Until Forever (Women of Prayer)

by Shortridge, Darlene

  Since Merry wasn’t feeling too well due to her anxiousness of flying, she only ordered a cup of soup with crackers; which she barely touched. All the ladies seemed to be in good spirits and didn’t notice that Merry was still nervous. She’d been given lots of good advice. “Make sure you use the bathroom before boarding the plane” and “Don’t drink too much on the trip, or you’ll have to climb over everybody’s lap to get to the bathroom” were just a couple. They meant well, she knew, but all of them had flown before and had been doing so for years. She was the only one who had been stuck in her safe little world for so long without venturing out of it. It wasn’t just the flying that was causing her stomach to be in knots. She could handle it if that were the only thing that was giving her cause to worry. What she was going to find once she got to Wisconsin was what was truly bothering her, or rather, how she would find Jessi’s attitude toward her. Jessi had called her before bed last night and told her that she was going to finish the journals before heading to bed.

  Lord, I know I was following your instructions when you led me to give the child my journals. I sure hope you know what you’re doing. I’m scared I’m about to lose the only daughter I have ever known. Please give me strength to do your will.

  Merry looked up as Mabel called her name. “We have to get going if we are going to get you there on time. Are you ready?” She looked at Merry’s untouched cup of soup. She handed her a granola bar. “Here, put this in your purse. You’ll probably need it for later.” She took Merry’s hand and led her to the car. Some of the ladies stopped off into the restroom, so Merry had a moment alone with Mabel.

  “Mabel, you’ve been through a lot in your life, haven’t you?”

  Mabel thoughtfully looked at Merry. “Your anxiety is about a little more than flying, isn’t it?”

  Merry pursed her lips and nodded. She tried not to let the tears in her eyes spill over.

  “Did you tell her about your past?”

  “I let her read my journals. I’m scared, Mabel, that I’m going to lose my baby.” Merry couldn’t keep the tears from flowing now that she had voiced her fears out loud.

  “Did God tell you to do this, Merry? Did he lead you in this direction?”

  Through the tears, Merry nodded again.

  “Then you have to believe he has it all under control. If it is his plan that you lose her, then you must face the fact that God knows best. We will pray that that is not in his plan. But, Merry, you know as well as anyone that God’s plans are his own and no man understands his ways. We just have to trust him. It’s hard to let him have control when you think he might change all you’ve ever known. Imagine what Abraham must have felt when God asked him to sacrifice his only son on an altar. At the last second, God stepped in by way of an angel and kept him from being obedient. Obedience is always better than sacrifice. You were obedient in doing what God has told you to do. You may also have to sacrifice, but we don’t know that yet, do we? Trust God, sister. We’ll all be praying for you.”

  Merry’s full entourage followed her into the airport to say their good-byes. They were a comical sight, six elderly ladies making a ruckus and all dressed in various modes of dress—some loud and obnoxious and some very reserved—yet they needed and treasured each other as much as a child needed its mama. They all waved good-bye and then headed home with a little more room in the car to spread out.

  Merry watched as everything she was used to grew smaller and smaller. The houses became little dots and then were completely gone underneath the clouds. She pulled her worn-out Bible from her purse and began to read, looking for comfort from the Creator of her soul. It wasn’t long before the steward asked her if she’d like something to drink, and she chose a Sprite, as her throat was dry. They gave her a little bag of pretzels and an itty-bitty can of Sprite. She slowly munched the pretzels and drank her soda while she read. Before long the captain was describing the weather conditions in Chicago over the intercom system. The steward collected her garbage, and she put her Bible away as she was instructed to do.

  She minded her business on the plane and didn’t seek out conversation with anyone, not because she was a grumpy old lady, like some obviously thought, but because she was desperately trying to understand the Father’s will in all of this. Once the plane landed and was at their terminal, everyone started getting their things from the overhead bins. People were bumping each other, and all were in a hurry to be off the plane.

  She waited until things calmed down, and even then the stewardess and the steward were holding on to their things, waiting for her to finish. When she finally stepped off the plane and walked down the tunnel into the airport, she was overwhelmed with its size. She followed signs that led her to the baggage claim area, and when she finally got there, she saw Jessi standing by her things, waiting for her.

  Jessi had already spotted her and was watching from a distance, waiting for her aunt to notice her. When Merry noticed Jessi, she stopped for a moment and searched her face, looking for some sort of clue that would give her an indication of how things were going to go. After a moment Jessi smiled a big, welcoming smile that said “I still love you with all my heart,” and Merry made quicker strides toward her and fell into her arms. “Oh, how I’ve missed you, child.” Merry knew that this was really the easy part; she never explained or gave any indication in the journals of what her choices had been. She’d never finished the story of her life. It had always been too depressing to put it down on paper. Somehow, it had been easier to accept what she had done by not finalizing it or giving credence to it by written statement.

  Together they walked to the car, Jessi leading the way with most of the luggage. “Do you think you brought enough?”

  Merry considered her question. “Just enough, I think. Remember, I also had to bring Christmas presents, and I wasn’t sure what I would need for warm clothes, so I pretty much brought all that I had. How long is the drive home?”

  “At this time of day it will take us at least a couple of hours. Late afternoon in Chicago suburbs is like nothing you’ve ever seen before. If traffic keeps moving we’ll do okay. If it doesn’t, well, we’ll be here for a while.”

  “Do you think we could stop and get a bite to eat when we’ve cleared the worst of it? I only had a couple bites of soup for lunch, and I’m quite famished. I’m buying.”

  “That should work out fine. Mark has Olivia, and I told him I didn’t know what time I’d be home, so she is going to spend the night with him and Julia and then walk to school tomorrow from their house. She’ll come home on the bus like usual, so I told my next-door neighbor that tomorrow she won’t have to watch Olivia because you will be meeting her at the bus. Any ideas on what you’d like to eat?”

  “Anything would be fine. I think I was a little too nervous to eat much before the flight. I’ll leave it up to you since you know your way around here, and if we wait to get out of traffic before we stop, that’s okay too. I’ll survive. I have plenty stored up for occasions such as this one.”

  “We usually stop off in Rockford. It’s about an hour or so up the highway. If you can wait that long we can get some seafood.”

  “I think that sounds just fine.”

  During the drive Merry rested her eyes and thanked the good Lord for his traveling mercies and the situation with Jessi going well so far. She prayed for his wisdom and guidance. She must have fallen asleep because before she knew it she was being roused and they were parked outside a seafood restaurant.

  “You awake? We’re here. You slept the whole way. I don’t think we were out of O’Hare before you were snoring.”

  Merry was appalled at the idea. “I was not. I was just breathing loudly. I do that, you know.”

  Jessi laughed at her aunt as they made their way arm in arm into the restaurant. For the moment both women were not thinking about anything else but enjoying the little time that they had together. Later they would discuss what needed to be discussed.

  Chapter 30

&n
bsp; Merry walked to the end of the driveway to wait for Olivia to come home from school. She’d had most of the day to herself to unpack and get ready for her visit. It felt good to get away, especially since she was at Jessi’s. Julia had called and offered to pick her up and have her for lunch, but Merry declined, wanting to spend some time alone to rest and unpack. She was glad she did. She took inventory of Jessi’s cupboards and freezer, and the contents left much to be desired. She’d not be able to cook too many meals with what Jessi had on hand. Maybe tomorrow morning Julia would take her to the grocery store so she could get some proper food in the house. She’d call her after their snack.

  Merry watched the bus come to a stop and waited for Olivia to appear once the doors opened. Olivia bounded out of the bus at full speed. She squealed “Aunt Merry” and flew into her arms. She had found some packaged cookies for Olivia’s snack then made a quick call to Julia, setting up the grocery store run for the next day, although it would be Mark taking her, as Julia had to work at the church the next morning. Since Mark had been approved to receive the ignition interlock device, he had recently purchased his own car with the money he’d been saving from work. Since work was a little slow this week due to Christmas, he was off work and was free to take Merry to the store. After that quick phone call, Merry sat back down with Olivia at the table.

  “Tell me all about school, young lady. Do you like it?”

  “I love it, Aunt Merry. My teacher is so nice. So is my best friend, Sam.”

  “Sam? Is your best friend a boy? I’m not sure that I like you having a best friend that is a boy.”

  Olivia giggled. “Sam’s not a boy. Her name is Samantha, but she likes to be called Sam. Cool name, huh?”

  Merry gave her a cocked grin. “Not as cool as Olivia, though. All right, then, tell me what you are learning about. Have you learned to read yet?”

  Olivia looked around to make sure no one was listening, even though her mother wasn’t even home from work yet. “Can you keep a secret?”

  Merry nodded her head yes.

  “I can already read; I just haven’t told Mommy yet.”

  Merry looked perplexed. “Why wouldn’t you tell your mommy you can read?”

  Olivia spoke in hushed tones. “Because God told me not to.”

  Merry raised her eyebrows. “God told you not to? What do you mean God told you not to?”

  Olivia wasn’t sure she should have told her aunt about her reading. Now she had to explain her actions. “Well, if Mommy knew that I could read, she wouldn’t read my Bible to me anymore. God wants Mommy to read Bible stories to me, even though she doesn’t finish them most of the time. So when she leaves my room at night, I get my Bible back off the shelf and finish the story myself.”

  Merry couldn’t believe her ears. This child was five years old, hardly old enough to listen to her mother, let alone God. Amazing. “How do you know it was God telling you to do this?”

  “Well, I listened in my heart just like you and Daddy told me to. That’s how I know.”

  “Well, I think it is very wise of you to listen to God. He is very smart, you know, and he wants what is best for your mommy.”

  They spent the rest of the afternoon talking, and Olivia helped Merry make spaghetti for supper. There was nothing but jarred sauce, so that would have to do. She’d survive this one time. After putting the salad together, she and Olivia talked about Christmas and the church play. There were so many things to discuss since they had last seen each other. The one thing Merry really wanted to know about was Jessi and Mark’s relationship and how it was going. But she felt too guilty asking a five-year-old about it.

  By the time Jessi came home, supper was on the table. It was a rare treat to not have to cook when she got home from work, even if it was spaghetti from a jar. She was pretty sure she would be hearing about the state of her kitchen from her aunt sometime soon. She’d meant to go grocery shopping before Aunt Merry came, but she’d run out of time. Now she would hear it. She’d have to leave some money for her to grocery shop with because odds would have it there would be a lot more to choose from when she got home from school tomorrow. Between bites she explained herself. “Aunt Merry, I’m sorry I haven’t gone grocery shopping. I meant to, I really did. I just ran out of time. I’m figuring you’ve already noticed since you found something to make dinner with. I suppose you are going shopping tomorrow?”

  “How do you think I would get there? I don’t have a car.”

  Jessi doubtfully looked at her aunt. “You have your ways, Auntie. You can do anything you put your mind to. I know you pretty well, remember?”

  “Well, it just so happens that I already have a ride set up for tomorrow morning after you and Olivia leave for school. But don’t worry about it. There are things I need to get for Christmas. I’ll just pick up a few things for around the house as well. Oh, and did you ask Mark and Julia to come for Christmas dinner like I asked you to?”

  “I sure did, and they were happy to accept your invitation. I told them I would let them know the time once we figured it out. And I have some money for you for grocery shopping. It’s my budgeted amount for groceries anyway, so don’t say no. I just didn’t get to them yet. If you want to just take the money and get something extra special for Christmas dinner.”

  After supper the three of them relaxed around the fireplace.

  “It sure does get cold here. I was surprised there was no snow on the ground. I’m glad you have this fireplace. It sure does warm up the insides.” She drank deeply from her mug. “That and this hot chocolate sure does the trick. Isn’t tomorrow your last day of school before Christmas break?”

  Jessi sighed. “It sure is, and I am more than ready for it. It’s been a long fall. I need a break. We have ten straight days to do nothing we don’t want to and everything we feel like doing. It is going to be pure joy to have you here, Aunt Merry. Usually it’s just me and Olivia for Christmas. This year, with everyone here, it will seem more like an old-fashioned family Christmas. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.” Jessi got up and collected the hot chocolate mugs. “I hate to be a party pooper, but it’s bedtime for Olivia and me. One more day of school, and then you can stay up a little later.” Jessi reached for her daughter’s hand. “I’ll run your bath while you get your jams.”

  Merry stayed by the fire for a while longer. She’d taken over Olivia’s room and was glad that Jessi had gotten a double bed when she was shopping for her daughter. Last night, even though she was dead tired, she had slept poorly. Her mind was still on the discussion she would have to have with Jessi. She prayed that a good night’s sleep was in the plans for tonight. She sat down at the table and made out a menu and grocery list before going to bed. She’d have to get up early since Mark would be here to pick her up at seven thirty. She wanted to get an early start so she could do some baking tomorrow afternoon with Olivia. She wanted to make cut-out cookies. This would be the first time that she got to make sugar cookies with her great-niece, and she was hoping Olivia would enjoy it as much as Jessi had when she was a child. She needed to get all the colored sugars and all the other candies that made decorating the cookies so much fun. She couldn’t find any cookie cutters in Jessi’s cupboards, so she was really glad she had brought hers. After completing her list, spending time reading her Bible, and praying, she went to sleep and slept the whole night without waking.

  ***

  Mark picked Merry up precisely at seven thirty, just as they had planned. Merry wore her new heavy coat and warm boots. She was glad she had because it turned out to be a cold day. During the drive and while they were walking around the grocery store, Merry was able to talk with Mark about the things she was unable to talk with Jessi about, namely, how their relationship was progressing. “She doesn’t tell me a thing, Mark. I’ll ask her sometimes on the phone how things are going with you, and she is so vague. Oh, she’ll talk about you and Olivia or you and Julia. She’s even told me Julia is dating a guy from your church. But s
he has not said one thing about her feelings toward you. I don’t know if she thinks I will disapprove or if she herself is unsure of her feelings enough to not want to discuss it.” She continued pushing the grocery cart through the large grocery store, selecting an item here or there to add to her cart.

  Mark looked a little sheepish. “I haven’t pushed anything, Merry. I haven’t even told her that I still love her. I was afraid I would scare her off. Yet sometimes I can see something in her expression, a tenderness maybe…oh I don’t know, but nonetheless, I sense something is there. I was planning on asking her out to dinner while you are here so you could maybe watch Olivia for us. I was hoping then to be able to talk with her a little bit. Although I don’t think I’ll be sharing my continued love for her anytime soon.”

  “I will talk with her, Mark. There are things I need to share with her, and then I think—or maybe I hope—she’ll be more open to the idea of considering a relationship with you. If I speak with her the day after Christmas, would that fit into your timing? And will you mind taking Olivia for some dad-daughter time? It will be easier to focus on what needs to be said if Olivia is not there to overhear or to distract.”

  The cart was overflowing, yet Merry insisted she would still push it when Mark offered to take over for her. “Think of it as a walking aid for an old woman.”