Breaking Shaun

by E. M. Abel

  My eyes got wide, and I screamed, “Oh my God! What is that? What is that? Oh my God!”

  Ripping the ankle strap off my leg, I jumped straight out of the water before I started running as fast as I could toward the shore. When I finally got to dry sand, I stopped and looked down at my ankle. A pink line was wrapped around from the top of my foot to my anklebone, and it stung like hell. Before I could examine it closely, I realized Shaun was laughing his ass off as he walked toward me.

  “It’s not funny. Something stung me!” I shouted at him.

  But his laugh was contagious, and before long, I was laughing with him.

  “It’s not funny!” I said through a smile.

  Seeing him laugh was so sexy that I didn’t really care that it was at my expense.

  When he finally stopped, he looked down at my ankle. “Damn, that jellyfish got you pretty good. Sit down.”

  He was being awfully bossy, but I decided I’d better comply since he obviously knew more about jellyfish stings than I did.

  Kneeling down next to me in the sand, Shaun reached out and cupped the back of my ankle in his hand. He lifted it for a better view, and I instantly forgot all about the sting as I focused on the way his tan hand looked against my pale leg. With his hard, strong body next to my soft, curvy one, there was something almost primal and naturally sexy about the contrast. The power a man could possess over a woman—if he wanted to and if she let him—was definitely hot.

  I could feel my breath accelerating, and I prayed he’d think it was just from my running. He peered up at me through his dark lashes, and my heart rate spiked at his proximity and the seductive look on his face. He could have me right here if he wanted. I knew it, and I thought he did, too.

  “You want to fuck me right now, don’t you?” he asked with a devious grin before chuckling.

  I slapped him on the arm and laughed. “Shut up, you cocky bastard.”

  “Oh, you have no idea just how cocky I am, Killer,” he teased before winking at me and standing up.

  Reaching out, he offered me a hand, and I took it before standing up.

  “Come on, let’s get something on that.” He motioned toward my ankle.

  I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body as he went back to retrieve his board from the wet sand.

  “Oh shit, I’m sorry I forgot about your board.”

  “I’ll let it slide this time since you’re a rookie, but next time you leave my board out in the water, you’ll pay for it,” he warned playfully with a finger pointed at my chest.

  I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

  As we made our way toward the house, I looked up at the deck and saw Asia and Nick leaning against the railing with mugs of coffee in their hands. They had obviously been watching Shaun and me on the beach.

  Shit.

  Shaun’s eyes cut to mine when he’d noticed them, too, and he shook his head as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Here we go,” he muttered before motioning for me to take the stairs before him.

  I sighed before passing him and making my way up. I opened the wooden gate and held it for Shaun as he walked through with his board.

  “Getting some surfing lessons?” Nick asked me with a cocky smirk, raising his eyebrows in my direction.

  “Yep,” I replied nonchalantly. “I also got stung by a jellyfish for the first time.”

  “Ouch. That sucks. Let me go get the vinegar.” Asia made her way into the house with her coffee mug in hand.

  I froze. “Vinegar?”

  “Yeah, it’ll work. Don’t worry,” Shaun told me as he leaned his board against the deck railing.

  I sat down on one of the plastic chairs around the pool and looked at Nick to see if he was laughing, but he wasn’t. He just stood there, still smirking at me, with an I-told-you-so look in his eyes. I was too distraught to give him a shut-the-fuck-up look back.

  This has to be a joke.

  Putting vinegar on a burning jellyfish sting didn’t seem like a very good idea.

  A few minutes later, Asia came back with a bottle of vinegar, a clean towel, some water, soap, and a razor. My body stiffened when I saw the razor, and I inched my way toward the edge of my seat. I kept looking around at each of their faces, waiting for a sign that they were kidding. I was praying one of them would start laughing, but none of them did.

  “Um…are you sure…are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I asked Asia.

  She set her supplies down on the deck next to my feet, and she peered up at me as she smiled. “Don’t worry. I know it looks scary, but I promise it isn’t as bad as you think. The vinegar will help get rid of the sting, and the razor will scrape off anything the jellyfish might have left behind.”

  Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at Shaun.

  He gave me a reassuring grin. “Well, I gotta head out. Take care of that sting, Killer.”

  Before I could think of a response, he walked into the house and closed the glass door behind him.

  Lucky bastard.

  Within seconds, Nick was in the seat next to me. “So?” he asked, giving Asia a conspiring grin before staring at me.

  Asia just rolled her eyes and shook her head as she unscrewed the cap off the bottle of vinegar.

  “So, what?” I asked, trying to play dumb.

  “Oh, don’t play that shit with me, Natalie Elizabeth. You know exactly what.”

  Sighing, I decided to just get it over with since I knew Nick wouldn’t give up until he had what he wanted. “We’re just friends, Nick.”

  Asia’s eyes popped up to mine, and they widened. “Friends?”

  “Yeah,” I said with a shrug.

  I didn’t understand why that was so shocking.

  “Shaun doesn’t have female friends,” Nick informed me, using air quotes around the word friends.

  “Well then, I’ll be his first.”

  Asia started pouring vinegar on my ankle, and I gritted my teeth. I expected it to hurt like hell, but it actually wasn’t that bad. I noticed Asia and Nick exchange a glance before she put the vinegar down and grabbed the water.

  “Does he know you guys are just friends?” Nick asked.

  Asia rinsed my ankle with water before applying some soap.

  “Yes, Nick,” I deadpanned.

  Asia and Nick exchanged another glance.

  “Okay, what? Why do you guys keep looking at each other like that?”

  “It’s just surprising, that’s all. Shaun is usually against being friends with women, unless he’s not attracted to them, or he looks at them like a sister. We all know he doesn’t look at you like that, yet here you are, saying you’re friends,” Asia explained before taking the cap off her disposable razor and bringing it toward my leg.

  I automatically jerked my ankle back before she could touch it.

  Her eyes moved back to mine as she grinned. “It’s new, I promise.”

  I let out a nervous laugh before slowly putting my foot back down and squeezing my eyes shut.

  “Okay, all done.”

  Peeking my eyes open, Asia stood up and started collecting her supplies off the deck floor as I looked down at my ankle. It was bright pink where the sting was, but it already felt much better.

  “Thanks,” I said as I helped her pick up her things.

  “No problem.”

  I couldn’t get out of that house fast enough. The last thing I wanted was to answer questions about Natalie and me. Everyone knew I didn’t have female friends, and it was only a matter of time before they would want me to explain why I’d suddenly changed my mind. Shit, I don’t even know why I’d changed my mind. I just knew Natalie was easy to be around, and for some reason, I’d thrown all my rules out the window for her.

  I normally refused to be friends with women I was attracted to because once we fucked, things would get complicated. The only female who had ever survived that was Hailey. That was because we had both been young when we were together, and we’d both known we weren’t r
ight for each other. Sure, it had been awkward to be around her at first, but we’d both matured. Plus, Asia sure as hell wasn’t going to choose between us, so we’d made it work. Now, I didn’t even think about the fact that I’d been in Hailey’s pants. She was more like a sister to me.

  The only problem now was there was no way in hell I’d be able to look at Natalie like a sister. I was fucked. I’d have to just try to ride this friend thing out. Maybe after a while, her appeal would wear off, and I’d be fine just being her friend. Women eventually showed their true colors anyway, so I was sure some major flaw of hers would appear and make me lose interest. There was always something.

  Pulling up to my apartment building, I parked my Jetta and made my way inside.

  After unlocking the door, I walked in and instantly covered my nose. “Ugh! God!”

  I tossed my clothes down on the floor and scanned the room. Pizza boxes and beer cans covered the kitchen counters, take-out boxes were on my coffee table in the living room, and a cup of—

  Shit, I have no idea what that is.

  Grabbing my trash can, I started picking things up and tossing them in. When I got to my dining room table, the smell got stronger, and I almost started gagging. It smelled so bad.

  What the fuck is that?

  I stared at the Styrofoam box on my table, wondering if I should even touch it. Pressing my nose into the crook of my elbow, I slowly reached out with my other hand and nudged the box with my finger, almost expecting it to move. I squinted my eyes when the lid lifted a little, and that was when I saw it.

  Fuck, it’s fish!

  I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d ordered fish. I quickly grabbed the box and threw it into the trash can. I held my breath as I quickly tied the trash bag closed, and I kept it at arm’s length as I made my way out to the dumpster by my building.

  I guessed there was another good reason not to bring women home. If they got one look at my place, they’d probably leave me and my dick as fast as they could.

  Sighing, I ran my hands through my wet hair.

  I guess I’d better fuckin’ clean.

  Apparently, this day was full of firsts.

  After leaving Asia and Marcus’s house, Nick and I headed back to his apartment. He took a shower, getting ready to head out to have lunch with Luke. He said they would be having dinner and watching a movie at the apartment later if I wanted to join them. I planned on job-hunting around four before the bars started getting busy, so I told him I’d grab my own dinner but try to make the movie. The last thing I wanted was to feel like the third wheel even if Nick insisted that I wouldn’t be.

  Making my way to my room, I decided to start unpacking. I wouldn’t take out too much. I’d unpack just enough to get me through the next month or so since I wanted to get my own place soon.

  As I organized my clothes and put them into drawers, I thought about my morning with Shaun. I hadn’t had that much fun since…well, I honestly couldn’t remember when. It had been nice to just hang out with a guy as a friend. I’d let go a little, and it felt good.

  When I reached into my suitcase, I found the shoebox where I kept all my keepsakes. Happy memories from my entire life all fit into that one small box. Sitting on the end of my bed, I flipped it open and started thumbing through the contents. There were movie tickets, postcards from the different states my mom, sister, and I had driven through, and all my favorite pictures I’d taken. When I saw a photo of Lili and me, I held it up in the light. It was a picture of us in Santa Cruz when I was fifteen and she was eleven.

  Those years had definitely been the hardest of my life. Just a few months after that photo had been taken, I’d decided to let go and have fun for the first time. That decision had changed my life, and for better or worse, it had undoubtedly changed me.

  I’d gotten drunk with a few girls I knew from school. We had gone to a party, and although I’d felt out of place and nervous, I’d quickly forgotten why after a few shots and some beers. I’d forgotten everything I learned, like not going off alone with a guy I didn’t know or not accepting drinks from strangers. All those defenses I’d had around me since I was a small child had melted away under the burn of the alcohol and the promise of a normal teenage experience.

  He had blue eyes, and his hands were clammy. His breath smelled like cheap vodka and cigarettes.

  I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. It was a lot like those nightmares when I’m being chased, but my body wouldn’t move, or my eyes wouldn’t focus. For those few minutes, I was conscious and terrified, but soon, it all just went away and turned to black.

  When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in a room I didn’t recognize. My shirt was off, and my jeans were around my ankles. Dried blood was on the inside of my thighs, and I was sore. On that unfamiliar bed, I sat there in shock, and I felt my old self slowly dying. I’d lost my innocence, and I hadn’t even been present when it happened.

  It’s probably better that way.

  Rushing to the nearest bathroom, I frantically rinsed the blood from my legs with wet toilet paper. I watched as it slowly crumbled and fell apart in my hands, but I just kept scrubbing. I couldn’t even cry. It was my fault. I’d been dumb enough to trust a boy I didn’t know. I’d given away my control.

  It was just the lesson I needed—a reminder of why I should hold on so tight and never let go.

  I’d learned from my mistakes though, and I wouldn’t bury myself in them. So, I’d moved on and acted like that night never happened. I hadn’t told anyone, and no one had asked. My mom and Lili hadn’t even seemed to notice the change even though I’d felt like a different person completely. An ugly ball of anger had settled itself inside me, and I’d developed an explosive temper. My mother had just attributed my mood swings to teenage hormones, and my sister had been too young to understand.

  After that, sex had become my escape, my weapon. It had been my way of releasing all the stress and pressure life put on me. Much like a cocktail after a hard day’s work or eating a fudge sundae after following a strict diet, I’d known it was bad for me, but I’d earned it. That one little moment of release and pleasure to reward myself had been worth it even if I knew I would regret it and guilt would soon follow.

  I’d become pretty promiscuous after that night. As much as I’d hated the idea of being used by men, I’d enjoyed the idea of using them. And I had. I’d used them to make me feel wanted, I’d used them to make me feel special, and I’d used them to get off. It had almost become a sport for me. What man could I get? And how easily could I get him? At first, I’d convinced myself that I was fighting back. Men weren’t the only ones who could use sex as a weapon. I would fuck someone, and just as quickly, I’d pretend he meant nothing to me. Honestly, most of them hadn’t meant anything because I meant nothing to myself.

  Now, at twenty-five, I realized I had been hurting myself more than anyone else. I’d slowed down, but I still craved that power and insisted on being intimate only with men I knew I could easily walk away from. It wasn’t so much that I agreed with my decisions—I knew they had been wrong—but being in control was the only survival instinct I had.

  So, now that I thought about it, the photo I held in my hands was the last one taken of the person I used to be. Straightening my back, I took a deep breath and placed that picture back in the shoebox where it belonged with the rest of my past.

  As I closed the lid, I peered down at the pink mark on my ankle. I guess I was lucky to get away with only a small sting. I smiled as I pictured Shaun laughing on the beach after I’d run out of the water. Keeping that man in the friend zone was going to be a challenge for sure. I just hoped I was up for it.

  After showering and putting on a tight pair of jeans and a black V-neck shirt, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and put on more makeup than I usually wore. My blue-green eyes looked extra vibrant when I wore black, and that worked to my advantage. Bars wanted attractive bartenders, and I knew how to use my assets. When looking for
a job, I’d found it was always a good idea to dress for work. It would give the manager a good idea of what I would look like behind the bar, and I would also be ready to start working on a moment’s notice. There had been plenty of times where I was hired on the spot and put to work.

  I sprayed a little perfume onto my wrists before leaving the apartment with my purse and a few copies of my résumé just in case.

  As I drove by the shop, I slowed down to stare at the line forming outside. What the fuck?

  I knew we were having a Memorial Day sale today, but that couldn’t be the cause of that crowd. With all the chicks waiting to get in, it looked like a fucking boy band was inside.

  When I pulled around to the back of the building, I saw Marcus’s black Chevelle parked in my spot. Now, it all made sense. Marcus must have been spotted, and he was now trapped inside, signing autographs.

  Well, it’ll definitely help sales.

  After parking my Jetta, I folded out of my seat and went to make my way inside when I heard a familiar voice.

  “What the fuck’s goin’ on?”

  I turned around and smiled when I saw Dre and Dank approaching from the other side of the street.

  “Looks like Marcus made an appearance,” I told them as we gave each other our usual greeting of slapping hands and raising our chins.

  “Well, shit. We just came by to get some wax, but after seeing that line, I think I might have to stick around for a while,” Dre said, giving me his wicked grin.

  Personality-wise, Dre was like my twin. His eyes were hazel instead of my green, he was half black and half Puerto Rican, and he was a couple of inches shorter than me, which put him at about six foot. Besides that though, we were mostly the same. Marcus was like my brother, and he would always be my closest friend, but Dre seemed to get me more than anyone else. When Marcus had been building his career out in L.A., Dre and I had been getting into trouble here. We’d been through a lot of shit together—nights spent in jail, fights, female drama. Name it, and we’d done it. I always knew Dre had my back, and I had his.