STRAYED

by Amber Lynn Natusch

  “I don't mean to be rude, but can you just tell me why I so desperately needed to meet with you tonight?”

  “My purpose was twofold, really. For the most part, I wanted to see if you had put much thought into your coming confrontation with Sean.”

  “And the other part?”

  “I wanted to tell you that I've been busy gathering information on your behalf,” he said, taking a step closer to me. It was all I could do not to take an equal one in retreat. “Consider it a show of good faith.”

  “And what did you gather on my behalf, pray tell?” I asked.

  He paused for a moment, inhaling deeply.

  “I know that your little PC friends won't be getting anywhere with their alleged lead,” he said calmly, assessing my response the entire time. “I also know that, unless someone within the party responsible for the testing in London comes to them, they aren't likely to ever find out what happened there.”

  “How could you possibly know that?” I asked, put off by his arrogant pessimism. Not finding out who was responsible for the mind control debacle was not an option. Period.

  “Because I have seen this alleged evidence that the PC has been clinging to for the past couple of days, and it is laughable. A few bank accounts that are completely untraceable and some encrypted emails that, even once cracked, will prove just as untraceable as the money. Whoever is behind this has access to things—technologies―that you and I can only imagine.”

  Government involvement. McGurney's scribbled warning drifted through my mind.

  “Right,” I started, not wanting to let that thought play across my features and tip my hand to Gavin. Maybe he didn't know what I had learned, for once; in that case, I planned on keeping it that way. “But so does the PC. I've seen the shit that Trey can do. I know what they're capable of.”

  “As am I,” he said dryly, a sour look tainting his countenance. “Very much aware.”

  “Great, then you should understand that it's only a matter of time before they hack into something helpful.”

  “They are formidable, Ruby. There is no denying that, but this is a war that they are not accustomed to waging. Their collective strength is in their brawn, not their brains.”

  “I think you're underestimating their intellect.”

  “And I think you are underestimating mine.”

  Unable to hide my frustration, I felt my eyes do a dramatic loop of their sockets before returning my gaze to Gavin. His glare told me that my theatrics were unappreciated.

  Ruby, 1. Gavin, 0.

  “Fine. If I concede that they'll never be able to find these people, where does that leave us? What do you propose?” I asked. My irritation crept into my tone. “What is your solution?”

  “I thought you would never ask,” he beamed. “If it is impossible for us to get to them, then wouldn't the most logical course of action be to draw them to us, more specifically, to you?”

  “Ummm...not following you, G.”

  It was his turn to roll his eyes.

  “It's quite simple, Ruby. Tobias knew about you and sought to procure you for testing, did he not?”

  “Yeah...”

  “That means your existence is more widely known than you had hoped. And if we are to assume that the London pack's second-rate alpha was not the only one implementing this sort of technology, then my guess is that someone else out there might be very interested in acquiring you as well.”

  “So you're saying you think I should make myself bait? Again?”

  “In a fashion.”

  “Mother. Fucker.”

  “Now, now,” he tsked. “Don't jump to conclusions. I'm hardly suggesting we slather you with blood and throw you into shark-infested waters. I was thinking of something a little more sophisticated than that.”

  “Oh good. I'm glad you've thought this through fully,” I scoffed, leaning back against the brick façade and folding my arms across my chest. “But here's the million dollar question, G-man: How do you get information like that to the proper parties when you don't know who or where they are?”

  His laughter boomed through the alley.

  “Why don't you leave that endeavor to me? The fact that you even asked that question illustrates how unqualified you are for the task.”

  “Great. So you're saying I should put my life in your hands when I neither like nor trust you and have no way of knowing what you're doing behind the scenes?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I'm assuming you're going to insist that Sean knows nothing about this, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “You're insane,” I spat, pushing off the wall to leave. His hand caught my arm. Though his grip was harsh, his energy was not.

  “I'm right, and though you are loath to admit it, you know it.”

  I sighed heavily.

  “I feel like, once again, I'm in a no-win situation with you. It's not like I can tell you to butt out. You're going to do what you're going to do if it suits you,” I lamented. “But know this: if anything happens to me, it's on your head, and I will take measures to be certain that you pay. Understood?”

  He stared at me as though my words had been the gravest of offenses.

  “Ruby,” he said flatly, “I'm trying to help. I promise you, I would never do anything to intentionally put you in harm's way.”

  “That's a tough pill to swallow, Gavin, especially considering the plan you just proposed.”

  “Perhaps. But if you cannot believe my word, then believe Ginger's,” he said, letting go of me to fish his cell phone out of his coat pocket. “Call her. She will tell you the same: I will not let harm befall you.”

  I looked at the shiny object he held forth and wondered, yet again, if this was all part of his game. But there was something about him when he spoke to me, something earnest in his tone and expression that gave me pause. I wanted to accept him at his word, but Gavin made that nearly impossible.

  His mere involvement made me hesitant, though in fairness, he had done nothing in the past to endanger me. Irritate the hell out of me? Yes. But endanger me? No. In fact, he'd saved my life before. And if actions really did speak louder than words, Gavin had a stellar track record. But if they didn't, I was totally fucked if I agreed to his plan.

  “Let me make this point once and clearly, Gavin. I have trouble trusting you, and really, who could blame me? So if I think for one second that you're up to something even remotely shady, I'm telling Sean, Cooper, Jay, the boys...anyone I can speed dial. And I'll tell them everything, Chameleon. Everything. Those are my terms.”

  I heard a rumbling sound escape him before it started to rattle an empty soda can in the alley.

  “Careful, careful, little RB. I am not the only one with secrets to kill for.”

  “Ugh,” I groaned. “The Riddler returns. Maybe that would have been a better nickname for you. It seems far more befitting.”

  “What would we name your beau then? Perhaps he needs one that better illustrates his true nature.”

  “I thought 'dark-eyed one' was your go-to?”

  “Oh! I think the Deceiver would be a fantastically suitable alternative,” he exclaimed gleefully. I half expected him to jump up and down, clapping his hands in self-satisfaction.

  “Deceiver? Sean is many things, but deceitful isn't one of them. Misleading. Omitting. Cagey. But not deceitful.”

  “Perhaps Betrayer then.” He cocked his head in amusement while he stared at me. “Speaking of those that have secrets to kill for,” he continued, his gaze unfaltering. “If you insist upon keeping the photo I gave you to yourself rather than confronting him about it, perhaps you would consider a more covert way of confirming that nagging doubt that lives in the back of your mind.”

  “I don't―”

  “Please, Ruby,” he interrupted, deflecting my rebuttal with the palm of his hand. “It's written all over your face and is apparent in your incessant need to defend him. If you truly thought he had nothing to hide, you would hav
e shown him that picture and been done with it already. The fact that you have not speaks volumes. But that matters not. I have another way to expose him for the fraud that he truly is.”

  “Can't wait to hear about this,” I groaned, sagging back against the building. But even as I put on a show of my indifference, that nagging sensation I had only just denied having started to buzz in the back of my mind. Did I really believe that Sean had nothing to hide? My instincts seemed to disagree with my heart.

  “He has something of mine. Something I would dearly like to have back,” he said. “If you can get it for me, I will have irrefutable proof of how deep his evil nature runs. Even you, in all your glorious denial, won't be able to ignore it.”

  I couldn't help but laugh at his hubris.

  “Clearly you don't have me pegged as well as you might think, Gavin. My glorious denial is how I get through life. I have no need to discard that coping mechanism. What you think you are doing to encourage me to find whatever it is you think Sean has is only doing the opposite.” I pushed off the wall, having had enough of his bullshit for one day. Maybe several. “Poorly played, Gavin. You seem to think you have such mastery over whatever game it is we're playing. Perhaps you should get a better handle on how to manipulate the players.”

  With that, I turned to walk away. No need to stay and belabor the issue. I made my way toward the street and prepared to round the corner. But Gavin wasn't willing to let me have the last word.

  “It's a small wooden box,” he said coolly. “Nondescript. Worn. And very, very old.”

  “I'll keep that in mind,” I said, looking over my shoulder to find him staring confidently at me.

  “I have no doubt that you will.”

  I rounded the corner and quickly made my way back to the exterior entrance to my apartment.

  “Christ, he's unrelenting,” I muttered to myself, fumbling with my keys again.

  And dangerous, Scarlet warned, startling me. She'd been so quiet while Gavin and I played our particular brand of cat and mouse that I'd forgotten she was even around. She was to blame for that though. I'd become accustomed to her absence. It was necessary for my survival.

  “I have no doubt that he is,” I agreed while I unlocked the door to my building and opened it. “No doubt at all.”

  What of the box? she asked quietly. What will you do?

  “I don't know,” I replied with a sadness in my voice that surprised my own ears. My belief in Sean's innocence was wavering. “Maybe I should just scour his apartment and see if it's there? I wouldn’t give it to Gavin if I find it because it's obvious that he wants me to do just that, but...”

  I suggest you leave it be, Ruby. Let sleeping dogs lie.

  “Do you know something that I don't?” I asked, stopping abruptly at the base of the stairs. There was something in her words that just didn't sit well.

  Only that whatever end Gavin is trying to bring about will only lead to pain. I am certain of it. He reeks of manipulation. Do not be a pawn in his game.

  “I think it's a little late for that pep talk, don't you? We're both in it, whether we like it or not. We just need to choose our moves wisely.”

  Which is why I say you should leave this one alone.

  “Like I should leave you alone about the memories that are leaking into my consciousness?”

  Precisely.

  “Ah, I see. You're implementing the 'my rules for you, no rules for me' strategy.”

  When it is clear that my judgment is less clouded than your own, yes. Your mind and your heart war when it comes to Sean. You see nothing clearly where he's involved. I lack that handicap.

  “And what if I can't leave his past alone, huh? What then? Do I pretend that everything is fine? Ignore the doubt that creeps in every single time he takes a call outside or has to go away without explanation or answers my questions with questions of his own?” I rambled, pouring out the reasons behind the nagging sensation I often felt.

  You have admitted that he has changed―been more open with you. Can you not be satisfied with that?

  “Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know. I think I can until I can't, if that makes any sense at all,” I reasoned aloud. “The reality for me is that things could be perfect for years, but the second Sean deems it necessary, I know I'll be thrust back into the 'doesn't need to know' category and left to wonder. I don't want that.”

  She let out an exhausted sigh.

  Then do what you must, but be forewarned that the ramifications of your actions may weigh more heavily on your conscience in the long run.

  “Maybe I’ll just stop by Sean's, poke around a little while he's out, and see if I can't find this mysterious box. If I can't, then no harm, no foul. If I can, then I'll ask him about it rather than bring it to Gavin.”

  Sounds utterly foolproof, she drawled, letting me know just how unsupportive of my idea she was. But it was too late for her seeds of doubt to be planted. I was going to do exactly what I proposed.

  Satisfied with my decision, I poked my head inside the stairwell and called up to Cooper to tell him I had to stop by Sean's for a bit. He in turn stuck his head out of the apartment door and told me to text him when I got there. Fair enough.

  I stepped out onto the sidewalk and headed off toward Sean's building, anxious for what my little search might reveal. I didn't plan to make a big production out of it, just a quick sweep of the place and then I'd be done. It wasn't as if I was above snooping; I'd done that before. This time, it was a more pointed search, which lessened my guilt.

  Still, deep down, I hoped that I would find nothing. That Sean didn't have whatever incriminating evidence it was that Gavin believed would come between him and me. If he did, then I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I wanted to be behind Sean 100 percent, but I also needed to quiet that doubt in my mind. And I couldn't blame that doubt entirely on Gavin. It had existed long before I’d even met him. Granted, he tried to expand upon it often, but it was Sean's unwillingness to let me in fully that had created it.

  That night, I hoped to put an end to it for good.

  Chapter 10

  After texting Cooper to let him know I'd arrived safely, I punched in the code to Sean's apartment door. It felt strange to be able to come and go as I wished, which only furthered my guilt about what I was there to do. I couldn't fully make sense of what had brought me. I trusted Sean—at least I thought I did―but my mind was so clouded after talking to Gavin. Nothing seemed right anymore, like our conversation had flipped everything on its ass―what had been up was down and vice versa.

  With a sigh, I entered his apartment. It wasn't as though I hadn't ransacked it once before. Somehow it felt different as I went to do it a second time. I was knowingly violating his trust.

  I quietly closed the door behind me, not wanting to make any noise, which was ridiculous given that I'd purposely gone there when nobody was home.

  At least I thought I had.

  “Ruby?” Sean called out from behind me, making me nearly jump right out of my skin. I turned to find him wearing only his boxer briefs, hovering in the bathroom doorway.

  I panicked.

  “Hi! What are you doing here? I thought you would still be in Boston,” I blurted out, trying my best to clamp my mouth shut and quit while ahead.

  “I just got back,” he replied, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly. “I was going to clean up and then stop by your place to see if you wanted to get dinner.” He started toward me at a slow but intimidating pace. “If you thought I was out of town, why are you here?”

  Busted.

  “I just wanted to get away from the boys and Lyla for a bit. It's a little overwhelming at times. My place just isn't big enough for all of us while the construction is going on,” I sighed. “And if my ass ends up in the toilet one more time, I'm going to kill someone.”

  “Alistair's still not housebroken yet, I take it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Is that all?” he asked, coming to stand entirely too c
lose to me. I instinctively closed my eyes. “Ruby...?”

  I was at a precipice. Either I lied and undid what trust Sean and I had built up to that point, or I told the truth and risked opening a whole other can of worms. I made the painful decision. No more lies.

  “No,” I whispered, “there's something else.”

  But that was all I could get out. I just couldn't say what it was that I wanted to know. Instead, the questions I needed to ask ran silently through my mind. What did you do that I wouldn’t be able to forgive? What do you have that could ruin us?

  A flash of darkness surged through his emerald eyes but then faded away slowly; it was as if he could sense what was stirring in my mind. I decided to test that theory.

  “Why don't you ever talk freely about your past with me?” I asked, wondering if I could make some headway. It was, after all, the reason Gavin was able to leverage me at all. If I knew all Sean's dark secrets and accepted them, Gavin's games would be over.

  “Because it doesn't matter. Now matters,” he countered before cupping my face in his hands. It nearly undid my resolve. Nearly.

  “I think the past does matter, Sean. I feel like you're hiding something from me, and the doubt it causes eats away at me constantly,” I said as I stared into those deep pools of grassy green. “Please, if there's something―something that affects me specifically that you are hiding from me—I'm asking you now to just tell me what it is. Please.”

  “I've done many things that you don't know about, Ruby. Many can somehow be connected to you. I can't possibly rehash them all.” His hands fell from my face slowly, and I felt like he'd punched me in the stomach. “So is that why you came here? You came to find proof of whatever it is you think I've done? What did you expect to uncover? Bodies under the floor? Trophies of kills I made centuries ago in my sock drawer? Why does my past seem to haunt you nearly as much as it does me, and more importantly, who is getting into your head about it? I don't believe you came to this all on your own.” He leaned toward me menacingly, and I looked up to see those black eyes I'd grown to both love and loathe staring down at me accusingly. What a tangled web we wove. “Why can't you just leave the past in the past?” he asked, his expression cold. “The only thing that remotely interests me is the future―our future. When you can accept those terms, let me know.”