Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
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in consumption of sweets, 213–15
definition, xvi
flexibility within firm limits, 68, 109–11, 210–11
talking with child about, 228–30
See also boundaries and limits
caprices, xvi, 72–73
career. See work, return to
carnet de santé, 35
Carroll, Raymonde, 252
Child and His Sleep, The (De Leersnyder), 42–43, 53
childbirth
epidurals, 30, 34
hospital experiences, 33–35, 173–75
plans and customization, 29, 31–32
child care, freedom from
équilibre, xvii, 147
mother’s separation and independent identity, 129–32, 147
mother’s time to herself, 106, 130, 142–44, 146–47
parents’ adult time, 7, 187–88, 194
child-care facilities. See crèche; day care, American
child development
awakening and discovery, 53, 66–67, 78–84, 110, 144–45, 244
competitive parenting, 4, 80, 83, 139–42
intensive supervision and concerted cultivation, 139–42, 181
Piaget on, 79–80
quality of parenting, 115
child king, xvii, 5, 223, 228
chocolat chaud recipe, 218
classe verte, xvi, 246
cognitive development. See child development
Cohen, Michel, 44–47, 52–53, 139
colonies de vacances, xvi, 243–44
Commission Menus, 203–6
competitive parenting, 4, 80, 83, 139–42
complicité, xvi, 232, 237–40
concerted cultivation, 140–42, 181
creativity, 70–71, 224–25
crèche
caregivers, 108, 113
definition, xvi
dining experience, 111–12, 203–6, 229–30
enrollment process, 106–7
French enthusiasm for, 101–2, 105–6
government control, 100, 113
history, 98–101
mother’s time off from child care, 106, 130
parenting model and enforcement of cadre, 109–11
as social experience, 101, 105–6
crying it out, 38–39, 51–52, 54
curse words, xv, 149–50, 166–67
Daily Mail, 37
Dati, Rachida, 148
day care, American, 97–98, 102–4, 115
day care, French. See crèche
delayed gratification. See patience
Denisot, Michel, 134–35
discipline versus éducation, xvii, 7, 220, 233–34. See also authority of parents
discovery. See awakening and discovery
Dolto, Françoise
on autonomy of children, 144, 234, 246, 257
on children as rational beings, 88–89, 90–92
influence on French parenting, 87–88
ht=quoteMajor Stages of Childhood, The, 144, 234, 246
own childhood ambitions, 89–90
on parents’ ability to solve problems, 93
respect for children, 90, 93, 257
doucement, xvi, 94–95
Dusoulier, Clotilde, 65, 233
eating. See meals
école maternelle, xvii, 150–53, 156
éducation versus discipline, xvii, 7, 220, 233–34
Elle magazine, 144, 147
Émile, or On Education (Rousseau), 81–82, 241
Enfant magazine, 121
enfant roi (child-king), xvii, 5, 223, 228
epidurals, 30, 34
Epstein, Jean, 186
équilibre, xvii, 147
éveillé/e, xvii, 82
feeding schedules for infants, 50–51, 52–53, 56
female bonding, 15, 117–19
Ferber, Richard, 41
Ferrari, Laurence, 193
Fischler, Claude, 210
food. See meals
French Women Don’t Get Fat (Guiliano), 28, 127
frustration
benefits of, 53, 71–72, 75
coping with, 61–62, 73, 210–11
hearing “no,” 71–74, 220–21, 240–41
gâteau au yaourt, 64, 77
gourmand/e, xvii, 217
Goutard, Audrey, 157–58, 249
goûter
chocolat chaud recipe, 218
chocolate, 214–15
definition, xvii
gâteau au yaourt recipe, 77
official time for, 57, 64
saving treats for, 64–65
Grand Journal, Le, television show, 133–35
Grand Livre de la Famille, Le (Goutard), 157–58
Granju, Katie Allison, 139
les gros yeux, xvii, 221, 232–33
Guidebook for Mothers to Be, 28
Guide for New Mothers, The (French health ministry), 26
Guiliano, Mireille, 28, 127
guilt
bottle feeding, 124
eating during pregnancy, 28
focus on marital relationship, 187–88
imperfection as mother, 145–48
mother’s guilt-free time to herself, 130–31, 146–47
use of day care, 98, 114
valorization of, 145–46
Happy Child, A (Pleux), 72
health measures and comparisons, 26, 30, 122
hospitalization for childbirth, 33–35, 173–75
independence, child’s. See autonomy
independence of parents
adult time together, 7, 187–88, 194
équilibre, xvii, 147
mother’s time to herself, 106, 130, 142–44, 146–47
relation fusionnelle, 146
separation and own identity, 129–32, 147
intensive supervision, 138–42
It Is Permissible to Obey (Marcelli), 236, 238–39
James, William, 86
J’élève mon enfant (Pernoud), 202–3
Kamerman, Sheila, 104, 114
la Fressange, Inès de, 147–48
Lareau, Annette, 140, 251
Leersnyder, Hélène De, 42–43, 48–49, 53–54, 187
limits. See boundaries and limits; cadre
Major Stages of Childhood, The (Dolto), 144, 234, 246
Maman! magazine, 40, 48, 53
maman-taxi, xvii, 143
Manger (Fischler and Masson), 210
Man Who Ate Everything, The (Steingarten), 206–7
Marbeau, Jean-Baptiste-Firmin, 98–100
Marcelli, Daniel, 236–37, 238–39
marital relationship
acceptance of inequalities, 191–93
adult time, 7, 187–88, 194, 223
cocooning period after birth of baby, 185–87
date nights, 181–82, 188
feminine mystique, 25, 121
impact of concerted cultivation on, 181–83
sex, 23–25, 183–85
sexiness and shedding of baby weight, 124–25
sleeplessness and exhaustion, 177–78, 179, 180
women’s anger and resentment, 189–91
Masson, Estelle, 210
maternelle (preschool), xvii, 150–53, 156
meals
acquiring taste for new foods, 201–3, 205, 206–8
adult schedule, 56–57, 75–76, 216
balance, 209, 216
cooking and baking, 63–64, 208
courses, 65, 111–12, 209, 215–16
crèche dining experience, 111–12, 203–6, 229–30
dining as family, 208–10
discussions about food, 112, 203, 208
enforcement of rules, 229–30
gourmand/e, xvii, 217
hunger at mealtime, 64, 216
infant feeding schedules, 50–51, 52–53, 56
kids’ menus, 198–200
during pregnancy, 18–19, 25, 27–28
snacks, goûter, xvii, 57, 64–65, 199
sweets, 212–15
Merle, Sandra, 204
Merryman, Ashley, 254–55
Message support group, 28–29, 120
Mischel, Walter, 57–59, 60, 62, 67, 72
Mogel MT29, Wendy, 245
Mother and Infant Protection service (PMI), 100, 123, 177
narrated play, 138–40
National Sleep Foundation, 37
Neuf Mois magazine, 23, 24
nighttime waking. See sleep
n’importe quoi, xviii, 68–70
“no,” 71–74, 220–21, 240–41
nursing. See breastfeeding
NurtureShock (Bronson and Merryman), 254–55
observation of baby’s sleep cycles, 42, 45–49, 50
Ollivier, Debra, 163, 191
Pailhas, Géraldine, 131
parenting style
authoritarian model, 86–87
choice of philosophy, 6, 17, 23
competitive parenting, 4, 80, 83, 139–42
concerted cultivation, 140–42, 181
in crèche, 109–11
équilibre, xvii, 147
maman-taxi, xvii, 143
narrated play and intensive supervision, 138–40
oppositioStdht="0">
overprotection, 4, 245, 250
permissiveness, n’importe quoi, xviii, 68–70
praise, 251–56
sensitivity to needs of child, 67, 115
strictness, 234–35
trust and respect for children, 247–48
Parents magazine, 94
parent time (adult time), 7, 187–88, 194, 223
patience
attend command, xv, 60
baking projects, 63–64
benefits of frustration, 53, 71–72, 75
calmness and resilience, 59
child’s capacity to learn, 74
for child’s own enjoyment, 60–61
coping with frustration, 61–62, 73, 210–11
family’s daily rituals, 56–57, 64–65
learning in crèche, 110
learning through cadre, 230
modeling of, 66
practice and skill-building, 62–66
saving treats, 64–65
self-distraction, 62, 71–72
solitary play, 66–67
See alsosolitem> self-control
The Pause, 45–49, 50, 51, 54
perfection as mother, 131, 145–48
perineal reeducation, 183–85
permissiveness, n’importe quoi, xviii, 68–70
Pernoud, Laurence, 202–3
Piaget, Jean, 79–80
play
narrated, 138–40
solitary, 53, 66–67, 83, 144–45
Pleux, Didier, 72
PMI (Mother and Infant Protection service), 100, 123, 177
Pradel, Jacques, 88, 93
praise, 244, 251–56
pregnancy
anxiety over, 16–20
eating during, 18–19, 25, 27–28
fertility treatments, 168–71
pleasure during, 23–26
weight gain, 19, 26–28
weight loss following, 124–28
preschool, xvii, 103, 150–53, 156
punishment, 240
rapporter, xviii, 249–50
rational understanding
in building cadre, 228–30
children’s capacity for, 41–42, 52, 88–96, 109, 152–53
complicité, xvi, 232, 237–40
in discussions about food, 112, 203, 208
language of rights, 110, 229
relation fusionnelle, 146–47
relationship, marital. See marital relationship
respect
of adult for child, 90, 93, 110, 238–39, 246, 257
complicity with child, xvi, 232, 237–40
greetings and magic words, xv, 154–58
for needs of others, 41–42, 54, 74, 156, 187–88, 228
rights, 110, 229
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 81–82, 84, 86, 241
rules. See boundaries and limits; cadre
sage, xviii, 60–61, 71–72, 86–87
self-control
doucement, xvi, 94–95
sage, xviii, 60–61, 71–72, 86–87
See also patience
self-distraction
coping with frustration, 62, 71–72
solitary play, 53, 66–67, 144–45
self-esteem, 244, 251–56
self-expression, 70–71, 224–25
self-reliance. See autonomy
sex
perineal reeducation, 183–85
during pregnancy, 20, 23–24
shouting at child, 220, 233
sleep
adaptation to family’s needs, 41–42, 54
child’s capacity to learn, 52–53, 54
child’s frustration and self-reliance, 42–43, 45, 53–54
consequences of childhood insomnia, 51
cycles and rhythms, 42, 46, 48–49
enforcement of bedtime rules, 187, 223, 235–36
nighttime feeding, 50–51, 52–53
norms and expectations, 36–38, 39–42
parents’ lack of, 177–78, 179, 180
The Pause, 45–49, 50, 51, 54
scientific findings on, 49–51
sleep training, crying it out, 38–39, 51–52, 54
sommeil agité, 48
sommeil paradoxal, 43
talking to child about, 52, 223
teaching of, 49–50
Sleep, Dreams and the Child (Thirion and Challamel), 40, 42–43, 48, 53
snacks
chocolat chaud recipe, 218
chocolate, 214–15
gâteau au yaourt recipe, 77
goûter, definition, xvii
official time for, 57, 64
saving treats for, 64–65
throughout day, 199
social development
appropriate use of curse words, 166–67
bilingualism, 159–62
in day care, 101, 103, 105–6
dealings with other children, 248–50
in école maternelle, 150–52
greetings and magic words, xv, 154–58