Dear Canada: These Are My Words

by Ruby Slipperjack

  We had to walk in the blizzard all the way to school this morning. It was cold! The snow stopped by the time school was over, but there were very high snowdrifts. I ran most of the way back. I passed the boys from the Residential School and they did not like me running by them, so they ran with me all the way back. I laughed when a boy ran right beside me for quite a while with a big grin on his face. We soon left the others behind us. He kept glancing at me. I think his name is David. He’s one of the Cree boys. He is on sweeping duty in the dining room too, on the boys’ side after meals.

  Saturday, February 11

  Miss Lewis is gone. I guess she got the Nurse’s job that she had applied for. I miss her.

  We have a new weekend Supervisor named Miss Scott. She has short blond curly hair and bright blue eyes. Some of the other girls knew her from last year and they were very quiet when she came in. She seems nice. She told us new girls that she was here last year, but got another weekend job in the fall, so she is back with us for the winter term.

  At least this one smiles. Miss Tanner still never smiles and never says very much.

  Oh, she would get mad if she saw this entry! I could honestly get caught one day.

  Sunday, February 12

  We went to the Chapel again this morning and this time almost half of the girls were singing! We were all singing at the top of our voices, especially at the chorus! I wish they would let us choose some of the hymns ourselves. Some of them are pretty boring, but there are some that are really nice to sing together to.

  Monday, February 13

  David and I raced home again today. We left everyone behind again! That was really nice. I don’t see him sweep the dining-room floor anymore. He must be doing some other chore. I don’t ever talk to him. We just run. When we get here he runs on to the boys’ door and I run to ours.

  Tuesday, February 14

  Today is Valentine’s Day.

  We got to make Valentine’s cards at school and it was rather embarrassing. One of the white boys in the class put one on my desk with his name on it. I got very shy and couldn’t think of a thing to say. I made a pretty one for Grandma. I’ll send it to her the next time I write. I’ll see if they mail it.

  Wednesday, February 15

  I got a letter from Mother this afternoon.

  February 6, 1967

  Dear Violet,

  I just had to write a letter to tell you that Izzy killed a moose on Friday afternoon. We decided to go and camp for the weekend where he had killed it and we roasted and dried the meat over an open fire. The couple next door came with us and we really had a lot of fun.

  We set up two canvas tents face to face and built a tarp over the top of both tents so that it formed a porch. There’s a small wood stove in each tent and we piled the split wood in the makeshift porch. That’s where we stacked the sheets of dried moose meat after we had cooked and smoked it. Your brother and sister had a lot of fun. We ate and laughed as we worked.

  Your brother has a puppy that he will train as a hunting dog. He is a male and is black and white and he is about five months old. He kept everyone laughing with all his tricks.

  Lyndon is very happy in the bush. He will make a good hunter and trapper when he grows up, which is all he has ever wanted to do.

  Eliza is also very happy. She is growing very fast and she was a big help keeping the fire going and getting more spruce branches for us to sit on while we worked around the fire with the meat.

  Now, it is back to work and I am sending this letter out in the afternoon mail flight. I hope all is well with you. Take care of yourself and write back soon.

  Your Mother,

  Emily

  I am glad someone is having fun. I don’t know what to feel about this. I am happy they had fun. I don’t know what I should say when I answer this letter.

  I guess I’ll think of something. The supper bell is going to ring soon.

  Thursday, February 16

  I decided to try to send Grandma the Valentine’s card I made. I don’t know if they’ll send it. I didn’t have time to write anything yesterday. We had to stand in line for a very long time before supper. Finally, Miss Tanner allowed us to sit on the floor while she went into the kitchen. We could hear the boys’ Supervisor laughing hard at something. Miss Tanner came back with her straight face and didn’t say anything. Finally, we were told to stand up again and we said our prayer before going into the dining room. We never found out what the problem was. Some of the girls were joking that maybe the cook fell asleep and had to start cooking our supper just when the supper bell rang!

  I still don’t know how to answer Mother’s letter.

  I decided to write to Grandma instead and I dated it from Tuesday when it was actually Valentine’s Day.

  February 14, 1967

  Insy Pimash

  Flint Lake, Ontario

  Dear Grandma,

  I had a really nice day today. We made Valentine’s cards in Art class today and I decided to make you one. There is a white boy in class who is always very nice to me. He would hand over a pencil if I couldn’t find mine, or he would tell me the page number that the teacher was talking about in the textbook if I missed it. That really helps. It makes me feel like I am not so very alone. So, when we finished with the Valentine’s cards, I had made this one for you and the boy came over and put the one he had made on my desk! I didn’t know what to do, so I just whispered “thanks.” It seems people exchange cards with big hearts and love signs here on Valentine’s Day. I don’t know what “Valentine” actually means — don’t know who or what it is — could be a person or a fairy. I suppose, Valentine could also be a guy like Cupid.

  Anyway, hope things are going all right with you. Is the weather beginning to warm up yet? I have been seeing birds that are much too early for spring here, but trees and birds are all different here. I am keeping my spirits up and doing the best I can to find things to do that make me happy. I have picked up my story about Blackie again. I didn’t know it was going to be so hard when I first thought up that project!

  I got a letter from Mother about Izzy killing a moose and how much fun they had camping out in the snow to work on the meat. I am still thinking about how I should answer that letter. I don’t know anything about that stuff. The last time Izzy killed a moose when I was there, he just got some other guys in the community to go with him to get the meat and he brought a chunk home. I guess I’ll think of something.

  Write again soon, Grandma. I really miss you.

  Love,

  Pynut

  Friday, February 17

  I’ve decided to write down the names of things so I don’t forget them. That way, I can read them before I write down the things for my diary. Grandma will think it’s funny.

  I had a nightmare where I saw Grandma and I couldn’t remember any Anishinabe words to tell her what I wanted to say. It was like I had no mouth, and she would just look at me and wait to hear what I have to say and I struggle to say something. I was crying when I woke up. I think it’s because sometimes I can’t remember what a thing is called in Anishinabe when I see it.

  robin — opichina

  aandeg — crow

  papaasae — red-headed woodpecker

  kwikwishi — Canada jay

  I am not sure if there is a proper spelling for these names, so I am putting them down what they sound like.

  mooningwanae — flicker (I had to look up what this bird is called in English at the King George School library)

  goose — nika

  loon — maang

  mallard — aninishib

  owl — kookooko’oo

  grouse — pinae

  seagull — kuyaashk

  Oops, the supper bell just rang.

  Saturday, February 18

  I saw David sweeping the boys’ side of the dining room this morning. He smiled at me as I was sweeping the girls’ side. Then he pushed his pile of dust onto my side just as I saw the boys’ Supervisor come around the cor
ner behind him. He saw David and he yelled at him to pick up his own dust. I giggled. David got caught!

  Sunday, February 19

  We just went to the Chapel today and are doing nothing much again today.

  We had another really nice singalong with one hymn, but the rest were really sad and boring. I don’t understand why the Principal thinks he has to talk on and on about nothing really. Most of the time I tune out, as I have no idea what he is talking about.

  Emma has not visited me in a while. I have no idea what she’s doing.

  I’m feeling really bad. I’m having really bad dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was running in the bush, trying to get home, but didn’t know which way to go and something was chasing me. I can’t really think clear or concentrate on homework or I find myself looking outside the window at school when the teacher is talking. I just want to go home!!!

  I started imagining today that if I got an early start one day, I could probably walk to the train station and use the few dollars that I have managed to save, and maybe I could get away. But I know I don’t have enough money even to get me to the next town.

  I just cry myself to sleep. There is nothing else to do.

  Monday, February 20

  At lunchtime on my way home, a shadow fell over me and I looked up and it was an owl! I’ve never seen an owl flying around during the day. It flew right over me and landed on a tree above me. It was still up there when I walked by. That was very strange. I have to remember to ask Grandma about it. Why would an owl do that?

  Tuesday, February 21

  I got another letter from Mother when we got home after school.

  February 14, 1967

  Dear Violet,

  How are you today? I am sending you five dollars so that you can spend it on something you like. We are all doing all right here. Your brother and sister are fine and Izzy is doing okay too. We all went ice fishing last Saturday and Izzy got the biggest trout that I have ever seen! It was huge! People at the Band Office were taking pictures of it when Izzy stopped by there on the way home. I think he was just showing off, and we ended up giving half of it to the family next door because they happened to be there too. Since they saw the fish, we had to share it with them. Here I was thinking we could get more than three meals out of it. It serves me right for not thinking of sharing it in the first place.

  I talked to Grandma yesterday. I called the store there to get a message to Grandma but she happened to be at the store and I got to talk to her right away. She doesn’t like to use the phone herself to call me, because she has to crank the handle and talk to the dispatcher and then has to talk to someone else at the Band Office before she can talk to me, if I happen to be busy and not the first person to pick up the phone.

  She said that you were probably feeling really sad about not being able to come home at Christmas, so I decided to write again and send you some money to buy your favourite chocolate or the toffee you like. Please cheer up and not feel too low. Find something that interests you. How are you doing on that Blackie book? Keep yourself busy. Work hard and remember that you will come home for the summer.

  Write soon.

  Your Mother,

  Emily

  Wednesday, February 22

  snowing hard — kichi-soogepoon

  very windy — kichinoodin

  window — wasachigun

  squirrel — achitamoo

  beaver — amik

  lynx — pishiew

  porcupine — kaag

  Thursday, February 23

  I got a cotton kerchief for a dollar at Kresge’s yesterday from the money Mother sent.

  I was sitting on my bed just before supper and I began rolling the cloth into a frog, the way that Grandma showed me. That one was easy. I undid it and began rolling a rabbit, but I almost forgot how to roll the cloth so that the ears popped up. I was working on a partridge, to get the wings to come out properly, when one of the older girls walked by my bed. She immediately grabbed the cloth and whispered, “What is the matter with you!” and flattened out my kerchief and threw it at me. “What?” I said. She glared at me and whispered back, “It’s from home — not allowed!!”

  I really hate this place.

  Friday, February 24

  wolverine — kwingoaagae

  wolf — ma-ingan

  rabbit — wabooze

  moose — mooz

  fisher — ojiig

  muskrat — washushk

  Saturday, February 25

  We were coming up the stairs after lunch and I saw Miss Scott at my locker. She had the door open and she had my papers in her hand. I almost had a heart attack! I saw that she had my Blackie story book where I keep my diaries inside. A shock went through me and I rushed forward and I smiled at her and said, “Oh, you’ve found my story! Here, let me show you the drawing I am doing that’s going to be the cover.” She smiled and handed me the papers and I pulled out my drawings and we laughed when I showed her my first attempts at the dog face. Then, she moved on to the next one.

  Phew! That was too close! I am still shaking.

  Sunday, February 26

  I had better answer Mother’s letter.

  February 26, 1967

  Dear Mother,

  Thank you for your letter. I’m glad you guys had fun camping in the snow. That roasted meat over the fire would have tasted good. I can’t wait to see Lyndon’s doggie. You never said what his name is. Thank you for your second letter and the money. I bought a kerchief with it. It’s beige with little pink flowers on it. It’s really pretty.

  I’m working hard at school and learning a lot about the English language. I am not saying that I truly understand it yet, but I guess I will, in time.

  It has been very cold here with a lot of blowing snow.

  We went to the Chapel for Sunday service this morning and I realized that I was singing along to the hymns. I must have learned them when I wasn’t paying attention! I like us singing all together in the Chapel. I’ve never done that before.

  I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer. Spring will be here soon.

  Write again soon.

  Your daughter,

  Violet

  Tuesday, February 28

  marten — wabisheshi

  fox — wagoosh

  mink — shangueshi (This is the same word for a quarter — 25¢. I wonder why this is the only coin that actually has a name. The others do not. I’ll have to remember to ask Grandma. Maybe that was all a mink pelt was worth when the coins came along.)

  skunk — shigaag

  weasel — shingoos

  March 1967

  Thursday, March 2

  I am still struggling with “parts of speech.” I still think the English language is a long, complicated mix of nouns, verbs, adjectives, blah, blah, blah! #!%*&@

  I keep getting very frustrated, then I get angry. I can’t take much more of this. I want to go home! I had another crying fit last night. I woke up from a nightmare. I dreamed that Grandma was calling, but there was so much bush that I could not find her. I was running around searching and calling and I kept hearing her calling me, but I could not find her!

  I had a hard time going back to sleep.

  I am also having trouble remembering the names of the types of snow in Anishinabe, since I have to write it down in English.

  Snow is koon.

  It is snowing is sookpoon.

  Deep snow is ishpagoonaga.

  I can’t remember what sleet is called??? I’ve been thinking about that since last week.

  I can’t remember icicle either! Now, I just feel like crying!

  I don’t hear anyone even whispering the Anishinabe or Cree language, ever since the fall night of the girl saying the Lord’s Prayer. I tried asking one of the girls to whisper the word for “icicle” to me but she just glared at me and walked away.

  Friday, March 3

  I’ve been practising writing with my left hand. I was born left-handed but the teachers at
home used to hit my left hand with a ruler if they caught me writing with it. So I had to learn to write with my right hand. Since then, I have been writing with my right hand. So now I’m going to write with my left hand in my diary.

  Saturday, March 4

  I was really feeling sad last night and found that I was running my hand through my hair like Grandma used to do when I would sleep beside her as a little girl. She used to say “You’re a good girl” over and over again until I fell asleep. I began to relax and it helped me go to sleep, imagining Grandma saying that over and over.

  Sunday, March 5

  I am getting pretty good writing with my left hand in just three days. It came back pretty fast. Like learning to walk. I can’t tell the difference between my left and right hand now. I hold the paper a bit crooked to keep my letters straight though.

  Wednesday, March 8

  trout — namegos

  sturgeon — nama

  pickerel — oganse

  whitefish — atikameg

  sucker — namebin

  pike — kinoozhe

  I got upset today at a white girl at school. She called me a name that I didn’t really understand. I knew it was bad, but I did not react and just turned around and walked away. I find that when I stroke my hair from my forehead and run my hand through my hair and repeat “You’re a good girl,” over and over, it really helps. Then I go to sleep.

  Friday, March 10