Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)

by Jones,Lesley

  I tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and realised that neither of us were talking. Without breaking our stare, I moved my mouth towards hers until our lips touched.

  At first, I kissed her. No tongues, just our lips pressed together as I moved my mouth against hers slightly. When I licked along her bottom lip, though, her hands moved to my head, her fingers raked though my hair, and she moved her lips, opening her mouth wider.

  Our kiss became more forceful, our tongues duelling back and forth, hers in my mouth, mine in hers.

  And then she moaned, and I lost every shred of control I’d been holding on to since I’d first laid eyes on her.

  I was thirty years old and had gone my whole life without feeling anything like this. Within the space of twenty-four hours, this girl had rocked my world.

  I lifted her so she was straddling me, but to do that, I had to slide the skin-tight skirt she was wearing up to her arse. That was when I called on the Gods of restraint and every gentlemanly manner I’d been born with. I thought of my mum, my sisters, and even my three-year-old nieces. I thought of all the ways I would disappoint them if I did all the things that I wanted to, because at that moment, I’d just realised that Sarah Carter was wearing those stockings that have the lace at the top and stay up by themselves.

  “Fuck me,” I groaned into her mouth. Well I had to have some outlet for what I was feeling.

  I slid my hands over the silky fabric covering her calves and thighs, not stopping until my thumbs brushed over that bare area of flesh at the very top. I expected to feel the line of fabric where her knickers started, only she wasn’t wearing knickers. She was wearing a thong and it was her bare arse that my fingertips made contact with.

  “Fuck me,” I hissed again, wishing I had come up with something more original. She ground herself down hard on my cock as her fingernails dug into my scalp and raked over the back of my neck.

  I spread my fingers over her hips and pushed her down harder into my lap, pressing up to meet her heat that was covering me. I wanted to touch her so badly. I wanted to slide her thong to the side and swipe my fingers against her, to where I just knew that she’d be wet. I knew once I did, I’d want more—everything. All of her.

  Moving my hands away from what tempted me, I held on to both sides of her face and kissed her with everything I had. I focused solely on that kiss as she pushed and circled her hot pussy against me. I kissed her until my head swam, stars exploded marring my vision, and my lungs barely functioned. I kissed her until I was absolutely sure, dead-set certain that she understood every word that kiss had to say. I kissed her until there was no doubt, not one shred, that I’d just given and received the best fucking kiss of my life. I kissed her until her eyes opened and looked into mine. I knew . . . I knew that no one but me would ever kiss her that way again.

  It terrified me.

  I was mortified by my behaviour at dinner. That was another reason I avoided alcohol, it turned me into an emotional mess. I overreacted to his comments. Any other woman would’ve been flattered, but me? I threw a hissy fit and stormed off outside. As soon as the cold air hit my face, sobriety kicked in, and I knew I’d fucked up. Liam hadn’t meant anything offensive, and up until that point, I had thought he was the best date I’d ever had. We’d talked about everything and nothing at all nonstop. He’d flirted mercilessly, and I’d enjoyed every second of it. And then the two Cosmos I’d had earlier in the wine bar next door to the restaurant and the wine I’d had at dinner hit me, and my brain just went into melt down, looking for things in what he was saying that weren’t there. Turning his flirting into something darker.

  All I had heard was that he’d been talking to Luke and I came up. My mind went straight to the notion that my brother had been telling him about her, about our mother. I assumed he thought I was just like her. I got angry, lashed out at Liam, and the whole night could’ve gone to shit.

  Except it didn’t, Liam calmed me down, brought me back to his hotel room, and bought me hot chocolate and Hob Nobs. Despite all the protests going on in my head that I was nothing like my mother, there I was, on his bed with my skirt up around my waist rubbing myself over his magnificent hard-on.

  His kisses alone were orgasmic. Never in my life had I been kissed the way he kissed me, and I knew for sure that I’d never returned a kiss with so much want, need, and passion.

  I felt his fingers tug at the zip on my blouse. It only went halfway down my back, but the front had a fairly low sweetheart neckline. Once he unzipped me, the shoulders would slide off and he would see my boobs spilling out of my balconette bra.

  I used all the will I could muster and broke our kiss.

  “Liam,” I whispered, impressed by how sexy my voice sounded. It carried a rasp caused by my crying, combined with the desirous need I had coursing through me.

  “I know. I know, pretty girl, but fuck me, you are just so gorgeous.”

  “I want to. I really do . . .”

  “But?”

  “You’re my brother’s boss, or business partner, or whatever. This is our first date. I don’t do this. I’m not that kind of girl. Believe me, right now, I really wish I were, but I can’t change who I am.”

  “I understand. I really do.”

  He didn’t. He was a man with a hard-on and absolutely no clue why I’d stopped things when I did. Even then, he didn’t push me, didn’t ask for just a bit more, and I liked that. My head and my heart both liked that a lot. My vagina on the other hand was still undecided.

  We sat in silence for a few seconds with our foreheads pressed together.

  “I’m being fair dinkum when I say that I’ve never had such an intense reaction to a woman, Sarah.”

  “I have no clue what that even means, but I hope it’s something good.”

  I knew without even opening my eyes that he was smiling.

  “‘Fair dinkum’ means straight up. I’m being straight up, I’m not bullshitting. I’d really like to see you again.”

  My chest felt tight as I drew in a long breath.

  “What about my brother?”

  “What about him? You’re a grown woman, surely he must realise you go out on dates occasionally and that there are men in your life.”

  I shrugged my shoulders and moved to climb off his lap, but he held on to my hips and stopped me.

  “Hey, we’re both grown-ups here. Talk to me?”

  I felt my cheeks heat. I didn’t want to admit to my lack of experience with men to him on our very first date.

  “I’ve never really introduced anyone I dated to my brother. I didn’t really . . .” My face felt like it was on fire as I sat still straddling his lap. He looked right at me, waiting for me to continue.

  “I didn’t go out with many boys when I was younger, and then Luke left and went travelling, so he’s never really been around to see me dating anyone. Anyway, that’s not really the issue. I’m more worried about what your working relationship will be like once he knows you’ve taken me out.”

  “Taking you out, not taken. I don’t want this to be a one-time thing. I’d really like to see you again and see where this goes. I hear where you’re coming from, though.” He tilted his head to one side and looked all over my face.

  “What if we just keep this quiet for now and see how things go?”

  And that was exactly what we did. For the next four weeks, we crept around behind my brother’s back. I hadn’t stayed the night with him in his motel room that night, instead he’d called a taxi and rode home with me, delivering me safely to my door before going back to his room alone. The next day, Liam moved in with my brother, and his days were spent with Luke, organising their new business. They’d found office space right by the train station on the edge of town, and were busy setting up computers and hiring staff.

  In the evenings, we went to art exhibitions in the city, the theatre, and the cinema. We went to open mic nights in a pub across town, and we even went ice skating. We went anywhere we didn’t think we�
��d be seen. We talked constantly, telling stories, sharing memories. He was easy to talk to, he never pushed when I decided I’d given up enough information and became quiet. He just moved the conversation along to a different subject. I had a feeling he knew a little about how my mother died, but I never offered him the whole story, and he never asked.

  We never talked about Luke. We knew keeping what was going on between us from him was wrong, but we both needed a little bit of time to work things out. It was as if we had a silent agreement that there was no point in talking to my brother until we were sure we had something to talk about.

  It hadn’t taken me more than a few days to reach a conclusion.

  Since meeting him, I’d permanently suffered from a serious case of bats in my belly, and I jumped each and every time my phoned buzzed with a text or rang with a call. I couldn’t eat and was sleeping badly. I’d even gone as far as seeing my doctor and going on the pill for the first time in my life. This new influx of hormones was also wreaking havoc with, well everything really. I felt a little overwhelmed and anxious. Apart from Darren the stoner, I’d never been in a relationship. Liam was a thirty year old man with wants and needs, and I was feeling totally out of my depth.

  Sasha found my nervousness hilarious and constantly told me I had it bad, which only added to my anxiety. I was both terrified and excited to even consider the possibility that maybe she was right.

  We’d managed to avoid being together in my brother’s company too often, but I knew we couldn’t keep that up much longer. I was desperately waiting for Liam to suggest we come clean, but he hadn’t mentioned it, and I constantly fought an internal battle of not letting my insecurities get the better of me.

  We’d spent a few nights cosying up at my place, but we knew we were running the risk of being caught by either Will or Luke, who randomly dropped in. It was one Friday night almost a month into our relationship when we finally knew that we would have the place to ourselves. In fact, we didn’t have to worry about Luke or Will for the entire weekend since they had gone to Manchester to watch their beloved Arsenal play football. Tickets were in high demand and because Liam wasn’t a member, they hadn’t been able to get him one.

  Sasha had offered to go and visit her parents for a couple of nights, which meant we would be totally alone. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about it. Terrified mainly.

  I held the door open and he stepped inside. Without a word, he kissed me.

  He had a bottle of wine in one hand and a Chinese takeaway in the other. With only his mouth pressed against mine, he walked me backwards and pushed himself against me once I’d hit the wall of my hallway.

  His chest squashed my boobs, his dick was already hard and grinding against my belly, and I felt intoxicated as I breathed in his scent.

  He broke our kiss first and raked his teeth along my jaw all the way to my ear.

  “Fuck I’ve missed you.” His words forced his hot breath into my ear and over my neck.

  “Really? I would never have guessed. I thought that was just a spring roll you had hiding in your jeans”

  I smiled as I spoke against his mouth, which was back on mine,

  “Oh, I’ve got something much bigger and better hiding in my jeans for you, pretty girl. Something so much bigger and better, but first, I need to feed you and fill you with wine.”

  He turned away and headed towards the kitchen.

  We were alone. We would be alone for the entire night. Would he expect sex? Did he want sex? Of course he wanted sex, he was a bloke. Did he want sex with me, though? What if he didn’t? Since that first date when I’d almost come all over his lap, he’d barely touched me. But his kisses, oh, fuck me, his kisses. They turned me into a puddle of lust, want, and need. I was to the stage that I could no longer pull away. If he kissed me the way he just had again tonight, I would undoubtedly give in to my baser needs and ride him like Woody rode Bullseye.

  Ronaldo and Adam had been working overtime of late, because I’d been horny pretty much every day since meeting Liam. All of this had me worried my true nature was about to make an appearance and the whoring ways I’d undoubtedly inherited from my mother would be revealed.

  We loaded up our plates and carried them to the sofa. Liam filled me in on his day as we sat in opposite corners so that we could eat comfortably and still look at each other.

  “You not hungry? I got the right thing, didn’t I?” he asked me as I set my half eaten plateful of food down onto the coffee table.

  “Yeah, it was lovely, thank you. I’m just full.”

  “You sure?” He didn’t look all that convinced.

  I was as nervous as fuck, but I wasn’t gonna let him know that so I gave him my best smile. “I’m positive, my belly just does strange things when I’m around you and food—anything really, is hard to eat or concentrate on—” I was rambling. Talking nonsense.

  Yeah, great job of not telling him I was nervous. I picked up my glass and gulped down my wine, sat back, and watched him eat.

  “Walk The Line’s on pay per view, you wanna watch it?” I’d felt like a pervy stalker sitting in silence and watching him eat, so I mentioned the film instead.

  “That’s the country singer bloke, right?” He set his plate down on the coffee table as he asked.

  “Johnny Cash, yeah. He’s my grandad’s favourite. I grew up listening to his music.”

  “I’d like to meet him one day.”

  “Johnny Cash? You can’t, he died a few years ago.”

  He shook his head and smiled. “Your grandad. I’d like to meet your grandad and your nan.”

  Why did him admitting that he wanted to meet my grandparents suddenly make it hard to breathe?

  I opened and closed my mouth a few times, before saying, “They’d like that.”

  “Why you all the way over there?”

  I looked down at the space between us.

  “C’mere.” He held open his arms and gestured with his head for me to come to him.

  I crawled along the sofa and onto his lap. He adjusted us both until he was sitting with his back wedged into the corner of the sofa and I was sitting betting his stretched out legs, my back against his front.

  He wrapped his arms around my middle and said into my ear, “I can hear your brain ticking from here. Stop overthinking everything, put on the film, and drink your wine.”

  For a little while, I relaxed back against him and did exactly that, but by the time I was on my third glass, my mind was nothing but constant whirl of self-doubt and loathing.

  “Sarah?” I jumped and almost spilt my wine when Liam said my name.

  “Where’d you go, pretty girl? You doing okay?”

  I swallowed back tears at the concern in his voice. My period was due next week and I wasn’t sure if it was that, the effects of the artificial hormones from the pill coursing through my system, or all the sneaking around behind my brother’s back that had turned me into an emotional mess these past few days, but either way, I felt overly emotional, and it was messing with my head.

  “Just been a long week, all this deceit is wearing me out. Luke’s always been there for me, lying to him is hard.”

  Once again the communication between my brain and mouth was sadly lacking, and I jumped up and started clearing our plates to hide my embarrassment. I didn’t want him to feel pressured into telling my brother about us. I wanted him to do it when and if he wanted to. After all, he had a whole lot more to lose than I did. I’d just have a pissed off Luke to deal with, whereas Liam could possibly lose part of his livelihood and the new business venture he just moved to the other side of the world to help set up and establish.

  Liam followed me to the kitchen, and after I rinsed the plates and cutlery, I handed them to him to stack in the dishwasher. I hadn’t asked him to. He’d just opened the door and waited for me to pass him the plates. It was a simple domestic scene re-enacted between millions of couples around the world every day, but it was a first for us, and the hope and
yearning for more simple scenes of domesticity between us in the future caused an ache in my chest.

  Liam’s arms slid around my waist as I stood with my back to him and dried my hands at the sink. I’d imagined a man doing this to me since I started reading Nan’s Mills and Boon romance novels when I was about twelve. I’d so desperately wanted to grow up and have a “normal” life. A hard-working husband who loved and adored me. A spotlessly clean house. Two perfect children—a boy who looked like his dad and a girl who maybe resembled me in some small way. My husband would call out, “Honey, I’m home,” when he came through the door each night, and I’d call out, “In here.” He’d walk into the kitchen and find me at the sink, wrap his arms around my waist from behind, kiss my neck, and whisper into my ear . . .

  “Fuck, you smell delicious.”

  Never did I imagine the dream man of my pre-teen fantasies would be a six-foot-tall, blue-eyed Aussie, but if that was what life had planned for me, then I’d take it. I just hoped that I was something along the lines of what he’d been dreaming of.

  I was wearing a two sizes two big sweatshirt that hung off one shoulder, and Liam ran his nose from the curve of my neck up to the back of my ear, inhaling deeply the whole way.

  “You have the softest skin, and I love the way it responds to my touch. I love the way it flushes and goose bumps spread out from wherever I make contact.”

  He retraced his movements, except this time he scraped his teeth over my flesh, pulling the tiniest of moans from somewhere inside me. I tilted my neck more to the side, giving him better access. I felt dizzy and lightheaded, almost as if I were floating. It was a sensation I’d experienced almost every time he’d kissed me those previous few weeks, and I’d finally worked out it was desire that I was feeling. At twenty-two years of age, I at last knew how it felt to want a man.

  Liam moved his hips, pressing himself against me. I closed my eyes and waited for what would come next.

  “Babe, we need to talk.”

  That wasn’t what I was expecting, and a pain shot through my temple as the blood pumping through my veins turned to ice.