Surrendered: A Collection of Five Works

by Unknown

  “How about tomorrow night? Around seven?” I asked.

  “Tomorrow night is perfect,” he smiled at me and I felt myself melt all over again. I realized he could probably smile at me a million times and I would never stop melting for him.

  Alex ran his hand down my arm, sending goose bumps all over my body. He gripped my hand and brought it up to his lips where he kissed me like a prince to a princess.

  “Until tomorrow then.”

  Chapter 4

  To say I didn’t know much about being romantic would have been an understatement. I actually had no idea what I was doing in the romance department so I was absolutely kicking myself for my bout of spontaneity of inviting Alex over for dinner. Not only was I probably not going to be able to impress him with my very minimal cooking skills, but I was also probably going to make a fool of myself. Still, I invited him so I needed to at least try. And truthfully, I really wanted to try. Something about him made me want to leave geeky, lonely, me behind and be like the heroine from a romantic movie. I’d never had those thoughts before but suddenly there they were.

  The cart squeaked its way down the grocery store aisle as I roamed looking for something easy yet impressive looking for me to make. I settled on some already flavored rice, much easier than trying to flavor it myself, and some pre-seasoned steak as well. The directions were on the back of the package about how to cook all of it so I figured I could probably handle it with directions. On impulse I also stopped for a fresh bottle of wine and some candles for the table. If I was really going to make a romantic meal, I was going to go all out.

  The cashier was waiting for me with an empty aisle as I approached to check out. With a wry smile she scanned my items and bagged them for me.

  “Planning a romantic dinner?” she asked. The heat crept up to my cheeks and I averted my eyes but answered that I was.

  “I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you renting for the summer?”

  “No,” I shook my head. “I’m only here for the week. I’m staying up on Evergreen St in a beach cottage.”

  The woman nodded. “I know where that is, tragic what happened there last year.”

  I stopped blindly rummaging in my mess of a purse and gave her my full attention. “What happened last year?”

  Suddenly the woman’s face turned wistful and sad. “There was a boy who came here every summer with his parents. He was a great little boy and grew into a very fine young man. Anyway, he was a surfer and he got caught in a bad storm. The waves took him down and he drowned.”

  “Wow, that truly is awful.” My mind wandered back to Alex and I wondered if he’d known the boy. It would make sense since he was such an avid surfer as well. “What was his name?”

  The woman finished scanning my items and typed something into her cash register.

  “Alex Hammill.”

  Suddenly my heart plunged down to my stomach and immediately I felt like I was going to be sick. That would be impossible. There had to be another Alex Hammill. There was no way it could be the same guy, because that would mean that the same boy that drowned last year was also coming to my house for dinner in just a few hours.

  “Are you ok dear? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” A ghost. She had no idea that she might be right.

  “Um, yea. I’m fine. What do I owe?”

  “Your total is $19.17” I handed her a twenty dollar bill and snagged my bags, trying to hurry myself out of there and not look like a total nutjob because that was exactly how I felt.

  “What about your change?” she yelled after me.

  “Keep it!” I called over my shoulder. I had much more important things to take care of.

  Chapter 5

  Immediately when I entered the cottage I dropped my grocery bags on the floor and booted up my computer. It seemed like too big of a coincidence that there would be two Alex Hammills that stay on the same street that were surfers. But I had to know for sure that wasn’t the case, as unlikely as it seemed a very big part of me was still hopeful. It didn’t take much detective work on my part, only needing to type in his name, the area, and surf accident into the search engine before several articles appeared on my screen.

  I scrolled through the headlines knowing that I really only needed one thing to confirm or deny my thoughts. And by the third article I found what I was looking for, a small picture on the side of the article. I clicked to enlarge it and the air left my body in a big whoosh. There he was, Alex, smiling up at me with those adorable dimples and those electric eyes.

  How was that even possible? How was it possible that he had been so real yet he wasn’t real? I was enough of a science fiction girl to enjoy a good paranormal ghost story, but definitely not enough to believe the stories were real. But there was no denying it. I read and reread the article at least a dozen times, trying to find any way to make sense of what was going on.

  The story had been tragic, the cashier was right. The article highlighted all of his many achievements, both academic and in surfing. It talked about how kind and well liked he was and what a bright future he would have had. In the short time I’d known Alex I knew everything in the article was true. It had only taken me a few nights to be completely taken by him and his charm and I felt devastated at the loss of him, I couldn’t imagine how his family or friends had felt. I sat back in the plush couch and just stared at his picture on the screen. When I probably should have felt fear pinging through me at the realization that I’d been in such serious presence of a ghost, instead I felt my heart break into pieces.

  There was no way I had known him long enough to love him, in just a few days that wasn’t possible. But there was something about him, something that had made me feel comfortable just being me for the first time. Something that had made me want to make a romantic dinner, though I’d never had any desire to have one before, something that made me want to open up and make him see that I was more than just a geeky girl who lived a solitary life. I wanted him to see me, and I’d never had that before. So no, I wasn’t necessarily losing the love of my life, but maybe he could have been, I didn’t know. The only thing I did know was I was losing someone special, someone that I’d connected with in a way I’d never done before.

  But now I’d have to say goodbye. My eyes traveled toward the glass doors and I stared at the breaking of the waves, the ones who had swallowed him whole. Anger surged through me at how unfair it was. I had finally found someone in this world that had reached me like no one else and I had to say goodbye. It was a selfish thought but it was one that I couldn’t control. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him, I wanted to cling to him like the salt from the water, and be a part of him like he’d become a part of me. Tears sprang to my eyes and I abruptly stood up and snagged the groceries off of the floor. Storming to the kitchen I slammed everything into the refrigerator. I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to be angry, but the thought that this man was about to show up on my doorstep in just a few short hours for a dinner that I’d hoped would be so much more than just a dinner was overwhelming.

  How was I even supposed to say goodbye? Should I pour him a bottle of wine and say “sorry Alex, I don’t date ghosts?” That seemed ridiculous. God it was all so hard to understand, he’d seemed so real, so alive. He even acted and spoke as if he were alive. I thought back to the first time I saw him, where he seemed to appear in the water as if from nowhere, I thought of the words that seemed to continually get stuck on his lips, the longing in his eyes when he spoke about his family….it was as if all the signs had been there, I just hadn’t known to look for them.

  For the next few hours I sat on the patio and contemplated the entire situation. What had I expected to happen anyway? My rental was up in a couple of days and I’d be leaving to go back to my lonely existence, but the hope of him had made me feel so happy. I could have felt tricked or fooled, but I truthfully didn’t think Alex had meant to hurt me at all. There was something in his eyes, a spark when he looked at me that told me tha
t he thought of me as much as I’d thought of him. Pretending to be real wasn’t something that I was angry about, but it was going to have to end.

  I didn’t even bother to cook the steaks, but I did pour myself some wine. I knew without a doubt I was going to need something to help me get through the night. When my doorbell rang I took one last long swallow and then a deep breath as I walked to the door. My hands were shaking as I turned the handle and opened it to let him in one more time.

  Just as always, he about knocked me over with the smile that was radiating on the other side of the door.

  “Hello beautiful,” he said.

  Tears welled up again and I had to turn away from him and only motion him in. I couldn’t trust my voice to speak without completely losing it.

  He stepped inside and I risked a glance at his face, which was now etched in concern. “Let’s talk ok?” My voice wavered and I avoided his eyes. Walking in front of him I lead him to the patio where the two chairs sat facing the water. It would be easier to watch the waves instead of having to watch him.

  “Is everything ok?” he asked.

  I wanted to be tactful and not have everything some out in a rush so I took another breath, steadying myself.

  “Alex, I think you are a really great guy. You’re sweet and funny and gorgeous and I was lucky to have met you.”

  He slumped back into his chair and let out a small “oh.” His meek word broke my heart but I needed to press on.

  “But you don’t need to pretend anymore. I know the truth.” Bravely I turned from the water and looked him in his unbelievable eyes wanting to know what he was thinking. But all I could see was confusion.

  “What do you mean the truth?”

  “I know what happened to you. I can imagine you’re lonely and I don’t blame you for not telling me…”

  “I don’t understand, what did I not tell you?”

  My voice turned into a whisper. “Your accident,” I answered.

  His brow creased into deep lines. “What accident? I wasn’t in any accident.”

  I searched his eyes trying to figure out why he was pretending that he wasn’t in that horrific accident. But his eyes looked confused and uncertain, as if he truly had known idea what I was talking about. It suddenly occurred to me, what if he didn’t know what I was talking about? Was it possible that he didn’t know that he wasn’t real either? Was it possible that he thought he was still alive, that he hadn’t been pretending?

  If that was the case, then he had no idea that he wasn’t alive and I was going to have to tell him. That wasn’t something I had even considered, how was I supposed to tell him that he was dead? Standing up I passed into the cottage and got my laptop. Maybe I wouldn’t have to tell him, I’d show him instead. He didn’t say a word as I kicked my laptop to life; we sat in silence as the whirring of the computer starting up sat between us. Briefly I’d considered that maybe this was all some big mistake, maybe it wasn’t him after all. It seemed more likely that this was all a big mistake than the alternative, that I’d been falling for a ghost who didn’t know he was a ghost. But I’d seen the picture, I’d read the article, and I’d heard the woman. There didn’t seem to be any other explanation.

  Once the screen came to life, I brought up the article again and wincing I turned the computer towards him. I didn’t want to watch his reaction but I couldn’t turn away. My eyes stayed glued to him as his eyes widened the further down the page he scanned. When he was finished he simply sat back and turned toward the water.

  It felt like a dumb question but I had to ask it anyway. “That is you isn’t it?”

  He nodded. “I remember now.” His head dropped heavily into his hands. “I remember how hard the current dragged me under, the salty water burning my throat as I swallowed large gulps trying to find breaths instead. The only way to find where the bottom of the water was when I would scrape along it, but the water was tossing me around so hard I couldn’t find the top fast enough.”

  Alex looked back at the computer and then up at me, his eyes glistening with tears. “This was last year,” he sighed.

  I nodded along unable to speak. There were no words I could find to comfort him, the situation was far too surreal for any words really.

  “I felt like I had been tossing in the water forever. And then suddenly, the next thing I remember was standing up out of the water. I felt like I was being pulled by something strong, something unfamiliar and when I looked up, you were what I saw.”

  My breath caught inside my chest. “So, what are you saying…?” He couldn’t possibly be saying what I thought he was saying.

  His eyes turned back toward me and stared straight into me, feeling as if he was seeing directly inside of me in the way that only he had ever done. “It was you that finally brought me up from drowning. When I stood up and saw you, I felt calm and peaceful, as if I’d never been tossed into the water at all. It’s why I kept looking for you, why I needed to be around you. Because without you around, I felt like I would start spinning again, like I was lost and still tumbling.”

  I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “And now how do you feel?”

  His blue eyes dragged away from me and back to the water which was no longer just the water, but also his tomb.

  “I think I feel like I’ve finally stopped tumbling. Like finally, I can be at peace. I don’t know how you did it, but you saved me.”

  The sun was setting behind him, illuminating him from behind, making him look like something not of this earth, and I supposed in that moment, he no longer was. He’d been lost in the water, drowning, for so long, that I could feel the peace of his understanding wash over him.

  “Since I was a little boy, I always wanted to live in the water.” He smiled that mischievous half smile that I had grown to love. “Now I guess I have my chance.”

  “What will you do now?” I asked. Alex sighed and stood up and we both watched the water silently for a moment longer. “I guess it’s time for me to leave.”

  This time I couldn’t swallow back the tears, I couldn’t stop my heart from shattering. He had to go, there was no choice, but I couldn’t stand to know what the world would be like for me without his illuminating soul. I hadn’t known him long, but I hadn’t needed to. Every time I’d looked into his eyes I’d seen his soul, his bright and beautiful soul, and that was enough to touch me for the rest of my life.

  I stood up next to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head against his chest. For a moment I felt it could all be a dream, he felt so real beneath my arms, so solid and strong, how could he possibly not be real? But I needed to listen only for a matter of moments before I knew that his heart wasn’t beating. I looked up at him and he turned his head down toward me, his hands cupped my cheeks and we stared into each other for a second longer. He bent toward me and placed a kiss on my lips, so gentle and sweet that I wasn’t entirely sure it had happened.

  “My tumbling is over now, thank you for that.”

  “Thank you for coming up from the water just for me,” I answered.

  He smiled and leaned his forehead against mine. In the minute we stood like that I memorized every part of him that I could. What felt like all too soon, he pulled away. “Goodbye Katie.”

  “Goodbye Alex.”

  I watched as he walked down my steps down toward the beach and made his way toward the water. He stood there for a moment, watching the waves one last time before he walked into the water, his eternity. Tears streamed down my face as I held back my urge to run to him. He had to go and I couldn’t follow. He walked so far out he became only a small vision in the water, like he was the first time I saw him, the first time he came up for air. One last time he turned around and waved goodbye, before turning again and diving into the crashing waves.

  Epilogue

  “Are you ever going to write a sequel to your original fantasy novel?” one fan in the front row asked me.

  I stood in the front of the crowd at
the bookstore and couldn’t believe they were all there for me. My agent had been less than thrilled when I’d requested an extra week to finish my first draft, and even more upset when I told him that the novel in the works had nothing to with the my first success. But despite all of the reservations, this book was even more popular than my first.

  “I’m toying with some ideas right now but I haven’t decided on my next project yet.” I answered. After my week at the beach, I wasn’t sure I wanted to return to my land of fantasy just yet, I wanted to hang on to my reality just a little longer.

  “Where did you get your idea for such a paranormal novel?”

  That was the question that I was always asked, in interviews and at every stop on my book tour, and I still wasn’t good at answering it. I hadn’t told anyone the truth of my story; that it wasn’t quite as fiction as everyone thought, but how could I explain that the ghostly love wasn’t made up at all, but was actually all too real?

  “It just came to me one night while I was on the beach,” was the answer I settled on. I don’t like to say I made it all up or it just popped in my head, because Alex had come to me one night, on the beach, and completely changed my entire world.

  As usual, the moment his face flashed through my mind my words become tight and I need to end my question and answer session. I graciously thanked everyone for coming and walked away from the microphone, signaling the end of the day. People began milling about and the crew gathered up our things while I desperately needed to get away. I could tell that Jeremy knows that there is a difference in me now, but he can’t exactly say what it is.

  But I can. It’s heartbreak. Late at night when the tears are slipping uncontrollably, I hold tight to my memory of him, a light in the dark. I remember the feel of his skin, the blaze of his eyes, and the warmth in his smile. I’ll page through my own story, reading the parts of my memory where it still feels as if he’s with me. And when missing him becomes too much, I think of him no longer being tossed fiercely through the water. Instead I picture him at peace in his waves, as the sun sets behind him and he waves goodbye.