HAVING HIS CHILD

by Amy J. Fetzer

  What made these people so special? Was it simply that they wanted children when Lucas knew his mother hadn't wanted him? He pushed his fingers through his hair, hating the memories tugging at the corners of his mind.

  Angela wanted a baby. Bad enough to be artificially inseminated. Despite the fact that it was a common procedure, the thought of her carrying a nameless man's child made him think constantly of the nearly faceless man who was his father. And was never around. He could remember having dreams that his dad would show up and take him away from the orphanages and give him a place he could stay and grow roots.

  Angela had given him that by letting him into her family.

  But she was keeping him out of any part of the family she was trying to start alone. She's crazy to do this, he thought. And he had to make her see the consequences, the drawbacks. Illegitimate children were usually accidents, not intentional. That, he thought, was the bitter truth he couldn't swallow.

  * * *

  Two days later, Angela opened the door, and her smile fell.

  Since Lucas had known her, that had never happened and it stung him down to his heels. "You're still mad at me."

  "Yes," she said. "And I don't think this is a good time."

  "You have company?" He peered past her.

  She cocked her hip and slapped her hand on the door frame, blocking the way. "Want to check to see if I've got a man hidden under the bed, just waiting for his testosterone level to shoot up so I can have my way with him?"

  He sent her a dry, bitter look. "Very funny."

  "It isn't funny. You said some mean things to me the other night."

  "I know and I'm apologizing." He glanced over his shoulder at the lighted street. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

  She stared at him for a moment in indecision, and Luc's heart pounded hard and slow as he waited. Man, she was really mad, he realized. Finally she stepped back and waved him on through, and he could breathe again. Not exactly the most welcome greeting, he thought, but he deserved it.

  He turned and faced her. "You can't stay mad forever."

  "Wanna bet?" She shut the door.

  He sighed hard. "Can't we talk about this rationally?"

  "You are never rational when it comes to kids and single parenting." She walked past him and into the kitchen.

  He followed. "Hey, I know there are people out there who do it all the time, and rather well."

  She opened the fridge and offered him a beer. He shook his head and pointed to the soda. "Then why can't you believe that of me?"

  "Because … they don't plan on being single parents. You are."

  She practically slapped the can into his hand. "I know what I'm doing, Luc."

  She had that. "I don't want to discuss this with you" look. "Ange, honey, look. I'm sorry I went off like a rocket, but try to understand what a shock this was. You kept it from me. You've never done that before. As far as I know."

  The hurt in his voice bruised her a bit, but before she'd called a doctor or did her research, she knew where Lucas would stand. On the opposite side of the river. "You know, Lucas, you don't tell me all the details of your life, why should you be butting in mine?"

  "You butt into my life all the time, give me advice on my women, my lousy housekeeping."

  "This is far more serious than reminding you to pick up after yourself."

  He took a step closer, rolling the soda can between his hands to keep from shaking some sense into her. "My point exactly."

  Angela gazed at him, into those incredible ice-blue eyes with long sweeping lashes, and wished he'd see things her way. He never would, and she was afraid he'd convince her to not do this. "I just didn't want to fight with you till I had to, and I knew this hit too close to home for you."

  "It does, Angel."

  Her heart did that little skip when he called her that. Then he stepped closer, brushing her hair off her temple and watching his moves. Finally he brought his gaze back to her.

  "Forgive me for saying those things?"

  "Yes." She licked her lips, her heart thudding a little. "But you're still thinking that every man I date is a potential donor."

  God, she knew him too well. "Yes … I mean, no. I won't think that."

  She popped the top of her soda. "Yeah, sure, right," she said, then waltzed past him and into the living room.

  Lucas stared after her, then followed like a man on a mission, determined to show her the flaws in her mommy plan.

  * * *

  Chapter 5

  « ^ »

  Angela dropped into the sofa and with the remote turned on the TV. Luc took the control from her and shut it off.

  She snapped a hard look at him as he lowered to the sofa beside her. She scooted to the end.

  Luc realized that she may have said she'd forgiven him, but she really hadn't. "I'm not going to chew your head off, but we need to talk."

  "You mean you need to talk. I'm done discussing this with you."

  "Yes, well, then, that's true. Are you not going to listen to me?"

  "No."

  "God bless it, Angela!"

  She turned her head to look at him, her expression dry. "You're only going to spout off about single mothers and how I'm being stupid."

  "You're the smartest woman I know. Except for this."

  She was silent, her cool eyes telling him she was not budging.

  "Okay, let's take it from way out, in, say, five years from now. Who is going to show your child how to play ball?"

  "Me. I'm better than you, anyway."

  "You know what I mean."

  "I have enough brothers, and my dad is still fit. And you're here, too, or does this mean you'll walk out of my life?" She held her breath.

  "Of course not."

  She sighed slowly. "It's a long process, Luc. I've been on the pill for years and have to wait till that's out of my system. Then there is tracking ovulation." She didn't even blush, and it made him realize there was nothing they couldn't talk about. Now. "It hasn't happened yet, Luc."

  "But you are determined that it will. You can't just date a little while longer?"

  "I am dating! I'd like the conventional way, but where is it written that I have to wait for some man to sweep me off my feet? Some man to wait till he finally realizes he loves me and pop the question? Then be married to him long enough for him to be used to being married and willing to have children?"

  "You're not on a time clock."

  "Yes, I am. I want to be a mother. You can't understand that because you're a man. So what's the point in discussing this with you?"

  "Dammit, Angela! Think about this child. He's going to go to school and everyone will know he doesn't have a father. Being a bastard might not hold that much stigma, but it adds to the troubles teens face every day. I know. I've been there. Kids are not nice when you don't have a dad."

  "You had one."

  "Not around when I needed him. Not to teach me how to stick up for myself when other kids were beating me up in school. And my mother, well, she didn't give a damn."

  "Luc—"

  He didn't want her to soothe him like she always did. Not now. "No, just listen to me. I hated every second of growing up without a dad. I didn't know things. Things only a father can tell a son, so I learned on my own, and I have the scars to show it."

  "Honey, I know. But this is me, not you."

  "I'm trying to make you see that if you do this, you're creating another me!"

  "That's not true!" She thrust off the couch, glaring down at him. "And I resent the hell out of you comparing me to a woman who dropped her child off at school and never returned! I will be there. I always will. I was for you, wasn't I?"

  "Yes, you were. But you're missing the point."

  "The point is I want my own family and I don't want to be fifty when I start it! And you, who does not want any kids and had a rotten past, can't see that this means a lot to me." Her voice cracked, and she turned her back on him, wrapping her arms around her wai
st.

  Regret sank through him, and he plowed his fingers through his hair. "Let's just put it aside for now. We aren't going to agree on it."

  "This," she said, "is why I didn't tell you."

  "You'd planned to be pregnant before you ever said a thing to me, didn't you?"

  She met his gaze head-on. "Yes."

  His features stretched tight, hurt in his eyes.

  Angela felt as if she'd kicked him in the teeth.

  He stood abruptly, looking around as if trying to decide whether to stay or go. Finally his gaze landed on her, bleak, injured. "I would have stuck by you no matter what, Angela. But the least you could have been was honest with me."

  She felt her emotions cave in on each other. His hurt, his disappointment in her, her needs and determination battled with the fact that she'd just wounded the only man who meant anything to her. Meant everything to her.

  Then he headed for the door. She rushed after him, catching his arm. Abruptly he turned and dragged her into his embrace.

  "I don't want to lose your friendship over this, Lucas."

  It slayed him to hear the tears in her voice. "You won't," he said quickly, closing his eyes, loving the feel of her against him, her arms clinging to him so fiercely. "You won't, I swear."

  "You sure?"

  He looked down, tipping her chin up, and the urge to kiss her nearly overwhelmed him. "Yeah, I am." He brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek instead. "We will have to agree to disagree."

  Briefly, she closed her eyes, his touch sending tiny bursts of sensation down to her toes. The power of it shook her. "All right." Her smile was weak, hesitant. "You aren't going to fire me as your wife for hire, are you?"

  "Hell, no. I like clean underwear and good food."

  She laughed shortly. "You are so easy." She stepped out of his arms, and Lucas felt suddenly cold and lost.

  "Stay?"

  He nodded, and they walked back into the living room. Lucas immediately went to the half-hung curtains, picking up the screwdriver before he climbed the ladder.

  Angela stood alongside, holding the rod, watching him, thinking that she was lucky to have him for a friend and never wanted to hurt him. But now that it was out in the open, she felt relieved. She'd hated deceiving him. Yet as he measured and screwed the bracket into place, her gaze moved over him, his handsome profile, his broad shoulders, and the same warm stirring she'd pushed aside since she was a teenager slithered through her, quick and pulsing. He looked down at her, reaching for the rod. The instant she met his gaze, the warmth turned to heat and ripped down to her toes. She inhaled a sharp breath and quickly handed over the rod. He frowned for a second, his gaze narrowing a little before he went to work. But Angela suddenly ached inside.

  He'd looked at her like that last week when she was going out with Randy. Like she wasn't his best friend. As if he'd seen only the woman. Intense, primal. Oh, Lord, this was dangerous ground. It wasn't a matter of when her feelings changed, because she'd always been attracted to him. The question was how was she going to handle this? And were his feelings changing, too? Was the risk, the price of their very precious friendship worth—what? Pursuing it? And if he ran in the other direction, what then?

  She'd lose him. Forever.

  It would be a change they couldn't take back.

  He stepped down off the ladder, studied his handiwork, then looked at her.

  He frowned. "You okay?" he said, and she met his gaze, nodding.

  Swell, she thought. Just swell. Standing before her was the perfect man. And he didn't want the same things she did. He didn't want to be a father. And he was the one man she'd want to father her child. As she had when she was sixteen, she smothered her feelings and smiled at him. "If you're in a fixing mood, I've got a leaky faucet and a loose back porch step that need tending."

  He grabbed the hammer and grinned. "Lead the way, darlin'. I'm your man."

  No, she thought. You're not.

  * * *

  "Take him home, Zack!" Angela shouted. "Out of the park!" She howled and applauded for her nephew as he stood at home plate.

  "Good grief, you're a noisy broad."

  She smiled and elbowed Lucas, not taking her eyes off Zackary. He swung and hit, the crack of the ball to bat silencing the crowd. "It's outta here!" she shouted, coming to her feet with the rest of the people watching the Little League game. Her nephew bolted like a madman, obviously not taking any chances although the ball sailed high and over the fence. The opposing team groaned, and Zack's home run brought two runners in.

  Angela did the happy dance, whistling like a sailor on a two-day leave.

  Luc knew she had the urge to run down there and hug the little eight-year-old but wouldn't, afraid she'd embarrass him. So she hugged everyone around her, including him. Lucas held her a little longer, but she didn't seem to notice. It was the closest he'd been to her in days, their fight cutting a line between them that made him hurt inside.

  They hadn't discussed her mommy plan since that night last week, and she'd sworn him to secrecy. He wouldn't breathe a word, but was still hoping to talk her out of it. It wasn't that he didn't want her to have what she wanted, far from it, it was that he knew this was not the way to go about it.

  And he didn't want a child, especially Angela's, to grow up without a father and suffer like he had.

  Someone called her name, and Angela scanned the crowd, her gaze falling on Big John, another DJ from the station. Lucas felt himself tense as she excused herself and maneuvered her way down the bleachers toward the man. She'd gone out with him twice since the night Lucas had discovered Angela's secret plan to artificially inseminate. Tall and the size of a bear, John towered over her, but the instant she was near, he swept her into his arms and brushed a kiss to her mouth.

  Lucas tamped down the urge to punch the guy and looked away, studying the crowd. But his gaze kept straying to her. All afternoon men had flirted with her, and he knew it wasn't just because she was the most popular radio personality in two states. She was bright, pretty, had a figure that men lusted to touch, but every time he saw her with a man, Lucas saw a potential donor for her baby plan.

  It made him grind his back teeth till they ached.

  When the next inning began, Angela returned to her seat beside him.

  "He ask you out again?"

  She looked at him, frowning. "Yes, he did. Why do you ask?"

  "Well, his eyes never left your breasts the whole time he was talking to you. I was wondering if he wanted to date them."

  She reddened, and it occurred to her that he was right. But then it also told her Lucas was watching her very closely to notice. "They go where I go," she said, forcing a smile.

  "And that one." He nodded to the tall, slender blond man standing near the batting cage. "He ask you out, too?"

  "That's Jack O'Flynn's father, and yes, we're all going to the movies tomorrow night."

  "Well, then, you could have a ready-made family with him," he said. "He's got two kids already."

  Angela's eyes narrowed. "I'm not on some obsessed craze to be anyone's mother, Lucas. And dammit, it's not your business who I date."

  He looked offended. "I'm just watching out for you, that's all."

  "Oh, really," she said bitterly. "Is that what you were doing when you dragged me away from talking with Seth Martin yesterday at the team barbecue?"

  "He's not good enough for you, Angela. For crying out loud, he's been divorced twice!" And looking at Angela like he wanted to make her wife number three, he thought.

  Her gaze hardened. "A failed marriage doesn't make anyone a loser. Look at me, I've made a ton of mistakes."

  "Yeah, well, you would have married Eric."

  Her expression fell, her hurt clear. "No, Lucas. That situation just pushed him into revealing his true colors. I would never have married that man, any man, because of a baby. That isn't required. And I would never marry a man who didn't want kids."

  He sipped his soft drink, s
chooling his features so she couldn't see how her words affected him. Especially since he didn't understand why her words felt like a door slamming in his face. "Guess that puts me out of the running, huh?"

  She laughed uneasily, although her heart took a sharp drop to her stomach. "I need your friendship more," she said softly, leaning against him, her head on his shoulder. He looked to the side, smiling when she batted her lashes dramatically. He nudged her, and they laughed and continued watching the game.

  Angela focused her gaze on Zackary, not daring to look at Lucas. Because it just now hit her that he was sounding as if he was jealous. And, instantly, she paled. If he was jealous that meant his feelings had changed, and that scared her. After all these years could she take this relationship over the line? No, she thought, he didn't want the same things as she did. She wanted a family, he didn't. It was that simple and that defining. They could never have more than what they had now. Because to ruin that with intimacy would only hurt them both and do irrevocable damage to their friendship. He was just being overprotective because he knew her plans to be a mother, she reminded herself. He was watching out for her, telling her the truth. These men weren't the prime picks. But Angela wasn't looking for perfection.

  She was just hoping for love.

  * * *

  Angela pushed open Lucas's back door, juggling his dry cleaning, two bags of groceries and her purse while trying to make it to the kitchen counter before she dropped everything. She managed, blowing a wisp of hair out of her face, then headed to his bedroom with the dry cleaning. She frowned as she passed the bathroom, then stopped cold when she entered the bedroom.

  "That little stinker," she whispered. The room was spotless.

  She hung up his cleaning and left the bedroom, searching through the rest of the house. There wasn't a thing out of place. Not even a bit of laundry to do.

  Did he think this was helping? Paying her for doing nothing!

  She went into the kitchen and put away the groceries before starting supper, slamming pots and cabinets as her temper rose. She thought seriously about scorching his dinner, but her mama taught her not to waste food. She covered the pots and turned them off, knowing he wouldn't be home for another hour.