The Rom-Com Collection: The Plus One, Something for the Weekend, A Marriage of Connivance

by Natasha West

  Charlie started to blush and smile nervously.

  ‘Stop it!’ she said with faux humility.

  Amy glanced at Lilah. The woman looked annoyed. Amy was delighted. She knew why the words were stinging to Lilah. Because there was truth in them. Charlie really did look great in the red dress. It was amazing how much she’d changed since school, now that she thought about it. She’d always been cute, but she hadn’t known it, so no one else had noticed either. Amy was glad she’d figured it out.

  But Amy wasn’t quite finished with Lilah. She wanted to make sure the woman knew she was beaten. She leaned in closer to Charlie.

  ‘I won’t. You look like sex on a stick.’

  Charlie was surprised at how much she was enjoying this.

  ‘Lucy, you’re embarrassing me!’ Charlie pleaded, not remotely embarrassed.

  ‘Alright, sorry, I’ll stop. Just can’t help myself sometimes.’

  Charlie giggled, playing the girl who doesn’t know she’s sexy, cast in that role by Amy, the girl who absolutely knew she was sexy.

  Lilah was burning. She had indeed been baiting Charlie, who she’d hated on sight. And she’d been making a pretty good job of showing her up. Charlie had the gall to dress differently. And now everyone at the table was admiring that. Paige seemed to be looking at the dress with particular approval.

  ‘It is a great fit. Lovely colour.’

  Lilah’s boyfriend Chris, who had been mute all day, suddenly spoke.

  ‘Shame you all couldn’t have worn that one.’

  Charlie’s eyes flicked to Lilah. She was trying to seem unconcerned with the flattery being directed at Charlie, but she looked positively green. It was fantastic.

  Jane’s daughter, Milly, suddenly piped up.

  ‘Mum, what does ‘sex on a stick’ mean?’

  Jane looked at her for a second and then exploded in laughter. The table joined them, Charlie and Amy included. Lilah tried to laugh along, but she was clearly still very peeved.

  As everyone laughed, Charlie was amazed at how good she felt. How had that happened? One minute she’d felt awkward, at the edge of things, pushed there by Lilah. Next thing she knew, everyone was looking at her like she was the sex queen of the universe. And it was all down to Amy.

  Charlie turned to Amy and gave her a secret smile of gratitude. Amy smiled back, an understanding passing between them. Amy knew she’d managed to turn the situation around. Maybe the day didn’t have to be the horror show it had started out as. Maybe this could be like any other job.

  Chapter Nine

  Desert was served a few minutes later, tiramisu. As Charlie and Amy ate, Amy glanced at the next table. It was table one and it contained the bride and groom with both sets of parents. Amy immediately zeroed in on Ed. She leaned over to Charlie as the general chatter at the table rose, giving her convenient cover.

  ‘That’s your Dad, isn’t it?’ she said quietly.

  ‘Far as I know.’

  Amy gave a small laugh.

  ‘I haven’t actually met him yet.’

  Charlie sighed.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Well, we can’t leave it any longer. If I don’t meet him soon, he’s going to start feeling left out and resentful. That’s a bad note to start out on.’

  ‘I guess’ muttered Charlie.

  Amy examined her.

  ‘You’re putting this one off. Is that intentional?

  Charlie nodded.

  ‘Completely. He’s always really awkward with my girlfriends’ she said, raising an eyebrow on that last word.

  ‘How so?’

  ‘He always makes loads of stupid jokes. And the more everyone laughs to be polite, the worse he gets. It’s like this terrible, embarrassing loop of awkwardness.’

  Amy considered that for a second.

  ‘Alright, I want to meet him without an audience. Get him to the bar. I’ll take him one on one. That should suppress his need to perform.’

  Charlie thought about questioning Amy’s approach but there was a confidence in her tone that made Charlie think she should probably just let her do what she obviously did so well. She stood and went over to the table.

  Maddie looked up and was immediately disappointed.

  ‘Hey, where’s Lucy?’

  Well, she thought, I knew Amy was good, but this is ridiculous. Had she simply become the person who had brought ‘Lucy’ to her sister’s wedding?

  She decided not to take it personally. This was what she’d wanted, after all. For ‘Lucy’ to be a hit.

  ‘She’s just finishing up her pud. Dad, can I buy the father of the bride a drink at the bar?’

  Her Dad looked up surprised.

  ‘What are you talking about? You’ve never bought me a drink in your life!’

  This was going to be harder than she thought. Whatever natural abilities Amy had to make people do seemingly whatever she wanted, Charlie didn’t have it.

  ‘But that’s a thing, isn’t it? People buy the father of the bride a drink.’

  Dawn and Maddie were also now looking at Charlie with confusion. But then Maddie, god love her, whether she understood that Charlie was trying to isolate her father for the purposes of making a formal introduction to her girlfriend or not, decided to help her out.

  ‘Dad, just go and get your free whisky, would you!’

  Ed stood, bewildered.

  ‘If it’s going to cause a ruckus, I suppose I’d better.’

  At the bar, Charlie waited for the barman to notice her amidst the people that had already filtered up after their meal.

  Amy had watched them go to the bar and timed her walk-by to catch them there, sauntering past as though she was on the way to the toilet.

  Charlie spotted her just as she was handing Ed his double Jack Daniels on the rocks.

  ‘Oh, hey. Come and meet my Dad’ she called to Amy.

  Ed turned as he took a sip and his eyes nearly fell out of his head at the sight of Amy. Jesus, thought Charlie, what is it with the middle aged men in this family? Why couldn’t they just play it even slightly cool?

  Lucy walked over and stuck out her hand.

  ‘Hi, Mr Black.’

  Ed put his free hand straight out, even though he didn’t seem to be sure who’s hand he was actually shaking.

  ‘And who might you be, sweetheart?’

  ‘This is my girlfriend Lucy’ interjected Charlie.

  Ed’s eyes went round and he almost snatched his hand back from Amy. It was clear he’d been having what he now knew was an inappropriate reaction to her and he was trying to correct himself as quickly as he could. Charlie had to give him that. He wasn’t the sleaze his brother was.

  After he’d taken a second to do a mental switcheroo, he looked over at Charlie and raised his eyebrows at her.

  ‘So this is the girlfriend, eh?’

  Charlie nodded, knowing where he was about to go. She’d been having this reaction all day. She didn’t want it even one more time. It was starting to wear a bit thin.

  ‘Yeah, I know, I did well for myself.’

  Ed had been about to say that, but his daughter looked a bit dejected and he could see that it might not be the kindest comment to make.

  ‘Oh, no, I didn’t mean…’

  Amy could see that Ed was in a tangle. She thought about whether to rescue the moment, as she had been all day. But she wanted to see if Ed could do it for himself, now that he was away from his other family members; alone with his daughter.

  Ed collected himself, took a breath and tried again.

  ‘I’m really pleased to see you with someone that seems nice, that’s all I wanted to say.’

  Charlie waited for the punchline. But Ed didn’t say anything else. He actually seemed to mean it.

  ‘Oh. Thanks Dad.’

  He turned to Amy.

  ‘So, you’re a vet, Lucy. Is that right?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right.’

  ‘That’s sounds interesting.’

  Am
y hadn’t had long to absorb the fact of Lucy’s job, but luckily one of her cousins worked in an animal shelter, so she had that to draw on.

  ‘It is. I mean, sometimes the hours are long, but I love the animals.’

  ‘Must be hard when you lose one, I imagine?’

  Amy nodded, a sad philosophical look drifting into her eyes.

  ‘It can be. But you have to learn to push through that. Because there’s always another animal that needs your help.’

  ‘You know, I thought I might become a vet when I was younger.’

  Charlie looked at her Dad, astonished.

  ‘Did you?’

  Ed turned to his daughter.

  ‘I had this Westie dog when I was a kid, Bertie, and he got very ill at one point, lungworm. My parents thought he was going to die but the vet managed to save him. It was amazing, he was like a new dog. So I really gave serious thought to veterinary medicine. But my parents insisted on accountancy school, so…’

  Charlie listened to her Dad’s story, entranced.

  After her Dad had finished his tale and his drink, he kissed his daughter warmly on the cheek and tottered back to his wife, leaving Charlie and Lucy alone at the bar. Charlie was still considering the moment that had just taken place between her, Ed and Amy. Firstly, Amy seemed to be ready for these questions with a level of preparedness that was amazing. But it wasn’t the first time Amy’s performance had knocked her for six today. She was beginning to get used to that.

  What was really weird was her Dad. No clowning, no jokes. He was asking Amy real questions. He was opening up about his childhood, for crying out loud. Charlie had never even heard of Bertie before. Is this what he was like when he wasn’t around the family? For the first time in her life, Charlie was beginning to wonder if her Dad was an actual person.

  Amy had been bang on. Get Dad away from the spotlight and he wasn’t just less of a buffoon, the man had layers.

  Charlie was beginning to wonder how you tip your Rent-a-Date in a situation like this. Surely you didn’t press a sweaty tenner into their hand at the end of the night. Perhaps a fruit basket?

  Charlie and Amy were sat back down at the table. The plates had all been cleared away and the room was rumbling with chatter. Everyone knew what came next. The speeches.

  It was always the part of the day that everyone dreaded the most. It was a dangerous moment, a moment when the potential for teetering over the edge of what was appropriate was a distinct and awful prospect. The next thirty minutes were a wealth of embarrassment just waiting to happen. A crass joke, an overly emotional declaration, a boring story, these were the excruciating possibilities that were imminently and unescapably about to rain down on Maddie and Josh’s wedding, like millions of weddings before them, and many more to come. That fact played over the guests’ minds as they waited for this minor torment to begin. The most that the guests could really hope for was that the speakers could manage to be brief.

  As they waited, Amy turned to Charlie, a glass in her hand.

  ‘How many toasts are there today?’

  ‘Just three. Father of the bride, groom and best man. Oh, and the Master of Ceremonies, which is Paige.’

  ‘Sounds like they’re trying to keep it short and sweet.’

  ‘Let’s hope.’

  All heads in the room began to swivel to a small stage set up in the corner of the room, as Paige stepped up to the mic. She began to tap it, but there was no sound. She tried speaking into it.

  ‘Hello?’ Paige’s un-amplified voice said nervously.

  Everyone waited patiently while Paige figured out the problem. Eventually, she found the source of the issue. It wasn’t switched on.

  She tapped the button on the side of the mic but nothing happened. She pushed it a few more times, but it seemed stuck. In her frustration, she jabbed it hard, but without an expectation that it would work.

  ‘I can’t get it to go in!’ she exclaimed as the mic suddenly awoke, booming the sentence out to the crowd.

  Charlie, ever ready with a punchline, leaned into Amy’s ear.

  ‘That’s what she said.’

  It wasn’t an original joke, but Charlie’s timing was dead on. Amy let out a guffaw, spitting champagne onto her dress in the process. Charlie quickly grabbed a napkin and handed it to Amy, who began to pat at her dress. As she dabbed, Charlie and Amy caught each other’s eyes. And they started to laugh.

  In their laughter, Lucy was forgotten. It was just Charlie and Amy.

  Paige had now composed herself and was ready to MC.

  ‘Good evening ladies and gentleman, friends and loved ones, welcome to Maddie and Josh’s wedding reception. My name is Paige, and I have been asked to be your MC tonight’ she recited stiffly. She introduced Ed, who stood and began to make his way to the stage.

  Charlie knew she didn’t have long, but she needed to say something to Amy.

  ‘If I don’t get another chance to say this, you’ve been amazing today’ she said softly.

  Amy turned, delighted.

  ‘I’m happy that you’re happy.’

  Charlie caught Lilah’s eye and realised she might have an ear open for whatever she could pick up from across the table. Thankfully, they’d both been careful to make their comments unspecific. But Charlie was grateful and she had more to say.

  ‘My family obviously love you. And they’re not always the easiest to win over.’

  ‘Well, I love them too. They’re good people, I’m glad I got the chance to meet them… Finally’ she added quickly, ever aware that the walls had ears.

  ‘But I know we had a bumpy start, and I want you to know that I appreciate you sticking through it. I know you didn’t have to. You could have walked away.’

  ‘I also could have handled things better.’

  Charlie was about to reply to that when Ed’s voice boomed from the stage.

  ‘If I could have everyone’s attention, I’d just like to say a few words’

  As he spoke, Amy noticed everyone’s attention was utterly taken by the loud, crackly mic and she leaned into Charlie’s ear. And what came out of her mouth was utterly unplanned.

  ‘I’m sorry I left you like that after we slept together. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been so stupid.’

  Charlie turned to look at Amy, her lips parted in amazement.

  Amy realised what she’d said, heat beginning to colour her cheeks. What on earth had made her say that?

  Amy and Charlie stared at each other for a second.

  And then Ed launched into his speech.

  ‘So, it’s my job to make the first speech of the day and folks, I’m a little nervous. The last time I stood up in a room full of people, I was found guilty.’

  The room broke into polite laughter. Both Amy and Charlie laughed along, pretending they were paying attention. But inside, both of them were utterly discombobulated by what Amy had just said.

  After Josh had said some very sweet words about Maddie, and the final speech had been made by the best man (which had included the antique joke ‘When I first heard Josh was getting married I was overjoyed. I couldn’t wait for the special day. But enough about the stag do…’) everyone clapped with enthusiasm, glad it was over.

  But at table two, Charlie was not relieved. She was anxious. Had Amy meant what she said before the speeches?

  She wanted to talk to her about it but it wasn’t the time. She couldn’t help it. She needed clarification. Maybe she could ask her to step outside for a minute, so they could talk properly.

  Charlie turned to face Amy, only to be confronted with her legs. Amy was standing up, beginning to move away from the table.

  ‘Just gotta go to the toilet. Back in a flash.’

  And she was off before Charlie could blink.

  Chapter Ten

  And what was Amy doing in the toilet? Freaking out, that’s what. Because she had lost control of herself. Just for a second and in a relatively minor way. But it was utterly unpr
ecedented. What the hell was she doing?

  What made it infuriating was that everything had been well on track. Despite how the day has started, she’d pulled it back from disaster. She’d turned it into her usual success. The family loved her. They always loved her. Because she knew exactly how to make them love her.

  Firstly, she had a way of talking to people that made them feel great. She called it her ten ninety technique. What that involved was having people do all the talking without realising that’s what they were doing. Her conversational partner would walk away feeling like they’d really made a connection with Amy. But all that had really happened is that she’d asked them a series of questions about themselves and let them do all the talking.

  The trick was to make the questions appear like contribution. So when Amy said something like ‘My sister’s wedding was exhausting. God knows what it’s like when you’re actually the bride?’ It sounded like sharing. But it wasn’t. It was the vaguest of comments, designed to lead the other person into a comfortable place, where they could feel free to hold forth on any given topic. She gave ten percent; the other person gave ninety.

  Of course, after a minute or so, most people would start to realise that they were monologue-ing. So Amy carefully timed interested prompts at regular intervals. She fed the fire. An ‘Oh, really? or a ‘So what did you do then!?’ would keep things rolling along.

  Amy made it look easy. But it wasn’t. It was a carefully built skill, learned on the job.

  Amy had figured out that when most people looked at her, what they really saw was a mirror. They were looking at a beautiful person and they wanted to feel that beauty reflected back. They wanted someone like Amy to see them, to find them as fascinating as they did her. It made them feel good. Special.

  Amy had never cared that much how other people felt in school. It was just how it was. She took it for granted that she was exceptional. She was sharp, charismatic, witty and gorgeous. Some of those things she had been born to, some of them had been worked for. But they were a fact of her and she felt positive they would always open any door she cared to walk through. And then she’d gone out into the world.