The Bear Shifter’s Desires

by Martha Woods

  “But right now, I’ve got work,” He muttered to himself, getting out of his seat and pausing at the door before he thought better of it, the heaviness in his eyelids betraying him and compelling him to move back towards the bed at the end of the room, absently picking up his everyday phone along the way and sending a quick message to Burnie, explaining that he couldn’t come into work that day and that he was sorry for the inconvenience. He hadn’t had a single day of yet, he figured that he was due at least one by now.

  Though with his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling slowly with his rest, he didn’t realize how potentially alarming such a request could be.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  “Whu-” Shane opened his eyes, leaning sleepily on his elbow and looking around the room, taking a few moments to realize the sound was coming from the entrance to his small house. Three knocks, slow and deliberate, and alarm bells almost started to ring out before he recognized the soft, somewhat scratchy voice that called out to him through the thick wood.

  “Shane?” Holly called out, knocking three times again and audibly shivering before she spoke again, “Are you ok? Todd called me and asked me to come check on you, he thought something could have happened to you?”

  Matt, right, He thought to himself, Shit, I should have realized.

  “Give me a sec!” Falling out of bed and scrambling up, he wiped a hand down his face to sweep away the exhaustion as he moved forward, bumping into the sofa and dropping his phone to the floor. Closing his hand around the handle and pulling it open, he tried his best to smile at his unexpected guest before he broke his composure with a face splitting yawn. “Sorry, I guess I was a lot more tired than I thought.”

  “I’ll say,” Holly replied, smiling gently at the sight of him, “Do you mind if I come in? It’s cold as hell out here.”

  “Oh, yeah yeah come on in,” He said, stepping to the side and letting her enter, “Place is kind of a mess, I wasn’t expecting to see anyone today, you know.”

  “I figured, that message you sent apparently got Burnie and Todd in a bit of a worry.” Plopping herself down on the couch, Holly shrugged out of her coat and pulled out a small thermos, placing it down on the table in front of her. “I made you some coffee, it’s probably shit but at least it’s something.”

  “You run a bar, and you can’t make coffee?” He asked, smiling with amusement, “Kind of a weird mix.”

  “I specialize in cold drinks that come out of a tap, it’s not like anyone out here’s ordering a cocktail regularly either. They barely know what whiskey actually is.”

  “Well, thanks for the coffee anyway.” Sitting down and pouring himself out a cup, he offered her a cup before he asked, “So what were they worried about anyway? That I’d gotten myself shot and buried out in the forest somewhere?”

  “Something along those lines, yeah. Something about you and Matt really not seeing eye to eye on some things, and everyone knows that Matt can be a real asshole about some of those things.” Leaning forward, she propped her chin up with her hand and looked at him with an analytical gaze. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

  “Well, he tried to ambush me with two of his cronies yesterday at work, figured that he’d get a couple hits in to make me regret making a fool of him, since I broke some unspoken rule about letting him just win whatever he wanted.”

  “That’s not surprising, again, he can be a real asshole about some of these things. So how’d it go?”

  “Well I kicked his ass, broke his hand and knocked out one of his boys, so I’d say it went pretty well. Or pretty badly, if you asked Todd about it, he basically turned white when Matt walked off in a huff.”

  “You broke his hand?” Holly asked, with just a hint of a smirk, “Which one?”

  “The right one. Guess no happy time for him anytime soon huh?”

  “No, I think that’s pretty far off the menu now,” She laughed, “Wow you… really fucked up yesterday didn’t you? No wonder they were worried that you’d been shot and buried somewhere out here, I’d probably jump to that conclusion too.”

  “Well you can tell them that I’m just fine, no marks on me other than the ones that I left, just some scratches from bed that shouldn’t be there, no big deal. Anyone comes along trying to add to that won’t be able to do much, I can promise that much.”

  “Does anyone else know who you are? The fighting, the war, your family? Do you think they’d stop if they knew the kind of person that you are?”

  “I think that if they knew who I was I’d just lose the element of surprise in case they decide to take this further. If they know what I can do they’ll probably arm themselves more, and even though it probably won’t do anything it’d still be more annoying for me to have to deal with.” He looked over at Holly, pausing before he added quietly, “And there’s no real guarantee that they’d attack me first, they could always go after people that I’m close to. You, Todd, even Burnie, they could see them as a weakness that would draw me out.”

  “You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” She said, “Aren’t you?”

  “Why do you think I learned to hold my drink so well?” He said, breathing out a bitter laugh, “I did some bad things Holly, things that I absolutely do not like thinking about, and though I’m pretty good at moving past it… sometimes it all comes back, and I wonder if I’m really allowed to just get over it, like it didn’t even really matter in the first place. I don’t want to have to think that it didn’t mean anything, all the pieces of my soul that I carved out and served on a plate.”

  “You can still believe that you’re worthy of healing you know, even if you know you’ve done horrible things. You can still move forward from that, it’s not a betrayal.” She rubbed at the back of her neck, shrugging her shoulders with a sigh, “But I’m not going to pretend like I know exactly what you went through, all I’m going to say is that everyone deserves the chance to heal, and it would kill me to think that you don’t think you deserve that same chance.”

  “For someone who works in a shitty small-town bar, you’re a remarkable optimist, you know that?”

  “Yeah, but don’t go around saying that, you could ruin my brand that way.” Leaning her head on his shoulder for a moment, she allowed herself a small minute of relaxing before she moved back to her space on the couch, not certain on what boundaries he had around himself. “Just… I dunno, don’t stay trapped in the past forever, the things that you did are never going to go away, all you can do is move forward and just try to fix the things that you do from now on, that’s how you grow.”

  Shane nodded, letting himself relax next to her and sink deeper into the couch. There were many things that he wanted to say, some leaning towards sappy, others towards clever, but all he could manage at the moment was a single, heartfelt, “Thank you,” before he placed his hand over hers, squeezing it gently trying to get every ounce of gratitude that he felt through with one movement. From the look in her eyes, the brief shine and the twitch of the corner of her mouth, she understood completely, nodding before she shuffled closer to him.

  “And don’t tell anyone else about this either, I don’t want any of them thinking that they could have a chance if they don’t act like assholes for just one day.”

  “Please, with the way you act and the fact that I kicked the ass of the village tough guy I don’t think they’d even think of making a move, much less actually doing it. You might just be more unpopular than ever now.”

  “Oh thank god, I was hoping that I could just let my slob out sooner or later, I might just start serving in my pajama pants from now on.”

  “You wear pajama pants?”

  “Of course I do, what do you wear?”

  “I sleep in my underwear, like an adult.”

  “Well I sleep in comfort, like someone without a stick up their ass,” She laughed, shoving his shoulder and leaning in closer, their bodies almost completely sandwiched together and warm in front of the fire, �
�Seriously, you’ve got to go to bed comfortable, it’s one of the best times of the day.”

  “The best time of the day is when it ends?”

  “Don’t pretend like you don’t already think that.”

  “Fair.”

  They sat there for hours more, just watching the embers dying down on the fire before Shane stood up to build it again, turning around and seeing her asleep on the couch curled up like a cat, kicking lightly when he came back and took his seat at her side. Massaging the top of her head, he couldn’t help but think that it was a lot like owning a cat, and the feeling in his chest as she stretched in her sleep and relaxed on her back was something that he hadn’t truly felt in a long time, but a feeling that he recognized fully in its entirety.

  Which was what compelled him to sit by her side until the moment that she woke up, looking up at him with a smile that was filled with the exact same feelings as he felt, only to morph into confusion as he leaned close and said, “I think… I have to tell you something about why I’m here…”

  Chapter 6

  “So wait, wait wait wait,” Holly stammered, having moved from the couch to pace next to the door, holding her hands up to stop him from interrupting her thoughts, “You’re… a bear? I thought that… well you know, that we had a thing going here…”

  “What?” He asked, genuinely confused until he realized what she could be inferring, “I’m not that kind of bear!”

  “It’s not a bad thing!” She said, waving her hands in front of her, “Really, I mean it! Just cause some assholes in town might think bad about it doesn’t mean that I do…”

  “While that is genuinely nice to hear, I’m sorry to say that you’re really misunderstanding what I’m saying here. I’m a bear, the on all fours, furry kind. Run around in a forest and steal picnic baskets shit, Yogi Bear!”

  “The animal?” Holly raised an eyebrow. “Ok yeah, now you’ve really lost me.”

  “I’m… the people that I lived with, I lived out in the forest out east, we’ve been living there for hundreds of years now. Watching over the forest, trying to protect it from time and other people, it’s been our duty for longer than I can even remember.” He ran his hand through his hair, leaning against the couch and looking at the photo of his old unit. “I didn’t fight overseas, the war was in the forest with my people and the wolves, it went on for a long time and… I lost most of my friends to that.”

  “So you’re an animal, and you’ve been fighting with a bunch of other animals for years.” She nodded her head, pursing her lips and holding her finger up. “I get it, you’re insane!”

  “I’m not… please, let me actually explain this.”

  “No, no I think I’ve heard enough, I’m just going to get on out of here and let you just… decompress from everything, I’m sure it’s been a real stressful time so maybe you just need some time off from all this, you know?” Opening the door behind her, she stepped out into the snow and started walking to her car before Shane could fully realize she was leaving, and by then he almost broke the door off its hinges charging out to stop her.

  “Please! Hold up just a moment, I really can explain everything!”

  “I thought I met a nice guy who wasn’t like every other dickhead in town, and it turns out he thinks that he’s an animal in a war with a bunch of other forest creatures…” Holly dug into her pocket in search of her keys, muttering to herself all the while, “Guess it just serves me right for getting my hopes up…”

  “Please, can we just…” He groaned, pulling off his coat and tossing it back through the door, “Alright, just watch this, ok?”

  “Watch what?” She asked, before stopping as he collapsed down onto his hands and knees, his body pulsing as his muscles shifted and bulged in place, fur starting to sprout along his back and covering his whole body in no time, the human face that she’d grown so fond of shifting slowly in front of her eyes until a pair of black eyes were staring right back at her, head tilting in interest to see how she would react.

  The bear rose up onto its two hind legs, towering above her for a brief moment as it stretched itself out, before falling back onto four legs and marching towards her, brushing its head against her hand and soon enough brushing the rest of itself against her as well.

  “O... k…” She said to herself, scratching behind the bear’s ear and screwing her eyebrows together, absolutely certain that she had fallen asleep in the snow and died sometime before she’d arrived at the cabin, before the bear stood back up on its back legs and shifted back into the form of a man, the calm face of Shane in front of her once more.

  “There, that’s… the whole truth, as plain as day. Do you understand now?”

  “Yeah… yeah I think I do,” She said, nodding along before she felt her legs go numb, dimly aware of what was happening before she collapsed right in front of him, fainting in front of his eyes.

  Shane watched her fall into the snow with a thump, not quite sure what to do for a moment except stand there and scratch his nose with a limp, “Huh.”

  The world swam back into focus as she opened her eyes, focusing on the wooden roof above her and counting the notches in the wood. It took a moment of her thoughts swimming around in her head and the feeling to come back into her fingers before she could look up and around at her surroundings, seeing that once again she was laying in Shane’s bed, and just like the last time she had woken up he was sitting in his usual spot on the couch, watching the flames dance in the fireplace as the light danced in his eyes, before he looked over and saw that she was moving once more.

  “Ah, you’re awake,” He said, smiling but not moving from his spot, “I was worried, you just… kind of fainted out there, I was worried that I’d accidentally killed you.”

  “I haven’t fainted since I was a kid…” She groaned, sitting up slowly and placing a hand against her pulsing temple, “Didn’t like it back then, don’t like it now. Why’d it even happen this time?”

  “You don’t… remember?”

  “I remember that I thought you turned into a bear, but I don’t think I have to explain why I think that’s insane do I?” Holly winced as the headache pulsed in her skull, clenching her teeth and hissing, “Seriously, what was going on?”

  “You… aren’t misremembering or anything,” Shane said, standing up and walking over slowly, “I was telling the truth, and what you saw was real. I don’t blame you for fainting, it’s definitely a lot to come to terms with.”

  “It was real… you turned into a bear?” She shook her head. “That can’t be real, that’d mean that like… magic is real or something, how could that possibly be? You’re what, some kind of spirit of the forest, come to take vengeance on those who try to destroy it or something biblical like that.”

  “Not really, that makes us sound a whole lot cooler than we actually were. We were just supposed to keep rebuilding the forests, planting trees, making sure no one cut them down, conservation type stuff. We had to fight against a lot of people, but who doesn’t you know?”

  “Cool, so you’re a one-ton guardian of Greenpeace, I’m glad that we cleared that up. God, can you get me an aspirin or something? My head is killing me.”

  He nodded, filling up a glass of water in the kitchen and pulling out a packet of aspirin that he kept in the bottom cabinet, popping out two and handing them to her before stepping back. “It’s stronger than usual, but it’s not dangerous or anything, you might just get a little drowsy.”

  “Did you get them from a vet or something?” She asked, chuckling to herself and swallowing the pills before she paused with wide eyes, “Oh holy shit, did you actually get them from a vet?”

  “No, I don’t go to the vet Holly, I go to a doctor like a normal person does. At least… I would if I actually needed to, I just… don’t really need to most of the time, so I let everything sort itself out on its own time.”

  She nodded along, shuffling back against the wall so she could put some of the pressure off the rest of
her, scratching idly at her eyebrow as she let the moments crawl by slowly. There was a lot that wasn’t making sense to her, and it was not out of the question that she’d just gone completely insane somewhere along the line, but she was at least making a valiant attempt to understand everything as it was being said to her. Quite understandably, a lot of it wasn’t sticking, but she had to be given points for the attempt.

  “So you’re a bear… is that why you took time off today? Do you hibernate or something?”

  “I like to relax during winter, but I don’t really hibernate. Today was… because I got a visitor last night, and it wiped me out a lot more than I thought it would. I guess I just wasn’t ready to see anyone from my old life again, especially under these circumstances.”

  Shane looked up, seeing that she was completely lost and giving up on trying to piece in the blank spaces, so he just laughed and scooted his chair closer, rubbing his hands together and trying to put together an explanation that would work.

  “So, my brother called me the other day when you were here, to tell me that he’d burned down our old home to prevent them from killing the wolves and being killed themselves in the process, which I can see now was actually a pretty valiant effort, even if it’s gotten us all in hot water now. The bears and wolves have now teamed up to try and kill him, and for some petty reason that I’m not one hundred percent sure on they decided to kill me and the rest of the family too, I guess they want to be sure that we won’t try and get them back for killing him if they manage to actually do it.”

  “Would you?”

  “If they actually managed to kill him, even though we haven’t spoken in five years? Yeah, I’d probably go and rip their heads off for it, he might be an asshole but he’s still my brother, that doesn’t mean nothing.” He cleared his throat, before continuing, “Anyway, now they’re all after us, and one of my old war buddies comes around last night telling me that they’re close by and that I should just turn myself in, make it easier on everyone else and myself. I’d have a chance to defend myself, but it’s obvious that I wouldn’t have a chance in whatever ‘court’ they decided to set up.”