanks. Meanwhile you're working yourself to death because you won't let me help out.” Russ sounded like he was all ready to get all upset, but then he went white again, grabbing for his back and retching again. He didn't push it, just pulled over at the next rest stop to dump trash and get Russ a damp cloth and himself a coke.

  “Thanks,” Russ murmured, rinsing his mouth out before settling back in the truck.

  “Anytime, Russ. Only twenty minutes left and I'll have you home.” He finished his coke as he walked around the back of the truck. Twenty minutes and he could disappear into the barn. Get away. God, he was an evil man.

  “I think the pills are kicking in. I might make it without anymore barfing.” He got a wan smile from his lover.

  “I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Yankee.” He gave Russ a smile and high-tailed it home. Poor guy. Half-done. Half-done and then it would be over.

  Russ was quiet the rest of the way home, but he managed not to throw up again. His lover undid his seat belt, but didn't even try to open the door. “Can you give me a hand?”

  “Surely.” Trey hopped out, helped Russ out of the truck and into the house. “You want the bed or the sofa?”

  “Sofa. Want to sit with y
ou awhile.”

  Trey nodded, leading Russ to the sofa. “Let me run and feed the beasts and I'll come and sit the evening away.”

  “Okay. I won't be going anywhere.”

  He leaned down and kissed Russ’ forehead before finding the remote and handing it over. “I'll be quick.”

  Quick as any cowboy with a dragging butt and a tired soul could be, anyway.

  * * * *

  Russ woke up slowly.

  Fuck he was tired. Bone deep tired. Could sleep another two days straight even though it had to be noon going by the sun tired. And that stubborn cowboy of his hadn't bothered to wake him up, had done all the morning chores on his own and was out there now working himself to the bone while Russ lazed in bed. He might be weak and slow, but he could still get some stuff done. He groaned as he got out of bed. He couldn't wait for this to be over.

  Trey had left a pan of cinnamon rolls on the table, along with a carafe of coffee and a bowl of cut up cantaloupe. Oh that man spoiled him. He sat down hard, blinking back tears. Fuck, he'd cried enough. He was alive, wasn't he? Even if he felt like death warmed over.

  He could hear Trey outside, walking somebody or fixing something, whistling soft and low. He pulled himself together and poured himself a coffee and speared a couple of cantaloupe cubes. Trey needed help.

  He managed a quarter cup of coffee and a good portion of the cantaloupe and then downed a couple of pills before pulling on a sweatshirt and his jeans and heading out to look for Trey. See what needed doing.

  “Hey, Yankee.” Trey gave him a warm smile, walking Chocolate out to see him. “Somebody's missing you.”

  “Hey, girl.” He grinned at Trey and slid his hand along Chocolate's nose, leaning in to kiss her. “Man, do I miss riding you.”

  She snorted and nodded, nuzzling his cheek. Trey offered him some apple to treat her with, giving him a wink.

  “Miss riding you, too,” he said softly, smiling at Trey before feeding the apple to Chocolate. Trey gave him a smile and a nod, then went to let the other horses out, going in to clean stalls. He gave Chocolate a bit more loving and then sighed. “Okay, girl, I've got to go give him a hand, don't I? He works too hard and I haven't been picking up any of the slack.”