The Misadventures of Ka-Ron the Knight

by Donald Allen Kirch

  "Energy!" he shouted. "Of course!"

  In his first lesson as an apprentice, Keeth was taught that ninety-nine percent of a wizard's casting was nothing but energy. And in biology, there was nothing more energized than protein. And in a living body, protein was pure energy.

  "Madam, what do you know about living cells?"

  Kai flashed confusion.

  "What? Cells, did you say?"

  "Yes." The wizard moved forward. His beam overtook Kai's. "Cells are fantastic universes in themselves. In fact, I shall introduce to you the use of what has been labeled the Mitochondria. These fantastic entities help store and use the energy your body helps supply you with. So, in the intent to teach you both a lesson and stop this form of violence, I shall overload your magic with a good dose of adenosine triphosphate!"

  Kai had no idea what Keeth was shouting at her, but in time, her magic started to fail her. In turn, the wizard's ray enveloped her image, knocking it down to the ground.

  "You have beaten me," Kai whispered, horrified at the prospect.

  "Not just yet, madam."

  Kai started to feel quite sick. Defensively, she placed a shaky had up to her mouth. The woman fully expected to vomit.

  When nothing happened, she looked at Keeth, confused.

  "What have you done to me?" she asked.

  "Nothing that a little exercise won't take care of."

  Before Kai could react to the wizard's remark, she noticed that her clothes were becoming rather tight. And, for a Wicca Master who had been in a bereavement fast to start feeling snug in her clothes, that was quite unusual.

  Kai was gaining weight!

  "Wizard!" Kai screamed, horrified at her body changes.

  Kai's body mass doubled, and then tripled! She was no longer the beauty feared and loved by men. She had become a blob of a woman, barely able even to cover up her breasts. Her stomach had several folds to it, and her chins hung massively down upon her jaw.

  "You see, madam," Keeth explained, "I gave your cells so much energy that they could seem to do nothing with it. So, as any student of biology will tell you, if your body has an excess of energy, it stores that energy in the form of fat cells."

  "I cannot be this way," Kai cried.

  "Then I suggest that you concentrate on running it off," Keeth said, giggling. "Never mess with a man of science, madam. His wit will beat your magic, every time."

  With a scream of fury, Kai disappeared.

  "Good day, madam." the wizard huffed.

  Keeth thought it best not to bother his friends with his confrontation. They all had better things to worry about. So, after cleaning up his cabin, the old man picked a rather ugly piece of mirror out of his foot, changed his robes, and took a nice nap.

  He had earned it!

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  "There it is!" Dorian yelled from the crow's nest of the Argo's main mast. "Keep the course, wizard."

  Keeth turned the ship's wheel to compensate for Dorian's directions. For almost half a sun, the ship had been plodding along in her water-ferrying mode, and Molly discovered that she had a bad case of seasickness. En-Don had been helping her with her ailments for most of the morn.

  It had been a hard journey, but they were now close to their goal.

  "So that's High Point Mountain," the wizard said, dumbfounded.

  High Point Mountain, sometimes called The Needle of the World, was a lone sliver of rock in the middle of the ocean, not surrounded by civilization, dwellings, or life. It only stood, as a silent testament, for what lay below.

  It had once been the peak of an incredibly tall mountain, but was now, for all purpose, a pillar of rock at least two thousand sticks tall, and less than one hundred sticks in width. A giant, with nothing better to do, could have pushed the whole edifice over with one good thrust - it looked that weak. However, it was one of the strongest points of any known upon the planet. Its obsidian black hue sparkled as the suns traveled through the skies. Birds would not land upon her cliffs or shallows in fear of being swallowed whole.

  The Argo appeared quite small as it approached her shores.

  Even the small shores seemed bleak.

  "Look!" Rohan said, pointing towards the beaches.

  Upon the banks of High Point Mountain there was a group of skeletons. All looked as if they had been a part of the sandy shores since the beginning of time. They were quite large for humanoids, and had incredible armor. Their grinning skulls mocked the approach of the wizard's ship, as if their graves were nothing more than a bad joke.

  "Who?" Ka-Ron asked, placing a hand upon Keeth's shoulder.

  "My lady, those were Nowns."

  "Nowns!" Jatel and Dorian said in unison.

  The skeletons were almost the entire length of the ship's main mast. They towered at least twenty sticks in length, giving the projected appearance of both power and knowledge - they did not disappoint.

  "Savor this moment," Keeth advised. "For we are all witness to a rare thing."

  "What was their purpose?" Jatel asked, joining his master in her fascination.

  "Perhaps they came in response to The Coughing?" Ka-Ron suggested. "Perhaps they had heard of The Fountain of Cures?"

  Keeth shook his head in astonishment. "We may never know."

  "Sail the course, wizard," Dorian shouted, climbing down a rope ladder. "Until we come to the marker."

  "Marker?" Keeth asked, turning the ship's wheel.

  "Marker," Dorian confirmed, landing upon the deck. "A huge carving in the rocks. You can't miss it."

  Shaking his head, the wizard followed the circular course.

  It did not take too long.

  The Marker was simply an arrow which seemed to point downward, its tell-tale point signaling to all that deep below the dark waters that there were wonders and ancient secrets worth taking.

  The only thing that kept the greedy and the bold from the challenge was Baphomet.

  "What do we do now?" Jatel inquired.

  "We have to explore the ocean's deep, dear squire," Dorian explained.

  There was an awkward pause.

  "And how do we do that?" Rohan asked.

  Keeth couldn't wait. He rushed over to his row of levers, pulling down four and raising three.

  "Wizard?" Ka-Ron asked.

  "Dear knight, you did not think that I had no solution to all of this?"

  Ka-Ron placed her hands upon her waist and shook her head with admiration.

  "I should think not!" the wizard huffed.

  The Argo stopped in her waterlogged tracks. The entire ship began to rumble.

  "What the devil?" Dorian huffed.

  The commotion even brought En-Don and Molly out onto the deck.

  "Mother? What is all of this?" En-Don asked.

  Ka-Ron tried not to stare. At morning light, En-Don had aged even more. He was fast taking on the appearance of a man in his sixtieth season. He looked so old next to Molly, that if a stranger were to observe the couple, Molly clearly would have been confused for En-Don's grand-daughter.

  "Keeth has another surprise for us, dear."

  The masts of the ship folded, clanked, and dove under the wooden deck. Huge trap doors opened and closed, giving the Argo means to hide her sails. The engines used to enable her to be airborne popped out the sides of the hull and lowered themselves into the dark waters.

  Keeth clapped his hands with a child's excitement.

  "Damn! I know my stuff," he was heard whispering.

  Huge clamshells rose from the stern of the ship, unfolding over and closing at the bow. As they expanded, the viewers saw picture-glass windows transverse the entire main deck. The Argo was now encased in a huge glass bubble.

  "Wizard, this is fantastic!" Rohan stated. Momentarily forgetting his place, he kissed Dorian's check with great excitement.

  The dwarf, flashing a look of terror, slapped at the elf. Rohan, queerly enough, corrected himself and kept his distance.

  Keeth merely smiled at the i
ncident.

  Huge lanterns filled with a luminous fluid clicked to life, providing the crew with a means of seeing.

  "This is wondrous, wizard," Ka-Ron said, feeling the warmth of the strange lanterns.

  Both Rohan and Dorian joined their friend in amazement. Keeth, upon strapping down a hatch nearby, noticed something odd about his friend's clothing. Rohan's buttons on the front of his pants were buttoned wrong. Dorian's leather vest was on inside out.

  "Curious," the wizard said to himself.

  "This is amazing," Rohan stated. "What do you call it?"

  Keeth took in some air, satisfied with the reactions he was getting.

  "I call it an Underwater Transverse Vehicle."

  Keeth tried to ignore all the blank stares he was getting.

  "It is a boat that can swim under the water like a fish," the wizard explained. He walked over to his wheel and row of levers. "While underwater, we will all be safe and dry under this observation dome."

  "You could almost call this a submarine." Dorian stated, taking his vest off and correcting it.

  "Too technical a name," said Keeth as he let two more levers pull downward. "Besides, no one would remember that name. It has no ring to it."

  "I liked it." Bending over, Rohan whispered into the dwarf's ear.

  "Sounded good to me," Dorian reassured him.

  In the lowering of two more levers, everyone observed certain vents opening up at the front and back of the ship. The sound of rushing water dominated the Argo's encased world, and Keeth had to calm both Molly and Jatel - both feared that the ship was in danger of sinking.

  The Argo did sink, but her world remained intact.

  Disappearing below the ocean's waves, the Argo became as graceful under the surface of the water as it had when it flew over the world. The luminous lanterns made the main deck glow an unearthly green as the dark wetness of the deep engulfed the giant clamshells. Fish of all sorts cleared a path as the tiny engines pushed the wooden vessel deep below Highpoint Mountain.

  "Where to now, my friend?" Keeth asked Dorian.

  The dwarf tried his best to contain his fear. Dorian had placed his hands in his pockets in the hopes that no one would notice that they were shaking wildly. Although he loved secretly to take baths, his fear of drowning was paramount.

  "This is not natural, dear friend," the dwarf barked.

  "Of course not. This is science."

  Rohan calmed his love down as much as he could, trying his best to contain their shared secret. It was going to be a hard life for him, and he was willing to accept it. Still, Dorian was quite cute when he was terrified - when SHE was terrified.

  "Follow the silver creek to the under hill, and then turn right at the two towers."

  Keeth gave the dwarf a blank stare.

  "Yeah. Sure. Like I've done this before."

  "Give me the wheel, then."

  "Mind that you use the see-all lens, Dorian." Keeth instructed.

  The wizard explained to the dwarf in detail how to use the viewing screen that lowered before him. It was a sleek device, which was attached to a viewing lens that poked out the top of the clamshell. Underwater, one had to rely more on line of sight than on a general direction.

  It did not take too long for the dwarf to learn the basics.

  "How did you create such a thing?" Ka-Ron asked the wizard privately.

  Keeth could only shrug his shoulders and laugh. "Child, I was inside that dragon for a long time. All I had to keep me company were my thoughts."

  Dorian steered the Argo as she continued to dive and swim in the mysteries of the ancient deep.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Dorian stayed at his post while others in the crew decided that it was time for a meal. The little man did his best not to break the wizard's fantastic machine. He only had to change course twice, in order to avoid scraping a few reefs.

  Dorian enjoyed himself profoundly.

  "Have dwarfs visited the city lately?"

  The dwarf had been startled. He thought that he was alone.

  "Upon my nose, wizard," Dorian huffed, catching his breath. "You frightened me out of ten season's of growth."

  "I apologize, sir."

  Dorian bowed, briefly, turning the ship's wheel to the right.

  "We don't." He stated. "Dwarfs nowadays consider visitation the highest of taboos."

  "Is the taboo based upon political or religious beliefs?"

  "No," Dorian stopped turning the wheel. It was quite a sight to see the dwarf steering the ship, even if he had to stand on his tiptoes. "Because of the many deaths involved."

  "Oh?"

  "We ventured here on a regular basis once." Dorian explained. "In fact, it used to be celebrated as a right of passage. Then, Baphomet arrived. Too many brave dwarfs tried to have him evicted. Too many died."

  The dwarf was close to tears. He found he could no longer concentrate.

  "Dorian?" Keeth asked, his hand comforting the dwarf.

  "My father died here."

  "Oh, son, I am so sorry."

  "Don't be," Dorian cheered up, forcefully. "If we succeed, my father's honor will be restored."

  "Then, my friend, we must succeed."

  "Yes."

  Rohan was seen, off in the distance, sharpening up his arrows. He seemed to glance up toward the Dwarf. Doing all that he could not to show excitement, Dorian returned to his duties.

  "Wizard!" the dwarf said, his voice trembling. "Behold!"

  The Argo had passed a cliff of mines, called The Silver Creek by the dwarfs. After they passed the cliffs, they focused all their attention on a gigantic gate. The ancient doors had long since rotted away. Dorian had explained that the gates themselves were made from the finest teak available upon the planet. It took the craftsmen twenty seasons to create them. Each piece of wood was blessed and dedicated to the gods. Each door was engraved with sagas and dwarfish songs long since forgotten by even the oldest historians. These were the things of legend.

  "Look, there! Closely, wizard," Dorian whispered.

  At each stone framing, there were rusted piles of iron. Nothing spectacular.

  "What am I seeing, Dorian?"

  "The frames of the legendary gates." Dorian was trying his best to hold back his own excitement. "They are still there."

  Keeth had called out all of his friends. Ka-Ron and Jatel were mildly interested. Both cared more about their son. Rohan approved of what he was seeing. It was said by Dorian that the mighty hinges were too technical for dwarfs to consider. Elfish craftsmen had to create the iron hangers and bolts. Rohan shared in the dwarf's pride - this was his forgotten heritage too.

  Then, as they passed the gate, they saw The Guardians.

  "Oh, dear," Dorian gulped. Frantically, he stared up at Rohan. There was an apologetic sense of panic between the two. "I forgot about The Guardians."

  "What's the panic?" Jatel asked. "They appear to be statues."

  Dorian turned to face the huge figures.

  "They are."

  Towering high above the great mountain city below, the Argo floated between two figures carved from the same obsidian rock as Highpoint Mountain.

  The first figure was a dwarf. In one hand he held his pick. In the other he proudly held out a crystal of some kind. The dwarf's face held a proud stare, and it was obvious that at one time, it was considered quite an honor to work in the mines here. The crystal itself was not carved. It was genuine. It added beauty to the otherwise typical carving.

  It was the second figure that created confusion.

  The second figure was that of another dwarf lifting its arms up toward the heavens, offering a sacrifice of silver and gold. Huge rocks of both rare metals were lodged in the dwarf's hands, and if taken, could build an empire with their material worth.

  "Dorian?" all on board seemed to ask.

  The second figure was female.

  "What is that?" the wizard asked, pointing at the female figure.

  Dorian wiped swea
t from his forehead.

  "It looks like a woman," Rohan stated, eager for the curiosity to end. "Perhaps it is a visiting villager, offering a peace offering to the miners."

  "That would make sense if she were facing the mountain city below."

  Rohan turned to the wizard and gave him a blank stare.

  "I have no other explanation, sir."

  "Quite," Keeth acknowledged. The wizard turned back to the dwarf. "Dorian?"

  "It is nothing," Dorian tried to say. "An artist's dream, perhaps."

  "Perhaps&but, it is quite lovely."

  The beauty of the dwarfish woman was lovely. Dorian knew the figure well. Her name had been Lorelei. She was the last dwarf queen.

  All questions were put on hold as the ship glided past the two figures, over the city below, and towards the entrance of the mine. It had long been an established fact that dwarfs were not known for their artistic accomplishments. By their very natures, Dwarfs were practical beings. Buildings were built to house. Walls were built to protect and to halt. Bridges were built to cross.

  Everything they were seeing destroyed those myths.

  Jah-Bul-Onwas a wonder. Each and every brick, stone, and mound of earth were art beyond mortal accomplishments&great carvings of forgotten legends, ivory pylons creating fantastic bridges, and spectacular walls towering above humble homes that were not so humble. In ancient days, the dwarfs were an artistic people who felt with both mind and heart.

  "Wonderful," Keeth whispered. "Wonderful."

  Dorian was doing all that he could to keep from crying. He was that proud.

  At the center of the city was the entrance to the mine. Several whales bellowed their songs as the tiny wooden vessel plotted a course into the heart of the mountain. Curious, one of the whales decided to follow the Argo. Its eyes admired the hypnotizing green glow coming from inside the ship. After a while the creature's curiosity dimmed, and he left the Argo, looking to breach for air.

  "How far now?" Ka-Ron asked, joining the dwarf at the wheel.

  "We keep at it until we see the lights."

  "Lights," Jatel asked. "What lights?"

  "Baphomet's lights. The demon advertises his domain."

  "Why?" Rohan inquired, uneasy.

  "He lives for conflict. He wants us to visit."