Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)

by Jones,Lesley

  “I can’t stand this anymore.”

  I held my breath and placed my hand over the spot where it felt like my heart had stilled and was just hanging in my chest, expectantly waiting for the words that would either crush or revive it.

  “I hate not having any privacy. I’m a thirty-year-old bloke. My days of pashing in a car are behind me.”

  He turned me around so I was facing him and looked at me, but I was too afraid to meet his gaze. I knew that if I turned my eyes to his, he’d see the disappointment and so much more that I couldn’t hide.

  “I’ve spent a bit of time looking at properties this week. Prices in this area are the lowest they’ve been all year.”

  My heart slowly restarted and began to pick up its normal rhythm as he lifted my chin and held it between his index finger and thumb, forcing my eyes to meet his.

  “I know these past few weeks have been intense and that tomorrow’s your day off, but I was wondering if you’d come with me and have a look at a few places?”

  My heart was now galloping behind my ribcage and I could hear my own blood whoosh through my ears. I opened and closed my mouth a few times before finally responding with a barely audible, “Yeah, sure.”

  ***

  Liam had done his research. Prices were pretty reasonable in our area and had in fact fallen considerably since the start of the year. With it now being November and with very few people looking, it was a buyer’s market. Despite him telling me he’d viewed mainly brand new apartments, it was a house that Liam took me to see. It had been repossessed by the bank and was going for a bargain. It was a beautiful, old detached house in one of the best parts of town. It had been built in nineteen twenty-six and had huge bay windows both upstairs and down on either side of the front door. There was a sweeping in-and-out drive, and a huge garden out the back. The house was situated at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac lined with mature chestnut trees. It was a quiet and peaceful location.

  I fell in love with it as soon as we pulled into the drive on that freezing cold Saturday morning. Because the place was empty, the agent had given Liam the key so we could have a wander around by ourselves. The front door sat inside a recess and was arched to match the entryway. The hallway was wide, with double doors going off to each side and a gorgeous staircase at the end. The doors to the left opened into a huge living area with a real fireplace, and there were bifold doors that opened to what I assumed could be used as a dining area. It was open plan so the dining area led straight into the kitchen, which had a large island for people to eat at. The kitchen led through to a large laundry room, a downstairs bathroom, a study, and another large living space. Upstairs there were four bedrooms and a full bathroom, the master bedroom had a full en suite and at the end of the landing was a separate toilet and shower room. It was huge, way too big for what Liam needed.

  “It’s mohasive,” I told him.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “You’ll have to give me a clue on that one, coz I’m stumped.”

  We had spent the past few weeks teaching each other English and Aussie colloquialisms and slang. I was getting pretty good with the Aussie phrases, basically, all I had to do was shorten a word and add an “O” to the end. Ambulance was an ambo, Steve became Stevo, the petrol station, which in Australia were called service stations, became the servo, and this afternoon became this arvo.

  English slang was proving to be a bit more difficult for Liam to grasp, simply because there was so much of it. He’d learned some from working with my brother but would usually just shake his head and say “stumped” when he had no idea what I was saying.

  “It’s big,” I explained.

  “Why thank you, Ms Carter, but you really have no idea.” He wiggled his eyebrows whilst stalking towards me, looking at me as if I were his prey, which rightly or wrongly, turned me the fuck on.

  I’d quickly come to terms with the fact that wanting him the way I did was normal. We’d spent a month controlling ourselves, sometimes him better than me, but we were both now ready to take things further.

  We’d seen each other a grand total of twenty times and had agreed last night that we needed to come clean and make things official between us, which meant telling my brother. Sasha was the only person that knew so far, although I had a feeling that Will was getting suspicious that I was seeing someone. He’d called and asked me out for a drink three times in the last two weeks, and each time I’d either already been out with Liam or had made plans to see him.

  I wouldn’t have gone, even if I hadn’t had plans. What Liam had said about Will liking me as more than a friend had been playing over and over in my head, and it bothered me. I loved Will in exactly the same way as I loved Luke. I’d not thought of him in any other way since I’d gotten over my childhood crush on him years ago. Now with Liam on the scene, I doubted I ever had real feelings for Will. I didn’t want to hurt him, though, so I just kept my distance.

  “Well?” Liam asked looking down at me. He gripped my arse cheeks, pulling me into him as he ground his ever-present and always growing erection against me.

  I needed sex. I wanted to experience sex with someone that I actually had feelings for. I wanted to take the level of intimacy we were sharing that one step further.

  “Sarah?”

  “What?”

  He frowned and shook his head in obvious frustration at my lack of ability to keep up with the conversation.

  “What are your thoughts?”

  “It’s hard.”

  “Sarah, I’m around you, of course it’s fucking hard. I was asking what you thought of this place, not for confirmation on the state of my dick.”

  “Sorry, I was distracted.”

  “By my dick, baby? By my rock hard dick?” He was talking in his deepest, best porn star voice, and I couldn’t help but smile.

  “That voice is doing nothing for me, and I think we may have gone totally off topic here.”

  “What voice, baby? This voice? Oh yeah, tell me, baby girl. Tell daddy what you want.”

  I shook my head.

  “Sex will never happen between us, and by ‘never’ I mean never ever, if you continue with that voice.”

  “No? Not doing it for you?”

  “No. Not on any level.”

  “What about role play? You be the estate agent, and I’ll be the horny home buyer?”

  “No.”

  “I’ll be the builder; you can be the desperate housewife?”

  I raised my eyebrows and looked at him, all the while trying not to smile.

  “The plumber? I’ve come to plug your leak, darl’.”

  My lips twitched, but he kept a perfectly straight face.

  “The postman? Special delivery, a huge package for Sarah.”

  “Liam?”

  “Sarah?”

  I sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments.

  “Why are we looking at a house big enough for a family with nine children, three dogs, two gerbils, and a cat to live in?”

  He stopped grinding against me and was quiet for a moment before taking a step back.

  “Come with me.” He took my hand and led me down the stairs and back into the kitchen. It had cream cupboards and beech wood worktops. There was a large green aga style oven and a butler sink. Whomever had decorated it had gone for a farmhouse look, which probably looked great ten years ago.

  “What would you do with this space?” He stepped away from me, looked around, and gestured with both arms that he meant the whole area.

  “I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

  “This area here, the kitchen. Would you leave it as is, or would you modernise, bring it up to date?”

  “Modernise.”

  “How?”

  I looked around. The layout was perfect, apart from the décor, the whole house was perfect.

  “Well, I wouldn’t change the layout since the flow is perfect. I love the fact that you can close that front l
iving area off with the bifold doors and that you have those big double doors that lead to the garden. I’d be inclined to pull up the carpet and have hardwood all the way through, put a new kitchen in, something nice and neutral, and add a glass splashback and stainless steel appliances.”

  I shrugged my shoulders and pursed my lips together, suddenly feeling shy. I’d gone through a stage a few years back where I was obsessed with home and lifestyle magazines. Planning and designing what my dream house would look like, if I were to ever meet my dream man, who would eventually become my dream, neck-kissing husband. That dream had ended, been snuffed out by reality, taking my obsession with it. I was under no illusion that I would ever get to live in one of the houses I had dreamt up.

  “Sounds perfect. Wanna help me do it?”

  “Wha? You mean you actually wanna buy a house this size? You’re a single bloke, why would you wanna rattle around in a place this big?”

  I watched as he pushed one hand into the pocket of his jeans and raked the fingers of the other through his hair. He left his hand at the back of his neck, as if he were trying to massage away tension.

  “Okay, I don’t want you to freak out at this suggestion. Just hear me out first, yeah, Sares?”

  That statement alone would generally have had me freaking the fuck out, but all I’d actually gotten from it was that he’d called me “Sares”. I thought I’d heard him say it in the week, and it had made my heart do handstands because of the level of intimacy it implied was between us. It was nothing and yet it was so much.

  It was everything. This time, he’d definitely said it. I felt like I was floating. My whole breath didn’t quite reach my lungs, my head hurt ever so slightly—probably due to the lack of oxygen reaching it—and I felt just a little bit dizzy, but it was all good. Everything was okay because Liam Delaney had just called me Sares.

  “I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a month, but I’m old enough now to know my own heart and to listen to my own head.” He looked down at his crotch before looking back up at me. “Generally the big one more than the little one, but anyway.” He let out a breath. “I’m not asking anything from you, Sarah. I don’t want your promises or declarations of undying love, we’ve known each other four weeks and this is real life, not a made-for-telly film that they show on weekday afternoons. We will get to that shit, but not until the time is right.”

  My mouth may have been hanging open by that point, and if it wasn’t, it soon was when he said what he did next.

  “But if you’re feeling even half as much as what I am, then you’ll believe me when I say that I’m one hundred percent committed to you. To us. And I know it sounds like bullshit, and I know it’s only been four weeks, but I love this house and as soon as I walked through the door, I could picture you standing here, us living here one day. In this house. Together. Maybe?”

  His eyes darted rapidly all over my face, and he shrugged his shoulders.

  “And if not, if that’s not what you want, ever. Well then, I think this place would be a great investment anyway.”

  I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe. I managed to swallow, but that was just about it.

  “I’m not asking you to move in with me. Not yet. It’s too soon. We need to talk to your brother and to make it official. We need to spend some time getting to know each other better. There are a few other things we need to discuss, but, I’m gonna buy this house. I’m gonna buy it, and when and if the time is right, if things work out between me and you, we will turn it into a home . . . Or, I’ll just sell it and make a massive profit.”

  His eyes scanned the room while we stood in silence. They finally landed back on me, and I watched his Adam’s apple move in the middle of his throat as he swallowed. He stepped towards me and grabbed hold of the scarf of his that I was wearing, using it to pull me against him

  “What d’ya think, Sarah Carter? Am I imagining what’s going on between us or is it real and I’m one of the luckiest blokes around?”

  I remained unmoving, except for the pads of my thumbs that brushed over my fingertips in a continuous motion. I looked up into his light blue eyes and with fear, excitement and exhilaration causing my heart to beat hard in my chest, I replied.

  “I . . . yes. One day at a time, but I’m in. I’m all in.”

  He picked me up and sat me on the worktop so he could stand between my legs.

  “Fuck, Sarah, I want you so bad.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry I made you wait,”

  “Made me wait? As in, that’s what you were doing, in the past, but now you’re not in the present making me wait?”

  “I think the answer to that is yes. I think, but I have no clue really if what you just said made any sense. Am I making sense?”

  “No clue, but I heard a yes, and that’s good enough for me, pretty girl.”

  He lifted me down off the work top and led me out of the house, pulling his phone from his pocket as we walked back to the car he’d purchased that week from the Jaguar dealership I worked at.

  I got in and left him standing outside talking on his phone. He’d left his scarf around my neck and I breathed in deeply as I wrapped it around my face and nose. Both my head and my heart were pounding, and I tried to calm myself as I observed him pacing in front of the car while he spoke. He ended his call and then stood and stared back at the house for a few long minutes. Was he already regretting what he’d asked me?

  He climbed in and started the car. I was expecting silence, instead he said, “I’ve made an offer, the agent will get back to me as soon as he hears from the bank, which probably won’t be till Monday. In the meantime, I have a little surprise for you.”

  I wasn’t actually sure if my heart, or my head for that matter, could take any more surprises, but I still asked, “A little surprise? As opposed to a surprise that’s the size of a house?”

  I noticed him flinch slightly. He tilted his head to the side, which I’d learnt in the short time we’d known each other meant he was thinking about how to word something.

  “If I say anything, it’s not gonna be a surprise, so I’ll say nothing, and that way, it’ll still be a surprise.”

  Again, he wasn’t making much sense, so I sat back in my seat and remained silent, too scared to even ask any more questions. Lost in my own thoughts over what he’d just admitted to feeling for me and where he saw our relationship going, I was surprised when ten minutes later we turned into the estate I lived on.

  “We going to mine?”

  Liam swung the car into a parking spot in front of the mews apartments opposite my house.

  “You’ll get in trouble parking here, they’re designated spots.” I warned him.

  “No worries, I’ve got it covered.”

  He grabbed my hand, led me to a communal doorway, and tapped in a number on the entry pad.

  I remained silent, again, too afraid to ask what he was up to.

  We walked up a flight of stairs and then along a quiet hallway, passing doors on either side, stopping when we reached the door at the very end and couldn’t walk any farther. Liam pulled out a key and let himself in. I remained outside as he flicked on the lights.

  “C’mon, Sares, why you standing there?”

  “What are you doing?” I whispered.

  “Get in here, and I’ll tell ya. Why you whispering?”

  Coz I felt like a fucking burglar, that was why I was whispering. I took a step inside and stopped. It was as far as I was prepared to go.

  Liam had other ideas, he yanked me by his scarf and pulled me forward, switching on lights as he went.

  The place was small but airy. Two bedrooms, one looking like it had an en suit. There were also a main bathroom, separate toilet, and then a large, open-plan kitchen, dining, and living area. Aside from some boxes sitting on the kitchen worktop, the place was empty.

  “Why are we here?”

  “Why are you still whispering? We’re not robbing the place.”

  “Goo
d, coz it looks like someone got here before us.”

  He finally turned around and looked at me, his blue eyes were shining as a mischievous grin lit up his face.

  “It’s mine. I’ve taken out a six-month lease on it, just while the other place goes through and we decide what to do with it.”

  “Here? You’re renting a place here, right opposite me?”

  He nodded, still grinning.

  “Yep, in fact, come and look at this.” Once again grabbing his scarf and dragging me behind him, he moved into the main bedroom and stopped in front of the window.

  “That’s my bedroom!” I almost shouted. How the fuck was I supposed to sleep at night knowing he’d be lying here while I was lying there?

  “Yes it is. Just think, you can flash your boobs to me before I climb into bed each night, and I can go to sleep happy.” I looked at him with my eyebrows raised. “Or not, if that’s not your thing.”

  I looked around the room and realised there was a bed, which was already made. I pointed at it, but before I could speak, he added, “I picked up the keys Wednesday and had this delivered yesterday morning. I bought the doona and Manchester to put on it from the bed shop and brought them back here, washed and dried them, and then put them on the bed after it was delivered and made up yesterday.”

  “What’s a doona? Manchester is bedding, right? You already have a washing machine and drier?”

  He smiled before pulling me into him and wrapping his arms around me.

  “A doona is a quilt or duvet. Yes, Manchester is bedding, and yes I have a washer and a dryer, they’re built into the kitchen, hidden by the cupboards, there’s no separate laundry. Next question?”

  I scratched my head and gave a small laugh. “Well, don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not a man of action, babe.”

  He kissed up the side of my neck, along my jaw, and over my chin until his lips found mine.

  “Never had any complaints yet, pretty girl, and I don’t plan on getting them from you, ever.”

  “What about your creepy stalkerish tendencies? You ever had any complaints about them?”