Dear Canada: These Are My Words

by Ruby Slipperjack

  Monday, December 26

  Today is Boxing Day. Don’t know what that means either. The only “boxing” I have ever heard of are the guys that punch each other until one of them falls down and can’t get up again.

  A girl was crying in the bathroom this morning. Someone put a wad of gum in her hair while she was sleeping and Miss Lewis had to cut it out. Now she has a bald spot on the side of her head! I felt sorry for her. Whoever did it would not tell.

  Some of the girls were saying after breakfast that she probably had the gum in her mouth when she went to sleep and it fell out of her mouth and got into her hair during the night when she’d be moving around. Oh, well. They call her Bald Spot now.

  Tuesday, December 27

  After supper, they took us to the hockey rink downtown to see a hockey game. We travelled by bus. The boys were in it too and we were supervised by the boys’ Supervisor and our own Miss Lewis. I didn’t know anything about hockey and soon got bored watching guys skating around shooting a flat black round thing back and forth.

  Saturday, December 31

  Today is New Year’s Eve.

  I just remembered last year at Flint Lake with Grandma. It was right after midnight and I started hearing gunshots being fired into the air. I remember wondering how many bullets rained down on the community that night. After all, what goes up must come down.

  January 1967

  Sunday, January 1, 1967

  Today is New Year’s Day.

  It would be “hugs and kisses” day today at Flint Lake. I wonder who would come up the trail to give Grandma a hug and a kiss, now that Ol’ Moses is gone. I remember Grandma making faces at me over his shoulder when he gave her a hug and a kiss. He made a funny hissing noise when he laughed.

  I never had to explain to Grandma that I was very uncomfortable with people hugging me because Mother never did. I don’t ever remember one hug from my mother. Grandma hugs me sometimes, though, like when I haven’t seen her for a long time.

  Grandma explained to me once that Mother went to Residential School far away to the west. They took her away when Mother was only five years old, and there was nothing Grandma could do about it. It was very bad in the Residential School where Mother went. They were not allowed to hug, and she was pushed away if she got hurt and ran to someone for help. They got hit all the time by the Supervisors and their food was not very good and they were always hungry. They were treated very badly and it would break Grandma’s heart when Mother told her all that happened when she got home each year. It must have been a horrible feeling.

  Oh, I’m really, really going to get into trouble if they see this entry.

  Monday, January 2

  I’m on bathroom-cleaning duty this month, along with another girl. We are wiping down the counter with the three mirrors on the wall above it. Wiping the round sink. Wiping the windows and the walls. Wiping down the toilet stalls. Scrubbing the toilet bowls and mopping the floor. We take turns. We have to work fast and do a good job. The Supervisor comes to inspect the work until she finds nothing to complain about.

  Tuesday, January 10

  I haven’t written anything for a whole week. Don’t feel like it. Nothing to say.

  Going back to school was really sad yesterday. The girls are very quiet in the dorm most of the time, since Christmas. Everybody seems to be lying around on their beds every chance they get. No one feels like doing anything. There are no more fights and arguments anymore either.

  After supper

  Bald Spot went into a fit. I think her name is Dorothy — she never really talked much to anyone before. She started screaming in the toilet stall and wouldn’t come out. Miss Tanner and the boys’ Supervisor had to come and open the door to take her out and we never saw her again. We have no idea what happened to her. Everyone shuts up and there is nothing you can get out of anyone. I even asked Miss Tanner where the girl was but she just looked at me and walked away.

  Wednesday, January 11

  I have nothing worth writing about. I don’t even feel like writing to Grandma. I have nothing to say. I just wish I was home. It’s a horrible feeling when I want something so much but I can’t have it and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  Still no word about Bald Spot.

  Friday, January 13

  I tried to write something in my Blackie story, but after a while, I gave up. I just don’t feel like writing anything anymore.

  Saturday, January 14

  After lunch, Helen came up to me and asked if I wanted to go with her to babysit. I was glad to get out of the place, so I went. We trudged up the path to the Chapel and down to the street. The blond woman asked me about the catalogue that she had given me and I told her we had a lot of fun making paper dolls, and thanked her again. I didn’t say what happened to it. We played with the children in the living room until the woman came home. This time Helen gave me a dollar from the money that the woman gave her. That was a nice afternoon. We had fun.

  Sunday, January 15

  Emma came to visit me. We sat in the large room by the door, just leaning against the wall, and she told me about her trip home at Christmastime. Her brothers and sisters had been complaining about their new teacher. But she said that she just got a letter from Mike to say that the bad teacher never came back after Christmas. They have a new teacher and he is a very nice young man. The kids are happy again.

  I told her about our miserable Christmas here. I asked about her boyfriend — he goes to the same high school as Emma — and she said that she does not see him anymore. They happened to run into his sister on the street downtown, and next thing, he wouldn’t talk to her anymore. I was kind of glad about that. I didn’t like him anyway.

  Monday, January 16

  I almost panicked on my way home. I had been talking to myself in Anishinabe so that I wouldn’t forget the language, and I was naming the things I was seeing and I was watching the small icy balls of snow coming down, and then I couldn’t remember what that kind of snow is called! It was driving me crazy, so when I got to the dorm, I whispered the question to a girl who was standing by the window, but she just turned and looked at me in a weird way and walked away. Maybe she just realized that she didn’t remember it either. I’ll probably remember it sooner or later.

  Tuesday, January 17

  A group of white boys chased me back to the Residential School again. I was busy talking to myself and had my head down, watching my feet come into view one after the other, when I heard a shout. They were laughing and giggling, coming toward me in a flat-out run, so I took off. First I thought they were just crossing the road, but then I realized they were chasing me. I was a good runner at home, running along the railway tracks. I ran for 3 whole miles without stopping one time. So these guys didn’t last long before I left them behind.

  Wednesday, January 18

  I got a letter from Grandma! I was just coming into the dorm when I heard Miss Tanner call my name and she handed me the envelope. I don’t care now if it is opened and read before I get it. I am just so happy Grandma wrote!

  Flint Lake

  January 11, 1967

  Dear Pynut,

  I have not heard from you in a long time. I hope you are doing fine. We had a very cold spell for about a week and we also got a nasty snowstorm. The high winds put up high snow drifts and it totally wiped out my path to the store. Young Rob — that young man and his wife who had the baby last spring — came up with two full pails of water, and he split and brought in more wood for me. That was so nice of him. I was beginning to wonder if I would be forced to melt some snow for water. Rob also made a path for me down to the lake and even opened up my water hole for me. He also cleared my path to the railroad tracks so that I could make it to the store. I must think of something I could do for them. Maybe I can buy some fabric from the rummage sale at Sandy Bay where my friend lives. I stay with her when I go there. She is always so glad of the company. If I get enough fabric, I think I will make that young family a real
ly nice quilt. They would like that.

  Do write back and let me know how you are getting on. Remember what I told you the last time I saw you. I miss you and look forward to hearing from you soon.

  Love,

  Grandma

  I had to put my head down and wipe my eyes before anyone saw me. I made it to the washroom before I could have a good cry. I washed my face after, and then the bell rang for supper. I will write back tomorrow.

  Thursday, January 19

  I have been thinking about that line about me remembering what Grandma said to me the last time I saw her, at the train station. She put a hand on my head and over my chest and said for me to be a good girl and be strong. How do I be strong in my head and in my heart? Maybe I have to think good thoughts and ask my heart not to be so sad. How do I tell her that?

  January 19, 1967

  Insy Pimash

  Flint Lake, Ontario

  Dear Grandma,

  I was so happy to get your letter yesterday. I have been thinking about what you said and I think I understand. I will work harder at school and do the best I can and be as happy as I can. I am going to start writing my Blackie story again. I kind of left it since before Christmas, but I still have it with my homework papers. I will read it to you when I get home. Maybe I will start by drawing a picture of Blackie for the cover first.

  We get a snack with a glass of milk in the evening while we watch television. Last night it was peanut-butter-and-jam sandwiches. Two girls make them in the kitchen downstairs and they bring them up on a large tray. Then they take the empty glasses back down when we are done.

  That sounds like a really bad storm you had. We get snowy, windy days here too, but I don’t think they are as bad as where you are. That was nice of Rob to help you out. I never really visited anyone when I was there. I should go and visit his wife and baby the next time I get home. Emma still visits me once in a while. She told me all about her trip back home at Christmas. I imagine you going about your daily chores and sitting down sewing by the table to get the better light from the window. You must have finished those moccasins for the storekeeper’s family already. I miss you too.

  Stay safe and write again soon.

  Love,

  Pynut

  Sunday, January 22

  I seem to have memorized the words to some of the hymns that we sing at the Chapel. I really like singing together with the others. I forget myself sometimes and then I get self-conscious when I realize that my voice is clearer and louder than the others and I suddenly tune it down and hunch up my shoulders! I hope no one has noticed.

  Monday, January 23

  I had my first real understanding of the English words “piece” and “peace.”

  I never had to use the word “peace” in all my writing, so I had never noticed it.

  I should also mention that I am still having problems pronouncing “soap” and “soup.” Why is it “goose” and “geese” and “moose” but not “meese”? The English language is %#*@#! I discovered those symbols in a superhero comic that showed up and disappeared in the dorm so quickly, like a snowflake that just blew in! I don’t know who brought it in or who took it away.

  Thursday, January 26

  It has taken me this long, but I think I am beginning to understand that there is no rhyme or reason to the spelling of the English language. I just have to memorize the spelling and not worry about trying to understand the rules. I got all correct answers on the spelling test today!

  Friday, January 27

  I learned there are many words that are spelled the same way but they mean many different things. “Butt” can be animals butting things with their heads, the butt end of a weapon or tool, a cigarette butt and being the butt of a joke. Then there is “their,” “there” and “they’re.” They are easier to remember, but then there’s “cite,” “sight” and “site.” I didn’t know anything about “cite” so I had to look it up. I am sure there are many words like that. I don’t know. I find it all very confusing!

  I got a letter from Mother when we got home after school. I haven’t heard from her in a long time. I have to copy it right away when I finish reading it, in case it disappears tomorrow.

  January 19, 1967

  Dear Violet,

  I hope you are doing fine and learning a lot from your school. There must be many different things you are learning there than you would have over here. Tell me all about it when you get home.

  Grandma had a bad cold last week but she seems to be okay now. I talked to the storekeeper when he told me that she would not likely be coming to the store any time soon, but there’s a young man who looks in on her to make sure she has what she needs.

  Everyone is doing well here. The kids are all healthy, but Izzy got into an accident at the Band Office. He came to pick up Eliza because I had to work late, and just as they were going out the door, Eliza slipped and he went to grab her and then he slipped and fell down the stairs. His ankle swelled really badly, but he did not break it. It was a really bad sprain though. He had to hop around on crutches for about a week.

  I haven’t heard from you in a long time and I was just so sorry and sad that you could not come home for Christmas. You will be home soon though. Just do the best you can and be a good girl and do as you are told and you’ll be fine.

  Write back soon and let me know how you are.

  Your Mother,

  Emily

  Well, I’ll have to think of something to say, because right now, I don’t know what to write about. Funny that she doesn’t say anything about my glasses that I told her about in my last letter. Maybe they never even mailed it.

  I have to do my homework before the supper bell rings.

  Saturday, January 28

  I should write back to my mother, but I can’t think of anything to say.

  Sunday, January 29

  We went to the Chapel again this morning and I really belted out some hymns this morning and I didn’t care who heard me. I felt such a shock hit the top of my head during the chorus and the shock travelled clear down to my toes. The girls beside me turned and smiled at me and they sang louder too! That was a lot of fun!

  In between the hymns, we sit and listen to the Principal talking. Actually, I was thinking about Flint Lake and the Indian Day School there. The government built the schools so that the kids didn’t have to be sent to Residential School until they reach Grade 5. There was no instruction on Church and the Bible. The teachers were hired by Indian Affairs. There were no religious topics at the Reserve school either, that I can remember. So I don’t know very much about what the words mean in the hymns. Or the prayers we have to say.

  Tuesday, January 31

  I decided to write back to Mother. I don’t have any homework today.

  January 31, 1967

  Dear Mother,

  Another month is gone. Soon it will be spring and then summer.

  I really enjoy the art classes at school. We did something called a papier mâché and we pasted pieces of paper soaked in glue with different colours and different writing on it, and we made animals and things with it. It was fun but mucky. Sometimes we get to draw anything we like. I decided to draw a black dog called Blackie from Flint Lake. I am writing a story about him and I am making the book cover for it. I had to do it over and over again though. I did not know it was so hard to sketch a dog’s face. The first one looked really scary! It looked like a big human face with lots of hair on it and its ears really looked like horns. I asked Teacher how I could go about drawing a dog’s face. He told me to try the eyes and nose first. It still looked like a scary face. So, I decided to draw it from sideways. Now I have a good snout and his head and ears look good. He looks like a dog, but then I ran into trouble with the eye. The first eye I drew looked like a big human eye glued to the side of his head! I’ll figure it out. If I could find a picture of a dog with his head sideways, then I can just work from that.

  Sorry about going on about Blackie. I am doing f
ine and working hard at school. I look forward to the television shows that we get to watch in the evenings.

  Say hello to Eliza, Lyndon and Izzy for me.

  Write again soon.

  Your daughter,

  Violet

  February 1967

  Thursday, February 2

  Today is Groundhog Day. I decided to ask my English teacher what that meant.

  Now this is really very puzzling to me. What’s a groundhog doing telling people if it is going to be springtime now or later? Stupid people! Poor groundhog probably doesn’t even know what’s going on. He should be sleeping.

  I am back on duty polishing the wax on the dorm floor again and sweeping up the dining room after meals.

  Thursday, February 9

  After school, I was running up the stairs and one of the girls tripped me. I fell down onto the landing and my papers went flying just as Miss Tanner was coming out of the dorm. I almost panicked when I saw my diaries slide out of my story, but she was busy looking at the girl who had tripped me and I had time to grab them and slip them into my notebooks. Miss Tanner didn’t even look at me or say anything, except to crook a finger at the girl and they went off to the office. That was too close!!!