The Girl in the Lighthouse (Arrington)

by Roxane Tepfer Sanford

  “Don’t you think that is kind of boring? After all, you can be a lighthouse keeper and travel on your time off.”

  “I won’t travel.”

  “Never?”

  “Never, ever.”

  I sat back against my chair, amazed. There was a whole world out there. In just a few rows of an oar, one could climb aboard a vessel and discover new lands. Ayden didn’t see how marvelous the thought of that was. All he wanted to do was stay put on a remote island and man a tower. That was it. As exciting as that could be, I was not going to stay isolated for the rest of my life. Maybe instead of being a lighthouse keeper like Daddy, I would be an explorer, or maybe even an anthropologist. I didn’t share my exhilarating idea with Ayden. He didn’t have my ambitions; he had no desire to experience new people and places. That was one thing we absolutely didn’t have in common. That was the one thing that, in years to come, would put our friendship to the test and on the threshold of its demise.

  Supper was formal in honor of the guests of Jasper Island. I returned home after two hours of checkers with Ayden to wash up and change into my best dress. Momma had already prepared herself and was in the kitchen gathering up the apple pie she made especially for the occasion. Daddy had gone to the mainland earlier in the week to get the apples she requested. The house was filled with the most delectable aroma; it made my mouth water. After chocolate cake, apple pie was my favorite. During the autumn season, though we used to be far off in the Atlantic Ocean, the supply vessel often delivered a box of apples a year, and Momma made pie after pie. Daddy and I could never get enough.

  “I’m going to get too fat to climb the steps to the tower if I keep eating your momma’s scrumptious pies,” Daddy laughed to me.

  He used to say that all the time, and I believed he would on the evening we dined with the grandparents. But as he walked through the house to change into his cleanest sack coat, he didn’t comment. Daddy appeared preoccupied, even uptight. Momma, on the other hand, was joyful, much different from earlier. She sang as she baked her pie. Even Daddy, who always stopped to smile when he heard Momma’s beautiful voice, didn’t that evening.

  Momma, Daddy, and I arrived fashionably late. Opal had set up a lovely supper table. It was the first time we had dined in their home. The Daltons’ house was a scaled-down version of ours. The rooms had the same basic layout, except there was a bedroom on the first floor, and all the rooms were smaller. It was a tight fit around the table, but we managed. Edward and the grandfather sat at the ends of the long table. Daddy appeared awkward, sitting off to Edward’s side. I sat between Momma and Daddy. The introductions went rather well, I thought, as Daddy seemed to turn off some kind of switch inside him. He was cordial to the grandparents, and I was thankful. I had not known Daddy to be unkind to anyone, except for the drunken sailor that Daddy quickly put in his place.

  As predicted, the conversation went straight into getting to know Momma and Daddy. This was Daddy’s worst situation; Daddy was private and didn’t like to reveal much about him, Momma, and me, unless it had to do with his position as primary keeper, or his experiences at Rock Ledge Island. If anyone approached Daddy with a subject other than that, he dodged the questions, changed the subject, or simply removed himself from the discussion. I had no idea why anything about Momma and Daddy’s past had to be kept silent, other than the fact that he had been a Confederate soldier. Was that the only thing that made Daddy cringe? Could it be the worst shame of his life?

  “Where were you stationed before Rock Ledge?” the grandfather asked.

  Daddy took a bite of his potato, and I saw Momma and him exchange an uncomfortable glance.

  “I served in the navy,” Daddy answered with dignity.

  “In the war?”

  “Yes, sir.” Daddy calmed when the grandfather didn’t ask which side Daddy fought for. He obviously presumed it was for the Union.

  “We certainly honor your service, both then and now,” the grandmother said.

  Daddy thanked them. Momma was rather fidgety, and Opal noticed.

  “Amelia, are you all right?”

  “Yes, yes, of course.” Momma was flushed.

  “Where are you originally from?” the grandfather asked Momma.

  “We are natives of New York,” Daddy answered for her, which was a lie.

  “New York?” Edward said, confused.

  “I thought I had mentioned it. In any case, we haven’t been home in a long while.”

  Momma looked at Daddy, and I noticed him reached under the table to squeeze her hand, then he quickly let go.

  The grandfather was about to speak, when Opal, sensing how much the inquisition made Momma uncomfortable, changed the subject. “Father, tell us about your voyage this coming spring.”

  I watched as Momma took a long-needed breath.

  “We will be sailing on the Atlantic, a new ship, a White Star Line vessel, from Liverpool to New York,” said the grandfather.

  “It was built in Belfast last year. She’s four hundred and twenty feet in length and breadth—forty feet, nine-tenths,” Heath stated.

  “And what’s her registered tonnage?” the grandfather quizzed, making sure Heath was thorough with his statistics.

  “That would be two thousand, three hundred, and sixty-six,” Heath quickly answered.

  “Very impressive.”

  Heath was always looking to impress us. Even Daddy had lifted his brow in amazement. Heath had his grandfather’s astuteness, his father’s good looks, and his mother’s gentle nature. I was thrilled to have such a boy as my friend, my best friend. I couldn’t help but long for Heath to someday feel more for me, something other than friendship. I hoped one day he no longer saw me as a little girl—that I would grow up to be as attractive and mesmerizing as Momma. If I turned out to be the likeness of Momma, I was certain Heath would fall in love with me.

  Momma was excited to serve her apple pie for dessert. Opal set it in the stove for a few minutes to warm it up.

  “It’s smells delicious, Mrs. Arrington,” Ayden commented. He was anxious to have a piece.

  “Indeed it does, Amelia,” the grandmother added.

  Daddy sat back with a smile. He was so proud of Momma. Daddy was always proud of her. Whatever she set her sights to do, she did perfectly.

  “Can I get anyone some coffee or tea?” Opal asked.

  The men asked for coffee, and Momma wanted tea. Opal slowly lifted herself and walked around the table. Inside of her, she had a baby growing, I remembered. It must feel strange, I thought. I wondered if she felt it move around. As she passed me, I felt the urge to reach out and touch her belly, but I kept my hand still and at my side. As much as pregnancy frightened me, a small part was fascinated.

  “Lillian?” Momma said to me, bringing me out of deep thought.

  “Yes, Momma?”

  “Show the grandmother your necklace and bracelet.”

  I looked down at my wrist.

  “She commented on it. I told her Heath and Ayden gave them to you on your tenth birthday.”

  “Oh, yes, here.”

  I extended my arm so she could take a closer look, and with my other hand I pulled the necklace out from under my collar. Ayden turned away, while Heath gleamed with pride.

  “All sea shells from the beach below,” Heath told her.

  “Beautiful,” the grandmother said as she held my hand in hers. Her hands were wrinkly and boney and covered in small brown spots. I had never been touched by such an old hand. I supposed if I had a grandmother, her hands would be just like hers. Tenderly, she let go and smiled at me, then said, “A lovely necklace for such a lovely young lady.”

  “Thank you, ma’am,” I said softly then slowly pulled my hand away.

  Daddy gave me a satisfied nod that told me I had done well; he approved of my poise. It was one thing Daddy emphasized. “Always stay self-assured and controlled; keep your head high. Be polite and courteous—always, Lillian.”

  After dessert, after a
ll of the compliments on Momma’s pie, the men headed up to the lighthouse, including Heath and Ayden, while I helped clear the table. I listened as Opal commented on how well the supper went. Momma acknowledged how well-bred her parents were. I sensed Momma was relieved it went so well. Her chipper voice told me all of her concerns about meeting the grandparents were long gone. She again felt secure in her environment and no longer feared her confidential times of yore would be exposed. Someday, I hoped Momma and Daddy would let me in, trust me enough to have their secrets revealed, and divulge whatever burdens they carried year after year.

  The week of the grandparents’ visit seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, Edward rowed them out to meet the vessel that would take them back to Boston. The very next day, Heath and Ayden started school. They were gone before the sun came up, rowed to the mainland, and took the short walk to the school house. It was a lonely morning without Heath chattering about something he read, or something he discovered somewhere on the beach. I didn’t have Ayden to ask me to play checkers or hide and seek. Instead, I had my own morning chores—gathering the eggs, sweeping the house, and cleaning up with Momma after breakfast. Then Momma called me in to start my studies.

  Our first lesson began with the Mexican-American war then Momma proceeded to arithmetic. After lunch, Momma needed a nap and told me to take out my McGuffy reader and spend at least one hour reading. I took the book with me outside to the bluff. I sat under my favorite tree, in my favorite spot, where I planned to do as Momma said. But as I leaned against the tree, I couldn’t help but think of Ayden and Heath. I couldn’t wait to hear what their first day of school was like. What was the name of the school master? How many children would attend? What did they play at recess? I worried that they would make new friends and forget all about me. Maybe a pretty girl would catch Heath’s eye. What if Ayden found a new friend he would rather play with? I couldn’t stand the thought of them coming home and not running to me and asking me to spend time with them. I felt so lonely knowing they weren’t even on the island for me to call out for. Heath was always nearby to lend me a hand, and Ayden was the only one who shared my secrets of the ghost.

  My feelings left me glum, and I certainly didn’t feel up to reading. So I closed my eyes and envisioned a day when I was a grown up and no longer under Momma and Daddy’s wings. I would fly away, just like all baby birds did when it was time to go. I would leave the lighthouse and only return for occasional visits. I would return with treasures collected from all over the world. I would come bearing gifts for everyone, just as the grandparents had. The day couldn’t come soon enough for me.

  The hours of the day went by like minutes, and I grew tired waiting for time to pass. Instead of doing what I was told, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. The air was warm, and the salty breezes cascaded over me as I lay down on the ground. It was only seconds before I fell into a dream.

  The voices that filled my mind brought me out of a peaceful sleep. I wasn’t sure if they were in my dreams or real. I slowly sat up, rubbed my eyes, and focused. Ayden and Heath were rowing up to the island; they were not too far out. I stood on the bluff and called to them. They spotted me and waved back. Without a moment to waste, I hurried down to the beach. Though they had only been gone for most of a day, it seemed as if they had been away for a lifetime.

  The minute their feet reached the beach, I ran and threw my arms around them. They were taken aback, surprised at my burst of gladness.

  “I missed you both,” I cried. “How was your first day of school? Tell me everything; tell me all about it.”

  “It was boring; school is always boring,” Ayden muttered. “I wish I could stay here with you.”

  Surprised, I shook my head then looked at Heath.

  “Ayden hates school. He sits there with a big pout on his face. Today he refused to take out his chalk and slate.”

  “Ayden, why wouldn’t you do ask the teacher asked?” I wanted to know.

  “She is a mean lady, and I’m not going back!”

  “She is not mean, and you are going back. And when Father learns how badly you behaved and that you didn’t mind Miss Weatherbee, you’re going to get a lashing,” he said.

  “Oh, you wouldn’t tell on him, would you?” I gasped. Just the thought of Ayden being struck with a strap made me want to cry.

  “No, I won’t say anything. But Father is sure to find out.”

  Heath left Ayden and me standing there. In Ayden’s eyes, I saw the hostility he kept towards his brother.

  “No need to worry. He said he wouldn’t tell,” I assured him.

  “Who does he think he is, anyways? He isn’t as perfect as he wants everyone to believe,” Ayden mumbled. Then his expression of anger faded into amusement. “Do you want to hear a secret, a secret about Heath?” Ayden whispered.

  I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to know anything bad about him, and I couldn’t even imagine what secret Heath would keep. Ayden noticed my reluctance, and before I could object, he revealed something that if I truly believed, left me with immense doubt of Heath’s character and profoundly disenchanted.

  That night at supper, I didn’t look at Heath; I just couldn’t. When I thought he was looking my way, I would shift my eyes down to my plate. I had suddenly realized Heath was years older than me and completely out of reach. He had his mind set on being a successful doctor and his heart set on the most intelligent and beautiful woman that crossed his path. Ayden had revealed a side of Heath I had both feared and longed for. It had me confused and battling with myself since the moment I first laid eyes on him.

  If Heath were aware of my conflict, if he noticed my dejection on that first evening back from school, he didn’t acknowledge it. Just as we began to eat, Opal and Edward made each of the boys recite one important lesson Miss Weatherbee had taught. Heath was first, and he cited a quote from Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Then Edward looked to Ayden, who had lowered his head to avoid his father’s mandate.

  “Ayden, your father asked you to recite a lesson,” Opal said.

  Heath swallowed hard, knowing what was about to happen. Obviously, this had happened before. We all waited for Ayden to obey, but he objected with his silence.

  “Ayden Alexander Dalton, you rise from your seat and recite a lesson Miss Weatherbee gave you,” his father commanded.

  Ayden stood and put his napkin on the table, his head still bowed to the floor. I believed he was about to admit he misbehaved, but instead, he lifted his head and revealed a smile full of vice. “Father, I am sorry. I cannot recite a lesson given by Miss Weatherbee because she was too busy.”

  I sat on the edge of my seat, afraid of what Ayden was about to say. From the dark, malevolent look in his midnight-blue eyes, I knew he was going to throw Heath to the wolves.

  “Too busy? What does that mean?” Opal asked.

  His father’s eyes narrowed and Heath turned white as a ghost.

  “It means Miss Weatherbee, our teacher, was too busy letting Heath kiss her.”

  Momma gasped, Opal sat back in shock, Daddy was flabbergasted, and Ayden stood self-righteous at his brother’s wrongdoing. Heath could have protected himself; he could have lied. He should have lied. I closed my eyes as Edward stormed over to Heath, grabbed him by the collar, and slapped him across the face with his free hand. Heath fell backwards and into the wall then slumped to the floor. Daddy jumped up and ran to stop Edward from hitting Heath again.

  “Don’t do this to him,” Daddy said, holding Edward back.

  Momma began to sob. Opal said nothing as she came to wipe the blood from Heath’s cut lip. I glared at Ayden with eyes so full of disgust it made him wince then he stumbled over Heath and ran out.

  Momma lifted me by the arm and insisted we go. I looked at Heath one more time. He sat motionless and stunned. He had obviously been shot in the heart by his brother’s hostile betrayal.

  Lying in bed, I cried quietly. I cried for Heath, for his physical and emotional pain. I cried
for Ayden, who let the darkness into his soul too often and betrayed his own flesh and blood to save himself, and most of all, I cried for me. The tears that soaked my pillow were for my broken heart. Little did I realize my heart would be broken and shattered into a hundred pieces more than once in a lifetime.

  _______________

  Chapter Seven

  The weeks to come changed the dynamics of our tight-knit lighthouse family. The very next day, after the unpleasant school incident, Edward and Opal took Heath and Ayden back to the mainland to have an emergency meeting with the town school board, and from what I was told, Miss Weatherbee was immediately dismissed from her position, and the search began for a new school master. Apparently, the school was lucky to have had a teacher in the first place. She was the only one out of dozens to accept the position. Miss Weatherbee, from what I heard, was only fifteen, the same age as Heath.

  Edward put Heath on a strict punishment. From sun up to sun down, Heath was to work on building a new barn. He had no assistance; no one was allowed to talk to him. From what I observed, even Edward wasn’t speaking to his son. Heath refused to talk to Ayden, and Opal was caught in the middle. She was distraught and sickened over what her family was going through. And the worst change of all, the thing that left my heart aching, was that Heath refused to look at me, as well. He didn’t say hello when I was near the barn; he turned away from me when I was at the well retrieving a bucket of water to do the dishes. Heath was hurting more than anyone realized. He didn’t seem like a guilty boy who stole secret kisses from an attractive girl; he was unashamed and very, very angry.

  While a new teacher was sought after, Momma insisted the boys learn their studies with me. After the barn was complete, Ayden and Heath came to our house and took their lessons from Momma. I worried that Ayden would be less than respectful, that he wouldn’t obey Momma, but surprisingly he did. In fact, he left Momma proud of how quickly he was learning. He was always eager to do his arithmetic or to recite a passage from his reader. Ayden always sat on his stool, giving Momma his undivided attention. Heath, on the other hand, had lost his passion for learning. Of course, he did as Momma instructed; he was at all times respectful and did his work as he was told. His grades were excellent, as usual. But the sparkle in his brilliant blue eyes had vanished, and I seemed to be the only one to notice.