Long, Tall Cowboy Christmas

by Carolyn Brown

  “Okay, then.” Nash squared his shoulders, came to attention with his hands behind his back, and sucked air into his lungs. “I was Captain Nash Lamont in the United States Army. Your son and I were on a six-man team together that I commanded. Most of our missions were classified, so I can’t talk about them. But what I did want to tell you is that we called your son Happy, since he came from this town and since we never knew him on a day when he wasn’t happy. He inspired the whole team, and I was privileged to serve with him. I was there when he died and I wanted to tell you a little about it.” The words came out in one big rush, like Nash was afraid if he didn’t get it all out then he never would.

  Gracie sat down in a wooden rocking chair with a thud. “Go on.”

  “He was instrumental in saving more than a dozen lives. On the day he was killed we had just completed a mission. A rocket was launched from a hill and it hit his vehicle. Thanks to him, the hostage we rescued is alive and well today. But Happy paid with his life, along with two other soldiers in that vehicle with him. I’m very sorry and I feel guilty that he died when it should have been me in that lead vehicle.” He stopped to catch a breath and then turned around and looked from Gracie to Paul and back again. They exchanged a long look and then Paul went to her and wrapped his arms around her, letting her weep on his shoulder.

  “Stay. Don’t go, Nash. Why didn’t you tell us this before?”

  “Classified,” he whispered.

  Gracie pushed back and dried her tears on a tea towel that she’d been holding. “Please stay. Tell us the stories that you can tell.”

  “Are you sure?” Nash asked.

  “Very.” Gracie’s voice broke.

  “Take off your coat. We’re about ready to sit down to dinner,” Paul said. “But until then, you can join me and these other two guys in the living room.”

  “No stories until I’m in the room. I want to hear everything that you can tell me about my son.” Gracie managed a smile.

  “See, I told you,” Kasey whispered.

  “And what would they think if they knew about yesterday?” he asked.

  “That’s classified, too.” She winked at him as she turned to the kitchen to help put the dinner on the table.

  Nash didn’t need a degree in psychology to know what the McKays would think if they knew how many times he’d coveted what Adam had in his life, how many times Nash wished that he had a beautiful wife, two kids, and another on the way. He would become David from the Bible in their eyes. He saw what another man had, yearned for it, and caused a man to die so he could have the prize.

  So don’t tell them that part, the aggravating voice in his head said loudly. This is all fate. You had no idea that you’d ever even be in a position to meet Kasey in person, so that burden is not yours to bear.

  “Well, now that was a crazy twist of things,” Jace said. “Why didn’t you tell us you knew Adam when we first got to know you? Had that fall knocked those memories from your head?”

  If falling off a ladder would permanently erase that from my mind I would have taken a dive from one a long time ago, he thought.

  “I didn’t even meet you guys until after the ladder incident. Happy talked about his family and Kasey a lot, but I had to wait for the right time. I needed to come clean with Kasey first and I did that yesterday,” he explained.

  “How’d that work out for you?” Brody asked.

  “Not so well at first. I figured she was going back across the fence to your place, Brody. I never expected her to stay after…well, you can imagine,” Nash answered.

  “That’s Kasey,” Brody said. “She’ll take a bullet rather than go back on her word. She said she would stay and wild horses couldn’t carry her off.”

  “She says it’s a Dawson thing,” Nash said.

  “Mostly.” Jace chuckled and looked at Brody. “But I remember once when you didn’t keep your word and it came back to bite you square on the ass.”

  “Right back at you,” Brody growled.

  “No teeth marks on my butt.” Jace grinned.

  “Details?” Nash settled into a wooden rocking chair.

  “He asked Lila to go on a real date with him. Dinner, movies, and the whole shebang on the night before she and her mother left Happy. It was a couple of days after their high school graduation. And he stood her up,” Jace tattled.

  “You mean, Lila and her mama moved away from here?” Nash asked.

  “Yes, they did. They left Happy and we didn’t hear from her again until last summer. That means Brother Brody here almost lost the love of his life. He had to do some fast scrambling to get her to marry him.” Jace laughed at the dirty looks Brody shot toward him.

  “Your day is comin’, so don’t gloat too loudly,” Brody told him. “And I’m going to tell you I told you so a million times.”

  Gracie stepped to the door and motioned to Paul. “Dinner is about ready. You cowboys get washed up.”

  * * *

  Hope sat across the table from Kasey and Nash with Emma between them and Silas in his high chair on the other side of Kasey. Hope thought they looked like any normal family, the way that Nash helped with Emma. He had always been good with the kids from day one, but there was a different, more familiar air, between him and Kasey.

  Oh. My. Goodness. They’ve been to bed and I don’t mean to nap. She covered her mouth so the words didn’t sneak out for everyone to hear.

  She could always tell when a relationship went from friendship to lovers. There was a difference in the way two people talked to each other and there was always, always the way they looked at each other, exchanging words with nothing more than a glance.

  She touched the gold locket around her neck and wondered if her mother had known when she and Henry had lost their virginity that night in the hayloft, the night he’d given her the necklace for her sixteenth birthday. She could see a lot of Henry in Nash. The dark hair and eyes and more than anything, that serious nature.

  “Tell us when you first met Adam,” Gracie said as soon as Paul finished saying the blessing for the food.

  He took a long gulp of sweet tea and looked over at Kasey. Hope didn’t know the silent words they exchanged, but she well remembered talking to Henry with her eyes. Kasey nodded slightly, evidently giving him courage, and Nash set the tea glass down.

  “They lined us up when we first got to the base and the drill sergeant started his spiel. I was right beside Happy—sorry, I mean Adam—and from that day on we were lined up alphabetically. Lamont, McKay, Nelson, and so on. Those six weeks we had to learn to work as a team or we’d have never made it. Happy and I helped Nelson get through a tough night when his girlfriend broke up with him. In the end there were seven of us who made up a pretty good team and they sent us on for some special training along with our career field. One guy washed out when he broke his leg and got a discharge, leaving six.”

  Henry had been a man of few words except with Hope. Then he could talk for hours about everything, how much he didn’t like ranching, how he wanted to get away from the panhandle of Texas to see the world beyond, and always how much he loved her. Hope wondered if Nash had gotten his wandering soul from his great-uncle or if he’d settle down on the Texas Star. If her past had taught her anything at all, it was that she would never interfere with Kasey’s decisions if she and Nash did get into a permanent relationship.

  “That was Adam, always ready to help someone,” Hope said.

  “Happy was the glue that held us all together. He kept things positive. That cowboy could make us laugh even in the worst situations. One time we were goin’ into a bombed-out building, up a narrow flight of stairs, and he told me to go in sideways so I didn’t get stuck.”

  No one laughed or even grinned.

  “You’d have had to be there,” Nash said. “They called me Bayou because of my accent, but my other nickname was Shrek. I’ve always been a giant. Happy could go into places that I couldn’t ever wedge my big body into.”

  Still no sm
iles or laughter.

  Hope had seen the animated cartoon about the ogre Shrek many times with the great-grandchildren. Nash didn’t look a thing like that big old green hunk, but with his size, she could see why the soldiers would have tagged him with that name.

  “Oh, come on.” Hope giggled. “That is funny.”

  Valerie managed a smile. “I was trying to imagine Nash with those silly ears.”

  “Or green?” Gracie said.

  Emma’s chin pointed toward the ceiling and she cocked her head to one side. “Not Shrek. Not green.”

  “Right.” Nash patted her on the shoulder.

  “I think Nash is more like John Wayne,” Rustin said.

  “The Cowboys is one of his favorite movies,” Kasey said.

  “Mine, too,” Brody and Nash said in unison with Jace coming in only a second behind them.

  “Well, thank you.” Nash smiled across the table at Rustin.

  The smile sure enough reminded Hope of Henry Thomas’s, especially back when he’d caught sight of her sitting under the willow tree at Hope Springs. That and his daddy’s barn had been their two meeting places. His folks wouldn’t have minded them dating right out in public, but her father wouldn’t have it. No, sir. Henry Thomas was on the strange side and he wouldn’t have his only daughter mixed up with that boy.

  “So what happened when you got to the top of the stairs?” Paul asked.

  “We got to the top room where the terrorists were holding the hostage, rescued him, and I carried him down the stairs, thrown over my shoulder like a sack of feed because we didn’t want to take time to untie him. We made it back to the helicopter and were on the way before Happy told him that he had to buy us all around of drinks as soon as we were back in the States,” Nash glanced at Kasey. He hadn’t told her all of the story before but she didn’t look like she was angry and for that, he was grateful.

  Hope would bet dollars to cow patties that Nash hadn’t talked that much since he’d gotten out of the service.

  “My son did not drink,” Gracie declared.

  “Oh, yes he did, but I could put him under the table,” Kasey said.

  “Kasey!” Valerie gasped.

  “It’s the truth, and I can outdrink both my brothers, too. Ask them.”

  Brody nodded.

  Jace shrugged. “Can’t deny it or she’ll give you a demonstration.”

  Just like me. A smile tickled the corners of Hope’s mouth. The first time Henry and I sneaked some of his daddy’s peach moonshine out to the barn, he was woozy after two drinks, but not me. I wonder if the liquor store sells that these days. I’d sure like another triple shot of it.

  “Mama, what are you thinkin’ about?” Valerie asked. “You look like the cat that just ate the canary.”

  “I did, feathers and all, and it tasted pretty fine,” she said.

  “Did the man buy y’all a drink?” Paul asked.

  “No, they swept him into the hospital for tests and debriefing, but he sent the team a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle the next day.”

  “That’s a pretty good thank you,” Brody said.

  “It was mighty fine and Happy said, and I repeat word for word, ‘My wife would damn sure like this stuff.’ Then Hap—I mean Adam—went on to tell us about sharing his first beer with her out in Henry’s barn long before they were even old enough to drive.”

  Jace held up a hand. “I was there.”

  “Jace Dawson!” Valerie fussed.

  “Mama, there wasn’t much to do but go to Henry’s old barn and hang out with our friends, drink some beer, and kiss on our girlfriends,” Jace said.

  “I’m not so sure I want to hear any more.” Gracie sighed. “You sure ain’t like your Uncle Henry. He was a quiet man who hardly ever said a word to anyone.”

  Oh, Gracie, you just didn’t know him like I did. Hope sent the platter of hot rolls around the table again.

  * * *

  Hearing stories about Adam sent Kasey into a spiral of confusing emotions. After the funeral everyone had walked on eggshells around her, as if they were afraid to even say his name. Today opened a floodgate of memories, and knowing how he’d died, hearing his voice telling her a final good-bye the day before—those things had brought closure.

  She’d expected Rustin to ask for more stories about his daddy when they went back to the Texas Star that afternoon, but all he wanted to know was when he could have his first beer.

  “When you’re twenty-one and not a day before,” Kasey told him.

  “But you—”

  “Doesn’t mean you get to and if I catch you drinkin’ before that, you don’t even want to know what will happen,” Kasey said.

  Rustin shivered. “I have to stay in the yard for a week, right?”

  “Nope, until your twenty-first birthday.”

  Rustin slapped his hands on his cheeks. “Noooo!”

  Emma was yawning and Silas was fighting sleep when they reached the house.

  “Nap time,” Nash said.

  “Not me. I’m too big for naps. I go to school.” Rustin yawned.

  “Me, too,” Emma said.

  “Do not! You ain’t old enough for school,” Rustin said.

  “No arguments,” Kasey said sternly. “Rustin, you may read a book on your bed while Emma and Silas take a rest. No one has to sleep, but you have to lie still and let your bodies get recharged for an hour.”

  “Kind of like our games when you plug ’em in?” Rustin asked.

  “Exactly,” Kasey told him.

  “Well done. Bet they’re all snoring in less than five minutes,” Nash said out of the corner of his mouth.

  “From your mouth to the sandman’s ears,” Kasey said.

  The kids were all asleep when Kasey went back downstairs, where two cans of beer were waiting on the end table. Nash patted the sofa beside him. “It might not be the prettiest sofa in the world, but it sure is comfortable. Join me.” He motioned toward the mugs. “Thought you might like a cold drink. I know I do. My mouth is dry. I haven’t talked that much in my life, not even to the therapist.”

  She reached for the same can at the same time he did, and they both jerked their hands back. He waited until she had one in her hands before he reached for the one that was left.

  He popped the top and took a long gulp. “How did all that affect you, Kasey? What does it do to us?”

  “Adam is always going to be a part of our past and our future, since he is my children’s father, but…” She pulled the tab on her beer and downed a fourth of it. “I loved him, Nash, but, and this is going to sound just plumb crazy, but sometimes I could hear his voice in my head. Yesterday he told me to let him go and move on and that he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore.”

  “Doesn’t sound crazy to me,” he said. “I’ve had mental conversations with him, too. And he basically told me to wake up and face reality and to get on with my life and stop wallowing around in a pity pool.”

  She nodded and they finished their beers in silence.

  “Is all this talking going to make it weird between us?” he finally asked.

  “What is ‘us’? Friends? Friends with benefits?”

  “I don’t know, but I don’t want to mess up whatever it is. My heart was shattered and you’ve helped me put it back together by being there for me.”

  “Me, neither. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens. If someone would have told me where I’d be staying over the Christmas holiday this year, I would have figured they’d been hittin’ the moonshine bottle too much.”

  “Ain’t it the truth?” He took her hand in his and leaned his head back on the sofa. In only a few seconds, his breathing slowed and he was sound asleep.

  She laid her head on the wide sofa arm and shut her eyes. Though it had to be the ugliest sofa left on the face of the earth, the thing sure was comfortable, but the house needed some feminine touches to make it a home.

  It’s his house and you won’t be here in two years. This time it was Brody
’s voice in her head, but what was the use in arguing when he was right.

  * * *

  She awoke with a start, not knowing if it was morning, afternoon, or night. Whimpers said that one of the kids was awake, so she knuckled her eyes, worked the kinks from her neck, and stood up. Then she realized for the second time that the noise wasn’t coming from upstairs but was right beside her.

  “Dammit! I can’t go on and leave them,” he said hoarsely.

  She eased back down beside him and shook his shoulder. “Wake up, Nash. It’s another dream.”

  No doubt it had been brought on by all the talk that day. He pushed her hand away and opened his eyes wide, but there was no evidence that he was awake. “We can’t leave them.” He looked through her and then at her and wrinkled his brow. “How did you get here?”

  “We’re in Texas.” She snapped her fingers.

  He went from past to present in the blink of an eye. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You can’t control the nightmares, but hopefully someday they’ll be gone for good.”

  He slipped his arms around her and drew her close. “It’s better if you’re here when I wake up, Kasey.”

  She kissed him on the cheek and started to say something, but he put a finger over her lips. “Don’t say anything. Just let me hold you.”

  She snuggled down into his embrace until they heard Rustin and Emma arguing as they hurried down the stairs. Even then she only moved a little bit and didn’t shy away from his hand in hers.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kasey fidgeted with her hands and wiggled in her seat. The auditorium was packed and the whole family was there. Rustin had two lines and would be singing three songs with his class. He wasn’t a bit nervous when she’d left him backstage in the care of his teacher, but she had more butterflies flitting in her stomach than she’d had on her wedding day.

  Valerie touched her on the arm. “Be still. It’s just a school play, and everyone will think he’s adorable no matter what happens.”