Amos Goes Bananas

by Gary Paulsen

  “Somehow I get the feeling she doesn’t want to talk about it,” Amos said. “You take Louise back out to C.U.P.I.D., and I’ll go downstairs and keep the ladies company.”

  Louise saw Amos put his hand on the doorknob and came for him. Out of pure survival instinct Amos jerked it open and ran.

  She would have chased him down the stairs and out the front door like the last time. Even Dunc said it wouldn’t have been a problem—except for the cake.

  Rudy had chosen that exact moment to bring out the cake. It was one of those tall ones with a lot of icing. He held it in his arms. Amos ducked under it and kept going. Rudy stumbled but managed to keep his balance.

  Louise wasn’t interested in ducking. She slapped Rudy out of her way the way she might swat an annoying bug. The cake flew out of his hands and sailed across the room to the sofa.

  Amos looked back just in time to hear a scream and see someone get covered from head to toe in frosting. It was Melissa.

  “You can come out now. Louise is gone.”

  Dunc had been searching for almost an hour. He finally located Amos hiding in a water culvert outside of town.

  “Are you sure?” Amos’s voice echoed inside the metal pipe.

  “I’m sure. How did you manage to lose her?”

  Amos stuck his head out. “I didn’t stop to think about it. I knew she was getting close, so I jumped in here. Give me a hand.”

  Dunc let go of his bike and reached down to pull him out. “Try to hurry, Amos. We have to catch up with Louise.”

  Amos stopped cold. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “It’s almost five o’clock. The senator is still in danger.”

  “You go. I have to get back to your house and explain what happened to Melissa. I’m sure she’ll understand.”

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Melissa’s mother said if she ever laid eyes on you again, she’d have you arrested.”

  Amos finally emerged from the culvert. “So you’re saying you think it would be smart to give her time to cool down? Like say, an hour or so?”

  “At least.” Dunc helped him to his feet. “Louise already chased you halfway to C.U.P.I.D., so it won’t take us long to get there. You can ride on my handlebars. Get on.”

  Amos settled himself on the front of the bike while Dunc pedaled. “How are you planning on getting past the guard this time?”

  “I’ll just tell him that we have inside information about an assassination attempt.”

  “What if he asks who your source is?”

  “Maybe he won’t ask.” Dunc turned down the road to C.U.P.I.D. They could see a motorcade of government cars passing through the gate.

  “Oh, no. The senator’s already here.” Dunc pedaled faster.

  When they reached the gate, he was out of breath. He tried to talk, but nothing except air came out.

  Amos jumped off the handlebars. “I’ll handle this.” He turned to the guard. “My friend and I are here to stop a murder. We have reliable information that the killers are going to do away with Thurman at five o’clock today.”

  The guard looked at his clipboard and nodded his head. “Yup, it’s scheduled for today, all right.”

  Dunc dropped his bike and gasped, “You … know about it?”

  The guard nodded again. “Sure, everybody who works out here knows about it. Too bad. He’s not such a bad old guy.”

  Amos grabbed Dunc’s bike. “These guys are all crazy. Let’s get out of here while we still can.” He hurried Dunc down the road in a daze.

  “I don’t get it, Amos. Why would they all be involved in something like this?”

  “Who knows? It’s probably some kind of mind-control drug. When we get back to town, we’ll call the police and let them handle it.”

  Dunc looked at his watch and pulled free of Amos. “There’s no time for that. If we don’t do something soon, the senator is history.”

  “That guard will never let us in now that we know about their plans.”

  Dunc snapped his fingers. “Why didn’t I think of this before?”

  “What?”

  “We’ll get in the same way Louise did.” Dunc dropped off the road and started following the fence. “Bingo!” He pointed to a tear in the chain link. “Look, her tracks lead right to it.” Amos followed.

  They crawled through the hole and bolted across the compound to the safety of the monkey house.

  Dunc leaned against the building. Carefully, he peeked around the corner. The senator and his entourage were just entering the building where the gorillas were kept.

  “It’s now or never, Amos.” Dunc made a wild dash for the gorilla house with Amos close behind.

  They crashed through the double doors, knocking down two scientists and sending a tray of bottles skidding across the floor.

  The senator’s staff went into action. Two of them grabbed the boys and held them.

  Dunc tried to wiggle out of the steel grip of the senator’s bodyguard. “You don’t understand,” he yelled. “We’re here to save Thurman. He’s in danger.”

  The senator studied them a moment. He nodded at the two men. “You can let them go. I’ll be responsible.” He smiled grimly. “So you boys know about the euthanasia?”

  Amos looked confused. “The youth-in-where?”

  “Euthanasia. It means to put someone to sleep. Today’s the day.”

  “You know?” Dunc’s mouth hung open.

  “That’s why I’m here,” the senator said. “To say goodbye.”

  Dunc ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not following you.”

  “It’s simple, really.” The senator folded his hands. “Several years ago, when I was an astronaut, I had a partner who was one of the best in the business. But he grew too old, and they put him here to spend his last days in comfort.”

  “I still don’t get it.” Amos said.

  “I think I’m starting to.” Dunc blushed. “Was your partner, by any chance—a chimp?”

  “That’s right. Didn’t you know? Anyway, when they brought him out here, they named him Thurman, after me. Now they say he’s in a great deal of pain and it’s time to let him go. I came to pay my respects to an old friend.”

  Amos’s eyes narrowed. “That’s the Thurman Louise was talking about? A chimp?” He took a step toward Dunc. “All this time, you’ve had me on a wild-goose chase for nothing?”

  “Excuse me?” the senator questioned. “Who’s Louise?”

  They could hear the clanking sound of one of the iron cage doors being opened. A female gorilla was charging down the hall, squealing and beating her chest.

  “Oh … no.” Amos backed up a few steps. Then he spun around and dove through the double doors. Louise plowed through right behind him.

  “Dunc! Help, Dunc!”

  The senator looked alarmed. “Shouldn’t we call someone?”

  “We probably should.” Dunc rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t suppose you could do me a favor and wait a few minutes?”

  “What for?”

  Dunc headed out the door. “Let’s just say I have a feeling I’m gonna need a head start.”

  Be sure to join Dunc and Amos in these

  other Culpepper Adventures:

  The Case of the Dirty Bird

  When Dunc Culpepper and his best friend, Amos, first see the parrot in a pet store, they’re not impressed—it’s smelly, scruffy, and missing half its feathers. They’re only slightly impressed when they learn that the parrot speaks four languages, has outlived ten of its owners, and is probably 150 years old. But when the bird starts mouthing off about buried treasure, Dunc and Amos get pretty excited—let the amateur sleuthing begin!

  Dunc’s Doll

  Dunc and his accident-prone friend Amos are up to their old sleuthing habits once again. This time they’re after a band of doll thieves! When a doll that once belonged to Charles Dickens’s daughter is stolen from an exhibition at the local mall, the two boys put on their detective gear and do some
serious snooping. Will a vicious watchdog keep them from retrieving the valuable missing doll?

  Culpepper’s Cannon

  Dunc and Amos are researching the Civil War cannon that stands in the town square when they find a note inside telling them about a time portal. Entering it through the dressing room of La Petite, a women’s clothing store, the boys find themselves in downtown Chatham on March 8, 1862—the day before the historic clash between the Monitor and the Merrimac. But the Confederate soldiers they meet mistake them for Yankee spies. Will they make it back to the future in one piece?

  Dunc Gets Tweaked

  Dunc and Amos meet up with a new buddy named Lash when they enter the radical world of skateboard competition. When somebody “cops”—steals—Lash’s prototype skateboard, the boys are determined to get it back. After all, Lash is about to shoot for a totally rad world’s record! Along the way they learn a major lesson: Never kiss a monkey!

  Dunc’s Halloween

  Dunc and Amos are planning the best route to get the most candy on Halloween. But their plans change when Amos is slightly bitten by a werewolf. He begins scratching himself and chasing UPS trucks—he’s become a werepuppy!

  Dunc Breaks the Record

  Dunc and Amos have a small problem when they try hang gliding—they crash in the wilderness. Luckily, Amos has read a book about a boy who survived in the wilderness for fifty-four days. Too bad Amos doesn’t have a hatchet. Things go from bad to worse when a wild man holds the boys captive. Can anything save them now?

  Dunc and the Flaming Ghost

  Dunc’s not afraid of ghosts, although Amos is sure that the old Rambridge house is haunted by the ghost of Blackbeard the Pirate. Then the best friends meet Eddie, a meek man who claims to be impersonating Blackbeard’s ghost in order to live in the house in peace. But if that’s true, why are flames shooting from his mouth?

  Amos Gets Famous

  Deciphering a code they find in a library book, Amos and Dunc stumble onto a burglary ring. The burglars’ next target is the home of Melissa, the girl of Amos’s dreams (who doesn’t even know that he’s alive). Amos longs to be a hero to Melissa, so nothing will stop him from solving this case—not even a mind-boggling collision with a jock, a chimpanzee, and a toilet.

  Dunc and Amos Hit the Big Top

  In order to impress Melissa, Amos decides to perform on the trapeze at the visiting circus. Look out below! But before Dunc can talk him out of his plan, the two stumble across a mystery behind the scenes at the circus. Now Amos is in double trouble. What’s really going on under the big top?

  Dunc’s Dump

  Camouflaged as piles of rotting trash, Dunc and Amos are sneaking around the town dump. Dunc wants to find out who is polluting the garbage at the dump with hazardous and toxic waste. Amos just wants to impress Melissa. Can either of them succeed?

  Dunc and the Scam Artists

  Dunc and Amos are at it again. Some older residents of their town have been bilked by con artists, and the two boys want to look into these crimes. They meet elderly Betsy Dell, whose nasty nephew Frank gives the boys the creeps. Then they notice some soft dirt in Ms. Dell’s shed, and a shovel. Does Frank have something horrible in store for Dunc and Amos?

  Dunc and Amos and the Red Tattoos

  Dunc and Amos head for camp and face two weeks of fresh air—along with regulations, demerits, KP, and inedible food. But where these two best friends go, trouble follows. They overhear a threat against the camp director, and discover that camp funds have been stolen. Do these crimes have anything to do with the tattoo of the exotic red flower that some of the camp staff have on their arms?

  Dunc’s Undercover Christmas

  It’s Christmastime! and Dunc, Amos, and Amos’s cousin T.J. hit the mall for some serious shopping. But when the seasonal magic is threatened by some disappearing presents, and Santa Claus himself is a prime suspect, the boys put their celebration on hold and go undercover in perfect Christmas disguises! Can the sleuthing trio protect Santa’s threatened reputation and catch the impostor before he strikes again?

  The Wild Culpepper Cruise

  When Amos wins a “Why I Love My Dog” contest, he and Dunc are off on the Caribbean cruise of their dreams! But there’s something downright fishy about Amos’s suitcase, and before they know it, the two best friends wind up with more high-seas adventure than they bargained for. Can Dunc and Amos figure out who’s out to get them and salvage what’s left of their vacation?

  Dunc and the Haunted Castle

  When Dunc and Amos are invited to spend a week in Scotland, Dunc can already hear the bagpipes a-blowin’. But when the boys spend their first night in an ancient castle, it isn’t bagpipes they hear. It’s moans! Dunc hears groaning coming from inside his bedroom walls. Amos notices the eyes of a painting follow him across the room! Could the castle really be haunted? Local legend has it that the castle’s former lord wanders the ramparts at night in search of his head! Team up with Dunc and Amos as they go ghostbusting in the Scottish Highlands!

  Cowpokes and Desperadoes

  Git along, little dogies! Dunc and Amos are bound for Uncle Woody Culpepper’s Santa Fe cattle ranch for a week of fun. But when they overhear a couple of cowpokes plotting to do Uncle Woody in, the two sleuths are back on the trail of some serious action! Who’s been making off with all the prize cattle? Can Dunc and Amos stop the rustlers in time to save the ranch?

  Prince Amos

  When their fifth-grade class spends a weekend interning at the state capital, Dunc and Amos find themselves face-to-face with Amos’s walking double—Prince Gustav, Crown Prince of Moldavia! His Royal Highness is desperate to uncover a traitor in his ranks. And when he asks Amos to switch places with him, Dunc holds his breath to see what will happen next. Can Amos pull off the impersonation of a lifetime?

  Coach Amos

  Amos and Dunc have their hands full when their school principal asks them to coach a local T-ball team. For one thing, nobody on the team even knows first base from left field, and the season opener is coming right up. And then there’s that sinister-looking gangster driving by in his long black limo and making threats. Can Dunc and Amos fend off screaming tots, nervous mothers, and the mob, and be there when the ump yells “Play ball”?

  Amos and the Alien

  When Amos and his best friend, Dunc, have a close encounter with an extraterrestrial named Girrk, Dunc thinks they should report their findings to NASA. But Amos has other plans. He not only promises to help Girrk find a way back to his planet, he invites him to hide out under his bed! Then weird things start to happen—Scruff can’t move, Amos scores a game-winning touchdown, and Dunc knows Girrk is behind Amos’s new powers. What’s the mysterious alien really up to?

  Dunc and Amos Meet the Slasher

  Why is mild-mannered Amos dressing in leather, slicking back his hair, strutting around the cafeteria, and going by a phony name? Could it be because of that new kid, Slasher, who’s promised to eat Amos for lunch? Or has Amos secretly gone undercover? Amos and his pal Dunc have some hot leads and are close to cracking a stolen stereo racket, but Dunc is worried Amos has taken things too far!

  Dunc and the Greased Sticks of Doom

  Five … four … three … two … Olympic superstar Francesco Bartoli is about to hurl himself down the face of a mountain in another attempt to clinch the world slalom speed record. Cheering fans and snapping cameras are everywhere. But someone is out to stop him, and Dunc thinks he knows who it is. Can Dunc get to the gate in time to save the day? Will Amos survive longer than fifteen minutes on the icy slopes?

  Amos’s Killer Concert Caper

  Amos is desperate. He’s desperate for two tickets to the romantic event of his young life … the Road Kill concert! He’ll do anything to get them because he heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of Melissa Hansen that she’s way into Road Kill. But when he enlists the help of his best friend, Dunc, he winds up with more than he bargained for … backstage, with a mystery to solv
e.

  Amos Gets Married

  Everybody knows Amos Binder is crazy in love with Melissa Hansen. Only, Melissa hasn’t given any indication that she even knows Amos exists as a life form. That is, until now. Suddenly, things with Melissa are different. A wave, a wink—an affectionate “snookems”?! Can this really be Melissa … and Amos? Dunc is determined to get to the bottom of it all, but who can blame Amos if his feet don’t touch the ground?