Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)

by Jones,Lesley

  Her side of the bed.

  She had a side of the bed. The side that I didn’t sleep on.

  I couldn’t lose her. Yes, I’d lied by omission when I didn’t mention fucking Olivia before I left Australia, and Sarah being pissed off with me for a while was totally warranted, but I couldn’t lose her.

  Climbing onto the bed beside her, I wanted to take off my shoes and jeans, get under the doona, and pull her warm little body up against mine -- But I wasn’t sure exactly how pissed off she was with me, and her brother was downstairs and I quite liked my bollocks where they were, so I didn’t.

  I slid my arm around her, over the top of the doona and kissed her temple, she stirred. I kissed her again and breathed in the scent of her shampoo and citrusy perfume. I felt her still before she turned and blinked up at me.

  “Why are you here?”

  She attempted to sit up, but I kept her pinned down.

  “You need to go.”

  Her voice was raspy from sleep and possibly from crying. It pulled at my heart and made my dick twinge simultaneously.

  “I’m not going anywhere. Not until you hear what I’ve gotta say.”

  “Actions speak louder than words, Liam. I heard you loud and clear earlier tonight. Loud and fucking clear. So loud you almost deafened me.”

  She swore, which meant she was really fucking pissed off.

  “No. No, Sarah. No, you didn’t. You totally misheard me. You have no idea what I was trying to tell you, no fucking clue.”

  She pushed me away from her and sat up, scooting away from me so her back was against the headboard.

  “You let go of me. You let me go and you let me down. You chose her.” She almost spat the words at me.

  “I’d never choose her, not over you, not ever.” I kept my voice low and as gentle as possible. I needed to stay calm and ignore the panic bubbling in my belly.

  She stared at me. Blue eyes wide and shining with tears. Tears I’d caused.

  “And why the fuck should I believe anything you say? You lied to me. Two years you said. It was over two years ago, that’s what you told me.”

  “It was, it is over.”

  I closed my eyes and thought about how to word what I wanted to say next. If it came out wrong, it could be game over.

  “I had not seen or heard from Olivia since I caught her fucking another man in our former home. In our actual fucking bed. Any and all contact has been made via our legal team. Then out of nowhere, she turned up at my office when I was working late.”

  I watched as she used the heel of her hand to wipe away tears from her eyes. I hated seeing her cry, hated it. Hated even more that I was the cause of her tears.

  “Sarah,” I said her name on a shaky exhale.

  “Keep going. Let’s hear your bullshit excuse for ignoring me in front of your wife.”

  She emphasised the word wife. And I despised Olivia just a little more for turning up tonight, and I despised myself for giving her reason to. Yeah, I’d shot my load, but it wasn’t about that. I’d fucked Olivia out of spite. It was all about spite and revenge and hadn’t that just gone great for me. Karma was a bitch, and she had her teeth well and truly sunk into my arse cheek.

  “She begged me to forgive her, asked me to take her back so that we could try again. She brought up our history and said that we were meant to be together.”

  Her top teeth gnawed on her bottom lip, but I couldn’t see her clearly enough to gauge her mood as anything other than pissed off. Really pissed off in fact. I leant across her and switched on the Betty Boop lamp next to her bed. Sarah sometimes dressed a little bit like her, their fashion sense was similar, and I found it only mildly disturbing that I got turned on when my girlfriend dressed like a cartoon character. Which in and of itself was disturbing.

  Her nose was red and her eyes were bloodshot and puffy—Sarah’s, not Betty’s. I leaned in to brush a tear from where it was caught on her eyelash, but she batted my hand away.

  “I didn’t want her back then, and I don’t want her back now, Sarah. I made a mistake that night. A monumental mistake that I’ll regret for the rest of my life.”

  Sarah wrapped her arms around her middle at the same time as her mouth opened slightly. She knew what was coming. She was holding herself together, preparing for the blow that I was about to deliver. I didn’t want to tell her, I wanted to lie or just not mention it, but look at where untruths had gotten me with her.

  “What did you do?” she whispered.

  “I’d heard that the bloke I’d caught her in bed with had left his wife and young family and that he and Olivia were now together. It didn’t bother me. I couldn’t give a fuck who she shacked up with or who she was rooting. But I was petty, the thought that I could get one over on him . . . I let it get the better of me.”

  Her face fell before I even said the words.

  “I fucked her.”

  I watched her pant as she fought to hold in her tears. Then I watched her chest heave as she lost the battle. The noise she made was one of total utter misery. I wanted to touch her, hold her, make it better, but how could I when I still had blows to strike and more misery to deliver?

  “You lied to me.”

  “I know, and I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am for that.”

  “I asked you, Liam. Two things, that was all I ever asked of you. Don’t lie to me and don’t leave me. You did both.”

  “I never left you, Sarah. I’d never leave you.”

  “You left me tonight. You left me standing there. You let go of my hand, and you left me standing there. Have you . . .”

  She paused to wipe her nose and her eyes on her T-shirt. She was almost choking on her words she was crying so hard.

  “Have you any idea how alone I felt? You left me, so easily, so quickly. You let go of my hand and left me standing there alone and devastated.”

  “I had to. She hasn’t signed the divorce papers yet. If she knew, if she even has a suspicion that there’s something going on between us, then she won’t sign. I’ve got leverage over her at the moment. I’ve threatened to go public over her affair with Markham. Right now, everything is being split nicely down the middle. If she finds out about me and you, I’ll lose that leverage, and she’ll want more.”

  “So give it to her. Just let her have it. Or does money and your businesses mean more to you than making me feel like complete and utter shit? Worthless, a fucking nobody?”

  “I’d give it all up for you, every last dollar, but it’s not about me. This is my family’s business. My grandad and my dad spent most of their lives building it up. I can’t let her just walk away with it. My pops is gone now, but my dad, I’m scared that it might kill him if I let that happen. I couldn’t do that to him, Sarah.”

  “Of course you couldn’t, and I wouldn’t expect you to, but if you’d have told me all of this, if you’d been up front and honest with me about everything, I would’ve had half a clue of what I was dealing with. If I’d been made aware of what was at stake, I would’ve understood your reaction towards me when we walked in there, but you didn’t. Fuck, I only just found out you were married.”

  I felt a little bit of hope bloom inside my chest at the fact that she at least understood why I’d acted the way that I had.

  “But I would’ve told you. We’ve been dealing with a lot, everything has moved so fast with us that I just hadn’t gotten around to explaining everything, and the last person I expected to see when we walked into your brother’s house tonight was her.”

  “And why was she there exactly? What was she there to discuss? What’s changed so greatly that she felt the need to jump on a plane and fly here to discuss it with you in person?”

  And there it was. I’d just walked right into that one, and now I was gonna have to man up and tell her the truth.

  I took in a deep breath through my nose.

  “Sarah, I need you to know something. I should’ve said it earlier. I should’ve said it before we walked
into your brother’s house tonight, or this morning even, but the truth is, I was frightened of scaring you off. I was worried that it was too soon, but now? Now I’m scared that you’re gonna think that I’m only saying it because of what happened tonight.”

  I was so fucking hot, I felt like I was gonna melt all over her bed. Blood whooshed through my ears, and my stomach had dropped so low that it was probably somewhere back in Australia at that stage.

  She started to shake her head, and her eyes shone with tears, but I needed to get the words out there. They needed to be said. I needed to say them, and she needed to fucking well hear me.

  “I love you. I love you so fucking much, and I couldn’t be any sorrier for what has gone on tonight.”

  “No. Don’t. Don’t you do that. Don’t you say those words. I don’t wanna hear them. Not like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

  “I know. I know, pretty girl. I fucked up, and it’s all gone to shit, and it’s probably gonna all get much worse. I just need you to know that I love you before I tell you the rest. I want you to remember that before I tell you why she’s here. I don’t wanna say the words, because I’m so scared that there’ll change everything between us, but I won’t keep them from you.”

  Her eyes were so wide that they looked too big for her face.

  “Sarah, I swear on my life that I used a condom. When she turned up at my office that night, I used a condom, both times—”

  “Oh.” She cut me off. Her hand covered her mouth and she began to shake her head even faster.

  “Oh, no. No. Nononono.”

  She said it so fast that it sounded like one word.

  “Go.”

  “Sarah, please . . .”

  “Goooo. Get out. Fuck off. Leave now. Just go. Please. Just. Go.” She covered her ears with her hands like a child and screamed at me.

  The bedroom door flew open. I jumped up off the bed and straight into Luke’s fist. Everything went black before I’d even hit the floor.

  “What the fuck’s going on? Why’s he up here? Did he touch you? You fucker!” Luke shouted at me and then jumped onto Liam’s chest as he tried to stand back up. Liam reacted, landing a punch on Luke’s jaw that sent him falling backwards. Sasha was screaming at them both to stop from my bedroom door as Will moved her out of the way and attempted to separate them.

  My brain tried to catch up with everything that had gone on as the three of them smashed into my chest of drawers, sending everything on top of it crashing to the floor. Then they hit my side table, my Betty Boop lamp landed beside my bed, Will stepped between the boys and trod on it. The Tiffany-style shade smashed into tiny pieces, the brass effect base bent out of shape.

  Everything unfolded or collapsed and imploded around me as I attempted to get a grip on what Liam had been telling me.

  She was either pregnant or had an STD and Olivia didn’t look the type to catch or carry STDs, let alone fly long haul to make that information public.

  She was pregnant. I was sure of it.

  She was pregnant, and we were done. I was sure of that, too. No matter what feelings I thought I had for him, we were finished. I was not like her, and I would not end up like her.

  I watched as Will managed to pull Luke towards my bedroom door, while Sasha kept her hands pressed against Liam’s chest.

  “Someone better start talking,” Luke breathed heavily as he spoke and wiped blood from his nose.

  “What the fuck’s going on, Sarah? You even think about lying to me, and I’ll kick your arse.”

  “Don’t you fucking talk to her like that.” Liam tried to get past Sash to Luke. Glass crunched under their feet as they jostled against each other.

  “I’ll talk to her however the fuck I like. She’s my sister and fuck all to do with you.” The posturing continued with Luke trying to get past Will and reach Liam.

  “I love her so it has everything to do with me.”

  “No!” I shouted at Liam, finally looking his way. His lip was busted, his nose was bleeding, and his left eye was beginning to close. How had so much damage been done in such a short space of time?

  I was sleeping alone in my bed, and within a matter of minutes, chaos had ensued.

  My heart broken.

  My room trashed.

  “It’s too late now. We’re done.” I turned my eyes on my brother.

  “We’ve been seeing each other. We didn’t tell you because we wanted to see where it was going between us. I thought . . .”

  I hated that my bottom lip trembled. Hated that saying the words aloud would make it all true.

  “I thought maybe we had feelings for each other, but we don’t. It’s done. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.”

  “No, we’re not done. We are far from fucking done.” Liam jumped in.

  “How long?” Luke asked.

  “Sarah. Please—”

  “You!” Luke roared, making us all jump. “Shut your fucking mouth for five fucking minutes.”

  He pointed his finger at me. “And you, start fucking talking. How long has this been going on, Sarah?”

  “Don’t fucking talk to her like that.” That time it was Liam that roared. My head was pounding.

  “Can you all please get out of my bedroom? Go downstairs, I’ll be down in a minute!” I shouted.

  Luke’s hands dropped to his sides.

  “Two minutes. Two minutes, and then I’ll be back up here to drag you out of this bed and then I’ll drag the answers out of you.”

  He turned and left. Sasha followed.

  Will remained in the doorway, arms folded across his chest as he stared at me.

  “Stop looking at her. I know, so just stop looking at her like that!” Liam shouted.

  Will turned and left.

  “One minute, Sarah. Del, get the fuck down here before I come up there and kick you down these stairs,” Luke called out.

  “Your brother’s not happy,” Liam stated. His eye was almost completely closed, and it hurt my heart to see his face so messed up.

  “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

  “Great, can’t wait for the encore. Can’t fucking wait.”

  He turned his whole body to face where I was still sitting on the bed. He raised his arm and began massaging the back of his neck. I hated that his nervous ticks were so familiar to me.

  “I am sorry. I’m truly sorry, and I do love you. Please put something on your feet, there’s glass and shit everywhere.”

  He looked around at all my broken belongings. My lamp, photo frames, a trinket box, all smashed beyond repair.

  “I’ll buy you a new lamp,” he said quietly and then he left me too.

  Fuck the lamp. It was a new heart that I needed.

  I didn’t want him to care about me cutting myself. I just wanted him to have not lied to me. I wanted for him not to have a wife, and I definitely didn’t want her to be pregnant.

  I leant over the side of my bed and reached for one of the many pairs of flip-flops that I kept under there. I pulled on a hoodie and made my way down the stairs.

  “If any of you break a single other thing here tonight, so help me, I will break your fucking kneecaps.” I heard Sasha saying to the boys as I walked into my living room.

  Will was sitting forward in the armchair, staring at the floor. Luke was leaning against the windowsill, his long legs stretched out in front of him and his arms were crossed over his chest as he glared at Liam.

  Liam sat on the very edge of our sofa, elbows resting on his knees as he watched me walk into the room.

  His eyes moved down to my feet, and I knew he was checking that I’d put something on them. It warmed my heart as it ground the broken pieces to dust.

  “How long?”

  Luke didn’t give me a second to think much further.

  “Since we met.”

  Sasha moved from wherever she’d been standing and sat beside Liam on the sofa.

  Will’s eyes darted from me to Liam and then back to m
e again.

  “The party?” He made no attempt to hide the incredulity in his tone. “Luke introduced you at his party, right?”

  I nodded my head. Without taking his eyes from me, Liam added, “I asked her to go out with me on the Saturday night, we’ve been seeing each other since. I fell in love with your sister. I’m not sorry I did, but that’s the truth of the matter”

  “You’ve got a fucking wife.”

  “I’m divorcing her.”

  “So why did she turn up at my place tonight and tell me that you’re trying to make a go of things. That you got back together before you left Australia and were trying to work things out?”

  “She’s lying.”

  “Lying?” Will and Luke both questioned at the same time.

  For the first time since I stepped into the room, Liam took his eyes from me and pierced Will with them.

  “And tell me again what the fuck any of this has to do with you?” Liam and Will silently stared at each other. Sash caught my eye, and we both shrugged.

  I felt so incredibly tired. I lived a relatively drama-free life. The last month was the most excitement I’d ever really had, but tonight? Tonight had been horrible, and I wanted it done and over with.

  “We’ve been seeing each other a month.” I answered my brother’s original question. “Now we’re done. How many times do I need to spell it out to you, Luke? I’m twenty-two years old, I’ll date, go out with, and fuck whomever I like. I’m not a child. What I am, at this moment, is very tired. So I’m gonna go to bed now. I don’t want any of you following me up there.”

  I turned and left the room to the sound of Liam calling my name, and Luke asking, “She’ll fuck who she likes? You fucked her? You’ve been fucking my sister?”

  I slammed my bedroom door shut, crunched across the floor, and got back into bed. I could hear shouting coming from downstairs but not the sound of anything breaking. Once I was sure everyone was behaving, I retrieved my iPod from under my pillow and popped in my headphones and clicked play.

  The first song up was Rihanna’s “Unfaithful”.

  Of course it was.

  Feeling hollow, empty, and totally broken-hearted, I switched the song to repeat and drifted off to sleep.