Breaking Shaun

by E. M. Abel

  Running my hand through my hair, I took a deep breath before taking another sip from my beer. She’d just called me out, making it clear that she knew exactly what I was about, just like I’d done to her. The last thing I wanted to do was prove her right by trying to kiss her. Besides, I’d just fucked another woman two hours ago. I was an asshole, but I still had my limits.

  “How about being friends?” Natalie asked, bringing me back from my thoughts.

  “Friends?” I said it like I’d never heard the word before.

  I didn’t have any female friends besides Asia and Hailey, and even calling them friends was kind of a stretch. I fucked women. I didn’t hang out with them.

  She giggled, and it was the best sound I thought I’d ever heard.

  “What’s wrong? You don’t like that word?” she teased, giving me a mischievous grin.

  I chuckled and shook my head. “Can’t say I have a lot of female friends.”

  “Well, I’ll be your first then.” She took her feet out of the water and stood next to me.

  I let my eyes roam up her legs and the rest of her body before I met her gaze.

  “So?” She extended her hand out to me like she wanted to shake on it.

  I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to accept or not. I knew what being friends meant. It meant no kissing and definitely no fucking. I wasn’t down with that, but I figured it was the best I was going to get at this point, and perhaps being her friend would be my way in.

  Reaching out, I took her hand in mine. It felt tiny and soft, and my skin was tingling again. I squeezed it, and we stared at each other.

  Her eyes are fucking gorgeous and mesmerizing. I’ve never seen anything like them before.

  God, you sound like a fucking chick right now.

  Releasing her hand, I said, “Good night, friend,” before turning to face the pool again and taking another swig from my beer.

  “Good night,” she murmured before walking back inside.

  I sat on my board, watching the sun slowly creep over the water as it rose. The sky was a mix of orange and pink, and the sound of the waves gliding into the sand was all I could hear. This was my home. On my board in the ocean was where I belonged. Surfing was the only thing I’d ever truly connected with, the one thing that I was really passionate about.

  Staring out at the horizon, I thought back to my talk with Natalie last night. She had been right. I didn’t control myself. I never really saw a need to. I always did what I wanted to do without giving a shit about what others thought. The problem was, lately, I wasn’t so sure what I wanted.

  My twenty-sixth birthday is in a few days. What do I have to show for it? Years of doing what I want. That’s it.

  After high school, my friends and I had gone out to L.A. with Marcus to help him get settled, but I’d ended up not wanting to leave. The waves were so much bigger than anything I’d surfed before, and I’d become obsessed. A couple weeks later, I’d decided to travel to different beaches around the U.S. I’d even ended up in Hawaii for a month. All I’d had with me was a backpack filled with clothes, my toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and my board. It was the best summer of my life. I’d learned a lot about myself over those months. I’d realized just how deep my love for surfing ran, and I’d also learned how insignificant possessions were. All I’d needed was my board and my freedom.

  I’d spent the past few years trying to design surfboards, but I never did anything with the sketches I’d made. I knew Marcus would help me, but my pride kept me from asking for it. The last thing I wanted to do was ride the coattails of my best friend. He’d done well for himself, and he was now a successful and famous skateboarder. I was happy for him. Shit, I was one of his biggest fans, but a part of me wished that I could find a way to turn my love of surfing into more than just a hobby.

  Money wasn’t important to me. It never had been. I rented my apartment, and I had a car that I’d paid off over a year ago. Most of my money was sitting in a savings account, waiting for me to figure out what I wanted to do with it. Actually, that sounded a lot like my life in general. I was just waiting to figure out what I wanted to do with it.

  My older brother, Rob, had just had his first baby with his wife, Alexis. Marcus was engaged to my sister, and slowly, each one of my friends was finding relationships or jobs they actually cared about.

  As for love, I knew where that got people. I remembered what love had done to my dad. It had broken him. He had been happy when my mother was alive. I’d seen it. But nothing could erase the image of him on his knees, crying, in that hospital waiting room when the doctor had told him that she was gone. When I thought of love, I didn’t see sunshine and rainbows. I saw that. I’d witnessed first-hand what losing love could do to someone who I thought was unbreakable.

  I’d promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t let love break me. If that meant avoiding it, that was what I’d do. It might seem weak or cowardly, but at the age of twelve, it had made perfect sense. I managed to get this far unscathed, so why change now?

  Seeing my dad with Samantha had completely thrown me off. My father was my role model in pretty much every way possible, and now, my role model had given up and decided to start a relationship. I’d thought for sure that he’d always be a bachelor. The way he loved my mom had made it hard for me to believe that he would ever find another woman who could make him feel the way she had.

  Now, I was questioning all of it.

  Taking a deep breath, I turned my board away from the rising sun, and I waited for the next wave to break me away from my thoughts and bring me back to shore.

  I felt the sunlight warming my face as I lay in a comfortable bed in one of Asia and Marcus’s guest rooms. Rolling onto my side, I peeked my eyes open to see the pink sky through the window. It was early, but being in someone else’s house made it hard for me to sleep in.

  Sitting up, I looked around the room. A painting was hanging on the wall next to the door, and looking at it made me smile. I wasn’t sure if it was the colors or the smooth way the lines made their way across the canvas, but just looking at it made me feel good. Asia had real talent. I’d never been touched by abstract art the way I was touched by hers.

  Getting out of bed, I walked over to the painting, and I ran my fingertips along the curves of a yellow line. I didn’t think I’d ever experienced anything in my life that would inspire that kind of painting, and that thought was depressing. Sure, I’d had moments of happiness, moments of pride, but I never had anything like that. With the way I held on so tightly to my emotions, I probably couldn’t feel that way, that free.

  I let my hand fall down at my side before I turned to walk over to the window overlooking the ocean. The sky was breathtaking. The sun looked so big as it sat right above the horizon, lighting up everything in its path.

  As my eyes moved toward the beach, I saw someone surfing out in the water. Inching closer, I tried to see who it was. I watched as he gracefully rode a wave into shore, and then he stood up. It was then that I realized it was Shaun. His wet body glistened in the sunlight, and I watched as he leaned down to pick up his board. I bit my bottom lip as I admired him. There was no doubt that he was beautiful, but I also knew that he was dangerous. Something about Shaun made me want to let go, and that scared me.

  Fun and adventurous new life, right?

  Sighing, I rubbed my lips together as I kept my gaze on Shaun. We were friends now, and as much as I knew that didn’t mean shit and definitely didn’t protect me from him, I also knew being his friend would be better than being nothing to him at all.

  Before I could change my mind, I stripped off my shorts and tunic and pulled my hair back into a messy bun. Wearing only my black bikini, I made my way into the hallway and went to use the bathroom. I rubbed some toothpaste on my teeth with my finger. Then, I gargled some mouthwash I’d found in the medicine cabinet before spitting it into the sink.

  “You got this,” I whispered to my reflection in the mirror.

&n
bsp; Turning around, I grabbed a towel off the rack on the wall, and then I headed downstairs. The house was quiet, except for Nick’s snoring coming from the couch where he’d passed out. I tiptoed over to the sliding glass door and crept outside, careful to close the door quietly behind me.

  My bare feet padded across the deck and down the wooden steps leading to the beach. When they hit the cool sand, I took a calming breath and looked out toward the water. Shaun was sitting on his board as the ocean swells moved him up and down. He seemed so relaxed, so peaceful out there. I suddenly worried that I’d be bothering him, but it was too late to turn back now.

  I’d always been a little scared of the ocean. Like everything else, if I couldn’t control it, I avoided it, but today, I decided to suck it up and try. Making my way toward the wet sand, the cold water hit my toes, and I paused for a second, unsure of what to do next.

  When I looked up, I watched as Shaun caught another wave. He flawlessly hopped up on his board, and for those few seconds, I forgot everything as I watched him. He was a natural, and he looked so sexy with his tan skin and wet hair hanging around his eyes as he maneuvered his surfboard. I felt my body responding as I admired his flexing muscles.

  Oh Lord, please help me.

  After riding the wave into shore, Shaun stepped off of his board. He stood up in the water and used his hand to push his wet hair out of his face. As he turned to retrieve his surfboard, his eyes missed me, but then they stopped and came back to meet mine. A beautiful smile spread across his face when he recognized me, and then his gaze lingered down my body. His look quickly changed from surprise to hunger, and a shiver moved down my spine.

  Oh shit.

  Shaun reached down to grab his board, and he tucked it under his arm before making his way toward me on the beach.

  “Nice bathing suit,” he said as he stopped in front of me and studied my body.

  “Thanks,” I replied with a smile, trying to ignore the obvious sexual tension in the air.

  “What are you doing up so early? Come for a swim?”

  I looked at his surfboard, and then my eyes traveled up his torso before finally landing on his light green eyes. God, those eyes will be the death of me.

  Shaun smirked, and I realized he was waiting for me to answer his question.

  “Actually, I was wondering…now, that we’re friends and all…if maybe you’d teach me how to surf.”

  His eyebrows rose in surprise. “You wanna learn how to surf?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That could be dangerous,” he warned as his gaze moved down to my breasts.

  “I know how to swim, and it’s not like the waves are that big.”

  He chuckled. “Not that kind of dangerous. Unless that top is duct-taped to your boobs, they’re probably going to fall out,” he clarified. “If they do, I can’t promise I’ll keep up this whole friend deal we’ve got going on.”

  Peering down at my breasts, I adjusted my bikini top around them before looking back up at him. “I guess we’ll just have to take that chance.”

  Shaun shrugged. “Your call. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Jesus H. Christ, this bitch is killin’ me. First, she’d made me agree to be her friend, and then she had come out here in a little-ass bikini, asking for surf lessons.

  Talk about a lesson in control. How the fuck am I supposed to show this chick how to surf without sporting a fucking chubby in my shorts?

  Just seeing her tits in that tiny top had me thinking all kinds of dirty thoughts—ones that friends should not be thinking.

  “What are you waiting for? Come on, let’s go,” Natalie said as she started walking into the water.

  “Hold up, Killer. If you wanna learn how to surf, you have to know what to do when you get out there first.”

  Peering over her shoulder to look at me, she raised an eyebrow. “Did you just call me Killer?”

  “Yeah. Don’t look at me like that. That nickname suits you perfectly. Trust me, I’m good at picking nicknames. It’s my thing.”

  A smile broke out across her face, and it was breathtaking. It was one of the most gorgeous things I’d ever seen.

  “Wow. Is that a real smile I see on your face?” I asked as I tossed my board down on the sand.

  “Did you really just say that picking nicknames is your thing?”

  Oh, so now she’s got jokes. “Yes, I did. Now, get that juicy ass over here, and listen up.”

  It was obvious that she was trying to hold back a laugh as she turned around and made her way back over to my board.

  “Now, get on your stomach,” I told her, motioning toward my board.

  She narrowed her eyes at me, and I knew she wanted to talk back, but she resisted as she slowly got down on her knees in the sand. My dick twitched when I realized how close her mouth was to me. Her lips were full and plump, and I could only imagine how fucking hot they would look wrapped around my—

  Focus, Shaun. Fuck. Focus.

  As she lay down on my board, I took a deep breath and tried to get the blood back to my brain before she realized the effect she was having on me.

  Don’t look at her ass. Don’t look at her ass.

  Fuck, look at that ass. Goddamn.

  “Now what?”

  I rubbed my hands over my forehead before dropping them at my sides. I made sure to focus on her face before responding, “Now, you need to imagine you’re in the water. When you see a swell approaching, start paddling. Once you feel the water pulling back, you grip your hands on the edge of the board, like this.” Squatting next to her, I took one of her hands, guided it to the edge of my board, and wrapped her fingers around it.

  Shit, there’s that tingle again.

  “That way, when it’s time, you can use your arms to help you push up and get on your feet.”

  “And how will I know when it’s time?” she asked, peering over at me.

  We stared at each other for a few seconds before I could respond. I couldn’t remember the last time a woman had had this kind of effect on me—if ever. Just being next to her had my heart rate up and made it hard for me to concentrate.

  “You’ll know. To be a good surfer, you have to learn to follow your gut and use your instincts rather than your mind. Thinking too much will only fuck things up.”

  Sitting up on her knees, Natalie stared out at the waves as she rubbed her lips together. I was beginning to realize that it was a nervous tic of hers, and I made sure to remember it. I stayed silent next to her while she focused on the water.

  She turned to me with a determined look in her blue-green eyes. “Okay, let’s do it.”

  “Okay. Are you ready?” Shaun asked, wading in the water next to me.

  I was lying on his surfboard, looking over my shoulder at the approaching swells.

  He had spent the last few minutes explaining how I should position my feet on his board once I stood and reminding me that I needed to keep my knees bent to help my balance. Once we’d entered the water, his demeanor had become more professional and focused. He was actually really good at this.

  I nodded.

  “Good. Start paddling…right…now.” He gave the board a push forward.

  My heart started pounding, and I paddled my arms in the water next to the board as fast as I could. I felt the water begin to retreat under me, and I quickly grabbed the sides of the board like he’d shown me before. Then, I pushed up and popped onto my feet. As soon as my feet landed on the hard surface, I felt a rush of adrenaline take over me, and I smiled bigger than I’d ever had before.

  As soon as I thought I’d done it, I lost my balance and fell backward into the water. My ass hit the sand, and it instantly filled my bathing suit. Lifting my head out of the water, I started laughing, and then another wave came toward me, almost pushing me under again. I got as much sand out of my bikini bottoms as I could before Shaun approached.

  “You stood up,” he said, sounding impressed.

  He extended his hand toward me, an
d I took it, letting him pull me up.

  “Yeah, for, like, a second,” I told him with a laugh.

  “Hey, most people don’t even stand on the first try. You got this.”

  His encouragement only heightened my excitement.

  I drew my hand from his and then made sure my bathing suit was still in place. Luckily, it was.

  “You ready to go again?” He tilted his head toward the water.

  “Sure.” I grinned at him before grabbing the board and making my way back out.

  “I’m going to stay here and watch. That way, if you fall again, I can see what you’re doing wrong.”

  “Okay.”

  I suddenly felt nervous, knowing he’d be watching me. I knew it was irrational since he’d probably watched me before, but this time, I’d be able to see him, too.

  When I got deep enough in the water, I climbed onto Shaun’s board and straddled it. Once I positioned myself correctly, I got onto my stomach and made sure the board was facing the right direction as I waited for a good swell, not that I really knew which swell would be good.

  Shaun’s words played in my head. To be a good surfer, you have to learn to follow your gut and use your instincts rather than your mind.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tried to feel the water under me instead of watch it. You can do this, Natalie.

  Opening my eyes, I turned to look over my shoulder, and I saw a large swell approaching. Turning back around, I started paddling as fast as I could. I felt the rush of the water as it moved under me, and I gripped the sides of the board before hopping onto my feet. I smiled from ear to ear as I rode the wave a little longer this time, but then I fell off a few seconds later. I was proud that I’d done it on my own, and I was so caught up in the excitement that I’d completely forgotten that Shaun was watching me.

  When I looked for him, I saw he was standing a few feet away, smiling. I grinned back, and that was when something stringy and slimy rubbed against my ankle.