Ashes of Life

by Erica Lucke Dean

  “What the hell are you doing?” Grey’s anxious voice startled me.

  “Ever see the movie Carrie?” I stopped long enough to peek over at him before going back to my task. “Brody can consider himself lucky I didn’t have access to a bucket of pig’s blood.”

  “Maddie.” Grey wrapped his hand around my wrist but didn’t pull. The light was dim in the parking lot, but for the first time that night, I actually saw him. He looked… scared?

  I shook his hand off. “Don’t worry. I’m not planning to blow up the school. I just wanted to give him something to remember me by.”

  “Fine. But is this”—he waved his hand over the shark-attack red windshield—“really going to leave the lasting impression he’s obviously left on you?”

  “No, but why should that stop me?” I went back to scribbling on the rear window.

  “What’s next? Vandalizing his house?”

  I stared at him with a straight face. “Thanks for the idea. What are you doing tomorrow? I’m pretty sure Alex bought enough truck stop toilet paper to last ’til the next century.”

  He gaped at me. “Really, Maddie?”

  “Gah, Grey! I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know what’s happening right now half the time. I’m just trying to make it from one moment to the next without completely breaking down. So you can either help me get back at the douchebag who punched my v-card, or leave me the fuck alone. Your choice.”

  He was silent for two full beats. “You… let him…?”

  I huffed out a white cloud. “Yes. I had sex for the first time with Brody Allen, and he’s gone right back to pretending I don’t exist. And now I feel like shit because you’re the first person I’ve told and the last person I’d want to admit that to. Are you happy now?” I leaned against the rear bumper, careful not to mess up my—or rather Haleigh’s—coat.

  Grey stood directly in front of me and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “No. I’m like three kingdoms from happy right now.” Then he sucked in a breath and stepped back, holding his hand out to me. “Come with me?”

  “Are you kidding?” I almost laughed at the absurdity. I’d never wanted to go to the dance in the first place. I definitely didn’t want to go back and pretend I hadn’t just defiled Brody’s precious while he dry-humped his girlfriend on the dance floor. “I’m not going back in there.”

  His lips curved up in a shy smile. “No, I was thinking you might like to get out of here.”

  “With you? I can’t. I have to go home with Haleigh. And besides, I’m not exactly sure I trust you.”

  “I promise I’ll take you to the safest place on Earth and bring you back in time to go with Haleigh.” His ocean-blue eyes froze me in place. I couldn’t turn away if I’d wanted to.

  Something unfamiliar sparked in me. It reminded me a little of the time I’d plugged in my phone charger and accidentally touched the prong while inserting it. Only this time, it wasn’t at all uncomfortable. In fact, I thought I might like to do it again.

  I contemplated his offer for about thirty seconds before grabbing his hand. “This safe place isn’t some shanty in the middle of Lake Michigan, is it?”

  “No.” He laughed. “I’m going to take you to my house.”

  We pulled in beside his stepdad’s snowplow parked in the driveway, and he turned off the engine. “Grey, I’m not so sure about this. I don’t know your dad, and I’m already in trouble with Alex.”

  “I promised, right?” He put his hand over mine in my lap and let his stupid blue eyes plead with me.

  “But I don’t really know you.” He had no idea how close I was to caving and doing anything he asked me to do. And if I had my way, he’d never know.

  He sat back and sighed. “Well, this is your chance to get to know me. Or I can take you back to the dance.”

  “No.” I snatched the keys from his fingers before he had a chance to start the car again. “Let’s just go in.”

  I pulled my coat tight around me as we went into the house through a side door. The darkened kitchen smelled like my mom’s spaghetti and meatballs, making my mouth water. The clock on the microwave said ten, but there were lights on. Voices came from another room. I slipped off my heels, and Grey took my coat and purse from me to hang them in a small closet. I followed him toward the sound.

  “My parents are through here.”

  I grabbed his sleeve to stop him. “Wait, I thought you said your mom died.”

  He smiled and took my hand. “She did. My stepdad remarried two years ago.”

  “Oh.” What did it mean that he considered his stepmom his parent? Was I a mutant to hate mine?

  “Come on.” He tugged on my hand and led me to a small family room near the front of the house. “Hi, guys.” Grey waved to a man, woman, and infant sitting on the floor together. The soft melody of classical piano music played from somewhere in the distance as the adults stared up at us. “This is Maddie Barrett. The dance was lame, so we decided to come back here for a while.”

  Grey hadn’t let go of my hand, and I noticed the woman’s eyes drop to our laced fingers. I would have let go, but the security of his grip held me in place for the moment.

  “Maddie, these are my parents, Jeff and Marissa Daniels.” Grey let go of me and bent down to pick up the chubby baby rolling around on a blanket. “And this is my brother, Chase.”

  Chase made a gurgling noise and smiled up at Grey.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Maddie,” Mrs. Daniels said as she and Mr. Daniels got up off the floor. “We were just about to put Chase down. And now that Grey’s home, I know he’ll sleep better.”

  Grey kissed his brother’s forehead and handed the squirmy infant back to his mother.

  “Make yourself at home, Maddie,” Mr. Daniels said. “And Grey, why don’t you get this young lady a sweatshirt? The dress is lovely, but she might be more comfortable in something warmer.” Grey’s dad smiled at me, making me feel more welcome in the two minutes I’d been there than in all the time I’d spent with Alex.

  “It was nice meeting you.” I watched them leave the room with tears in my eyes then blinked them back before turning to Grey. “They seem great.”

  “Yeah, they are. A little overprotective. I wasn’t kidding about this being the safest place on Earth. They’ve baby-proofed every square inch of the house.” He rolled his eyes, and I laughed. “I’ll go get you that sweatshirt.”

  “Okay. May I use your bathroom?”

  “Sure. It’s right off the kitchen where we came in.”

  I went toward the bathroom, stopping by the closet to grab my phone from my purse and sent a text to Haleigh. “At Grey’s house. Be back by midnight.” I wasn’t sure how soon she’d check her messages, so I didn’t wait for a response. I slipped my phone back into my purse then fixed my makeup in the mirror before looking for Grey.

  When I got back to the den, he’d taken off his suit jacket and tie and rolled the sleeves of his white dress shirt to his elbows. He sat on the couch, holding a black game controller in one hand and a dark gray sweatshirt in the other. “Hope you don’t mind Michigan State.”

  I shook my head and took the sweatshirt from him. It was two sizes too big, but it was also the softest thing I’d ever put on. “That’s where my dad went.” I sat down beside him and curled the ends of the sleeves around my fingers then brought them to my face. The shirt smelled like sweet lemons and pencils. I cringed when I realized I was almost as bad as Alex. I dropped my hands and caught Grey staring at me. My cheeks turned hot. “Sorry. It smells good. I like whatever detergent your stepmom uses.”

  He cleared his throat. “It’s, um, not clean. I mean it is, but I wore it… earlier today.”

  “Oh.” The heat trickled from my cheeks, down my neck, and across my shoulders.

  “D
o you like video games?” he blurted, and I was glad for the change in subject.

  “Not really. My dad really liked video games. I think Alex got him into playing them. You’d think she owned a GameStop with her love of video games.” I rolled my eyes as I imagined my juvenile stepmom dragging my dad to gaming stores on dates.

  His face fell. “I guess we could just watch TV.” He started to get up.

  I put my hand on his arm. “I didn’t mean it like that. You can play if you want. I’m just not that good.”

  “Okay. I got this new one, and there’s a bunch of hidden treasures and puzzles you have to solve. You can help with that stuff.” The smile on Grey’s face was contagious.

  “Sounds great.”

  For a little over an hour, we didn’t talk about anything other than the game. I helped guide his character through passageways filled with booby traps and magical elements and solved puzzles out of ancient ruins. At eleven thirty, he turned off the game.

  “I should get you back so you can go home with Haleigh.” He fidgeted with the controller before placing it on the side table.

  “Thanks for tonight. I’d still like to slash Brody’s tires, but there’s always next time.” I’d meant it as a joke, but Grey looked anything but amused.

  “If you really want to get back at him, then instead of slashing his tires or keying his car, do something more lasting, more permanent. Turn him in. He’s eighteen, and he’s been slipping you drugs and shit. He’ll lose all his scholarships and possibly even serve time.”

  I thought about Grey’s suggestion. What Brody did hurt, but not only had I done nothing to prevent it, I’d pursued him. Brody might have been an asshole, but deep down, I’d wanted him to hurt me. Cutter who doesn’t cut. “I’ll think about it.”

  A few minutes later, we were headed back to the school. When we pulled up at the school, students were exiting the dance in a small cluster. Haleigh walked out, scanning the parking lot. When she saw us, her eyes bugged out, and she mouthed, OMG, and I had to choke back a laugh. Her curls had all fallen out, and her dress wasn’t as crisp as when I’d left her, but she looked like she’d had fun.

  “Thanks again,” I said to Grey, reaching for the door handle.

  “Anytime.” He shrugged.

  I opened my car door then stopped. “What are you always writing in your notebooks?”

  He scrunched up his face. “What?”

  “The notebooks you always carry around. What are you writing?”

  “Oh, I’m not writing. I’m drawing.”

  I gripped the handle tighter, wishing I didn’t have to get out of his warm car. “They’re not like psycho mass murder type drawings, are they?”

  He threw his head back and cracked up, lighting up his whole face. “No. Nothing like that. I’ll show you sometime, okay?”

  “Okay.” I climbed out.

  He waved as he drove off. It wasn’t until later, when I got back to Haleigh’s house, that I realized I still wore his sweatshirt.

  Chapter 16

  Alex

  Light seeped in through my closed eyelids, bathing my brain in a red glow. My first clue. I was conscious enough to know my room faced the opposite direction, and the morning sun should definitely not be pouring in through the glass.

  I wasn’t in my own bed.

  The second clue was Ben’s arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me flush against him. “Mmm… so warm.”

  I froze as he nuzzled his chilled nose into my neck, and the night before flooded back in a rush. The bar. The kiss. I’d begged him to take me home with him. Oh my God. Did we have sex? “Ben?” I whispered, poking his arm. “Ben, I need to, umm, I need to pee.” Any excuse to get out of his bed before he fully woke up and tried to stop me. If that didn’t work, I’d have to resort to gnawing off my own arm.

  “Yeah, okay.” He rolled just far enough away for me to make my escape.

  Tiptoeing across the floor, I collected my clothes, wondered how I’d ended up wearing a pair of Ben’s boxers and his T-shirt, and hurried into the bathroom. “What the hell did I do? How much did I drink last night?” I mumbled, catching my horrified reflection in the mirror. Black splotches under my eyes, red lipstick like a Kool-Aid stain around my mouth, skin as white as a ghost. I splashed cold water on my face, wiping traces of mascara from around my eyes as I tried to figure out how I was going to talk myself out of this one. Apparently, I’d contemplated for too long because the next thing I knew, a knock rattled the door.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  I flushed the toilet before opening the door to Ben’s concerned face. My mouth fell open as I stared at him, standing there in a pair of black pajama bottoms that left nothing to the imagination. Who would have guessed the guy was packing a whole six under that doctor coat? “I’m fine.”

  He raised his eyebrows as if he wanted to say, “Liar, liar pants on fire,” but instead, he tossed out the words no one wanted to hear the morning after. “We need to talk about last night.”

  I glanced down at his T-shirt covering my body, and a jolt of raw panic welled up in me, sending my heart up my throat. I had to get out of there, the faster the better. “Uh, yeah… sure, later. I need to get home before Maddie does.”

  “Then I guess it’s convenient she won’t be home until this evening.” The bastard smiled at me. Smiled. At. Me.

  “Who told you that?” Deep breaths. In and out.

  “You did.” Why did he have to sound so… so… understanding? “Right before you—”

  “Right! Of course, I did.” I stopped him before the mere idea of what I might have done overwhelmed my already strained senses. What the hell had I been thinking? Nothing. That’s what. I never should have allowed Natalie to drag me out. I wasn’t ready—would probably never be ready—for what had happened.

  Ben leaned against the doorframe, blocking my escape. He had me trapped like a feral kitten. “So… I imagine you’re pretty hungry. How do you like your eggs?”

  “Why does that sound like a pick-up line?” I fidgeted with the hem of the red flannel boxers hanging off my hips and wished the floor would just swallow me up.

  “It’s more like a, ‘I know you’d rather be anywhere but here, but we need to talk before you leave, so we may as well eat’ line.”

  “You caught me.”

  “Sneaking out? Yeah, but since the jig is up, why don’t you at least have breakfast with me?”

  I blew out a breath. Time to face the firing squad. “Fine. But just breakfast.”

  “Just breakfast.” He tossed me a pair of hospital scrubs. “These will be much more comfortable than your dress.” He averted his eyes from my exposed body, making me uncomfortable. The man had obviously seen me naked. Then, leaving me standing in the doorway, he left the room and presumably headed toward the kitchen. I fought to collect myself. My memories of last night were spotty at best. I swore that would be the last time I let Natalie talk me into anything.

  I didn’t know what I’d expected when I’d wandered out of the bedroom, but a cozy house wasn’t even close. The warm, buttery walls and honey oak floors enveloped me like a hug. And for a single guy, he kept the place neat and tidy but not excessively so—certainly not the cold bachelor pad I imagined most young doctors preferred.

  “Nice place.” I sat down at the little round table.

  “Yeah, my sister helped pick it out. She also did most of the decorating. It’s not much, but I don’t need much.”

  He flipped an omelet onto a blue transferware plate and set it in front of me. “This is fabulous,” I said between bites. “ER doctor by day, gourmet chef by night?”

  Ben set his plate down and slid into the chair across from me. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say gourmet, but I do all right.”

  “Are you kidding me? This is, hand
s down, the best omelet I’ve ever tasted.”

  “Well, thank you. But I was serious about what I said earlier. We need to talk, and I think you’ve stalled long enough.”

  “Fine.” I held my fork in front of me like a weapon. “But I think you should know, I don’t remember anything after we left the bar, so I don’t know if I should compliment you or make jokes.”

  He grinned. “So you don’t remember coming back here? Or our night of unprecedented passion?”

  “Oh my God.” I dropped my utensils to the plate with a loud clatter and hid behind my hands. Once I’d managed to compose myself, I pulled my hands away. I was as bad as David. I’d cheated. “I’m so sorry. I-I’m really not that girl. I don’t do things like… It’s just that so many things had happened and—”

  “I’m kidding,” he said with more compassion than I deserved. “You passed out in my truck on the way home. Then once we got here, you turned your stomach inside out. Twice. After I helped you clean up, you asked me to rub your back while you fell asleep.”

  “That’s it?” As horrifying as the truth was, it wasn’t nearly as bad as what I’d imagined.

  Ben played with his food for a minute before answering. “That’s it.”

  “So… no night of…?” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “Passion?” He laughed then pulled his face into a serious expression. “Sadly, no.”

  I blew out a breath, my shoulders slumping against the back of the chair.

  “Should I be offended that you’re so relieved?” He blushed as he picked at his eggs.

  “It’s not that. I don’t know what to say. I like you. You’re a great guy, but I’m not… I don’t know if I’ll ever be—” The picture of David and Sarah embracing popped up unbidden in my mind, and I shook my head to clear it.