Bridge Retakes

by Angela Lopes

  The skyscrapers here are Tetris. The fractured fathers are left silent when their daughters speak wisdom they never wanted them to know. Or never wanted them to be able to utter. But we’re birthed into what comforts and can defy us. We never escape. The heart it takes to say what it feels. It’s not for show. During the news on the radio, there was talk of crimes of passion. If I can’t have her, no one will, on repeat. Treat your children well, was announced after the talk of crimes of passion. And we’re never afraid of what can happen. We and only we can be the best protectors of our family. Not any social assistance nor any counsellor. Spontaneity is more open than chance. Giorgio Agamben says spirituality is penetrating into things that any kinda self is lost being exposed. They don’t want to see we’ve changed because they’ve tried to stuff us into a class system. We’re not attached to items, not in our grace. We’ve always been able to see each other. Rain puddles turn into ideas we walk though. When family members come home with the stress of the day, we either ingest complaints or we all move into the next room, it all depends on the mood of the group for the moment. But always are we each others’ pericardia. The comedy television show becomes where we can discuss later, laugh together now and view what is the blueprint for the jobs we may have where we sell products with co-workers laughing. But when the boss comes around, can we ever work. We are not full of anger. We are not giving up. We are in love with our families. We are not naively happy. We make others happy and because of this, we are happy.

  We enter the metro together. Mass crowds of people. A man screams just before two gunshots fire. People pushing, screaming, shoving. Mothers with their children. Two women yell, one after the other, “My purse.” A man runs out of the metro clenching two bags. And all of us here at the metro station, some consoling the women, others sticking firmly to their mothers, to their lovers, to their children, to the very person standing right beside them. An announcement is made that the next train is running late.

  Acknowledgments

  Cover art credit due to Charles Venzon for concept and Sofia Lopes-Venzon for the cool heart illustration.

  Much thanks to Malcolm Sutton for very astute editorial suggestions and for believing in the project.

  Thanks to Angela Carr, Juliana Spahr and Oana Avasilichioaei, who all read the work with very attentive eyes.

  Linda Kallon and family for serving the world as an example of what hospitality truly is. A loyal warrior friend. African queen.

  Linda Chen for your rich inner workings and depth of vision of the human condition.

  Kaya Fukuda for filling our home with your gracious femininity.

  Viviane Gabriela Baptista, uma mulher incredible. Você é tão forte e fiel.

  Thanks to my parents and brother and sister-in-law and family for always being the practical voice of life.

  Thanks to the Venzon family.

  Thanks to the Mesquita family.

  Thanks to the Lopes family.

  Cherry Cervantes for our hang-out sessions with our darlings and great dialogues.

  Kamal Daisy Bedi for our dear friendship, over sixteen years of getting philosophical.

  Daniel Matshine Obrigada pra me ensinar mais do luz preto. Saudades de nossos conversos na universidade.

  Cam Scott for our long walks and talks under the bridge.

  Colin Smith for your profound friendship and editorial attention. Many days walking and conversing served as panaceas during dreary times.

  Theo Simms for our friendship and many mornings with good coffee and intense dialogues.

  Marco Castillo for our Virgo sifting discussions of the world.

  Raul Pazos and Jose Inle Ladeira for your friendship and for sharing your apartment where most of this manuscript was written. Obrigada com o fundo de meu coração. Seu apartamento foi sempre aberto e cheio de boa énergia.

  Tara Mooney for our many days with children and long, dearly friendship.

  Greatest love to my divinities: Sofia and Giovanna, living a matriarchal way replete with unconditional love.

  For Marcio Mesquita for our rhythmic spontaneity and carinho e amor.

  For Deus.

  Colophon

  Distributed in Canada by the Literary Press Group:

  www.lpg.ca

  Distributed in the United States by Small Press Distribution:

  www.spdbooks.org

  Shop online at www.bookthug.ca

  Edited for the press by Malcolm Sutton

  Copy edited by Ruth Zuchter