Coffee and Cockpits

by Jade Hart

  “If we were on fire, how did we not smell smoke?” My voice trembled. Memories of the training drill, the acrid smoke swamping me, clutched my throat. If the cabin had filled with flames, it wouldn’t have mattered if we landed safely. We would’ve been a barbeque takeaway by the time we arrived.

  “I listened to the black box recording. There was a muffled bang and Captain Anderson discussed it with you. Do you remember how loud it was?” Nikolai slipped into detective mode. Capable. Intelligent.

  I responded like a victim—fumbling through that brief memory before we hurtled toward earth. “Yes. It was loud. Ear-shattering loud.”

  Nikolai pointed at a small conjunction box where a bunch of wires snaked into. It was partially melted. Fire turned them to wax, before hardening into ghoulish pattern. “This is what you heard.”

  “Is that connected to the autopilot?” My eyes tried to follow the spaghetti of wires, but quickly gave up.

  “No, but this one is.” He pointed to a thick cord of plaited cables disappearing toward the cockpit. “The conjunction box should’ve stopped the surge from traveling to the other electronics. It didn’t.” Trailing his fingertip along the cables, he added, “Because it failed, the next thing to go was the landing gear. Then the autopilot. It all happened in such quick succession, there was nothing anyone could’ve done.”

  Some of the wires were melted in a puddle of black, reds, and yellows. “Did the fire put itself out?”

  Nikolai gave me a crooked smile. “Luckily, the explosion tore a hole in the outer shell. The wind extinguished the fire before it could spread.”

  I stepped closer, reaching out to touch the cause of our crash. “Was anyone at fault?”

  His eyes dropped to my lips. “No. No one’s to blame. Just bad luck.” He leaned forward, breathing harsher. “It could’ve been a lot worse. I’m so thankful you landed safely.”

  If he was so thankful, he should thank Liam and Anderson. They were the heroes in this mess. Nikolai should also honour that by keeping his distance. He knew Liam and I liked each other; he shouldn’t crowd me like he was.

  “The moment I got the call about the downed Kiwi Air, I couldn’t get on the charter flight fast enough. Even though I barely know you, just the thought you were hurt rammed a pole through my chest.” He grabbed my hand putting it right over his heart. “It hurt right here.” His lips parted, hazel eyes smouldering.

  My lungs wheezed. Holy fire. We were all alone in an airplane, and the air had become thick as glue. I didn’t want him this close, but at the same time, I had trouble remembering exactly why.

  He leaned in.

  I froze.

  I couldn’t move as his mouth grazed against mine. His fingers clenched, lacing with my digits still on his chest. The zipper of his overalls scraped my palm.

  The friction sent a flare of panic. This wasn’t right. I couldn’t do this. Liam. He didn’t deserve this.

  I wriggled, wrenching my hand back. This wasn’t me. I didn’t let one man bulldoze my world, allow him to turn me inside out, then run to another. And I certainly didn’t want to be a slut by leading them both on. Not to mention the hurt I’d cause Liam. Pain weighted me at the sheer thought of him hating me; cursing me for kissing Nikolai. My God, what had I done?

  “Don’t kiss me.” I pushed him.

  He blinked at my tone. “I only wanted to show you how much I like you. How much I care already. Don’t shut me out just because you’ve spent a few days in Liam’s company.” His face flickered with past memories, hurt, anguish. “I don’t want you to think I hate Liam. It’s quite the opposite. He’s a fantastic guy, and he deserves you, but I deserve you too. We’re the same, you and I.”

  My brain misfired. I shook my head. “We aren’t the same. We dance well together, that’s all. I’m truly sorry, Nikolai, but my feelings for Liam overshadow what I felt for you.” I was a bitch admitting it, but he had to know the truth.

  A flash of anger pulsed across his face. He leaned forward, trapping me against the cylindrical wall of the plane. Hands splayed on either side of me, trapping me. “I respect that. Truly I do, and I won’t be a sore loser, but I need to ask one last time. Was there something between us in Sydney?”

  Tension knotted my shoulders. I hated being so close to him. It conjured residual feelings from dancing. Hot, sensual feelings that had no place in this conversation. “Yes. There was something.” Before the crash. Before Liam. Before my life turned topsy-turvy and I let my heart free.

  His eyes dropped to my lips again, causing my stomach to clench. “I’m willing to wait. If you need to figure out this thing with Liam. I’ll wait.”

  What? Crap, he was persistent. He was a good looking guy. A nice, talented guy. He’d never be short of willing women. Why me? What made me so special?

  He murmured, “Besides, hasn’t your perspective on life changed a little? You said so yourself, you survived a crash and life is different now. Haven’t you ever wanted to be reckless? Be a little naughty? You could have both of us. I wouldn’t tell. I’d be willing to share, until I could make you mine.”

  I drowned in silence. Suffocated by indecision and uncertainty. He made it sound so innocent. So logical.

  His lips touched mine again and I didn’t push him away. I didn’t kiss him back either.

  Pulling away, he caressed my cheek, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “Please, Nina. Get to know me. Before you make your mind up on whom you want.”

  Spidery legs of confusion scattered along my spine.

  I’d already made up my mind on whom I wanted.

  Hadn’t I?

  Where was she?

  I looked all around the hanger, chatting with engineers and CAA staff, trying to glean info on where Nina had gone. No one admitted to seeing a stunning woman with legs as long as a runway and hair as glossy as polished bronze.

  The entire time I searched a rock formed in my gut. There was one other person I couldn’t find either.

  I glared up at the plane. Could she have gone inside? Why would she? Did she need to work through the crash, come to terms with it?

  Questions charged in my head as I dashed up the steps. My flip-flops slapped against the metal grate of the stairs, and I sucked in a breath as I left the bright lights of the hanger for the gloominess of the cabin. It was lifeless inside without crew or passengers. No longer a useful transport—its main reason for existing no longer allowed to enter its belly. A twinge of sadness caught me unaware. What would happen to the metal beast? Would they smelt it for scrap? Recycle parts, so in a way, the aircraft would be reincarnated?

  “I’ve already chosen. There’s nothing to decide. Let me go.” Nina’s voice wavered from the back.

  My heart whirred like a chainsaw, threatening to cut through my ribs. What the hell was she doing down there?

  I took a step, then froze like a statue.

  “Did you ever think there are things about Liam you won’t like? You know as much about him as you do about me. Everyone has secrets, Nina. Has he told you about his past? Told you his dark secret?”

  My lungs tried to evict through my mouth.

  Oh fuck.

  What the hell was he doing? It wasn’t just my secret. What happened that night slowly ate at my soul. I’d kept it not just for my benefit, but his, too. What a fucking moron to think he could tell her and not suffer. We were both at fault. Both so young, naïve, and reckless.

  Nina raised her voice. It jolted me back into the present. “Leave me be. I don’t care. Liam will tell me in his own time. You won’t be able to convince me I don’t want him. You need to accept that.”

  My heart swelled at her belief in me, and something shifted inside. My entire world, so focused on skies, horizons, and aviation was now inundated with her.

  I wanted her more than I’d wanted anything.

  Whatever was going down there, I was about to stop it. My hands curled as I charged.

  “Nina?!” Her name fell from my tongue as I
skidded to a halt in the rear galley. Nina was backed up against the seats, hands up, chest panting.

  Nikolai leapt three feet in the air. “Liam. Didn’t hear you come up.”

  My vision gushed with crimson anger. I tried to stop the urge to wrap a wire around his throat and pull until his eyes popped.

  “I heard you threaten Nina.” I advanced, growling, “It’s not just my secret, Nikolai. Why don’t you tell her if you’re so keen for her to know?” My chest tightened, and in a horrid way, I hoped he would tell her. It would be out and wouldn’t fester inside me anymore. The secret had turned my heart into a putrid mess of guilt and shame. I’d lied to my parents. To the police. To everyone to protect myself and my supposedly best friend.

  Nikolai wasn’t deserving of me rotting inside to protect him. I no longer cared about my own reputation. I cared about being free of it all, to cut the tethers of the past and move on, hopefully with Nina by my side. She’d forgive me, wouldn’t she?

  Nina bolted into my arms, tucking herself around me.

  My heart softened to the consistency of caramel, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. My heart pounded where she connected to my body. “Are you okay?” I didn’t look at her, too busy eye-murdering Nikolai, who had the decency to look sheepish.

  She nodded into my armpit, breathing deep. Thank God I’d applied lots of deodorant this morning.

  “I’m fine, now. But I’ve seen enough of the hanger. I don’t want to know any secret that makes you look like you want to crash all over again. Can we go back to the hotel?”

  I gripped her hard as she trembled a little. She was so slight, I was afraid any moment a gust of wind would take her away. Just like it took someone else away from me.

  I stood to my full six-foot-three height, glaring at Nikolai, hating that he was similar size. I wanted to intimidate him. “This is your last chance. Are you going to tell her? I won’t stop you. In fact, I want you to. She should know. I mean to be with her for a very long time and will keep nothing from her. You lost, Nikolai. You lost a year ago when I set eyes upon her. Nina’s mine.”

  Nina shuddered in my arms.

  I hoped it wasn’t too much hearing me go all caveman and shit on her, staking a claim, and she wouldn’t tear herself from my grip, running away screaming. But her delicate arms encircled my waist. Newly budded hope unfurled in my body bursting with life and possibility. A fresh start with someone who could accept me, secrets and all.

  She looked at Nikolai. “Tell me, Nikolai. I want to know this dark secret you keep threatening. Perhaps if you do, it will help both of you move on. Whatever it is has shadowed you both in pain. It’s unresolved.”

  She broke away from my hold.

  My body instantly suffered frostbite from the loss of her.

  She stepped toward him, murmuring, “I know you, Nikolai. I remember the man I danced with in Sydney. I remember thinking how sweet you were, how fun. But I knew there was something you hurt over. It’s in your eyes.”

  I wanted to reach forward and jerk her back, she was too close to him. My teeth ground to dust as Nikolai moved closer, pulling her into an embrace. His eyes met mine over her shoulder, and he heaved a sigh. “You’re right. I think it’s time to talk about it openly. I don’t like the person I’ve become, living with the ghost of what I did.” He released Nina. “Liam?”

  If he wanted to air all our shitty laundry, then fine. I was prepared to do some spring cleaning. It might help me heal.

  I needed time to bolster and prepare, I couldn’t do it like this.

  I nodded. “Dinner. Tonight. Us three.”

  Dinner.

  How could I possibly think about eating when I didn’t know what the topic of conversation would be?

  God, this was a huge mess. Being in a tropical paradise should’ve been stress-free and relaxing. Not in my case. I’d never been so wound up in my life.

  I tried to calm myself. I ran a bath and filled it with bubbles, but the only thing the scalding water achieved was to turn me into an overcooked lobster. The uncertainty and tension locked around my neck, making it ache, while something arctic threaded in my veins. I wanted Liam to be able to tell me anything, but at the same time, I didn’t want to know something as terrible as he made out. What if it made me think about him differently? My brief glimpse at what I could have with him might unspindle into threads.

  Like the organza corsets I favoured, I was tied up in knots. Lassoed by laces, squeezed by boning. What if everything between Liam and I was ruined tonight?

  I dressed in a black corset, tying the eyelets so tightly my stomach wouldn’t flip-flop with nerves.

  What could possibly have happened between them?

  As I left my fale, heading to the restaurant, a sharp bite of pain caught me unaware on the back of my hand. I hissed through my teeth, studying my skin—looking for an insect bite. There was a pinprick of blood, but no other evidence. A numb sensation spread from the wound, seeping into my flesh. I hoped I wasn’t allergic to whatever it was.

  Should I see a doctor? While I was there, I might get my whiplash seen to as well. The last hour since Liam dropped me off my spine pounded as if a humpback whale kept hitting me with its fluke.

  Liam appeared from the shadows.

  My heart puddled with murkiness. I knew my feelings for him. Knew with every inch of myself, but the way his skin stretched over his cheekbones caused concern to blow up inside. What if his secret shattered everything I felt? What if it was so bad I could no longer look him in the eye?

  “Nina.” Liam gathered me in a hug.

  My arms whipped around him, forgetting about my sting; forgetting that in a matter of moments, I might not want to hug him anymore.

  “We don’t have to do this. You and Nikolai can talk. If it’s between you, maybe it should stay that way.” I couldn’t believe I wanted to impersonate an ostrich and stick my head in the sand. I should want to know. But I didn’t. I wanted to continue believing Liam could do no wrong, but I suppose that would mean I’d never know the real him.

  Liam didn’t answer, guiding us forward toward the beachside restaurant where loud drums disrupted the evening.

  We stopped on the edge of the dance floor, the beat resonating through the floor and up my legs.

  On a makeshift stage, with banners of bright material, were a group of men and women. With grass skirts and coconut shells for bras, the woman danced with island flare, while the men pounded on hide-covered drums. A girl sprinted from nowhere, whirling into the dance with a fire poi. Whipping it around, creating glowing fire designs in the air.

  “We should go somewhere else. Somewhere quieter,” Liam muttered.

  The numbness in my hand and jungle beat faded as Nikolai’s eyes met mine across the dance floor. Too late. I nudged Liam, pointing. “Nikolai’s waiting for us.”

  Liam scowled, before sucking in a fortifying breath. We traversed the dance floor, staying clear of the Samoan dancers. The gust of flames kissed my cheek as the girl in coconut shells came unnervingly close.

  Nikolai stood, shook Liam’s hand, then took mine and kissed the back of it. My insect bite was forgotten. Whatever nipped me wasn’t important anymore. I settled onto my chair, peering at the empty beer glass in front of Nikolai. Seemed he needed some liquid courage.

  He gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier, Nina. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. If you’ve made your choice, I’ll step aside.” He looked at Liam. “As much as it pains me to say, I’m happy for you both.”

  Liam didn’t acknowledge, which left me to say something awkward. “I appreciate that. Thanks.”

  Nikolai shifted to face Liam, dropping his eyes to the table. “Mikin, I owe you an apology. The past should stay in the past. I’m the one at fault, and I shouldn’t have used it to threaten you.”

  The serenade of drums and whooshing fire poi faded into the background. Our table became a black hole of soundless tension.

  Nikola
i looked up, his face etched with remorse. “You never let me talk about what happened ten years ago. I know I’m the one who ruined our friendship, not to mention Charlotte’s—

  Liam put his head in his hands, a mournful sound wrenched from his throat.

  I itched to touch him. To offer support. But I was a third wheel. Why did they want me here to witness this? To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement.

  Liam didn’t raise his head, whispering, “I miss her every day.”

  My heart took a running leap off a tower and plummeted to my feet. Why did his voice break on her name? He loved her tremendously by the way his shoulders hunched, refusing to look anywhere but at the table.

  I sucked in a teary breath.

  Liam grabbed my hand on top of the table. Finally, his blizzard, tortured eyes met mine. “We killed her.”

  Killed her? They were responsible for murder? I weaved my fingers around Liam’s, shooting Nikolai a worried look. “What does he mean? You killed her? Tell me what happened.”

  Nikolai cupped his empty glass, spinning it nervously. “It was ten years ago. In one night, I lost my best friend. Sent an innocent man to jail. And killed the woman I was going to marry.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “Liam and I were mates since we were nine. We’d do everything together. It didn’t matter we went to different schools, we clicked like brothers.

  “When we were sixteen, we started partying. Liam regulated his drinking. I didn’t. I wanted to forget my home life, my dismal grades, pretend I was some bad boy. I got into drugs and strained our friendship.” He flashed a look at Liam, his face etched with shame and remorse.

  “Liam started training for his pilot’s license after school. Leaving me to wallow in drink and drugs as I didn’t have a backbone to get off my ass and study something to get out of my mess.”

  He sighed with the weight of someone’s death on his shoulders. “Then Charlotte happened.”