Trailer Park Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  “Hulk doesn’t need a bodyguard,” Max declared, suddenly joining the conversation. He ripped his hand out of mine and did a sort of karate kick jump that landed with his foam biceps being flexed.

  Levi’s happy expression turned to Max. “That’s what I thought, dude. Moms. Am I right?” Holding out his hand, he made a fist for Max to bump—which he did.

  “Hey, Levi,” Max said casually, like it was no big deal he knew who Levi Cole was… like it was no big deal for them to be talking. “You never brought over Star Trek.”

  “Star Wars,” Levi corrected. “And you’re right. I didn’t. I think we need to clear it with your mom first. She might not be your bodyguard, but she’s definitely the law of the land.”

  Max turned to me with fingers clasped, his pumpkin sticking out to the side. “Please, Mom? Please, please, please? I really want to see it. I asked Daniel about it and he said it’s the best movie ever and he couldn’t believe I’ve never seen it before. Please, Mom?”

  “All right, slow down, kiddo. How about we focus on trick-or-treating tonight? We can talk about that later.”

  “But—”

  “We’ve got a lot of candy to get, but it’s going to be all gone if we don’t get moving.” I smiled to myself. There, crisis averted. Was I the best at redirection? Yes, yes, I was.

  “Maybe I could do that with you first,” Levi suggested. “Then your mom will get to know how cool I am and we can make plans for Star Wars later.”

  Max’s previously resigned expression widened with excitement and his eyes somehow morphed into puppy-dog-pleading-adorableness that I struggled to say no to. “That would be the best ever!” Max pled his case. “Can he, Mommy? Please?”

  What was I saying about redirection? Damn it. Thwarted by the Jedi Master of butting in where he didn’t belong.

  “Oh, I’m sure he has other things to—”

  “I don’t,” Levi answered, cutting me off.

  Turning to face him for the first time since he walked over, I met his mossy green eyes with fire in my own. “We don’t want to interrupt your supper.”

  “I’m good.” His eyes narrowed, challenging. “This is way more fun.”

  Max tugged on my hand. “Come on, Mom. All the good candy is going to be gone.”

  “Yeah, come on, Ruby, all the good candy is going to be gone.”

  Without verbally agreeing to anything, I let Max take off. I followed him, because that was what good moms did. They definitely didn’t go running in the opposite direction just to escape the sexy man intent on spending time with them. Besides, I loved this night with Max.

  Since last year, I had felt he was old enough to go up to the stores and candy spots around the square and fill his pumpkin himself, while I hung in the background. He didn’t need me to remind him to say thank you anymore and I was tired of doing it for him anyway.

  Max knew the routine and knew not to run off where I couldn’t see him, so he headed for the first stop while Levi fell into step beside me.

  I decided that if he brought up our kiss, I was going to die from embarrassment, right here, right now. When Max was a baby, I had made Coco promise to raise Max and only let my mom visit occasionally. She’d sworn on her life and tequila, so I knew she would honor her promise. At the very least, Max would be all right if I died of spontaneous humiliation.

  “What’s your game plan, Cole? I know you have better Saturday night options.”

  He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring ahead at Max. “I’m hoping to score some Baby Ruths to be honest. They’re my favorite.”

  “Don’t you touch our Baby Ruths,” I gasped. “Those suckers are hard to come by.”

  He tilted his head, so I could see his hopeful expression. “Twix?”

  “You’ll have to fight Maxine for them.”

  He shuddered. “Snickers?”

  “Now you’re just being greedy.”

  “Fine, I’ll settle for the fruity Tootsie Roll things. Nobody likes those.”

  He was wrong about that. I enjoyed the heck out of those things. I raided Max’s bucket every year for those little pieces of goodness, then I tucked them into my waitressing apron for long shifts. They had saved a lot of bad customers from my wrath.

  Not because the sugar made me happy. No. They were so chewy, my mouth was usually glued together for ten-minute chunks of time.

  But I wasn’t going to admit that to Levi.

  “All right, free candy aside, why are you here? What do you want?”

  He stared straight ahead again. “I had fun with you at Pug’s.”

  A fierce blush stained my cheeks. “I barely saw you at Pug’s.”

  “Yeah, but those few minutes I got you alone were memorable.” He cleared his throat and then added, “But they always are with you.”

  On instinct I slapped his chest with the back of my hand.

  “Ow,” he groaned, rubbing the spot. “What was that for?”

  “Levi, that was a total mis—”

  “Logan loved superheroes,” he said randomly—or so it seemed. “Not the Hulk really. But we had this ongoing fight over Ironman and Captain America.”

  I wanted to ask who liked who, but it wasn’t hard to guess that Logan would root for the military guy.

  Not knowing how to respond, I folded my arms across my chest and stuck my frozen fingers under my armpits.

  “He would have gotten a kick out of Max dressed up like that.”

  An icy chill rolled down my already frozen spine. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. Was that just an odd observation about his deceased brother? Or did Levi suspect something he shouldn’t?

  Drop it, my brain told my mouth.

  My mouth didn’t listen. “Why are you talking about Logan?” I realized after the words were out of my mouth that my question was incredibly insensitive. Not to mention stupid. He could just be feeling nostalgic for his brother on a night that was usually reserved for family—at least when you were little. The Hulk costume could have truly reminded him of his childhood.

  Or he could be throwing veiled accusations at me and hoping I bit on one.

  Levi shrugged, and it felt intentionally casual, forced even. “It’s fun watching Max embrace his inner superhero. He looks awesome. Did you paint his face?”

  Not ready to accept his compliment, I grumbled, “Some of it rubbed off during dinner.”

  “Are you going back for apple cider?”

  “How did you—”

  “Rosie,” he confessed. “When I realized you were avoiding me, I had to do some recon.”

  Rosie. Of course. The helpless romantic.

  I knew the real word was hopeless. But Rosie honestly couldn’t help it.

  “Levi, I don’t know what you think is happening here, but I’m not in a place where—”

  He held up his hands. “I know. I get it. And I like Max a lot. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t jeopardize that.”

  Jeopardize what? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t. I was more afraid of his answer than I was curious about it.

  “Okay. What are you doing?” We paused while Max ran up to the husband and wife that ran the hardware store. I waved at Trudy and Cal Pruitt while they doted over Max and his costume. He flexed for them and growled. He was getting really good at this hamming it up thing.

  “Didn’t you have fun at Pug’s?” Levi asked in a soft, gentle coax.

  “Did you punch Ajax in the face?”

  He cleared his throat and said, “I’m not sure who you mean.”

  “Did you punch Ajax, Levi?”

  He rubbed a hand over his face. “He was saying things he shouldn’t have been saying. I didn’t want to fight him. I just wanted to shut him up.”

  “What was he saying?”

  “I’d rather not repeat it.”

  “Was it about me?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “You can’t just punch people whenever you don’t like what they’re saying about me. Half
the town will have black eyes before tomorrow.”

  He turned to face me. His hands were still in his pockets and he wore a sheepish smile, the look in his eyes earnest and open. “Do you like that guy, Ruby? Are you guys… dating or whatever?”

  My nose wrinkled, but shame tinged my cheeks red. “What? No. Why would you think that?”

  He shook his head, his eyes practically sparkling at this point. Maybe his Halloween costume was a knight in shining armor. “You danced with him all night. He’s clearly into you. And super possessive. I’m just putting the puzzle pieces together.”

  “We’re not dating. We were never really dating.”

  “That’s not what it looks like.”

  I made a sound in the back of my throat and made sure Max was far enough ahead that he couldn’t hear us. “We had a thing, I guess. I wouldn’t call it a relationship because I was the only one monogamously committed to it. But yeah, we kind of saw each other for a couple years.”

  “What changed?” His question was posed carefully, thoughtfully.

  It made me self-conscious. I wished I could say that I’d started to demand more for myself, respect myself more. I wished I could tell him that I deserved better than casual hookups whenever it was convenient for both of us. But that wasn’t the truth. “He changed,” I said. “I think he’s doing drugs pretty regularly and drinking too much. I refuse to let Max be around that kind of environment.”

  “He was around Max?”

  I was surprised by the bite of anger in his voice. “Never on purpose,” I quickly explained, wondering why I cared so much about what Levi thought. This was my business and my son. He didn’t get a say in any of it. “But being around me is by proximity around my son.” I shrugged, and it felt final, like my words were infusing my life with their truth. “Anyway, it’s over with him. We danced at Pug’s, but nothing was ever going to happen that night or any other night.”

  Levi’s tone gentled with his question. “Are you upset about it?”

  Shaking my head, I admitted, “No, not really. Maybe once upon a time, but not anymore. I’ve… outgrown him. And, uh, that kind of relationship.”

  He nodded. “I know what you mean.”

  I side-eyed him. “Oh, yeah? Lots of casual hookups for you over the last seven years then? I heard a rumor that you went home with Kelly Fink last weekend.”

  Making a face, he quickly shook his head. “Kelly Fink? Are you serious? No.” He made the face again. “Just no on so many levels.”

  “Rumor is, she drove you home.”

  He jerked his chin toward an antique store near Pug’s. “I live above the Shiny Penny. She didn’t drive me anywhere.”

  I pretended not to feel totally relieved. “Okay, what about the last seven years? Surely, there were girls.”

  He fidgeted and wouldn’t meet my eye, but his nervous laugh was what really gave him away. “There was this girl I kissed once upon a time. And I guess, I was always looking for that connection. So yeah, there were a few girls over the years.”

  He couldn’t mean me. He couldn’t mean he’d been pining over me for seven years. My heart jumped to my throat and started doing jumping jacks. “She must have been some kisser.”

  He shot me a bashful smile and I nearly died right there. A man like Levi Cole wasn’t supposed to be bashful. He was supposed to be fully confident and totally sure of himself. God, this whole other side of him was going to end me.

  “She was.” Running his hand over his shortly cropped hair he said. “And I got a taste of her again recently. Turns out it was worth the wait.”

  “Is this a trick?” the paranoid part of me couldn’t help but ask. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath or see straight through the frantic butterflies beating wild wings in my chest.

  He laughed, and it was genuine and rumbly and wonderful all at once. “What reason could I possibly have for tricking you?”

  My gaze inadvertently flickered to Max, a thousand reminders why I should cut this off with Levi surfacing. “Shelby Trainer’s pool sophomore year rings a bell.”

  “I told you to put your swimming suit on.”

  “I was an insecure fifteen-year-old and you wanted me to parade in front of our entire class in a swimming suit.”

  “I didn’t want you to parade,” he argued.

  My hand landed on my hip. “You convinced the entire class to have a bikini contest. It was stupid. And chauvinistic.”

  He shrugged, and all traces of that remorse faded fast. “I was also a fifteen-year-old kid if you remember. And you weren’t cooperating.”

  “You threw me in the pool, Levi! In khaki shorts and a white shirt!”

  He looked off, as if remembering. “I know. It was better than a bikini.”

  I pushed his shoulders with two hands and he caught my wrists, holding me to him before I could step away. “This is why we can’t be friends, Levi.”

  “This is why I want to be more than friends, Ruby.”

  A shiver rolled through me again and I shuddered at the feel of his warm hands and hot words. God, I was never going to survive this man coming back to town. I should probably text Coco and prepare her to take on Max full time.

  His brows drew down and he took in my outfit with fresh eyes. “Are you cold?”

  Absently rubbing my arms, I started to say, “No, I’m fine—”

  But he was already taking off his jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders. It was so warm and soft. I sucked in a deep breath, surprised by the heat also curling through my insides, and accidentally inhaled the scent of him lingering in the collar. I pressed my cheek against the smell and heat, unable to stop myself from leaning into this man that was both an enigma and the enemy.

  “Is that better?” His voice was low, gentle… kind.

  I met his green eyes in the fading light and felt something burst to life inside me. It sent tingles buzzing to all my extremities, making me feel slightly lightheaded. There was no word for the feeling, no existing definition that could possibly explain the sharp sensation of internal change that hit me like a bus out of nowhere.

  “Th-thanks,” I managed to whisper. “It feels… nice.” Unlike whatever was happening on the inside of me. That wasn’t a nice feeling. It was worlds flipping upside down and landscapes being rearranged by the finger of God. It was fire and ice and light that burned so bright it hurt to look at.

  He smiled in the same way he spoke, with a tenderness so deep and genuine I actually winced. What was this?

  And what was wrong with me? Was I so unaccustomed to other people’s kindness, I couldn’t resist Levi’s bare minimum gestures of civility?

  “Mommy let’s go to the next one!” Max raced ahead of us. Levi and I fell into step side-by-side again.

  “Do you like being a mom?” he asked, his voice that same, startlingly sweet tone.

  “I love it.”

  “Wow. No hesitation.”

  I smiled, watching Max ahead of us, weaving in and out of a family dressed as pirates and princesses. “None. He’s my everything, Levi. I’m so lucky to have him.”

  “But what about everything else? College? Your life? Didn’t you give that all up for him?”

  I thought about his questions as Max did his Halloween thing, living his very best life. “Yes and no. I am disappointed about college, to be honest. And there are other things. I hate living with my mom. I’m worried about raising Max in this town, around these people. This is not how I planned for my life to go. But… at the same time, it’s so much better than I ever imagined. Max makes up for all the things that feel disappointing. Yes, we have to live with my mom in that park, but Max also gets the best of her. She’s the worst, nobody knows that more than me. But not with him. She’s kind and thoughtful, she takes him places and to do fun things. She’s delightful around him and that’s something I never thought I would see. And you know how much I hate this town, but the school system is great. He’s getting a good education and I like the class sizes and someh
ow he’s made friends with kids that seem to come from good families.”

  “What about college?”

  I chewed over the one thing I missed most about my imaginary life before Max. “There’s still time for that,” I finally admitted. “Right now, Max is the greatest thing I can do. He’s a worthy pursuit. He’s my big adventure. And he’s going to leave to have his own one day. Like, he just keeps growing up, no matter how much I try to convince him to stop.” I smiled at my words, gazing after my son with an intense mix of longing and hope. “I can do college then. My idea of life was this linear, logical plan that fit nicely in the careful box I’d crafted for it. But this messy, wild, unpredictable version is so much better, so much worthier of living.”

  We were making good progress around the square, almost back to Rosie’s. Max ran back to show me his new loot every stop, but he was too excited about the evening to care what Levi and I were talking about.

  Levi was silent for a long time. “You make it seem easy, Ruby.”

  I tugged his jacket tighter around me and folded my arms over my chest. “It has never been easy. There hasn’t been a single day that was easy. I don’t think good things ever are. The hard things make the victory and the success so much better, so much more beautiful.”

  He turned to face me, stilling me with a hand on my forearm. “Is that our story?”

  My heart kicked in my chest just like it had seven years ago at Kristen March’s party. I like you, Ruby, he whispered graduation night. I’ve always liked you.

  I should have told him we didn’t have a story, but the words got stuck in my throat, refusing to surface. It wasn’t true anyway.

  It might not be a love story, but Levi and I definitely told a tale.

  “There you are!” Coco greeted from a few feet away. Levi and I jumped apart like someone had started a fire between us.

  Or maybe it was in us.

  “I’ve been looking for you,” she said, panting a little like she’d been running laps around the square.

  “Did you text?” I asked.

  She cocked her head. “Yeah, like ten times. I even called you. Which you know was traumatizing for me. I’m post voice calls.”