Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)

by Jones,Lesley

  “Wha’d’ya mean, ‘if that’s what I want’?”

  She let out a long sigh before lacing her fingers together and holding them in front of her chest.

  “I’m not raising a child on my own, Liam. If you don’t want to save our marriage and bring up our child together, then I’ll terminate the pregnancy.”

  And there it was.

  That was what she’d come for. She would use this baby as leverage.

  “Of course, termination goes against everything I believe in, so I will obviously need the support of my family.”

  “Your family? You’d tell your family that you’re having an abortion? Why the fuck would you do that?” But I knew before I’d even finished speaking why she’d do that.

  Her dad would forbid it. He would tell my dad.

  I felt pressure on the top of my head. A weight forcing me into the ground, making my legs feel heavy and my chest so tight that I could barely breathe.

  “You need to go, Olivia. You need to leave me the fuck alone. If you are pregnant, which I doubt, but if you are, then that baby is not mine. You don’t even want a baby, you never have. So, if you were to have an abortion, there is no way in the world that you would be telling anyone, least of all your family.”

  She stood looking at me, like she was a saint, like Mother fucking Teresa. Sorry, God and Saints!

  “Oh, I’ll tell my family, and I’ll also tell every journalist from every tabloid looking for some gossip how you abandoned us. How you abandoned me and our baby and told me to terminate the pregnancy, which of course I’d do, because I’m so sad, lonely, and desperate to win you back.”

  She picked up her handbag from the floor and put the straps over her shoulder.

  “I can’t imagine that there’ll be many companies out there that would want to do business with you or your family once that story hits the trash rags and magazines. What a shame when you’re just in the process of setting up something new.”

  She moved to walk past me, but I grabbed at her arm, halting her exit.

  “Why are you doing this, Olivia?” I almost cried as I asked her. I hated myself, hated that she would know that she’d got to me.

  “Because I can, Liam. Because I fucking can.” She jerked her arm out of my grip.

  “You’ve got my number. I’ll be here until Tuesday, if I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll fly home, arrange the procedure, and drop a few lines to Monet Baxter. Her magazine’s always looking for a scoop.”

  I let her leave before I rushed to the downstairs toilet and threw up just about everything in my stomach.

  ***

  I stood at the kitchen sink in Luke’s house and attempted to stop myself from shaking. I wasn’t sure if it was shock or anger that was causing my entire body to tremble the way it was, but it was likely both.

  I opened the freezer compartment in the fridge and pulled out the bottle of vodka I knew would be stashed there. Grey Goose, the good stuff. I didn’t even bother to mix it, just drank it neat, straight from the bottle. Obviously vodka wasn’t exactly what my empty stomach needed, but bad life choices seemed to be my thing right then.

  With the bottle still in my hand, I went to the bedroom I’d been staying in and retrieved my phone charger. I went back to the kitchen, and plugged it in to both the socket and my phone. I stood silently, my heart banging against my chest as I waited for the small technological miracle known as a Nokia to kick into life enough for me to be able to call Sarah.

  The device lit up, I waited for what seemed like minutes before it allowed me to press call against her number. It rang. My heartbeat echoed in my ears.

  Once.

  Twice.

  “Hey, this is Sarah. I can’t take your call right now so do your thang after the beep, and I’ll get back to you when I can.”

  “Sarah.” I had to physically swallow down the sob that was trying to punch its way out of my throat. “Bub, please pick up or call me back. I’m gonna start making my way over to your place either way.” I paused for a few seconds. I was desperate for her to know exactly what and how much she meant to me but I didn’t wanna be telling her over the phone.

  “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I’m so fucking sorry.” It was all I managed before my allotted time ended.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” It was aimed at no one, anyone, and everyone.

  I had no clue what I should do.

  Go to Sarah.

  What about Olivia?

  Fuck Olivia.

  Yeah, that was what caused all this.

  I didn’t believe that she was pregnant, and if she was, I was pretty sure that the baby wasn’t mine.

  But what if it was. What did I do? Could I live with myself if she terminated the pregnancy? What would my family think if she told them? My sisters and my mum couldn’t stand Olivia, but they’d probably like me even less if I didn’t stand by her.

  I took another long swig from the vodka bottle. My throat and stomach protested, and for a few seconds, I enjoyed the diversion from the ache in my heart.

  Without even checking what the time was in Perth, I called Maggie, my sister.

  “Dude, this better be really funny or a life or death situation.”

  “Olivia’s pregnant. She reckons it’s mine.”

  “Oh, Liam. Please tell me you didn’t go there.”

  “Wish I could, Mags.”

  “You’re a fucking idiot, little brother.”

  “I know.”

  “When?”

  “Right before I left. She’s just turned up here making all sorts of demands.”

  “Like what? In front of your new girl?”

  I’d spoken to Maggie about Sarah during almost every phone call we’d had since I’d been here. We spoke at least three times a week, so she pretty much knew all the details and was aware of how I felt about Sarah. She’d really laid into me when I told her that I hadn’t yet told Sarah about Olivia.

  “Olivia was waiting at Luke’s when we turned up to tell him what was going on between us. Luckily, I told Sarah about her on Friday.”

  “How’d she take it?”

  “Not well. She was the product of her mum’s affair with a married man.”

  “Fair dinkum?”

  “Yeah, straight up. She was with him before he was married, and they had Luke together, they split, and he got married to someone else, but they couldn’t stay away from each other. They had a long-term affair, and when she told him she was pregnant with Sarah, he disappeared. Left his wife and other two kids as well as Sarah’s mum and Luke.”

  “Fuck me, Lee, sounds like a plot line from Sons and Daughters.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it.”

  “So what’s she said about the pregnancy?”

  “She doesn’t know yet. Luke and Will took off with her and left me and Liv to talk.”

  We were both quiet for a few seconds. I was actually unable to speak as the guilt at letting Sarah leave the way she did ate me up.

  “I fucked up, Mags. I really fucked up.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  “Not with Olivia, although that is one almighty fuck-up. I fucked up with Sarah. I walked into that house promising her the world, but the second I saw Olivia standing there, I couldn’t even look at her. She thinks I’ve had nothing to do with Liv for the two years we’ve been separated.”

  “Yeah, well she’s not the only one, Lee. Why the fuck would you go back there? She’s toxic, you know that. Rumour has it that she and Markham have split up.”

  I let out a long breath. It did nothing to ease the tightness in my chest.

  “She turned up at my office and offered it on a plate. I viewed it as closure and a one up on Markham, so I took what was on offer. Twice.”

  “Please tell me you rubbered up?”

  “Of course I did, both times. That’s what I don’t understand.”

  “She lying. She’s either not pregnant and just trying to get you back, or she is and it’s not yours and she’s just
looking to hang on it you.”

  “She’s threatening to terminate if I don’t go back to her.”

  “What? That fucking moll. Fuck, Liam. What a bitch. What the fuck are you gonna do?”

  “That was a lot of fucks.”

  “Yeah, well that cunt makes me sweary.”

  Despite my dire circumstances, my sister managed to make me laugh, well, smile at least. We’d always been close. I loved her and her twin, Marie, equally, but Mags and I had always gotten along better. Marie was always the grown-up, always the bossy one, telling me and Mags what to do and trying to keep us out of trouble.

  “What if it is mine? What if it is my baby and she gets rid of it? Even if it’s not mine, she’s still putting that baby’s life all on my head.” I started to speak faster as the panic I’d been holding down began to escape. “I can’t do that. I can’t be responsible for her making that choice. What do I do? What the fuck do I do?”

  “Okay, just calm down here for a minute. Let’s think about this. She turns up at your office and what? Just offers you sex?”

  “No, she said she wanted me back, wanted to try again. I sort of led her to believe that I was maybe willing to try. I fucked her twice and then when she fell asleep, I left her on the sofa in my office, and fucked off, taking all her clothes with me.”

  “Ha. Love it.”

  “I left for England the very next morning and served her with divorce papers the following day.”

  “It’s not your kid. I’m telling you now, it is not your kid. She turned up at your office the same week Markham dumped her skinny arse and went back to his wife. I bet she was already pregnant and she fucked you just so she could put the blame on you.”

  My stomach began to churn with the hope and possibility that Maggie could be right.

  “You think?”

  “Liam, I’m female. I know exactly how deviously a woman’s mind can be when it has to.”

  I took another long draw from the vodka bottle, noting that I’d drunk far too much to be able to drive over to Sarah’s now.

  “But she reckons she’s gonna tell everyone that the baby’s mine and that she’s gotta get rid of it because I’ve abandoned her. She said she’s gonna get that bitch Monet involved.”

  “Baxter?”

  “If that’s the surname of the Monet who’s a journo and runs that gossip magazine, then yeah.”

  “Another cunt.”

  “Mags!”

  I knew it was pointless pulling my sister up for her swearing. Our parents had tried her entire life to no avail. Mags taught me every swear word that I knew and there were some I still didn’t even know the meaning of.

  “What? It’s the truth and don’t ever insult journalists by giving her that title. She runs a magazine that prints slanderous stories with absolutely no basis, all with money her daddy left her. She’s never done a real day’s work in her life.”

  Maggie had been involved with an Australian rules footballer a few years back; Brad Collins had model good looks and an amazing career, he also happened to be Monet’s ex. At just twenty-five, he was the golden boy of Aussie rules, but he also had a massive drug problem. Maggie stood by him time after time, when he was suspended for failing a drug test, when he got caught driving under the influence of both drink and drugs, and each time he went into rehab. We all supported her, as she supported him, until I got a desperate phone call from her at three in the morning, asking for help.

  I was in Sydney; she was in Perth. It took me six hours to reach her, and by the time I got to the hospital she’d been taken to, doctors had stitched up her face, bandaged her ribs, and put her arm in a cast. They’d been unable to save the baby she was four months pregnant with. Monet Baxter and her magazine had gotten wind of something going on. Her magazine printed pictures of Maggie leaving the hospital with a close up of her black eyes and split lip. She’d continued since then to hold a serious grudge against our family.

  Brad Collins had been sentenced to four years in prison for his assault on my sister and that was where he was when he hung himself on the date that their baby was due to be born. He’d taken the easy way out. Maggie put on a brave face and carried on with her life but had never gotten serious with a man again at that stage.

  “Well either way, Olivia’s threatening to go to her with her story of abandonment.”

  We both let out a long sigh.

  “Okay, here’s what ya gonna do. You go find your girl. You confess everything to her that went on with the cunt. You confess everything that’s gone on with your girl to her brother and you both skip off into the sunset happily ever after. In the meantime, I’ll find out what I can about the split between the cunt and Markham. I have friends of friends who are friends of his wife, I’ll see what I can dig up. If it turns out that she is pregnant, then I’ll make sure that the entire southern hemisphere knows that it’s not yours.”

  “What if it is?”

  “It’s not. No way, and when it’s born with a bald head and big ears, everyone will realise that it’s Markham’s.”

  “Aren’t most babies born with bald heads and big ears?” I asked, once again fighting a smile. I loved my sister so fucking much and wished she were closer right then.

  “Not Delaney babies. We’re all born gorgeous with a head full of hair and perfectly proportioned ears. You’ve seen Marie’s kids, and I remember how cute you were when you were born.”

  “You were two.”

  “I have superpowers. Memory of an elephant, remember?”

  “I remember that you’re full of shit.”

  “Whatever. You gonna tell Mum and Dad what’s going on?”

  “Should I?”

  “Maybe wait and see how things play out. I’ll keep my ear to the ground and play detective over here. You just go tell your girl you love her.”

  “Thanks, Mags. I’ll call you in the next few days. Sorry for waking you. Love ya.”

  “No worries, baby brother. I love you too.”

  I thought the call ended, but Maggie cut back in. “Hey, Lee?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m really sorry this is happening to you. You’re one of life’s genuinely nice people. Just be honest with Sarah in the future and watch where you stick your dick. Now fuck off and let me sleep.”

  She hung up before I could reply.

  ***

  It was just before nine and I was a little bit drunk when the taxi pulled up outside Sarah’s. I paid the cab driver and kicked Will’s car as I passed it. Fucker, I knew he had a thing for her. She was the girl he’d been banging on about when he was over in Australia. All he used to say was that it was complicated, and he was waiting for the time to be right. Well, I’d give him fucking complicated, and I was about to tell him when the time would be right, fucking never, that was when.

  I knocked on the front door and waited for someone to answer. I hoped it would be Sarah, and I’d have a chance to talk to her before we had an audience, but I was shit out of luck that night. Sasha swung the door open, her whole body recoiling as she took me in.

  I was fucked. If the best friend was pissed off, then so must Sarah be.

  “What the fuck do you want?”

  “Don’t start, Sash. Is she here? I need to talk to her.”

  “You’ve got a fucking cheek.”

  “Yeah, I know I have, but I still need to talk to her. I need to explain a few things.”

  “Like the fact you’ve got a wife that you forgot to mention?”

  “No. Sarah knew about my wife. Ex-wife. I told her.”

  I didn’t mention when I’d told Sarah, but she didn’t ask.

  Sasha’s head jerked back.

  “She knew you were married?”

  “I’m separated, Sasha, I have been for two years. I’ve served her with divorce papers. I’m just waiting for her to sign them and the lawyers to do what I pay them for.”

  She let go of the door and folded her arms across her chest.

  “Luke and Wil
l are still here, I’m assuming you still haven’t told Luke what’s going on?”

  I shook my head. “No, that’s what we went to do tonight. When we walked in Olivia was there.”

  “So what’s the deal? You going back to her?”

  “No, no fucking way. I was done with her two years ago. Longer if I’m honest, but catching her in bed, in our bed, with a bloke I’d been on a conference call with a few hours previously was the final nail in the coffin of our marriage as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Yeah? So why’s she telling Luke that you were trying to work things out right before you left to come here.”

  Fucking Olivia!

  “Bullshit were we. Now can I come in or not?”

  “Not. Sarah’s in bed with a migraine, and I think the last person she wants to see is you.”

  “Sash, please. I need to see her. I need to explain a few things.”

  I felt my bottom lip tremble, and for one horrible moment, I thought I was going to cry. If Sarah forgave me for this, I fucking would. I’d bow down and cry at her feet.

  Sasha’s big brown eyes zeroed in on mine.

  “I don’t know exactly what went on tonight, but she looked devastated when she came through that door earlier.”

  I closed my eyes and allowed my gut to twist in acknowledgment of the pain I had caused Sarah earlier. I needed to see her, speak to her. I needed to set things straight and explain why I’d handled things the way I had.

  “I fucked up, Sash. I really fucked up. I need to tell her I’m sorry, and I need to tell her that I love her. That I’m right here and going nowhere.”

  Sasha didn’t look the least bit surprised by my revelation as she stepped aside, allowing me into the house and one step closer to Sarah. My heart did a little moonwalk and high-fived each of my ribs at this one small victory.

  “I think perhaps you need to set things straight with Luke before you go begging Sarah’s forgiveness.”

  “No, I need to see Sarah first. I hurt her tonight, and I need to put that right before I do anything else.”

  “Go.” She pointed up the stairs. “No noisy make up sex, her brother and best friend are down here, remember?”

  I took the stairs two at a time. Opening the door to Sarah’s bedroom quietly, I found her curled up under the doona on her side of the bed.