A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  “When did this happen?” I said moving my finger to point between myself and him. He looked at me as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. “Since when did we become training buddies? What happened to the Elliot, who doesn’t like to be seen talking to any of the girls in the office?”

  “Oh, I’m not Elliot, Elliot’s my evil twin remember? I’m Evan.”

  I laughed, “Alright then Evan, as I recall, you’re the friendly one – are you going to drinks tonight?”

  “Elliot goes most weeks, but I could be persuaded to take his place. Will you be there?”

  The elevator pinged and we both got on with a couple of other people who worked on the floors above us.

  “I’m only going for maybe half an hour, then I’m going out with a friend.”

  “A friend huh? Would this friend be a guy friend or a girl friend?”

  “A guy friend, a very platonic guy friend,” I replied as the lift doors opened and we both stepped off and entered the gym.

  Elliot was a member and had a card on his key chain that he scanned to get through the turn styles. I told him I needed to line up to pay for my visit.

  He shook his head, “Wait there. I'll get you a guest pass."

  I stood still for a couple of minutes while he spoke to a girl behind the counter who was smiling and batting her eyelashes at him more than was necessary for a business exchange, and who could blame her really? Elliot was divine to look at. He thanked her as she handed him the guest pass, and he walked towards me signalling that I come over to him. He scanned the piece of paper that was my pass, and the turn styles activated to let me through.

  “Thank you for that. Looks like Evan is a bit of a flirt,” I said noting the way the girl at the counter was all sweetness and light when he was looking but had nothing but death stares for me.

  He looked over at her, and she smiled sweetly, “Just one of the perks of being the good twin,” he joked.

  “Doesn’t Elliot flirt?”

  “No, he doesn’t know how to have fun; he's all about the work that guy.”

  I laughed and said that I was going to get a locker and change. He told me to come and find him on the treadmills when I was ready.

  When I had finished I found him running full trot on a treadmill looking out the window where you could see people milling about below. I took my time walking up to him, so I could spend some time ogling him, I wasn’t the only one who liked what I saw, there were quite a few women who had migrated toward the machines that surrounded him and were happily staring at his arse and his long muscular legs as he ran without falter like a well-oiled machine. With one last sinful look at his behind, I walked around to let him know I was there.

  He smiled, “Do you want to warm up first?” he asked as he slowed to a walk.

  I took great delight in the disappointed faces of the women around us as he got off and touched my shoulder before he gave me his machine. He stood in front of me stretching and watching me as I gradually picked my pace up to a run. I don't know if it was the way he was looking at me or the running, but I was starting to feel incredibly warm.

  “Jesus Christ, you have better abs than I do!” he exclaimed.

  I put my hand on my stomach; I was wearing a pair of short black running tights and a mint green crop top that had the running bare logo printed across the breast area, leaving my midriff exposed. Under his scrutiny, I suddenly felt like I was naked, my insides clenched, and I almost faltered my step, almost.

  I smiled and dug out a bit of bravado saying, “Well, if I had known I was going to show you up, I would have covered up a little more.” He laughed and continued stretching.

  After watching him for a moment, I chewed my lip as I worked up the courage to say, “Show me your abs then.”

  He raised his eyebrows, and slowly complied. I think I held my breath as I watched, noticing that a couple of the women around us had craned their necks to have a look as well. I slowed the tread mill down and jumped off, walking closer to him and making a big show of inspecting him.

  “Nothing wrong with them,” I told him, my voice deeper and more breathy than I intended. I admired his six pack by running my fingertips over the ridges – they were much more defined than mine were, I could see the hint of that sexy V shape that men get peeking over the waist band of his shorts. I snatched my hand back as my insides clenched again, and I purposely squeezed my inner muscles to try to get control of my arousal.

  He cleared his throat and lowered his shirt, “I cheated; I flexed them,” he said.

  I laughed, and my laugh sounded seductive too – what was going on with me? I stepped away again, gaining that much-needed distance between us and took a deep breath to calm myself before I spoke, “I saw that, but I wasn’t going to say anything,” I sounded much more normal that time.

  “So uh… do you have a set weights routine, or do you just wing it?”

  “Set routine,” I said with my normal tone, producing the folded up piece of paper that I’d had tucked in the back zip pocket of my running tights.

  He took it from me, ensuring that our hands connected when he did. The electricity between us shot up my arm and set me off again. Pelvic floor exercises weren’t on that list, but I was definitely getting a lot in today.

  He unfolded the paper perusing the list of exercises and took a step back from me. “You do cleans?” he asked.

  “I do,” I said taking the piece of paper back off him, not connecting this time. I spun on my heels and headed off to the first exercise on my list with Elliot trailing behind me.

  We moved around the gym following my weights routine together. It was like a sweaty erotic dance between us - each time I looked at him, I had to restrain myself from jumping on top of him and running my tongue over those beautiful abs of his.

  When we were finished, we both stood there shaking out our muscles before dropping to the ground to stretch a bit to cool down.

  “So, I was watching you today,” Elliot started. I raised my eyebrows suggestively; he smiled and went on, “I couldn’t help but notice you’ve got some pretty decent scars – did you come off your push bike or something?” Elliot asked me.

  I instinctively touched my arms. “No, not the bike; I wasn’t training when it happened. I ah, actually went through a glass sliding door a while back.” I went on quickly with the story I have told so many times recently, “I was lucky I put my arms up to protect my face, so I only got this one,” I moved my hair to show him. He lifted his hand and touched the one on my shoulder, sending those sparks of electricity through my body again, curling my toes. I closed my eyes for a moment from the intimacy of his touch.

  “And this one?” he softly traced the scar tissue along my shoulder, his voice deep and personal as he spoke. We locked eyes for a moment, and you could feel the shift in the air. Electricity was humming around us pulling us toward each other. I licked my lips as we drew closer. Don’t do this! my common sense screamed.

  I snapped my head back and let go of my hair so it fell away from my face providing a curtain. Shooting to my feet, I took a step away from him; I needed that distance between us. I needed us to stay in the friend zone.

  I touched my shoulder, cleared my throat and answered him as if it hadn't seemed like he was about to kiss me, “Yeah that one too; I went through like this.” I demonstrated the protective stance I was in when I went crashing through the window. Trying to bring us back to the easy banter we had enjoyed just moments before.

  He looked down at the ground and seemed slightly wounded by my retreat, but he followed my lead and tried to continue the conversation, “So how did you manage to go through the window?”

  I wasn’t going to answer that one fully, that story turned me into a victim, and I wasn’t willing to be put in that box. “Oh, just stupidity on my part,” I told him as I picked up the paper with my routine on it, folded it and stuffed it into my pocket. “I’m going to hit the showers, see you back at the office, or at drinks maybe.”
I started heading off, “Oh and thanks again for the pass – I owe you one.”

  He just nodded at me and ran his hand through his sweat slicked hair. My chest felt full and heavy as I carefully breathed out on my way to the showers. What was going on here? I knew that I was attracted to him, and I could tell there was something there for him too, but I also knew we could both lose our jobs if we started seeing each other. I had thought he was safe because of that, I really didn’t think he would do anything to risk it – maybe I was wrong.

  Chapter 7

  “You ready to head in?” Kayley called out to me from the doorway of the library.

  I popped my head up to look at her over the partition, “Yep, just give me a sec to turn off my computer.” Clicking it closed, I pushed myself away from my desk to walk with Kayley to my first Friday night drinks.

  Kayley had changed from the skirt and blouse combination she had worn throughout the day to tight black pants, and a matching singlet top covered in sequins. She had tied her dirty blonde hair up into a messy ponytail and put on large gold hoop earrings, darker makeup and a pair of cute red kitten heels.

  “You look nice! Are we supposed to dress up for this?” I asked her, looking down at my own outfit; I was wearing a pleated brown, purple and white tartan skirt with a white three quarter sleeved blouse and a purple sweater vest. I looked very dowdy in comparison.

  “No you don’t have to dress up; some of us just get changed to hit the clubs afterwards. You will be fine the way you are,” she assured me. “Come on, let’s go.” She linked her arm in mine and guided me towards the conference room.

  I paused in the doorway and surveyed the room as we entered, “I didn’t expect quite so many people,” I commented. There were maybe 30 people inside, there was a fairly good mix of support staff to solicitors and a couple of partners were in there too.

  Music was playing at a reasonable level, and the bar was laden with bottles of wine and beer as well as a couple of spirits and soft drinks.

  “Hi you made it!” Carl said as Kayley and I walked towards our now usual group.

  I smiled gratefully, as he reached over to the bar and handed me a glass of white wine. Taking slow sips, I continued to look around the room to see who was in attendance. My heart fell a little when I couldn’t see Elliot anywhere. I didn’t think he was really going to talk to me here, but I wanted to see him, especially after our near kiss that afternoon. I felt that if he came, then our friendship was ok, but if he didn't, then he was annoyed with me.

  “Taking it all in?” Mary said as she moved to stand next to me.

  “Um, yeah,” I said as brightly as I could. “This is the first time I have been to one of these things, so I didn’t really know what to expect.” I snuck a glance toward the door as it opened to see who entered.

  To my disappointment, it was Bianca and Beth. They walked inside and instantly started working the room. I had to hand it to them – there were good. They spoke to all the solicitors as they passed them on their way to sit down and chat to the partners, each person looked pleased to chat with them. I guessed that Bianca saved her wrath only for those she saw as a threat somehow. If I didn’t know any better, I could be mistaken for thinking she was a nice person after witnessing her here.

  “So, what did I miss?” a male voice asked low and close to my ear.

  “Who the hell let you in here?” I asked David, as I spun around, happily embracing him. I looked at my watch, “You’re early!”

  “I followed the sounds of frivolity when I got here, and someone was kind enough not to check who was behind them when they keyed their code in the door.”

  “Very James Bond of you,” I told him, impressed.

  “And I’m here early because I didn’t want to go to drinks at my work tonight,” he leaned in close and said behind his hand, “let’s say things are a little awkward right now between me and the girl I banged in the filing room last month.”

  I shook my head good naturedly and turned my attention back to Kayley and the others.

  “Aren’t you going to introduce us to your very attractive friend here?” asked Albina, giving David an approving once over. He smiled his ‘yeah, I’m hot’ smile and ran his fingers through his already messy hair to move it out of his eyes. I noticed Albina lick her lips seductively at him.

  A humourless laugh escaped my lips; this always happens when other girls know that David, and I aren’t together. I suddenly become their gateway to becoming a notch on David’s bed post – the last time I checked I wasn’t a pimp, so I gave a general introduction and excused myself to go and freshen up before I dragged David out of there to go and check out Darling Harbour.

  As I left the conference room, my breath caught a little. Elliot was coming towards me. A smile crept over my lips but froze when I saw his eyes drift over my shoulder to check if anyone was looking.

  “Are you leaving?” he asked looking at his watch. “I thought you were staying a while.”

  “Not just yet. I’m going to the bathroom to freshen up before I go out with my friend.”

  He looked nervously at the conference room again, “Ok. I might see you in there.”

  I nodded and went into the bathroom to reapply my makeup and brush my hair. I wished I had brought some clubbing clothes with me now too, but my work clothes would have to do for tonight.

  I sighed as I looked at my reflection; I was good at making myself look casually pretty, but I was terrible at getting dressed up for nights out on the town - something my mother tried to coach me on, and I of course fought her on. Although I wished I’d listened a bit more now.

  I returned to the conference room, a lump forming in my throat when I saw Bianca flicking her hair while talking to David, the last thing I needed was for David to do his usual hump and dash with someone I worked with – especially Bianca, I could only imagine how nasty she’d get if she felt used by him.

  “Hey,” I interrupted as cheerily as I could focusing on David, “You about ready to go?”

  “Ah, yeah sure – but these guys are all heading off to Pontoon soon. You want to wait and go with them? It’ll be fun with a big group.”

  “We’d love it if you came,” Bianca cooed at me but touched David’s arm.

  “Oh, I don’t…” I started to say before Kayley bounced over and excitedly told me that she was so happy I was going to Pontoon with them. I finished my sentence under my breath, “…think it was ever my decision. So why not.”

  “It’ll be good for you,” David murmured near my ear.

  “Just keep your hands off the girls I work with,” I warned him.

  “Why? You jealous?” he challenged me.

  “No, I just don’t need you…”

  “Hi, I’m Elliot,” Elliot stuck his hand out in greeting towards David, “you must be Katrina’s friend,” was that jealousy I detected just then?

  David took his hand and shook it firmly, “Hey man, I’m David and yes I’m Katrina’s best friend.” They stood there having one of those silent battles of the mind that males tend to have when they are sizing each other up.

  “Ok,” I interrupted the exchange, beginning to feel uncomfortable – especially with Bianca watching; what the hell was Elliot doing? “David, would you mind getting me another glass of wine?”

  “Sure,” he said moving off towards the bar, eyeing off Elliot.

  “I’ll come too,” Bianca said trotting off to join him and leaving Elliot, and I standing together. The noise in the room was rising as everyone started to relax and become more animated with a couple of drinks in them.

  “Hi,” he smiled at me then cleared his throat and looked as though he just realised where he was and went into office mode. “How has your first week been?” he asked me politely.

  Fine - I could play this game too, “Well Elliot my first week has been fine. I’ve met a lot of nice people, and my job is pretty easy. Excuse me,” I said curtly and was about to turn and walk away, when he gently touched my arm
to stop me.

  “Wait,” I turned around to look at him again. “It’s probably none of my business but is that guy your boyfriend? You seem pretty close.”

  “Elliot, you’re absolutely right – it is none of your business; but for future reference if I say someone is my friend that’s exactly what they are.”

  Elliot nodded solemnly and then laughed at himself, “I’m sorry; I just don’t know how to do this.”

  “Do what? Talk nicely to a girl twice in one day? Or behave like a person at work?”

  “Both I guess, you know what’s at risk here,” he said quietly.

  “Then why are you even standing here?” I asked him.

  “I don’t know, I guess I figure there’s no harm in talking to the people – the person; I want to talk to.”

  “Well then perhaps you should get Evan out here. He seems to know how to have fun,” I joked. He smiled and nodded slowly at me, looking at his hands. “You know, you can probably be seen hanging out with people from work and not cause too much of a stir. You're over thinking all this.”

  “What? I hang out with Andrew over there. That counts.” I looked over to see another of the junior solicitors - a very tall lanky, dark-haired guy who looked around the same age as Elliot; standing in the corner speaking quietly with one of the account managers, she was a little more than half Andrew’s height with brown curly hair and looked to be in her mid to late 20s.

  I smiled and asked if maybe he and his friends would like to join us at Pontoon later. “And when I say you – I mean Evan,” I grinned.

  An amused smile crept over his face, “Alright. I'll think about it.”

  David returned with my drink, Bianca trailing behind him, and handed it to me. “Everything alright?” he asked giving Elliot the once over again.

  “Everything’s fine David,” I assured him, touching his chest in a ‘back down’ gesture, “Why don’t you get to know some of the guys here, instead of hitting on all the girls?” I moved over to Kayley, Albina and Jo to socialise were there wasn’t so much tension.