The Girl in the Lighthouse (Arrington)

by Roxane Tepfer Sanford

  “Did you see him, Ayden? Did you see Victor?”

  “I saw him.”

  I took hold of Ayden’s hand then whispered, “Did you see him the night you almost died?”

  Our eyes locked onto one another, and the fog bell rang.

  “He saved you, Ayden.”

  As unbelievable as it was, as much as Victor left both Ayden and I with wide eyes and our hearts pounding in our chests, we knew he was there to protect us. His image was frightening, but we were safe when he was around. And only Ayden and I could see him.

  Ayden didn’t let go of my hand as we made our way through the fog, following the light back to the tower.

  “We tell no one of this,” I said to him. “This is our secret. Do you swear, Ayden Dalton? Swear you won’t tell a soul.”

  Ayden squeezed my hand, his eyes unwavering, then said, “I swear.”

  After the week of ominous fog, the sun brought bright blue skies and rejuvenated us all. Daddy was exhausted and fell into bed just as Momma came out of her long sleep. She allowed him to sleep that first star-filled night while she manned the tower.

  The days that passed seemed more like a strange dream than reality. I, more than anything, didn’t want to remember most of it. I hated thinking of the dead bodies, the eerie fog, Momma’s ill sleep, Daddy’s fatigue, and the ghost that stayed near. The only thing that kept those thoughts from turning into horrible nightmares was Ayden’s new friendship for me. And there was one other very special thing besides my friendship, besides the warm sun that chased the fog away that lifted my spirits.

  Just before Daddy collapsed into bed, he came to me with a box in his hand. I had been reading on my bed when he knocked on my door. Poor Daddy; it was the most tired I had ever seen him. His eyes were hollow, his face pale. His uniform was unkempt, his hair messy under his cap. But he came to me with his last ounce of energy and placed the box next to me.

  “I’m sorry about your birthday, Lillian,” he sighed.

  “It’s okay, Daddy.”

  “Open it. Tell me if you like it.”

  I put my book down and brought the long box onto my lap. Slowly, I opened it, and inside was the doll, the beautiful doll I had wished so hard for.

  “Oh, Daddy,” I cried. “Thank you so much.”

  “Are you happy, Lillian?” he asked, with such worry.

  I jumped up and hugged him as tight as I could and covered his scruffy face with dozens of kisses.

  “I have never been so happy,” I exclaimed.

  “You know I would go to the ends of the Earth to make you happy, don’t you, Lillian?”

  I took his face in my hands and said, “I love you the most, Daddy.”

  He brought me close and stroked my long, thick hair. “You will always be my special princess. No matter what life brings, no matter what dark shadows are cast over the bright sun, know your daddy loves you. Never believe anything less of me, my darling daughter.”

  Daddy was practically begging me to understand him. Of course, I promised him. Why would I think anything different? I could never doubt Daddy’s constant love for me. Nothing in the world could ever change the way I felt about him. Daddy had the deepest part of my heart; he had my love, which was so strong, not even the most brutal of storms could break it. My love for him could never sink, not like the ships that broke in half and plunged to the bottom of the sea. My adoration for Daddy kept me from any affliction that came my way. There was no reason to believe otherwise.

  I was eager to show Heath and Ayden my beautiful doll. They had just returned from fishing. Both had caught a half-dozen fish, and Opal took them to prepare for supper.

  “Look at what Daddy gave me for my birthday,” I said, gleaming with happiness.

  “That’s some doll,” Heath said.

  “Her name is Jane. I am the luckiest girl to have such a doll.”

  “You be careful with her, Lillian,” Heath said.

  “Oh, of course. I’m going to keep her on my bed. She is not a doll for playing with.”

  “Then what’s the point?” Ayden asked.

  “Well, she is to look at and admire.”

  “She kind of resembles you, Lillian,” Ayden said, taking a closer look.

  “Indeed she does,” Heath added.

  “I’m going to put her back up in my room. See you both later,” I sang.

  I wasn’t sure if Momma had seen my doll. I wasn’t sure if she even remembered missing my birthday. I didn’t want to bring it up; I didn’t want to make her feel bad. It wasn’t her fault she was often sick. There was no medicine the doctors could give her to make her well. She had taken all kinds of powders in years past, but none of them worked. Daddy and I had become used to her episodes of weariness, her weeks of bed rest. It was ordinary to us, though bizarre to Heath and Ayden. Their mother was strong and always full of energy. She wasn’t fragile like Momma; she wasn’t small and thin. Momma was so small she was just the size of a boy. She was just a few inches taller than Ayden. If no one knew better, they would presume she was my sister, rather than my own mother.

  I found Momma sitting outside under the last of the warm summer sun. She had been knitting a baby blanket and had dozed off into a peaceful nap. She looked relaxed, and there was even a smile on her delicate face as she dreamed. I watched, unable to decide if I should wake her. Momma hadn’t spent much time with me lately. I missed her goodnights, her soft tender hugs.

  “Momma,” I whispered, gently touching her hand. “Are you awake?”

  Slowly, she lifted her eyelids and gazed up at me. She didn’t speak at first and appeared rather confused. Then she reached for my hand. “Hattie, Hattie is that you?”

  Hattie? Who was Hattie?

  “Momma, it’s Lillian.”

  “Lillian?” Her eyes focused then flew open, as if she had just seen a ghost.

  “Momma, I’m sorry for waking you. I wanted to show you my doll. Daddy gave it to me today.”

  “Oh, oh,” she said repeatedly then sat up. She reached for my doll and held it. Time seemed to stand still for me while Momma’s mind scrambled to come out of some distant memory.

  “Who is Hattie?” I asked. She didn’t answer. “You called me Hattie, Momma.”

  “Did I, Lillian? I’m sorry; I was dreaming,” she admitted, then gave the doll back to me.

  “I am sorry for waking you,” I said, then turned to go. I looked back to see Momma staring off vacantly. Her expression was filled with puzzlement. I was left with a feeling of unease in the pit of my stomach. What was Momma dreaming about that took her mind so far away? We never knew anyone by the name of Hattie. She had not once mentioned anyone to me other than my dead grandparents. Momma had no brothers or sisters. I could have speculated all day as to who Momma thought I reminded her of. A part of me wanted to know. I had always wondered about Momma’s life before she met Daddy. Maybe Hattie was an aunt or a cousin, though I wasn’t told of any that existed. My efforts to learn much of anything about Momma and Daddy before I was born had left me only a mystery. Without photographs, there was nothing for me to think about except what was in my own imagination. The clues that Momma gave were bewildering. I could never fit the pieces of the puzzle together. Without Momma’s occasional flashbacks, I would never even know as much as I did.

  Daddy never, ever mentioned anyone or anything about his past, except that he was in the Confederate Navy. That is all I knew, and I didn’t dare ask him more, for when I did, his eyes would turn dark and cold as the sea just before it turned to ice.

  “The past is the past and buried like the dead. None of it matters anymore. There is nothing for you to know, Lillian,” Daddy said, and insisted I never ask him of it again. When Daddy said this to me, Momma was standing deep in the shadows. I caught a glimpse of her just as Daddy sent me on my way. All I could see were her troubled eyes reflecting the flame from one lone candle.

  By strange coincidence, at supper Opal announced that her parents were going to arrive at th
e end of the following week for a visit. It was Heath and Ayden’s birthday month. Momma and Daddy looked to one another, concerned.

  “Grandpa Zechman retired as a professor of mathematics. He taught at Harvard. That’s where I’m going to go,” Heath said.

  “I don’t want to go to college. I want to be a lighthouse keeper like father,” Ayden announced.

  “And you will be a fine lighthouse keeper at that, Ayden,” Edward said.

  “Both jobs are important,” I chimed in. “Both save lives.”

  Daddy smiled proudly and winked at me.

  “I have no doubt that all of you children will grow up to be successful,” Opal said.

  Momma must have sensed what I was thinking. What would I grow up to be successful at? Women were meant to stay home and have babies. They did the cooking and cleaning. I wouldn’t ever call that successful.

  “Lillian will be a fine lighthouse keeper, won’t you?”

  “A girl for a lighthouse keeper? I don’t think so,” Ayden laughed.

  I swallowed hard and tried not to let anyone to see the tears welling up in my eyes. Of course, I wanted to be as brave as Daddy was, as dedicated and enthusiastic as any lighthouse keeper. I believed it was a job I could do with my eyes closed if I had to. Daddy then and there let me know he believed in me.

  “Lillian will be a fine lighthouse keeper; there is no doubt in my mind. She is smart and strong and knows how to work the beacon almost better than I.”

  Momma’s smile grew wide, matching my own. Daddy had confidence in me; Daddy knew I could succeed at anything, regardless of what anyone thought. Heath instantaneously agreed.

  Ayden obviously objected. His face was twisted with skepticism, but for my benefit, he made no other comments.

  “Behind every successful man is a great woman,” Daddy said, and he touched Momma affectionately on her cheek and went to prepare for the night ahead. Heath blushed and lowered his eyes. Daddy had never done that before—touched Momma anywhere other than the privacy of their own dwelling. A simple touch or look between the two of them held a passion and fire that made everyone around them take notice.

  Momma came to see me to bed earlier than usual. She said she was going to stay up with Daddy in the tower. After a quick brush of my hair, she leaned in and kissed me goodnight.

  “Momma?”

  “Yes, Lillian?”

  “Is it true that you make Daddy the great man that he is? Does every wife do that for their husband?” I asked skeptically.

  I already knew that Momma made Daddy’s heart beat; I was aware that the sparkle in his deep brown eyes came from the light Momma shined into his life. But what was it about her that made him want to save every ship in peril?

  “Someday you will understand. You will be old enough to see how your presence can make a man go to the moon and back for you, how he will find compassion for others just because he is in love with you. He will risk everything, even his own life. It is because his heart is joined with mine through eternity that he has the conviction to live life to its fullest. It is not me that makes Daddy the great man that he is, but the love we share.” Momma kissed my forehead and pulled the covers up under my chin, then softly said, “You can have any man you want, Lillian. Just remember to follow your heart.”

  Those words rang familiar. The gypsy woman had said the exact same thing.

  _______________

  Chapter Six

  Heath and Ayden were lucky to have visitors, especially to have their grandparents come to Jasper Island. They didn’t know I had no grandparents. They were unaware that Momma, Daddy, and I would never have the good fortune of family in our lives. I so envied them, and if I were to be granted a most special wish, it would be to have everything I felt I was entitled to; which included grandparents.

  The Zechmans arrived early Friday morning, the last day of the month of August. Edward rowed them from the vessel to the island. Heath and Ayden stood by to retrieve their trunk, and Opal waved frantically as soon as she spotted the row boat coming ashore.

  Daddy and Momma kept to themselves, staying up in the tower, cleaning the lenses and mirror. I was surprised when they headed up to the tower and didn’t stay behind to greet Opal’s father and mother. They had only just cleaned less than a day before.

  The grandfather was a tall, proud man with thick, silvery-blond hair, wearing a bowler hat. His sack suit was dapper, and he took out a monogrammed handkerchief to clean off his spectacles after he stepped onto the rocky beach. He appeared to be only a few years older than Edward and Daddy, but I was certain he couldn’t have been. The grandmother had a gentle, kind expression, just like Opal’s. Her hair was all silver and pulled back into a tight bun. She was a smaller, thinner version of Opal. I noticed a beautiful cameo on her wine-colored pagoda day dress, which resembled nothing that Momma or Opal wore to work in every day.

  The Daltons gave them a warm welcome and introduced them to me. Heath put his hands on my shoulders and stood behind me, then said, “Grandmother, Grandfather, this is Lillian Arrington.”

  They both smiled, and one at a time came and embraced me.

  “So you are the young lady that has befriended my grandsons. Heath writes about you in every letter,” the grandfather said.

  “You are just as lovely as Heath described,” the grandmother added. My stomach filled with what felt like a hundred butterflies when she revealed what Heath wrote in his letters. Did he really think I was lovely, or was he just trying to be kind? When I turned to look at him, his expression hadn’t changed. He wasn’t embarrassed. I believed he was just being kind.

  “Come, Mother; let’s get you settled in.”

  Heath and Ayden hauled the trunk up the embankment and to the house. I trailed behind Opal and her mother. They obviously had a close mother/ daughter relationship, reminding me of what I had with Momma. I was grateful for it. I couldn’t wait for Momma and Daddy to meet them and hurried up to the tower.

  “They are here,” I called, as I climbed up the circular iron steps to the observation deck. Momma was gazing out through the clear windows while Daddy cleaned the Fresnel lens.

  “Were you watching, Momma?”

  “Yes, Lillian; I saw them arrive.”

  They didn’t seem like they were going anywhere.

  “Aren’t you coming down?”

  “Not now, Lillian. We will meet them at supper,” Daddy said, not looking up.

  I knew it was not proper, but what could I say? It was awkward when I returned without Momma and Daddy.

  “Where are your parents? Have they come down from the tower?” Edward asked.

  I wasn’t sure what to say. I wanted to lie and tell them something had broken and they were up there trying to fix it, but I wasn’t even sure what I would say was broken.

  By the time I ran through my options, Edward had realized I was trying to cover for them.

  “It’s all right, Lillian. I suspect they have important things to do. We will introduce them at supper,” he said. I hoped he understood, because I didn’t.

  Heath and Ayden were gracious enough to allow to me spend time with their grandparents. Heath was excited to show his grandfather his telescope.

  “Tell me what you have learned,” the grandfather said. Heath eagerly demonstrated how the instrument worked then explained where all the constellations were and what they represented.

  “Even Lillian knows them now,” Ayden informed him.

  “Heath taught me. He is a good teacher. We have been studying fossils, also.”

  “I see. It sounds like you children use your time wisely. I’m glad to hear that. There is much to learn in this world,” he said.

  Heath idolized his grandfather. I didn’t blame him. Ayden, on the other hand, was not cut of the same cloth. Ayden enjoyed working with his hands. He was as smart as Heath, just in a different way. Heath didn’t care to know the anatomy of a lighthouse, although he could easily learn if he had wanted to. Heath spent as little time a
s possible in the lighthouse and showed vague interest when Daddy and Edward talked about it. However, Ayden sat intrigued, his mind taking notes, memorizing every aspect of what it took to be a lighthouse keeper. For me, it was second nature; it was all I knew. The three of us were so different, but we all had the same goals—to be the best at what we set out to do.

  Ayden was obviously aware of his grandfather’s affections for Heath. Instead of trailing along and trying to keep up with their discussion on mathematic equations, he asked me if I wanted to go have a game of checkers. He had never asked me before. Heath and Ayden played all the time and occasionally I had a go of it with Heath.

  “Sure, Ayden,” I said, though I was more interested in staying with Heath and his grandfather. But I could see how much he wanted me to.

  “You two have fun,” Heath said, barely giving us a second thought.

  “You have wonderful grandparents,” I told Ayden.

  “I suppose so,” he replied, not thinking much of it.

  “Do you have any others?”

  “Any other what?”

  “Grandparents. Like your father’s parents?”

  Ayden set up the board. He took black. “Yes. They live back in England. I’ve never met them.”

  So Ayden also had grandparents he’d never met. We had something else in common. It made me feel better; it made me feel less different.

  “Have you ever been there?” I asked then made the first move.

  “Where?”

  “To England.”

  He didn’t look up from the board. “No.”

  “I would love to go to England. From there I would want to see France and Germany.”

  “I wouldn’t,” he replied, then jumped me.

  “Why not? I think it would be fun to travel the world and experience different cultures,” I said, as my mind took me to Paris. “Did you know they eat snails?”

  Ayden grimaced then said, “That’s disgusting.”

  “It’s called escargot.”

  “I don’t care what it’s called; it’s still disgusting. I would never eat it. I never want to live anywhere but on a lighthouse station,” he declared while I made the next jump.