A Beautiful Struggle

by Lilliana Anderson

  They were sitting at one of the outdoor bench tables and moved around so we could join them. Baskets of hot chips sat on the table that weren’t quite finished were offered to us, having not eaten dinner yet we all dug in voraciously.

  I could see Connor watching me and wondered if I should apologise for running off on him last time. Although, movement against my side drew my attention as I felt David’s body jostling as he laughed. I turned to see what was so funny, feeling slightly deflated when I realised he was chatting into Beth’s ear, sharing some sort of joke that no one else was in on.

  I looked over at Bianca, who looked woefully unhappy – if she wasn’t such a bitch to me, I might have felt sorry for her. When she stood up to ask if anyone wanted to dance, I stood up along with the majority of the table. I didn’t want to watch David’s seduction of Beth either.

  Separating from the group, I went to get a drink from the bar. As I lined up, I was forced to push my way forward or risk missing out entirely. It was such an effort that I decided to buy four black Russians at once. Standing to the side, I held two drinks stacked in each hand, transferring my straw between each glass as I drained the one before.

  “Thirsty?” an Irish accent asked me. I looked up to see Connor standing in front of me smiling.

  Releasing the straw, I let out a nervous laugh, “Well, I want a buzz while I dance, and I don’t want to keep lining up.”

  “I have to say I like the system you have going on there.”

  “Thank you, laziness is the mother of invention and all that – no; that's not how it goes,” I frowned, the alcohol already coursing through my veins and joining with the couple of drinks I'd had at work.

  “I think you mean ‘necessity’ – necessity is the mother of all invention,” he laughed.

  I sucked on the last of my drink and winked at him, “That’s the one.” On my seventh drink for the night, my body was well and truly buzzing with the effects.

  “Are you planning on dancing tonight? I’ll try not to chase you off this time,” he intimated.

  “Oh that wasn’t you Connor, that was one hundred per cent me,” I assured him. If it wasn’t for Elliot, I think I would gladly have let this Irish man win me over. He had this mischievous glint to his eyes that promised a good time. I wanted to go and have a good time with him, but I wanted Elliot more.

  “You go and dance, I’ll finish up here and have a bit of a look around. But, I’ll see you out there later,” I suggested.

  His jovial face dulled a little as disappointment showed behind his smile. I felt a momentary pang of guilt from leading him on last time as I watched him return to the dance floor.

  Placing my now empty glasses on the nearest table, I started to push my way outside to find David, spotting him before I made it out the door. He was on the dance floor with Beth leaning up against him. He was behind her with his hand around her waist moving to the music with his head dipped towards her neck. She seemed to be loving it. I didn’t love it; it bothered me; it bothered me a lot – why did he need to pick up the girls from my work? Out of all the girls here, why did he have to pick her?

  Bianca saw me watching and smirked, she then blatantly moved over to Connor and started to dance with him, moving him away from the group and shooting glances my way whenever she could. I supposed she was showing me she could steal men from me, although, I could never actually claim to know what went on inside that girls head.

  I stood watching her dance with Connor and Beth with David. My irritation swirling inside my stomach and rising throughout my body until something inside me clicked, I needed to take action.

  Lacking the mental faculties, due to my slight intoxication, to stop myself, I marched right up onto the dance floor and started dancing in Connor’s line of sight. Something told me that getting him away from Bianca would piss all three of them off. It was selfish of me, I know, but at the time I wasn’t focusing on the fact that I was using Connor... again. I just wanted to strike out some way, and I didn’t really care how.

  When he caught my eye, I smiled seductively at him, closing my eyes to let the music flow through me as I danced. That’s all it took to switch his attention to me.

  He sidled up behind me, slipping his hands around my waist and moving side to side with me. I lifted my arms and let them drop, running my hands lightly over his head before I opened my eyes slightly to see that Bianca’s dance had dropped to a slow bounce, as she remerged with the group.

  Sway by sway, Connor led me deeper into the throng. We danced together until my saliva grew thick, and the ache in my feet could no longer be ignored.

  “I need water!” I yelled over the music. Connor nodded, and taking my hand, he led me through the crowd, toward the bar. He went to pay, but I shook my head no and paid for both instead.

  Looking a little surprised, he nodded his thanks, inclining his head to ask if I wanted to go outside to the table we had been sitting at earlier. I nodded yes, and he followed me out with his hand resting at the small of my back.

  As soon as we were outside the noise wasn’t quite so booming, but we still had to lean close to be heard, our ears still humming from the deafening sound inside. He leaned into me and said, “I really want to kiss you, but I’m afraid you’ll run off again.”

  I laughed and replied, “I think you should listen to your fears on that one.”

  He sat back and looked at me thoughtfully. “You know. I don’t normally have that reaction on beautiful women such as yourself.”

  I tilted my head and smiled, picking up a bottle cap from the table and twisting it my fingers. “That’s because they probably all swoon over your accent. They’d be putty in your hands.”

  He sat forward again, closing the small distance between us so he could speak softer in my ear. “Well why isn’t it working on you? Is it because of that guy from last time? Or is it because of that guy dancing with Beth?”

  I laughed nervously, “Maybe,” I answered, scrunching my nose up a bit. “I don’t really want to talk about it though if that’s ok.”

  “That’s fine, but you’re breaking my heart here.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not meaning to. I do like you – it’s just all a bit… complicated.”

  He moved my hair behind my shoulder and said, “I can wait until it’s uncomplicated.”

  I laughed through my nose replying, “That could take a while.”

  He shrugged and smiled like it was no big deal, “There're plenty of girls to keep me busy in the meantime,” he told me with a lopsided grin.

  I laughed as I took a swig of my water, “Be careful Connor, your dick will fall off.”

  He returned my laughter, “You ready to go back in?”

  I looked at my watch; it was one-thirty in the morning, “No. I'd better find David, so we can catch the train home.”

  I went back inside to where I had last seen him on the dance floor and couldn’t find him, I scanned the bar and didn't see him there either. Pulling my phone out of my bag, I tapped out a message. Where are you???

  Pushing through the crowds with Connor following close by, I searched in every corner for him, coming back empty. I checked my phone again and found no reply. Shit!

  ”I need to go outside and make a phone call,” I yelled to Connor.

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “Don't, I’ll be fine.”

  He indicated that he didn’t care, and that he was coming anyway so I dragged him back out with me again, further onto the wharf to try to hear over the music.

  I tried to call David and got no answer. Instead, I got his voicemail – after listening to his upbeat message, I left an irate voicemail to tell him that he was going to make us miss the train. I then tried calling Carmen to see if she was still in town, so I could at least ride the train back with her, but I just got her voicemail as well.

  “FUCK!” I stomped my foot like a petulant child.

  “Listen, I’ve heard stories about what happens on the train line, a
nd I don’t think it’s safe for you to catch it home on your own. How about, we wait and see if David shows up before the next train, and if he doesn’t you can just come home and stay with me for tonight?” The look on his face was sincere enough, but I was pretty sure I knew why he wanted me there.

  I laughed at his boldness, “That’s really nice of you Connor, but I have met you twice and my parents would pitch a fit.”

  “That’s fair enough,” he conceded. “How about we go back inside and ask around for your friend David, surely someone would have seen him leave – he’s a pretty tall guy.”

  I agreed, and we pushed our way through the crowds again, asking everyone we knew if they had seen David leaving. An hour later and still no luck, I hadn’t gotten a text from him and when I called once more, it didn’t even ring, it went straight to voicemail.

  Weighing my options, I could wait around until closing time in the hope that David would show up, or I could catch the train home on my own, but the western suburbs line wasn’t the safest train line at three o’clock on a Saturday morning, not to mention waiting around the front of the station to catch a cab home on my own. It would be better if I could stay with someone else for the night. I realised there was only one person my mother would be ok with me going to because she was friends with his mother.

  Chapter 12

  Taking a deep breath, I scrolled through my contacts list and put a call through to Elliot, hoping he wasn’t somewhere too loud to hear the ring.

  “Hey, I was hoping you’d call – what time is it?” he asked groggily. I could hear the smile in his voice, and he sounded sleepy.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. What’s up?”

  “I’m kind of stranded. I can’t find David, and I don’t really want to catch the train all the way home on my own.”

  Without missing a beat he said, “I’ll come and get you.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure, can you get to the casino?”

  “Hang on,” I put my hand over the phone and asked Connor, “How far is it to walk to Star City?”

  “15 - 20 minutes?” he said.

  “Yeah I can make it there.”

  “Who are you with?”

  “Kayley’s cousin.”

  “It isn’t that guy you were dancing with last time is it?” my silence answered for me. “Are you serious!” he exclaimed, sounding annoyed.

  “Are you coming to get me or not?” I asked, not reacting to his change in tone.

  He sighed, “Yes. I'm coming. Meet me outside the sports bar.”

  “Alright, I’m on my way.” I pressed the end call button and looked at Connor.

  “So he’s the complication hey?”

  “Something like that,” I smiled reticently, “I have to get to the casino, which way do I go?”

  “You are seriously planning on walking there by yourself?”

  “It’s only 15 minutes. I'll be fine. It’s safer than catching the train on my own.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll walk you.”

  “Connor, no, I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “You aren’t asking Katrina. I'm insisting. Now let me just tell the others to wait until I get back.” He trotted over to the table where some of his friends are sitting, leaning down to talk to them, inclining his head towards me as he spoke. One guy gave him a pat on the back, and he returned to me to the tune of cat calls from the table.

  “What did you just tell them?” I asked him, an accusatory tone to my voice.

  “Nothing really, I just said that I was taking you somewhere for a ride.”

  My mouth dropped open, and he started laughing at me.

  “I’m joking, I’m joking! I would never lie about sex with you Katrina. I will wait my turn like a man.” I gave him a very unimpressed look, “Seriously though, I just told them I was going to walk you to your car. That's all”

  “That’s all?”

  He nodded earnestly. “Shall we?” he asked, gesturing for me to walk with him.

  “Thanks, Connor. For walking me,” I told him after a while.

  “It’s no trouble, can’t have your mugging on my conscience…So, um, this guy we’re meeting, why wasn’t he with you tonight?”

  “That’s the complicated part.”

  “I see. You work together and there’s that no dating thing at your office right?”

  I gave him a confused look.

  “Kayley told me about it, that’s how I know.”

  “Oh ok, I can’t really talk about it though Connor. We could both lose our jobs if people think we’re dating.”

  “I’m not going to tell anyone Katrina, I don’t want to be the reason you lose your job. Besides that would be counterproductive on my part wouldn’t it?”

  “Oh yeah, how so?”

  “Well, if you get fired, you won’t be coming out with Kayley anymore so I won’t get to see you and continue working my Irish charm on you. Plus, statistically office romances don’t tend to work out so I want to make sure I’m around to swoop in and pick up the pieces when the inevitable happens,” he grinned.

  I laughed at him, “Well, as long as your motives are pure.”

  “They are pure – purely in my own self-interest!”

  We arrived at the front entrance to Star City Casino, and I turned to him again to say thank you.

  “You're sure you don’t want me to walk you in?” he asked.

  “I’ll be fine. Thank you for walking me Connor.” I leaned toward him and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

  “It was my pleasure Katrina. I hope to see you again soon,” he said, as he stood and watched until I had walked through the doors, before he left to return to his friends.

  Elliot was already there when I reached the sports bar, leaning up against the wall outside it looking at his phone. He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. His hair was sticking up and messy from sleeping - he looked positively delicious.

  The corridor we were in was pretty quiet so the clack of my heels could be heard as I walked towards him, alerting him to my presence. He stood up properly and gave me the most brilliant smile I have ever seen on him. It made chest swell, and I impulsively started to run to him, jumping into his arms as he captured me in a passionate kiss that had me melting on the spot.

  He broke away and smiled at me, brushing my hair out of my face. “I was dreaming about you when you called me,” he murmered.

  A little ripple skittered through my stomach and shot down between my legs. “Good dreams I hope,” I purred, leaning into him.

  “Let’s get out of here, and I’ll show you”

  The sexual tension was ubiquitous on the drive home, it was hard for me to keep myself in my seat and not jump in his lap to ride him while he drove. He told me to wait when he pulled over and got out of the car, walking around to my side to help me out. Holding my hand, he led me to the entrance of a block of brown brick flats, it was dark and fairly surrounded by trees, so I couldn’t see much, but I could hear the whoosh of the ocean as I waited for him to unlock the main door.

  “How far away from the ocean are you?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  “One street,” he replied, “you can see the beach from the balcony.” We climbed the beige carpeted stairs quietly and stopped in front of a brown wooden door at the top of the second flight.

  “This is it,” he said looking back over his shoulder at me. With a click the door was open, and we stepped inside a narrow hall. The door swung shut, and he turned and pinned me to it, his arms either side of me. I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over my face as he looked hungrily into my eyes, clamping his mouth down on mine as he kissed me deeply. I slid my arms around his neck and pressed myself to him curling my fingers through the back of his already messy hair.

  He reached his hands down to my backside and hoisted me up, so I had to wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me down the hal
lway, past a formal dining room, kissing me all the way until he reached the lounge room and set me down, kneeling in front of me. Only then did he pause and look at me.

  “You drive me wild, Katrina.”

  He smoothed my hair away from my face and started to kiss a trail down my neck and chest, his hands moving to cup my small breasts and squeeze my already hard nipples. I let out a short moan as I leaned my body into his hands, wanting more from him. He pulled my dress aside and took one little bud into his mouth causing me to drop my head back and moan with pleasure. Guiding me until I was lying, he slid his hand down my body and between my thighs, I parted them willingly as I felt his fingertips brush the edges of my thoroughly damp panties.

  He slipped his fingers under the elastic waistband, over my mound and between my folds, to the slick wetness of my arousal. I gasped as I felt his fingers enter me, rocking my hips to the motion of his hand as it moved in and out of me. He continued to circle his tongue around my nipple as he circled his finger around my already swollen clit. I thought I was going to explode then and there and started to moan my pending orgasm.

  “Not yet,” he whispered to me re-covering my breasts before getting up off the couch to scoop me up again and carry me to the bedroom.

  I watched his handsome face as he carried me to the bed; I had never before been made to feel this light and girly before. It was incredible for my size to be carried like I weighed nothing, and a complete turn on.

  “You’re amazing,” I breathed as he set me down, like precious cargo, on the bed.

  “Reserve your judgement for when we’re finished. I haven’t done this for a while.”

  He didn’t give me time to wonder how long it had been before he leaned down to kiss me deeply yet again, his tongue probing my mouth and dancing with mine. I caught his bottom lip in my teeth and gently sucked as he pulled away.

  “Do you know how hard it was not to react to you in that dress tonight?” he said to me as he undid my belt and tossed it aside. “I wanted so much just to slide my hands up those impossibly long legs of yours and have my way with you in front of everyone.” He gripped the top of my dress and slid it down to expose my breasts fully. I lifted my hips a little to aid him, as he slipped my dress down the length of my body and dropped it on the floor.