Long, Tall Cowboy Christmas

by Carolyn Brown

  “How did you ever live through three of us? Ballgames, rodeos, fairs, and school events?” Kasey asked.

  “With lots of pride and many prayers. Once a mother, always a mother. It’s even more binding than marriage.”

  “I believe it,” Kasey said as the lights in the auditorium dimmed.

  Nash tucked her hand into his when the curtains opened. At his touch, all the jitters left her body and she immediately settled back in her seat to watch the prekindergarten and the kindergarten classes take the stage for the first scene in the program. Wearing cute little red stocking hats, all the kids were gathered around the teacher who was sitting in an oversize rocking chair with a huge book in her hands.

  “’Twas the Night Before Christmas,” she said.

  Evidently the children had been told to speak up because Rustin held the mic close to his mouth and his voice echoed off the walls when he said the next two lines of the poem. He waved at his family when he handed off the mic to the little girl sitting next to him.

  “Rustin yelled!” Emma said loudly on the other side of Valerie.

  “He was just speakin’ up so we could hear him,” Valerie said.

  “We can relax now,” Nash whispered into Kasey’s ear.

  “You were nervous?” Kasey asked.

  “Oh, yeah, I was. He’d be so disappointed if he didn’t do his part well.”

  Each child said a line or two and then the whole group stood up and got into a line. According to Rustin they were to stand up straight and tall, but several kids got so involved in “Jingle Bells” that they danced around the stage. Then when they went into “Frosty the Snowman,” Rustin had stood still as long as he could and he began to sway to the music. By the time they started “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” Rustin and the whole class had lined up and were doing a simple line dance.

  “He didn’t tell me about that,” Nash said.

  Kasey shook her head slowly. “Me, either.”

  Emma clapped her hands and sang right along with the group. Silas, who was sitting on Brody’s lap that night, got about every fifth word but he was singing just as loudly as his sister.

  The timing was horrible, with some kids singing a line behind and others half a line ahead, but they were so cute that the whole crowd gave them a standing ovation when they held hands and bowed at the end.

  When the program ended and all the kids were turned loose, Rustin made a beeline for Nash. “Did you hear me? I said my part real loud.”

  Nash laid a hand on Rustin’s shoulder. “You made us all very proud the way you spoke right up and the way you sang your songs.”

  “Mama, did you hear me? How’d you like our dancin’?” Rustin asked.

  Kasey hugged him. “Oh, yes, loud and clear. You didn’t tell us about the dance.”

  “Me and the kids been practicin’ at recess. We didn’t tell nobody, not even the teacher.” He grinned.

  “Well, I bet she was surprised.” Nash chuckled.

  A little jealous sting pierced her heart because he’d gone to Nash first. Kasey tried to shake it off, but it didn’t work. Rustin was her son, and granted he and Nash had gone over those two lines a hundred times, but she’d practiced all his songs with him.

  Emma tapped him on the shoulder. “You yelled. Where’s the cookies?”

  Silas ran over to his brother and gave him a bear hug. “Cookies?”

  Rustin puffed out his chest. “In my room. I will take you. I know the way.”

  “Hey, Rustin.” Brody scooped up Silas. “Where’d you learn those dance moves?”

  “Uncle Jace,” Rustin answered with a nonchalant shrug.

  Kasey cut her eyes over toward her brother and was met with a big grin. “You’re welcome. He wanted to surprise everyone, so he and I worked up a little line dance.”

  “Well, next time you come to me, son,” Brody said. “I’m a better dancer than Uncle Jace.”

  “Will you take me to the cowboy bar to learn?” Rustin asked.

  “He will not!” Lila put a ton of emphasis on the last word.

  “The boss has spoken.” Brody chuckled.

  “Aunt Lila is boss?” Emma slipped her hand into Lila’s.

  “Sometimes.” Lila smiled. “And sometimes Uncle Brody is boss.”

  “But most of the time, Granny Hope is the boss,” Jace said.

  “Too many bosses. Mama can be my boss.” Emma skipped along beside Lila.

  Kasey patted her on the shoulder. “Thank you, baby girl.”

  Family, it’s what it’s all about. Kasey forgot about the pang of jealousy and mentally hugged every one of the folks individually. She saved Nash until last in the scenario, and warmth filled her cheeks with a gentle blush. For the first time she had included him in the family and it didn’t feel a bit weird.

  A Christmas tree was in one corner of Rustin’s school room. Decorated totally in paper ornaments and a big loopy chain from strips of red and green construction paper, it had a big glittery star on the top. Santa faces that had been colored by the students lined up, one after the other, on the wall around the tree. A long table had been set up in another corner with trays of cookies and a big bowl of punch.

  “Looks and smells just like a school,” Nash said.

  “Yep.” Lila nodded. “Doesn’t matter if it’s a big one like I taught in over in Tennessee or a little one like this, they all have the same feel.”

  Jace slipped up behind Kasey and rested his chin on her head. “I’m so jealous of you that I could just spit. I want a kid who dances on the stage and who is so proud of his classroom that the buttons on his shirt are about to bust plumb off. I want a daughter like Emma and a baby like Silas and maybe three or four more past that.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to get serious about things then. Date women who will make a good wife and mama,” she said.

  “We miss the kids over on Hope Springs, Sis,” Brody said. “It’s kind of lonely.”

  “Hey, you can have one, two, or all three anytime things get too quiet. Or”—she slid him a sly look—“you and Lila could get busy and have one of your own. This time next year you could be totin’ around a new little Dawson.”

  Silas pointed at the cookie table. “Me needs!”

  “Me, too.” Jace took him from Brody and headed over to the refreshments.

  “Not yet,” Rustin said. “You got to see my desk before you get cookies. That’s the rule. And then I get to take my stuff off the tree and put it in the bag to take home.” He tugged at Kasey’s hand. “Come and see. I cleaned it all up. Right here.”

  There on the top of his desk was a color sheet with holly around the edges and Santa in his sleigh across the top. Inside on wide lines he’d written his Christmas list in his own tight little handwriting. The first of the three items on the list brought tears to Kasey’s eyes. She swallowed hard more than twice as she looked at those two simple words—a daddy.

  “Oh!” Lila gasped as she looked over her shoulder.

  “Guess you’ve got your work cut out for you if you’re goin’ to get that done by Christmas,” Jace teased.

  “How do you get it under the tree?” Hope asked.

  “Stop it,” Kasey whispered.

  “Hey, Rustin, how about you show me which ornaments we need to take off the tree,” Nash said. “Maybe if we’re real careful we can put them on our tree when we get home. Silas and Emma are getting real hungry for some of those cookies and tell the truth, those chocolate chip ones that your granny brought sure look good to me.”

  Kasey could have kissed him right there in front of the other parents, her family, and even God for doing that so that she could catch her breath and figure out how to even talk to her son about his list.

  “Not long ago Rustin would have been holding my hand, not his,” Brody said.

  “And he will be again right after Christmas,” Valerie said, seriously. “But that’s not sayin’ that I wouldn’t love to have a new baby in the Dawson family.” She winked
at Lila.

  Silas reached his chubby little arms out toward Kasey. She took him from Jace and carried him across the room so he could pick out a cookie. When she had him settled in a chair around a little table, Emma and Lila joined them.

  Emma held up her cookie. “Look, Mama, I got one like Santa.”

  “Me gots Frosty.” Silas held up a snowman-shaped sugar cookie.

  “Confession time,” Lila said as she got Emma pulled up to the table. “I miss school. Not enough to give up the ranchin’ and go back to it, but I do.”

  Kasey stepped back into the corner. “Change scares the devil out of me.”

  Lila followed her. “You’re preachin’ to the choir. It took every ounce of trust in my own judgment to make the decision to help Brody on the ranch instead of teach this year.”

  “Regrets?”

  “Not really, just a longing for the old familiar routine. Ranchin’ is so different from a structured schedule,” Lila answered. “Now tell me about what’s going on over on Texas Star. We haven’t talked in days.”

  “Make some time to come by tomorrow or the next day and we’ll have a visit.” Kasey nodded at Hope and Valerie coming their way with cookies and punch in hands.

  “We got extra so y’all don’t have to get in line.” Hope passed off a plastic cup with a small paper plate on the top. “The iced sugar cookies are all gone.”

  “I’d rather have this one anyway. Thanks, Granny,” Kasey said.

  Hope’s gray hair had been styled that morning at the local beauty shop and her nails were freshly done. She wore creased jeans and a pair of her fancy cowboy boots. Her ugly Christmas sweater was bright red with a fuzzy snowman on the front. A ranch wife, according to her, had to keep up appearances. Valerie believed in the same thing and that night she was all decked out in a bright green sweater with Rudolph on the front, jeans, and boots.

  Kasey’s nails were chipped and her red hair was pulled up in a ponytail but several curls had escaped and were tickling her face. She hadn’t had time to put on a smidgen of makeup, and her jeans came right out of the dryer. Her sweatshirt had a Christmas tree on it, but several of the sequins were hanging by a thread. Keeping up appearances was tougher when the ranching woman had three kids to get ready every time she walked out the door.

  Nash stepped out of a crowd of people with Jace, Brody, and Rustin. He came right to her side and flashed his brightest smile. “All these people are beginning to box me in,” he whispered. “The only way I can manage is to keep my eyes on you. You look like an angel tonight.”

  “I look like shit,” she muttered.

  “Honey, you outshine every other woman in this room. We’ve got Rustin’s stuff all in his envelope. He did a good job coloring and cutting his ornaments. We’re putting them on the tree when we get home.”

  “That’ll make him feel like a king,” she said.

  “He makes me feel like one for sure.”

  Valerie pushed her way between them. “You mind if I take Emma home with me for the night? Rustin’s had so much attention, it will be good for her to get to help me tomorrow. We’re goin’ to make fudge for the ranch party. She’s got pajamas and a toothbrush at my house.”

  “Me, too, Nanma?” Silas asked.

  “How about you go home with me?” Gracie quickly left the group of women she’d been talking to and quickly came over to them. “We’re goin’ to Amarillo tomorrow for a load of feed, so it might be the middle of the afternoon when we get him to your ranch.”

  Those two words—your ranch—twirled through Kasey’s mind in dizzying circles. “Sounds fine to me. He hates it when he’s all alone in the day, so that’ll work fine.”

  “Oh, honey, me and his poppa will keep him entertained real good. We’ve got a litter of kittens in the barn that’s just about ready to wean, so he and Paul will have a good time with them. Did you ever notice how good he is with animals?” Gracie asked.

  “Yes,” Nash answered quickly. “It’s like he’s got this sixth sense that draws them to him. You should see the sheep with him. They treat him like he’s a new baby lamb.”

  “He’s a special baby.” Paul joined the group. “Hey, buddy, you want to go home with me and Nana?”

  Silas crawled out of the chair and held his arms up to Nash. “Me Nashie come, too?”

  “No, baby boy.” Nash took him into his arms. “This old cowboy has to stay home and feed the sheep.”

  “Tay.” He nodded and reached out toward Paul. “Kitties?”

  Nash shifted him over toward his grandfather.

  Paul hugged him closely. “Yes, there are kitties in your Poppa’s barn and we’ll go see them in the morning.”

  “Sheeps?” Silas’s big blue eyes were serious.

  “No, but they’ll be waiting when you get home,” Nash answered.

  “Tay.” He sighed. “Kiss Mommy.”

  Paul held him over toward Kasey and Silas gave her a peck on the cheek. “Nite, nite, Mommy.”

  “Nite, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Silas nodded. “Kiss Nashie.”

  Paul shifted his position to hold the baby out toward Nash. He kissed Nash on the cheek and said, “Nite, nite, Nashie.”

  “Good night, cowboy,” Nash said, hoarsely.

  “Need anything?” Kasey asked Gracie.

  “No, darlin’. We keep diapers and pajamas for all of the kids just in case you ever need us.” Gracie smiled.

  Kasey knew that, but she always asked anyway. She didn’t know if the grandparents had seen Rustin’s list or not, but she appreciated them that night more than ever before. It would give her an opportunity to talk to Rustin about that number one thing on his Santa list.

  “Mama.” Rustin tugged on her hand. “How come Emma and Silas get to do a sleepover and not me?”

  “It’s a school night. They didn’t get to be in a play.”

  “Well, rats!” he pouted. “School is tough on a cowboy, ain’t it, Nash?”

  “Sometimes,” Nash agreed. “Are you ready to go home and put your ornaments on our tree?”

  “Yep, I am,” Rustin said. “Will you read to me tonight?”

  “I reckon I could do that,” Nash said.

  “Miss that, too,” Brody said.

  “Love you, brother,” Kasey said.

  “Right back atcha.” He smiled.

  * * *

  Nash propped his back against the old four-poster headboard in Rustin’s temporary room. He was so tall that his feet almost touched the footboard. Kasey leaned against the doorjamb and listened to him read a Christmas book to Rustin that evening. When he read the final page of the story, Rustin was yawning and rubbing his eyes.

  “The end.” Nash closed the book.

  Rustin wrapped both his arms round Nash and hugged him tightly. “G’night, Nash.”

  “Nite, buddy.”

  “I like bein’ your buddy,” Rustin said. “I liked seein’ you at my play.”

  “I liked bein’ there.” Nash slung his legs over the side of the bed and picked up his boots. “See you at breakfast.”

  He brushed against Kasey’s shoulder as he started out of the room. “Want me to stay for this?”

  She shook her head. “I think I’d best tackle it alone, but thanks.”

  Rustin covered a big yawn with his hand. “Mama, I like bein’ on the stage.”

  “I can tell.” She sat down on the edge of his bed. “I want to talk to you about what you put on your Santa list. Did you mean that you wanted your daddy to come back? That can’t happen, son. He’s been gone two years and he’s in heaven with my daddy and my grandpa.”

  “No, Mama.” Rustin shook his head. “I ’member him a little bit, but not much. I want a daddy of my own like the other kids have. Some of them even have two daddies.”

  “You mean like a real daddy and a stepdaddy?”

  Rustin nodded. “It ain’t fair that they get two and I ain’t got none.”

  “You’ve got Uncle Brody and Uncle Ja
ce and your grandpa.”

  “They ain’t a daddy. If Santa can fly in the sky all over the world, then he can find me a daddy. I want one just like Nash,” Rustin said seriously. “I like it here and so does Hero. He told me that he don’t want to go back to Uncle Brody’s and Granny’s ranch.”

  “I see,” Kasey said. “Well, what if Santa can’t find you a daddy?”

  “Ahhh, Mama.” His grin reminded her of Brody. “Santa is magic and he always brings what I ask for. Just wait and see.”

  Kasey’s heart felt like someone had just filled the inside with stones. “Okay, but that’s a pretty big order.”

  “Nite, Mama. I love you.” Rustin gave her a hug and then he slipped beneath the covers. “Tuck me in.”

  She slid off the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. “I love you, too, son.”

  “I know it.” He laughed. “Mamas love their cowboys and I’m a cowboy.”

  “You got it.” Kasey giggled. “Now go to sleep. You’ll be too tired to eat pancakes for breakfast if you don’t shut those eyes.”

  Kasey turned out the light and left the door open a crack, but she’d only gone two steps when she heard him talking. She stopped and took a step back toward the door.

  “Okay, God, we need to talk,” he said. “I told Santa that I want a daddy for Christmas. One like Nash. But Granny Hope says that you’re bigger than Santa, so you need to tell him that’s what I want. In Jesus’s name, cause that’s what cowboys like Nash and Uncle Brody and Uncle Jace say at the end of their prayin’ and I’m practicin’. Good night, God.”

  She made it to the top of the stairs before she sat down and put her head in her hands. In seconds Nash was right beside her, his arm around her shoulders.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No. He’s goin’ to be disappointed, Nash, and it’s not fair.”

  “Life is not fair. I saw his list and it breaks my heart for him. Let’s go have a cup of hot chocolate and sit on the sofa. We don’t even have to talk, Kasey.”

  Just like Nash. That’s what Rustin said more than once. As she put her hand into Nash’s she could understand what Rustin saw in him. Nash Lamont was a good man who understood the yearning in a little boy’s heart, just like he understood the pain in a woman’s.