Recovered Love

by Chrissy Snyder

  “They should be arriving any time now,” he says while grabbing my hands. “Your mom mentioned she had several large bags packed with what she called the essentials,” he says with a look of almost fear on his face.

  I snort in laugher thankful that I don’t have any liquid in my mouth or it would be spit out everywhere. I know exactly what my mom and her version of the “essentials” looks like and it isn’t pretty. Good lord he’s going to think you want to move in here or something. I shake my head to rid myself of my silly thoughts, besides, he thought it was funny too.

  “You know that you’re safe here,” he says cupping my face. “I will not allow anything to happen to you, I promise,” he tells me touching his forehead to mind. “I won’t leave your side, well, except when I need the bathroom.”

  I can see that he’s teasing me again, and I love his smile, he should definitely smile more. I think of smiles, and then I can’t stop picturing my captor’s crazy leer through the ski mask, and I shudder in disgust. A few tears escape and stream down my face, my chin and bottom lip quiver.

  I reach up to wipe my tears, but he beats me to it. “Hey Peanut, don’t cry,” he says pulling me in close to him. I don’t know what’s happening between us, but something is changing. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m a really good listener. Maybe if you get it all off your chest, you’ll feel better,” he says softly.

  I know he wants to help, but I can’t even think about it, let alone get it off my chest. I feel sick, every time my mind goes there, but I need him to understand. “I’m really tired and just don’t feel ready to talk about much,” I say with my head down, ashamed. “Is there somewhere I can lie down until my parents get here?” I ask quietly

  He grabs my hand and pulls me down the hall, “I’ll take you to my room.”

  I must have a look on my face, so he goes on to explain, “I thought you might feel safer sleeping with me,” he says squeezing my hand. “You seemed to relax and sleep better with me there in bed with you at the hospital. Or I can take the floor,” he rushes to say, “But at least you’ll know I’m there. Whatever you want, or need,” he finishes quietly.

  Is he nervous? He’s rambling and rushing to explain things, but surely not? I’m intimidating to this big, strong man?

  I look at him with fresh eyes as he goes on to say, “But we’re both adults, so I can share if you can.”

  There go my girly bits again, all tingly, hot and wet. I feel like I’m blushing from head to toe and I am oddly grateful for the bruising so he can’t see how much he affects me.

  Scratch that—he knows exactly how he affects me as I see his eyes drop to my chest. My nipples are poking through the soft, worn out cotton and my breathing is getting faster. He brings his eyes back to my mouth, and then up to my eyes as he stares at me intently his eyes heavy with lust.

  “Let’s get you settled,” he says quietly.

  Reid’s room is very large and masculine, done in muted tones of grey. The entire back wall of his room is all glass, overlooking a body of water, and it is unbelievably stunning. I watch as Reid digs around in his dresser and pulls out a large, old, worn t-shirt, handing it to me, “I thought you’d be more comfortable in this,” he says. It’s big and soft against my bruised skin. Reid cups my face and stares at me quietly, as my breath catches in my throat. I know Mom said I would know when I knew. . . . .and she’s right. It might seem fast or strange to everyone else, but for the first time I feel something for a man and I want to dig deeper into that. This man is incredibly gorgeous, and so kind and I want to explore him, and his mind. I suppose people probably think a big, strong guy doesn’t equal soft hearted or kind. I’m not sure why people like to stereotype, but we all do it. His gaze is so intense, his eyes hooded while he watches me with a heat in his eyes making my stomach flutter and my heart rate crazy fast. I drop my gaze to his mouth and lick my lips, wanting him to kiss me again. I need to clench my legs together because of that damn tingling again. I’m mesmerized as he bends his head and kisses me, electricity arching through the air when we touch. I gasp as the sensations rock my body, my legs trembling and my breath hitching. He licks into my mouth, our tongues dancing together, nibbling and tasting. I run my tongue across his teeth and into his mouth, and whimper when I taste coffee and caramel. I sigh and lean my head back so he can kiss and lick his way up my jaw, and behind my ear. I shiver, goose bumps rising on my skin, as he sucks my lobe into his mouth and then bites down sharply. I tremble when he licks at the sore spot on my neck, soothing me and murmuring softly in my ear. I’m panting now and can feel how wet I am, my panties are soaking and I’m worried that I’ll soak through my shorts. I squirm until he stills me by cupping my ass in his large hands, giving me a squeeze. He pulls back from me and leaves me wanting, but for what, I’m not even sure, I’m too new at all of this. My chest is rising and falling rapidly with each breath I take, as he raises his hands up to my face and rubbing his thumbs along my bottom lip, only this time I’m quivering for very different reasons.

  We’re both breathing quickly, so I’m not the only one affected by what is going on between us. I notice the bulge behind his jeans, and my eyes widen in shock and awe, but then I quickly drop my gaze hoping I won’t get caught staring. Is it normal to be that big?

  I sigh loudly and slump my shoulders, I’m frustrated and overwhelmed, embarrassed that I’m inexperienced and that I need his help undressing. My body is so sore and beaten down that the simple task of bending over and removing my shorts is virtually impossible let alone lifting my arms over my head due to my broken ribs. Reid can sense that I’m embarrassed and nervous and rushes to reassure me.

  “You’re embarrassed and worrying for nothing,” he says. “Besides I’m more than happy to help you,” he says wiggling his eyebrows, “Because I get another peek at that fantastic body,” he teases.

  I laugh out loud at that, then need to grab my ribs and stop, giggling the word “Ouch.” Having broken ribs sure as hell isn’t for sissies.

  Reid pulls my t-shirt off tossing it across the room and into a hamper sitting beside the closet leaving me topless. I watch as he licks his lips and then uses the backs of his hands along my arms. I erupt in shivers, my eyes wide to see what he’ll do next. He steps forward and softly trails his fingers along the waistband of my shorts, raising tiny hairs on my belly. I let out a soft sigh as he pulls the snap on my shorts and slides down the zipper. Each snick of the teeth seemingly agonizingly slow. I’m standing before him in nothing but my damp panties feeling out of my depth. He pulls his shirt over my head and then leans forward, kissing me on the forehead while squeezing my shoulders lightly. I pull his shirt to my face and breathe deeply, it smells like him and is so soft. I catch him watching me, and I flush, embarrassed to have been caught sniffing at his clothes.

  “Thanks,” I whisper softly, “For all your help.”

  “Get some rest Peanut,” he says cupping my cheek, “I’ll come and get you when your parents arrive.”

  I fall into bed, and curl up onto my side, contemplating these new feelings I’m experiencing. Is it normal to fall for someone so quickly? Is that what is happening to me?

  “Oh baby,” sobs Mrs. Peters, “I’m so glad I get to hold you in my arms. I was terrified I’d never get to hold you again.”

  It’s an understatement to say that Savannah’s parents are ecstatic to see and hold her again. Mrs. Peters is weeping, but this time they are tears of joy. They don’t want to let go of her and keep running their hands over her hair, or arms.

  “I love you mom,” Savannah whisper’s into her mom’s hair, squeezing her tightly. I feel like I’m interrupting a very personal moment, but every time I go to leave, Savannah grab’s my arms to stay.

  “Don’t go,” she says softly, linking our fingers.

  “You got it Peanut,” I tell her firmly.

  Mrs. Peters gives me a small smile and squeezes Savannah’s shoulder.

  “Sweetheart,” Mr. Peters says, “W
e need some answers. You need to talk about this.” Savannah is almost violently shaking her head back and forth, the idea of opening up is not a good one for her. I can see that her parents want an explanation, they want to know what happened to her. We can all see the fear in her face, and the shame. She doesn’t want to talk about any of it, at least not yet, and not to her parents.

  “Listen,” Carter says clearing his throat, “This isn’t the time to push her. The physicians recommended that she be given some time and that she would benefit from counseling.” Carter is firm in his stance, not budging even under Mr. Peters’ glare.

  “Daddy,” Savannah says softly, “I promise that you’ll hear everything soon okay? Just not today. I’m not ready.”

  I see her parents relent, and I can’t miss the look of relief that crosses Savannah’s face. I rub her back softly, standing by her side for as long as she needs me. I hope that talking about everything with a counselor is the right thing to do. I hate the thought that dredging up all those memories will hurt my girl. I want to do anything I can to protect her, but for her to heal, she has to put in the hard work. She is courageous, a survivor, she’s proven that and then some. I know what that’s all about, I’m a survivor too. I know all about being helpless, powerless and ashamed.

  Now that we’ve managed to convince them that Savannah isn’t ready to share, our discussion turns to her protection.

  “She needs to be at home,” Mr. Peters says, “With us.”

  I shake my head negatively and cross my arms over my chest. I won’t budge on this.

  “Savannah needs to stay under our care,” I say firmly. “Your property has too many points of entry and I don’t have that kind of manpower. My home is on 100 acres, but is surrounded by an invisible laser fence that sounds the alarm if tripped.”

  I see the derision in Mr. Peters’ face as he goes on to say, “Any rabbit or deer crossing that fence will sound your damn alarm and where will you be then?”

  I can understand his thoughts, but we took that all into account when we decided to build this compound. My house would sit on one end of the 100 acres and the office on the other. The office building has several floors that are being renovated for our planned growth. Aside from the large office building, there is a smaller building, which when completed will hold several small apartments. Safe houses, if you will. We often have clients that need our protection, along with a place to stay, but it will be at least six months till they’re ready.

  I stay calm, I understand his anger. Its likely fear and not anger. Fear that his daughter will be taken again and anger at himself for not being able to protect her the way he wants to. Keeping that in mind, I keep my face impassive and my voice calm.

  “The system is smart enough to not go off for every blowing leaf or squirrel that comes our way.” I smile here, hoping to bring some levity to the situation.

  “You signed a waiver, agreeing that you would defer to me in this situation. This was the reason we had you sign those papers. When emotions are high, one can’t see the logic.”

  Mr. Peters paces the room and Mrs. Peters watches him walk back and forth, but it’s Savannah who makes the decision for us.

  “Daddy please. I feel safe here with Reid, and I’d like to say here.” The tears start rolling down her face as she hunches over on herself. I stand behind her and squeeze her shoulder, occasionally running my hand through her hair.

  “I’m not a child and I don’t want to come home. I’m a woman, an adult and I want to be treated as one.”

  “Honey,” her dad says, “I know you’re a woman, but you’re MY child and I love you and worry about you. I just want you to be safe. If here is where you feel safe, then here is where you’ll stay.” His voice cracks a bit at the end of the sentence, his emotions getting the best of him.

  Deacon and Carter head out front to unload everything that Mrs. Peters brought. I can’t believe how much she packed, I find it hard to believe that one person has so much.

  I can tell Savannah is embarrassed, so I rush to reassure her that it’s all good. At least this way she’ll have her own clothing and toiletries, and I’ll be more than happy to pick up whatever she needs. I would do anything for her, even lay down my own life. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

  Her parents finally get up to go, leaving her to rest. They all hug at the front door and her dad eyes me over Savannah’s shoulder as if you say, “I’m watching you.” Of that I have no doubt. Savannah physically sags when the door closes behind her parents. I think she’s pretending to be better off than she is, all for their sakes, but I can see she is exhausted and needs to crash. I watch as she heads back to my bedroom to lie down.

  I hang out with my brothers for another hour or so, just shooting the shit.

  I’m pacing the kitchen nervously when I see Deacon looking at me with a small smile on his face. I can see the wheels turning, but he doesn’t say anything to me. It’s Carter who finally speaks up and breaks the silence.

  “What’s up man? You’ve been pacing around for the last hour, are you just delaying the inevitable,” he asks.

  I scrub my hand over my face, “I just don’t want to scare her away. Look at me,” I say while pointing to myself, “I’m a big guy and she’s gone through an awful lot. I mean, we don’t even know what all she’s been through. Maybe I should have just let her have my room and I can sleep on the couch,” I finish lamely.

  Deacon laughs, “Dude—you don’t fit on the damn couch,” he says. “Just go to bed. It will all be fine, you’re both adults. Plus she didn’t seem too scared of you when you were spooning her at the hospital,” he says chuckling. “You’re worrying for nothing, the tension that’s between you two is off the charts. Go easy, and be gentle, and the rest will all fall into place.”

  I look at him with a stupefied expression on my face, “When the fuck did you lose your dick,” I ask him sarcastically. “Fuck it,” I say angrily. “Do I know how to go easy or be gentle? Can I be what she needs right now and aside from all that, how did you fuckers know what I was thinking?” I ask, fuming.

  They both laugh and tell me I’m carrying a sign on my forehead. Yeah, Fool’s R Us.

  I look at Deacon as he says, “You have that protective thing going on. You were like that when you started dating Kelly, at least until it all went sour,”

  “Yep,” agrees Carter.

  “It’s just sexual attraction,” I argue. Deep inside though, I’m wondering . . . is it?

  “Yeah sure man,” Deacon says, “We know.”

  I can see them look at one another and I know they are doubting what I’m saying, but I don’t want to argue with them. Fuckers. They’ll stay on the premises until we can lock this guy down, we’ll have all hands on deck to ensure Savannah’s safety. They say their goodnights as they head down to the guest wing for some TV and to crash, shaking my head as I watch them go. I don’t know what I’d do without my brothers.

  I take off down the hallway to take a leak and brush and floss before bed, delaying the inevitable. I wash up in the sink and look at myself in the mirror, holding the vanity for support. What kind of man thinks about a woman he just found on the street, in a sexual manner, when it’s clear she’s had a rough time of things? I know she took quite the beating, but I don’t know if she was sexually abused. I feel like a heel, but all I can think about is her toned, hot little body and how I want to get into that hot little body.

  I plan to get into that hot, toned little body.

  I lie here quietly pondering what is going on in my head, and in my heart. I want to explore this, whatever “this” is. I’ve never felt like I belonged, or that I was being accepted for me, but with Reid I have no doubts. I feel free to try things with him, confident that he isn’t mocking me.

  I can hear murmuring coming down the hall as he talks to his brothers in the kitchen. I’m so exhausted and ashamed and Daddy was pushing too hard for answers. I can’t talk about what I went through, I’m so ashamed and rev
olted. I want to forget it ever happened. If there was a way I could erase it from my memory, I would.

  I hear him padding down the hall then creeping into the room, the light from the hall illuminating his large body. He pops into the bathroom and I can hear him brush his teeth and use the facilities. I burrow deeper under the covers, pulling them tight around my body. The entire bed smells like Reid and I breathe deep, inhaling his masculine scent, my senses on high alert. I didn’t know what to think when he had offered his bedroom to me. I was thrilled and elated, but nervous too. I know he won’t hurt me, but he’s intense. I want more from him, yet I can’t put my finger on what I want. This is where I kick my “wishy-washy ways.” I wish I could be strong and decisive. I shrug my shoulders, sighing and close my eyes, once again breathing deep. His scent calms me, centers me and makes me feel whole.

  I hear him come into the bedroom, standing at the end of the bed.

  “You still awake?” His voice, gravelly and rumbling, I feel it deep inside of me.

  “Yes,” I say softly, “I can’t sleep.”