My Clarity

by M. Clarke

  “Alex.” I felt someone’s hand on my back.

  “Jimmy?” I stood and practically jumped on him. “You’re here.” The tears poured out again. Jimmy held me tightly for a long time until I was ready to let go. With the same blondish short haircut, he looked the same. Though he was still lean, he had more muscle than the last time I had seen him. He wore a black sweater and a pair of jeans. His blues eyes shined with concern as he stared back at me, as if he couldn’t believe why he was here.

  “When did you get here? What time is it?” I asked.

  “It’s noon. I came here first thing. The gang is outside in the waiting room. They’ve been here all night.”

  I turned to Elijah with a look of admiration. “He’s had a lot of visitors, not just from friends, but from the hospital staff. I think he gets special treatment from the nurses because they know him. They’re letting things slip by that are against regulations. I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with him if it wasn’t for the nurses pretending they don’t see me.”

  “He’s a great guy. He spent a lot of time at this hospital for various reasons.”

  “So I’m guessing you know about Elijah and me?” I asked nervously.

  “When you told me what college you were going to, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity for you two to hook up.”

  “What?” I arched my brows in confusion. “You were hoping we would hook up?”

  “I knew you were perfect for him, and he was perfect for you. Though we have rules against dating each other’s sisters or cousins, I knew that he would go against it if he really fell in love with you. And I was right. He knew, without a doubt, that you belong together. It would be the only reason he would risk our friendship.” Jimmy turned to Elijah. “You better get up so I can kick your ass, Ellie. Do you hear me?”

  I had never seen Jimmy tear up like that. Jimmy turned away from Elijah and cleared his throat. “Does your mom know about Elijah?”

  “She knows we’re together, but I didn’t tell her what happened.”

  “Alex, we need to talk about something. Elijah doesn’t have a family, so I’m on his emergency contact as his health care proxy. If the swelling doesn’t go down in his brain and there are more complications….” He paused. “I don’t want to think about this, but—”

  I knew what he was trying to tell me, but the thought never crossed my mind until now. “No,” I said softy before he could finish his words. “He’s going to be fine,” I said with conviction, almost angrily. “Talk to him. I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll be back soon.”

  I left the room, heading away from the waiting area so the gang couldn’t see me. Walking down the hall gave me some peace and it was exactly what I needed. After passing the patient rooms, I came upon the dimly lit open room. I hadn’t been inside a church since my dad passed away, but I decided to go into the chapel anyway.

  Sitting in the last row, I glanced around. It was small, with ten pews on each side, lit candles off to the left, and statues of Saints off to the right. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do as I stared at the cross. I felt so guilty to be in here to pray for something for myself when I hadn’t prayed in so long, but I needed hope.

  “I know it’s selfish of me to be here and to ask something of you when I don’t even pray like I should. There are people with worse problems than me, but right now, this is all I can think of. You took away my dad, who meant the world to me, and you’ve already taken so much from Elijah. I don’t mean to question why, but I’m asking you for a second chance…please. And Dad, I know you can hear me. I miss you. I know you’re watching over me, and I know you’re listening right now. Please don’t let anyone take Elijah away. I need him. If God takes him, I don’t know how I’m going to survive. My heart can only take so much.”

  That was all I could say before I lost it again. The tears poured, taking every ounce of strength I had left until my eyes hurt like hell, until my muscles felt like they were on fire, and until I could feel nothing more. I don’t know how I got back to Elijah’s room. I could only recall how heavy my body felt and how tired I was. Jimmy reached out for me. I think I collapsed in his arms.

  Chapter 39

  Alexandria

  Voices spoke to me as I drifted in and out of consciousness. They were mostly mumbled sounds, but I heard words like—swelling is down—breathing on his own—full recovery. They all sounded so good, I was afraid the dream would end. I wanted to wake up and hear it from the doctor. I didn’t want it to be a dream.

  Lexy and Jimmy woke me up a couple of times to eat. I tried to take a bite here and there, but my stomach couldn’t handle solid food, so I drank some juice instead. Sometimes I drank coffee when I wanted the caffeine, but it didn’t help much because I was utterly exhausted. Besides, after drinking the same hospital coffee day after day, it left a lingering bitter taste in my mouth.

  Though they already knew the basics from Lexy, I had to call into work and let them know the full extent of my situation. There was no way I could even function right now. As another day turned into night, I got as comfortable as I could in a chair by his bed, still wearing his jacket.

  It was my fourth night here. Many of the nurses stopped by and reassured me that he would be fine since the swelling had gone down. I was comforted by all their positive words. I really needed to hear them.

  Lexy came back with some clean clothes for me so I could shower and wash up in the bathroom that was in Elijah’s room. Getting the good news that there were no further signs of swelling in his brain and that they had stopped the medication to induce his coma made me practically giddy. He was expected to wake up any time now.

  Being as impatient as I was, I started to kiss every part of his face and his hands, trying to coax him into waking up. It was easier to do now that the tubes were out of the way. I even threatened to sell his leather jacket. I tried everything to get him to open up his beautiful eyes, but—nothing.

  Elijah made it through the most critical stage, but the waiting was driving me crazy. Even with the good news, I would have to see him with his eyes open to know for sure that he would be okay. Slipping in the bed beside him, even knowing I shouldn’t, I wrapped my arms around him gently. I missed laying with him like that.

  As I breathed in his scent, I felt his chest rise and fall. It put me in a hypnotic state. I found myself drifting off to sleep.

  Elijah

  I tried to get my eyes to open, but they were so heavy. It took some time to clear as I blinked numerous times. Every muscle in my body felt achingly painful, like I had been hit by a truck—wait—no. I had been hit by car—my poor bike. I realized I was in the hospital. What happened? Then it all became clear. It was like a scene from a movie. I was thrown off my bike and landed on the cement.

  Something was on my chest—an arm—a thin arm—Alex? Craning my stiffened neck, I saw the most angelic face, fast asleep. The joy of my vision was enough to put a smile on my face. Though I couldn’t make my face cooperate, I felt it. It was pure ecstasy, warming my heart. I stayed in that position and stared at her as I wondered how long I had been here. My eyes became heavy again and I couldn’t keep them open any longer.

  Alexandria

  I had a wonderful dream, but when I opened my eyes, I was brought back to reality. Feeling something warm brush against my cheek, I looked up. The overwhelming joy of seeing Elijah’s eyes opened, his lips smiling, looking at me through those beautiful long lashes made me sob. I couldn’t help myself. My face dug into his shoulder, and I bawled like crazy out of happiness. I thanked God for giving us this chance.

  “I’m sorry.” He wiped my tears away. “I didn’t mean to make you suffer like this.”

  I couldn’t believe he was worried about me when he was the one in pain. When I tried to get out of bed, he held me tighter and wouldn’t let go. “Don’t get up. I’m okay. The doctor has been in here already. I asked him not to wake you.”

  “How long have you been awake and how long
was I asleep?”

  “For a couple of hours.”

  “Do you remember what happened to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I need to call Seth and Lexy. Oh, and Jimmy is here. All your friends and all the nurses came by to see you. Jimmy came as soon as he found out.”

  “He did?” Elijah looked so happy, but then his vision fell to what I had on. “You’re wearing my leather jacket?”

  “Of course.”

  “Did you, by any chance, come across something?”

  “I did. Your letter,” I sighed. “It was very sweet and heartbreaking, but don’t you ever put yourself in a situation like this again where you feel like you need to write me a good-bye letter.”

  “I won’t. I promise. Life may be short, but I’ll never do anything stupid enough to be apart from you.” Elijah’s serious eyes became flirty. “Are you naked under my pride and joy?”

  I laughed and held him tighter. Yup, my Elijah was back. “Why don’t you take it off and see for yourself.”

  “I will when I don’t feel like an old man,” he groaned. “I ache all over. Nurse Alex, I think I’m going to need a lot of tender loving care.” Then he looked at his casted leg. “My leg, too.” He rolled his eyes.

  “Don’t worry, patient Elijah, you’re going to get lots of attention from me. I mean tons of it.”

  “With milk and cookies?”

  I laughed out loud. “Whatever my kinky patient wants. But right now, it’s not fair for me to hog you all to myself. I think you have a few guests still waiting for you in the visitor’s room.”

  I jumped out of bed and rushed out the door. “Thank you,” I shouted. I didn’t care who had heard me. “Thank you for this second chance.”

  Chapter 40

  Alexandria

  Whiteboard:

  Welcome home, Limpy!

  -your friends

  “We’re going to have to call you Limpy,” Jimmy curled his lips into a smirk. Sitting with his feet on the coffee table, he leaned back against the sofa.

  “Limpy?” Elijah narrowed his eyes at him, sitting in the same position as Jimmy.

  Seth placed a cookie in his mouth and mumbled, “You should be glad he didn’t call you something else. Hey, these cookies are good. Where did you get them?”

  “Alex baked them.” Elijah turned his head sideways and gave me a wink. “She’s a great cook…hell, she’s good at everything she does.”

  “I should’ve invited her over when I lived here,” Jimmy said.

  Lexy headed to the kitchen and picked up another cookie. “I wish you would’ve. I only have three more months to eat her spaghetti before I graduate and who knows where I’ll be then.”

  “You’ll just have to come back and visit me,” I said.

  Lexy came back with a soda in her hand. “You know I will.” Then she turned to Jimmy. “When’s your flight?”

  “Tomorrow, about ten. Seth offered to take me to the airport. But hey, I’ll be back to see you all graduate. Elijah, you’re all good?”

  “Yup. Being in the hospital for a week didn’t set me back too much, and my professors have been accommodating. I’ll be on schedule to graduate.”

  “That’s great news,” Jimmy said. “I’m glad it all worked out.”

  “I hate to break up our little reunion, but I have to go. It’s almost midnight. I have the breakfast shift tomorrow and so does Alex,” Lexy reminded.

  I nodded, producing a pout, letting her know I didn’t like the morning shift.

  “Elijah also needs his rest,” Lexy added.

  “I’m fine,” Elijah intervened.

  “No, Lexy is right,” Seth agreed. “We should all get some rest.”

  “Sorry about that.” Elijah looked sympathetic.

  “Don’t worry, not your fault,” Jimmy said. “I’m just glad you’re here. I don’t think Alex…well…it was just meant to be.” Jimmy got up and gave Elijah a hug. “I’ll see you in three months.”

  “Thanks.”

  After the hugs, the gang left, and Elijah and I headed to our room.

  “Come on, Limpy,” I teased, walking alongside him while he used the crutches to help him move.

  “Not you, too,” Elijah chuckled. “You’re lucky I can’t do what I wish I could do.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  As if the crutches were an extension of his arms, he wrapped them around me, pulling me into his chest. “Much better. I’m a little handicapped, but it doesn’t mean I can’t show you I’m still a man.”

  “There was never a doubt, Mr. Cooper,” I said, enjoying his lips brushing against mine.

  “I have something for you. I bought it before the accident. Take out the big box inside my closet.”

  “Really? You got me something?” I started to walk backwards to his closet, keeping my eyes on him. Upon opening, sure enough there was a box. Opening my gift, I took it out and the smell of leather tickled my nose in a pleasant way. “This is beautiful, Elijah. I don’t know what to say.” I held up a black leather jacket.

  “Try it on. Let me see it on you.”

  I stood up, slipped it on and modeled for him. “What do you think?”

  “It’s perfect. I knew it would be, but I think it would fit better if you were naked underneath it. What do you think?”

  I practically jumped on him, causing him to plop onto the bed. “Thank you so much. I never had a leather jacket before. I love it,” I said, kissing all over his face. Straddling him, I pinned his arms over his head. My hair cascaded down the side of my face. It created a tunnel and I saw nothing but his beautiful, happy smile.

  “I can really get used to this,” Elijah chuckled. “I should buy you gifts more often.”

  I let out a laugh. “No need for a gift. I can do this every day. But it’s time for you to get to bed. Nurse Weis’s order.”

  Elijah shifted his body while I helped him get into a comfortable position by plumping pillows behind his back. “There, that should do it. I’m going to wash up. I’ll be right back.”

  “I’m so tired.” Elijah closed his eyes and yawned. “I may be asleep by the time you get back.”

  “That’s okay. You had way too many visitors for your first day back home.” I pulled the blanket up to his chest and gave him a tender kiss on his lips. When I stood up from the bed, Elijah pulled me back down. “One. More. Kiss.”

  With a smile, I happily obliged and then walked away. “Before I forget,” I started to say, but stopped speaking when I looked back. His head was tilted and his eyes were shut. Elijah was already fast asleep.

  Chapter 41

  Alexandria

  “Freckles, give me my backpack,” Elijah ordered. Stepping out of the car, he used his crutches to help himself up, and then slammed the door.

  “I’ll hold it for you.”

  He raised one of his crutches up, preventing me from moving ahead. “Alex,” he said calmly, “If you don’t give me my backpack, I’m not moving. I’m standing right here. There is no way in hell I’m letting you carry my pack and yours. I may be a gimp right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable.”

  I raised my brows. “You just don’t want to look like a wimp in front of your friends,” I teased, helping him sling it over his shoulder.

  “That’s right,” he chuckled. “They’ll be calling me Wimpy Limpy.”

  I snorted loudly. “Come on Wimpy Limpy. I’m going to be late for class.”

  “I may be limpy, but I can still be speedy.”

  He was.

  Just like on the ice, he maneuvered the crutches gracefully, as if they were an extension of his legs. He moved faster than me. We didn’t have any classes together, but Elijah insisted on walking me to class.

  “I guess this is where I drop you off,” he said. “I have a class after you get out, so I’m going to hang around here for an hour. I might be sitting in the campus café.” He looked to his left at the small structure.

  “Okay, don’t miss me too much.
” I tippy toed to give him a quick kiss, but my lips never left his.

  Elijah held on tightly, giving me a kiss I would dream about all through class. It was the kind of kiss that made me tingle everywhere, making me see shooting stars. I lazily opened my eyes, feeling dazed when he let go, and planted my feet firmly on the ground.

  “But I want you to miss me,” he growled in that low sexy tone against my ear.

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate in class after that kiss.” Taking a deep breath, I looked into the warm brown eyes that held so much love for me.

  “Hey, Alex. Hey, Limpy,” Seth called, breaking our connection. He slapped Elijah lightly on his back. “It’s good to see you out and about.”

  “You have class, Alex?” Seth asked.

  “Yes, I’m on my way.” I pointed at the door.

  “Doesn’t it start at ten?” Seth looked at his watch.

  “Why? What time is it?” I panicked, taking out my cell from my back pocket. “Shit. I better go. I’m ten minutes late.” I gave Elijah another quick peck and ran.

  “I’ll take good care of Limpy,” Seth cracked up.

  Elijah

  My class ended at twelve. I told Alex to meet me at the school’s dining hall. I felt like eating Lexy’s super-sized burrito. When I got there, Alex was sitting down at a table with Lexy, Seth, and Dean.

  I nodded my greeting to everyone, dropped my bag, and sat on the chair next to Alex. Sliding my crutches under the table, I settled in, getting as comfortable as I could.

  “I’m going to order lunch now. I’ll go get your burrito,” Lexy said, gazing at me with a questioning look.

  “That’s okay.” I held up my hand to stop her. “I can go order one.”

  “I’m not working so you can’t get what you want,” Lexy informed. “I know the workers.”