Jameson (War Cats Book 3)

by Grace Brennan

  Oh, fuck. Jameson squeezed his eyes shut. He screwed the hell up with that one. He hadn’t meant to let it slip, but it just came out. He stared at Cady, his heart breaking. She looked scared as shit, and he hadn’t seen that expression on her face since she first got here. And he hated that it was on her face again because of something he did. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  Fix it, please. Whatever it takes. Get on your knees if you have to, I don’t care, just fix it, his tiger said urgently, shredding the hell out of Jameson’s chest, making him wince from the ferocity of it.

  Calm down. I’ll fix this or die trying.

  “It’s not what you think, sweetheart.”

  To his horror, her eyes welled with tears. Angrily scrubbing her hands over her eyes, she glared at him. “You do not get to fucking call me sweetheart.”

  “Okay. I won’t. Listen, I don’t know who Winston is. I swear. I know your full name is Cadence because some stuff fell out of your box when I was bringing it in. Your birth certificate and some photos. I know I shouldn’t have read it, but I glanced down and saw the name, and then wondered about it. But I didn’t know it was a secret or even a big deal. I just thought Cady was a nickname for Cadence. Like Tarun calls me Jamie.”

  She studied him intently for long moments, still held so stiff he thought she might break. They were the longest minutes of his life, but, eventually, she slowly relaxed just a little.

  “That’s it? That’s really why you know my name?”

  “I swear on all that’s holy, that’s the only reason why. I would never do anything to hurt you, Cady. We haven’t known each other long, but I kind of hoped you’d know that by now.”

  “I do,” she said softly, the tension draining from her body. “It’s crazy to me, what with my past and only knowing you for a short time, but I do. I just freaked out. Not going by Cadence is like another layer of the disguise I wore today. Besides, Cady really was a nickname, although no one’s called me that in years.”

  “I’m dying to ask why you feel like you need a disguise, and who the hell Winston is, but I won’t. I just hope you’ll feel comfortable enough with me to tell me on your own. Is Daniels your real last name? I thought, when I first saw it, that maybe you were married, and that’s where Alexander came from.”

  She shuddered, wrapping her arms around her waist. “Hell no, I’m not married. So that’s why you asked me out of the blue the other day if I was married. Yeah, Daniels is my last name. Alexander is the name of a foster family I stayed with when I was young. And I’m not sure I’ll ever want to talk about my past, Jamie. I don’t want to ever relive it.”

  “I understand. But if you ever want to talk about it, I’m a great listener. And there will be zero judgment.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” She paused, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, and then suddenly paled. “Did you say pictures fell out?”

  Brow furrowing, he nodded. “Yeah, a few.”

  “Did—did you look at them?”

  She looked like she was fighting panic, and he frowned. “Yeah, I glanced through the ones that fell out. I’m sorry. I know it was all an invasion of privacy, and I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

  Her voice when she spoke again was a whisper he wasn’t sure he would have heard without shifter hearing. “So you know.”

  His frown turned puzzled. “Know what?”

  “What—what I used to do for a living.”

  Realization dawned and he watched as she hunched in on herself, expression ashamed. “I figured it out, yeah.”

  “Is that why you wanted to have sex with me? Because you know I was a stripper and think I’m easy? I’m sure the pregnancy is another reason to think I am. But I’m not, I swear. And if that’s the only reason, we can just forget about this right now.”

  “What? Hell no. Cady, you’re gorgeous. I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you, before I ever knew what you used to do or that you were pregnant. Besides… you came back down here, remember? You told me you wanted me. I wanted—want—this, make no mistake. But I didn’t initiate it.”

  Her cheeks pinkened, making the freckles he loved so much stand out even more. “Okay, yeah, there’s that. Look, stripping was never anything I wanted to do. Trust me, I didn’t dream of doing it when I was growing up. And I never enjoyed it. But it pays well, even at the seedier joints. More than I could make doing anything else. And I worked as a waitress during the day, as well, until I started working at Silk and pulled in really good money. I wanted to be a nurse, and I was putting myself through school. I never would have been able to do that with a regular job.”

  Taking a chance, he stepped closer, relieved to his core when she didn’t flinch or move back. “Hey, Cady, take a breath, okay? I’m not judging you at all. Even if you had enjoyed it, I wouldn’t judge. It’s your business. I’m sure there are people who would look down on me for training fighters, but it’s my job, and I actually enjoy it, unlike you, who didn’t like how you earned your money. But it’s no one else’s business.” Pausing, he studied her, taking in the relief from his words in her chocolate eyes. “So you want to be a nurse?”

  “I always have, and I came really close. Even making good money, and working two jobs sometimes, it was still hard to come up with the money for school. I had rent, utilities, basic living expenses. But I slowly chipped away at it, and I only had a few more classes left to take when I got pregnant. It’ll never happen now, but that’s okay. This little girl is the most important thing.”

  “Why will it never happen?” he asked, confused.

  She laughed wryly, cupping her belly. “It was hard enough to find the money to pay for classes when it was just me. And babies are expensive. Things will be really tight, even without school. That expense is impossible to fit into my budget. Besides, when will I ever have time? I’ll be working as much as I can to make ends meet, and taking care of this baby in every spare moment. I want to be there for her as often as I can. Nursing school just isn’t in the cards, not anymore.”

  Well, shit. He wanted to tell her that if he had his way, she’d never leave here. And she didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to. She’d have time to devote to school, if she wanted. He didn’t have a whole lot of money, but he had enough saved back, and he made good money now. It was doable. He could support her, the baby, and still have enough for her to finish school.

  But, of course he couldn’t tell her any of that. Not yet, anyway. But one day. One day, he’d not only tell her, but show her. If it was the last thing he did, he’d do it.

  Chapter Ten

  Cadence watched Jameson, biting her lip. Lip biting was a habit she’d had since she was a kid, and she hadn’t been able to break it yet, although she tried. Lord, did she ever try. Winston sure did his best to beat it out of her. But she never was able to break the habit.

  “I’m sorry for freaking out on you earlier.”

  His expression softened as he gazed at her, his blue eyes warm. “It’s completely understandable. I may not know what you went through, but I’ve known you had something troubling in your past since I met you. I didn’t expect this to be easy, sweetheart. Nothing worth having is.”

  She flushed, desire roaring back to life inside her. He hadn’t meant that last part in a sexual way. She knew that, though she wasn’t sure she wanted to examine just how he meant it. But it made her wonder if knowing she used to be a stripper changed things for him. She didn’t think so, since he’d known for a bit, but still—she wanted to know for sure. And the only way to know was to ask.

  “Does knowing I stripped for a living make you view me differently?”

  His eyebrows shot up, and he studied her intently as they furrowed. Moving oh so slowly, he took another couple of steps forward, coming close. “Hell no, Cady. Not at all. I want you just as much as I did when I first met you, before I ever knew you used to strip. No, that’s not completely true. I want you more. But it’s not because I know how you use
d to make your living. It’s because you’re you. I couldn’t care less what you did in your past. I want you more than I want to breathe, sweetheart, and it’s because you’re you.”

  Holy hell, what his words did to her. Her heart stopped and then abruptly started again, pounding hard as it raced toward some finish line she wasn’t aware of. Or maybe she knew exactly what finish line it was headed toward, and maybe she wanted to go there, too.

  “Can we forget about my freak out earlier?” She swallowed hard as she searched his eyes, but her voice still came out breathy when she spoke again. “Maybe pick up where we left off?”

  His eyes widened, heat immediately flaring to life in the blue depth. “Are you sure?”

  “More sure than I think I’ve ever been about anything.”

  Deciding to show him, she walked to the stairs and started climbing them. Halfway up, she turned to look at him. He was still on the first floor, seemingly stunned to stillness.

  “You coming?”

  Her words seemed to shake him out of the daze he was in, and he smiled as he went to the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Hell yeah.”

  Giggling—when was the last time she giggled, for crying out loud—she went the rest of the way up. He reached the landing right after her, and she turned to look at him, her breath catching painfully in her chest. There was a window at the end of the hall, and moonlight was filtering in from it. Even in the limited lighting, he looked beyond gorgeous, and she was still a little in awe that a man like him wanted her.

  “Are you still sure about this?” he asked, his voice husky.

  “Hell yeah, I’m sure. Your room or mine?”

  He laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling. “Mine. I’ve been imaging you in my bed for what feels like forever. But I just want you to know, any time you don’t feel comfortable, or want to call a halt to this, we can, okay? I promise I won’t get mad.”

  Warmth suffused her at his words and the sincerity in his voice, and she knew then she was right about him. He was probably the best man she’d ever met.

  She smiled slowly at him and grabbed his hand, threading their fingers together. “That’s very nice to know, but trust me, I won’t be trying to stop this. So, your room? Lead the way.”

  Smiling, he leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose before leading her to a room at the end of the hallway. He led her inside the large space—it was clearly the master bedroom—but she didn’t get a chance to look around. The moment they were inside, he shut the door and took her face in his hands, kissing her with an intensity that left her breathless.

  Her hands came up to grasp his wrists, but she wasn’t trying to stop him. She was trying to find an anchor, to center herself as her body leapt to life. But if she thought touching him further was going to calm her down, she was sorely mistaken. It only amped up her need, the delicious feelings that were swirling inside her.

  They kissed for what felt like forever, and then his hands eased down her body slowly, caressing her, and she thought she was surely going to combust soon. And he wasn’t even touching her skin to skin. She’d probably fall into a dead faint when he finally did.

  He nipped at her bottom lip once, twice, then slid his mouth to her ear. Giving her bitey little kisses, he trailed his mouth down her neck as his hands reached the hem of her shirt. Easing them inside, he touched the skin on her back, and she moaned.

  She couldn’t help it. His skin against hers felt divine, and even though he was only touching her back, it was insanely pleasurable.

  Pulling away, he met her eyes as he rubbed her back, the slightly rough texture of his hands feeling like heaven. It nearly made her swoon, which meant when he started touching more of her, like her breasts and her center, she probably would swoon. She’d just be a boneless heap on the floor at his feet.

  “I’m about to take your shirt off, sweetheart. And I wanted to reassure you that I’m not a pregnant woman chaser, by any means. But I want to see your belly. I want to touch it, kiss it, maybe, if I’m lucky, feel the baby move. I know it makes little sense, because we haven’t known each other long, but I care for that little girl already. So, if you don’t want me to do any of that, tell me now.”

  There was a tiny voice inside her whispering that his words were weird. That no man ever felt that way, especially for a child who wasn’t his. Hell, most men, in her experience, didn’t feel like that for babies who were theirs.

  But the men in her life had basically been the worst of their kind. And she’d already established that Jameson was so different than how she thought any man could be. Before meeting him, if she dreamed up her perfect man, he would still fall far short of Jameson.

  And she couldn’t deny that she loved how invested he seemed in her pregnancy, in her baby. It made her feel safe.

  So if her smile was a little misty, who could blame her? She nodded at him, trying to find her voice. “It’s fine with me.”

  Eyes warming, he leaned down and kissed her again, dueling his tongue with hers. She was instantly swept away, her middle clenching deliciously, as she kissed him back. She was so consumed by it that she didn’t even notice he was pulling her shirt off until he broke away to take it completely off her.

  He dropped it on the floor beside them, his eyes zeroing in on her chest. She was wearing a pale pink lacy bra, and her breasts, already large, had begun to swell with her pregnancy, spilling over the top of her bra a bit. When he glanced back up into her eyes, his were glazed over, and she smiled at the dazed look in them.

  “Fuck, you’re gorgeous, Cady.” His hands came up and cupped her breasts, and she moaned, surprised at how sensitive they were. “They’re so full.”

  “They’re fake,” she blurted, instantly turning red. Now why the hell had she felt the need to tell him that? And now, of all times?

  His eyebrows shot up as his hands froze, startled. “What?”

  Shit, shit, shit. Why couldn’t she just keep her big mouth shut? Sighing as he pulled his hands away and arched an eyebrow at her, she decided there was nothing to do but tell him.

  “My breasts were always on the fuller size, and I thought they were fine. Certainly more than enough for the Peach, the first club I worked at. But then I got the job at Silk. It was very exclusive, with rich patrons. Getting a job there was basically a miracle. The owner said I needed my breasts enhanced, that his clientele expected only the best. He said he’d pay for the surgery, as long as I agreed to work at Silk for a minimum of two years. It was basically agree or go back to working at the Peach.

  “I really wanted the job at Silk. It was a much classier place, a thousand times better than the Peach, and I needed the pay increase. So I agreed, but I made sure the enhancement wasn’t much. I went from a D cup to a DD. I might be a little bigger now, though. Pregnancy has made them bigger, and it’ll be even more noticeable at the end.”

  He didn’t say anything at first, just stared at her, his gaze darting from her chest back to her eyes. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what he was thinking, and she waited anxiously for him to speak.

  Clearing his throat, he finally put her out of her misery. “I think you’re gorgeous no matter what your breast size is. Big or small, I would have said the same thing.” Lifting his hand, his finger touched her shoulder, lightly sliding against her skin, under her clavicle, the tops of her breasts, to her other shoulder. “These freckles fucking get me hard, though. More than your breast size. I love that you have them here, too.”

  Surprised, her eyebrows rose as she glanced down. “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who likes them. The makeup I wore tonight? It’s stage makeup, and when I danced, I had to cover these freckles up too, along with the ones on my face.”

  “That’s a fucking shame,” he murmured, shaking his head. “I don’t understand people sometimes.”

  He leaned down, and she sucked in a breath as his lips touched her skin. He trailed them over the same path his finger took, worshipping her. And her
freckles. Was she in an alternate universe? It felt like it.

  She was breathing heavily by the time he finished, her nerve endings lit up and the ache in her core turning painful. She started to reach for him, but paused when his eyes dropped to her belly. Smiling slowly, he reached out and gently, reverently, caressed the hard swell of her stomach. And this time her breath caught for a completely different reason, emotion clogging her throat and making her eyes sting.

  “This is beautiful, as well,” he said softly, meeting her eyes again.

  Giving him a trembling smile, she put her hands over his. “Thank you for that. I enjoy the evidence that she’s growing inside me, but I never imagined anyone else would. It’s nice to share it with someone.”

  “I definitely enjoy it.”

  “Now that we have all that out of the way, can we get to the main attraction?”

  He chuckled, but the amusement in his eyes was overshadowed by the desire he felt. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”

  Reaching behind him, he took hold of his shirt and pulled it over his head, dropping it to the floor next to hers. She’d seen his chest before, and she knew it was worth another look. But she barely got a glimpse as he pulled her forward and covered her mouth with his.

  Her desire instantly flamed white-hot and she moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck as he walked her backward toward the bed. When the backs of her legs touched the mattress, she felt him unsnap her bra. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth as he eased back, and released it with a pop as he pulled her bra off and let it fall to the floor.

  He let out a strangled curse as he took her in and then he yanked her forward again, kissing her passionately. His warm chest pressed against hers, skin to skin, and it felt nothing short of heavenly. Nothing had ever felt as good, and she thought nothing could top it. And then he slid his hand between their bodies and cupped her breast, his fingers immediately zeroing in on her nipple.